Читать книгу Not My Daughter - Suzy K. Quinn - Страница 19

Nick and I lay together in bed, my head on his chest.

‘Are you still awake?’ I ask the ceiling.

‘Yes,’ says Nick.

‘What’s the difference between protective and suffocating?’ I ask.

Nick snorts. ‘Probably only a few inches of padding.’

I laugh too. ‘I locked Liberty’s phone in the safe.’

‘Lorna.’ I feel Nick shake his head. ‘Why’d you do that?’

‘She was using it to find out about her father,’ I said.

‘And you think taking her phone is going to stop her? Come on. Let her get out there and make her own mistakes.’

We both listen for a moment, hearing Darcy’s gentle murmurs. But then they fall silent.

‘Phew,’ says Nick.

Darcy used to scream the place down at bedtime. But we’ve got a routine going now, same thing every night. I take her around the house, showing her how I lock everything up, door locks, chains, deadbolts. Then we do a bath (exactly 37 degrees) and count her yellow soft toys, all thirty of them. Now she goes to bed like a dream and sleeps until morning.

Nick and I lie in silence for a moment. Then I blurt it out: ‘Liberty knows who her father is.’

‘How?’ Nick asks. ‘You won’t tell me or Liberty the first thing about the guy. Not even his name. How could she have found out?’

‘She found some stuff on the internet about him. And me.’ I shiver against Nick’s warm body.

Nick’s arms stiffen. ‘What stuff on the internet?’

‘Photos of me and her father. When we were younger. I don’t know if it’s enough, but … I’m so scared, Nick.’

‘Scared of what?’

‘She might try to find her father.’ I take a shaky breath. Breathe, breathe.

‘I think you have to get a bit real with this,’ says Nick. ‘How long are you going to be able to keep Liberty away from this guy? If she wants to see him, she will. No matter what you do.’

I ignore him. ‘I’ve just got to keep hammering it home. How dangerous he is. Until she gets the message.’

‘How dangerous are we talking, exactly?’

‘How dangerous do you want him to be? Dangerous. Isn’t that enough?’

‘It’s not that I don’t believe you. It’s just …’

‘You think there are two sides to the story.’

‘I haven’t heard either side of the story,’ says Nick. ‘You’ve told me nothing. And whenever I ask, you close up. Does your sister know about him?’

‘Dee? Yes.’

‘You can tell her but not me?’

‘I didn’t tell her, Nick. She was there. She saw it all.’

‘Do you know what I think? I think you’re running scared and you should face up to all this. You should at least talk about what happened. You shouldn’t run away from it. Face your problems.’

‘You can’t face Liberty’s father. That’s not how it works. He twists everything around.’

‘So move on and let all the fear go.’

‘I can’t do that either. If I let my guard down, he’ll get in.’

‘You know, Lorna, even criminals get visitation with their children. Why don’t you set something up? In a safe space.’

I swallow, feeling sick. ‘If you knew him like I do, you wouldn’t even suggest something like that.’

‘So tell me about the guy. Then maybe I could know him like you do. Why is everything such a big secret? What did he do that was so bad?’

I roll away from Nick, imagining packing boxes, separating finances … who will stay in the house? Me or him? It has to be him. Darcy can’t go through another house move so soon, not now she’s settled. It’s not fair. But then again, I chose this area for a reason. A good reason. God – how is this going to work?

I roll back again. ‘Listen,’ I say. ‘If Liberty gets close to her father, he’ll turn her against me. That’s what he does.’

‘I know he hurt you.’

‘It wasn’t just me he hurt.’

‘Isn’t Liberty old enough to make this choice for herself now? Isn’t it her right?’

‘No.’

There is a heavy silence.

‘What are you so afraid of, Lorna?’

‘Her father doesn’t have any feelings.’

‘That’s all?’

I hesitate. ‘Trust me. It’s enough.’