Читать книгу Dream Wedding: Dream Bride / Dream Groom - Сьюзен Мэллери, Susan Mallery - Страница 16

CHAPTER EIGHT

STARS FILLED THE night sky. Chloe stretched out on her sleeping bag and stared up at the vast expanse of lights above her head. Bradley wasn’t a big town, but it was close enough to Sacramento that the city lights washed out most of the stars, even when the weather didn’t interfere. Or maybe her life had gotten so busy, she didn’t take time to look at the heavens anymore. She would guess most people suffered the same fate. Now, gazing up and admiring the beauty of the stars, she wondered what other wonders filled what she considered her very ordinary life.

“It’s a beautiful night,” Arizona said as he stepped back into camp. He dropped onto his sleeping bag only a few feet from her own.

“I was just thinking that,” she said and tried to ignore the fact that she was going to have to do as he had done and venture out into the wilderness to do her business.

It was bad enough to have to do that during the day when she could see whatever was lurking around, but at night—she would be defenseless. She didn’t want to act all wimpy and girllike, but she couldn’t help picturing herself from a critter’s point of view. A pale white expanse of tempting flesh just hanging there, begging to be bitten or scratched or...

Stop thinking about it, she ordered herself silently. But it was one of the few times she envied men their “equipment” that let them pee standing up.

“So what did you think of dinner?” Arizona asked in a tone that warned her he expected a positive response.

“Great,” she lied cheerfully. “I had been worried that freeze-dried food would taste gritty and odd when it was mixed with boiling water, but I was wrong.”

Actually, it wasn’t a lie. The food at dinner had easily been worse than she’d imagined.

“I liked it, too,” he said. “Beats grubs any day.”

She dismissed him with a wave. “You didn’t eat grubs. This afternoon you said your grandfather liked to travel in style. I’m sure he brought along a chef to cook his favorite dishes.”

“You’re right.” His teeth flashed white in the light of the campfire.

“I figured. You thought dinner was pretty gross, didn’t you?”

“Wretched comes to mind. I think they forgot to cook the rice before packaging it. Tell you what. When we get back to civilization, I’ll take you out for a fancy dinner.”

“You’ve got yourself a deal.”

Their gazes locked. Despite the few feet between them, she felt his heat. She was in trouble now.

She forced her gaze away and returned her attention to the stars. “Do you know anything about the constellations?” she asked, hoping he would go along with the change in subject.

“I do now because I’ve studied them, but when I was a kid, I would make up stories. Sometimes the village elders would tell me what the different stars represented. I learned that all different cultures have their own view of what the heavens mean. I suppose some of that is because the sky looks different in different places.”

Chloe told herself she should dig out her tape recorder and turn it on. But she didn’t want to break the mood. Besides, she wasn’t having trouble remembering anything Arizona said to her. She didn’t even have to close her eyes to hear his voice in her head.

“The changing stars can tell about the coming seasons. The harvest sky is different from the planting sky.”

He continued talking. She listened to the words and wrapped herself in the stories he wove. He was so different from anyone she’d ever known. And yet the heart of him was familiar to her. Was it the dream? Was it her imagination, trying to create a connection so she could pretend her attraction had some basis in emotion and not just in physical awareness? But it was more, she reminded herself. She didn’t just want him...she actually liked him.

There hadn’t been many men in her life. Normally she didn’t make time for them. She didn’t want all the bother of trusting someone only to have him let her down.

“What are you thinking?” he asked.

She inhaled deeply and smelled the wood smoke from their fire, along with the lush scent of the forest growth. “That for me, the sky is always constant. The stars might change with the time of year, but I’ve never seen a different sky. I’ve just realized that’s the perfect metaphor for the differences between us.”

“Is that bad?” he asked.

“No, it’s a fact that we can’t change, but I don’t think it’s a value judgment. We don’t have anything in common.”

“I would disagree with that.”

She turned to face him. In the darkness of the night, his body was little more than murky shadow. “I’m surprised you’d think that.”

“Why? We’re both intelligent, curious about our world. We both ask questions. We laugh at the same things. We’re very much alike.”

“I hadn’t thought of it like that,” she admitted. “I was more focused on our life experiences. For example, the first day of school. I was a very mature five and a half, while Cassie hadn’t quite turned five. My mother bought us matching dresses, but in different colors. I’ve seen the pictures and we were too adorable for words.”

Arizona smiled. “I’ll bet.”

“Bradley Elementary,” she continued. “It’s built on the site of the original Bradley schoolhouse, founded by my family back in the late 1800s. There’s even a plaque by the auditorium. I don’t think your first day of school was anything like that.”

“You’d be right.” He closed his eyes for a minute, then opened them. “I was in Africa and I attended a tribal school. Interesting, but not educational. I didn’t speak much of the language. That afternoon my grandfather started making arrangements for me to have tutors.”

“That’s my point,” she said. “Different experiences.”

“Even if I’d been living in the States, I don’t think I would have been in a matching dress.”

She laughed. “Probably not.”

He propped his head on his hand. “Tell me about your first kiss.”

“Oh my. First kiss. I was fourteen, I think. At a girlfriend’s birthday party. Also my first boy-girl party. We were playing Spin the Bottle. His name was Adam. He was shorter than me, but very cute. All the girls had a crush on him. It was brief and not very romantic, but I hugged the memory close for months. And you?”

“Penelope. We were both twelve and in Cairo. Her father was a peer of the realm, but don’t ask me his title. I don’t remember. He was in the British embassy. Penny and I met at a very dull party where we were the only children. I remember it was hot and she smelled like roses.”

Chloe flopped onto her back. “You had your first kiss in Egypt and I had mine in Cynthia Greenway’s basement. What is wrong with this picture?”

“Nothing.”

“Easy for you to say. Next you’ll be telling me that your first lover was some fabulously beautiful courtesan arranged for you by your grandfather. That she was a Christmas present.”

Arizona was silent.

Chloe sucked in a breath, turned back toward him and stared. “You’re kidding?”

He cleared his throat. “Actually, it was a birthday present, and courtesan is a strong term. She was experienced.”

“How polite. And you were all of sixteen?”

“Seventeen.”

“I’ll bet you had a really good time.”

“I did. I was young and at the time I didn’t know there was a difference between having sex and making love. She taught me a lot about mechanics but nothing about the heart.”

Chloe was grateful for the darkness. At least Arizona wouldn’t be able to see her stunned expression. She didn’t consider herself a prude, but apparently she was. This was too far out of her realm of experience. She didn’t know what to say.

“You’re shocked,” Arizona said.

“A little. That sort of thing doesn’t happen in Bradley.”

“What does happen?”

“Are you asking about my first lover?”

“Yes.”

She sat up and pulled her knees into her chest. “I haven’t thought about Billy in a long time.” Mostly because she didn’t let herself think about him.

“You don’t have to talk about it if you’d rather not.”

“No, I don’t mind.” Actually, she didn’t, which surprised her. Maybe enough time had passed. Maybe she’d finally healed.

“When my parents died,” she began, “Cassie and I were sent into foster care. She stayed in Bradley, but I was sent to a family in a neighboring town. They had a son, Billy. He was a couple of years older than me. The first few months I stayed in my room and kept to myself. I’d lost my parents and Cassie. We wrote and saw each other when we could, but it was different. We didn’t feel like sisters anymore.”

“How was the family you were with?”

“They were very kind to me. They tried to understand what I was going through. They gave me time. Eventually I started participating in family events. One day I looked up at the dinner table and realized Billy was sitting across from me. He smiled and I smiled back. A few pieces of my broken heart mended at that moment.”

“Sounds romantic.”

“It was fairly typical. We went on dates, then started going steady.”

“Did his parents know?”

“Yes. We tried to keep it from them for a while, but we weren’t very good at sneaking around. I think the first time Billy and I made love was in the back seat of his car.” She smiled at the memory. “It wasn’t very comfortable.”

“The car or the act itself.”

“Both. We didn’t know what we were doing. It was quick. The sex itself was always much more for him than me. I liked the holding and being close. It didn’t matter if it was physically satisfying because I loved him, so it was perfect.”

“I’m sure it got better.”

She smiled. “Not much.” Her smile faded. “We weren’t together long enough for us to get really good at it.”

She didn’t want to think about that, she reminded herself. So instead she recalled what it had been like to be with Billy. He’d been so attentive and eager—both for her and to please her. He’d always touched her as if she were the most precious creature alive. Perhaps to him, she had been.

But the sex itself hadn’t moved her. Perhaps she’d been too young, or they’d been too inexperienced. She’d never felt that ultimate pleasure, either with him, or the two young men she’d been intimate with during college. It was a sad state of affairs that the best it had ever been had been in a dream...with the man just a few feet away from her.

“So Billy was your first boyfriend and your first lover,” Arizona said. “Were you in love with him?”

“Yes. Deeply. He stole my heart and I’ve never been sure I got all the pieces back from him.”

Arizona pushed himself up into a sitting position. They faced each other. “So you believe in love, but you won’t believe in anything magical or mystical.”

“They’re not the same. I’ve experienced love.” She might have experienced magic—in the form of her dream—but she wasn’t ready to admit that to him.

“I don’t,” he said flatly.

It was the second time that night that he’d stunned her into silence. He’d mentioned it before but she hadn’t really believed him. Everyone had to believe in love. Her mind raced, but she couldn’t form any words. Finally she managed to blurt out, “How is that possible? What about all the weird stuff you research? You’ll put your faith in a rock or a story, but not in the depth of human emotion?”

“Exactly.”

“Are we talking about romantic love or all of it? What about parents caring for their children. Most would die for them. Isn’t that a demonstration of love?”

“Yes. I would agree that many parents have strong feelings for their children. In most cases I would be willing to call that love.”

His careful qualification of his answer made her curious, so she filed that information away to ask about another time. She didn’t want to get away from what they were already talking about.

“So it’s just the issue of romantic love you have problems with,” she said.

He nodded.

She was still having trouble believing this conversation. Arizona believed in things she couldn’t even begin to understand, but not love. But love was a fundamental part of the human condition.

“What are you so afraid of?” she asked.

He leaned toward her. “Do you believe in love between a man and a woman?”

“Of course. I plan to avoid it, but I know it exists. I’ve experienced it.”

“With Billy?”

“Yes.”

“Anyone else?”

She shook her head.

“So why do you want to avoid loving a man?”

She struggled to find the words to answer his question. “If you don’t get close, you can’t get hurt. So I avoid getting close.”