Читать книгу The Drowning Pool - Syd Moore - Страница 12

My computer screen flicked on. I fingered the scrap of paper in my hand. It read ‘Marie143’ in John’s looping handwriting.

When I drove into St John’s on Monday morning, he had been leaning against the wall, waiting for me. As soon as he spotted my red VW Beetle he nipped over and held the door open for me.

I watched his face wrinkle with concern. ‘I left my phone at the pub. Nancy brought it in this morning. I just got your messages. You sounded weird. What’s going on? You OK?’

Good question. What was going on? Was I OK? Were things happening because of something going wrong in my brain? Or was this stuff external?

I hadn’t been able to come to a conclusion on Sunday. Which was an improvement on Saturday when I had been simply ‘weird’ as John had correctly suggested. The seeming physical nature of whatever had manifested seemed very real and I was certain that something supernatural had turned its gaze on me.

Martha was alarmed, of course. It was all over her face when she arrived late on Saturday night. She came over as soon as her husband, Deano, got home, on the off chance that I was still up for company.

I had left a rather hysterical message on John’s phone and was just calming myself down, trying to get a grip on what I’d just seen, so her timing was perfect.

Martha could be counted on for good solid comfort. Her green fingers tended our social circle’s gardens and house-plants when we went away, while her gentle manner and nurturing aura had us all calling on her for a shoulder to cry on whenever things got tough. There was something indescribably soft about her, without any drippy overtone, that made you feel safe in her company.

Ever practical she sat me down around the large pine kitchen table and made us a cup of tea while I gasped and spluttered through what had happened in the garden, climaxing with the revelation of the phone message.

I know I sounded quite crazy as when I looked up Martha’s face was crossed by heavy lines of strain. Her honey-sweet voice told me that in her opinion I was probably just overdoing things.

‘You know, darling,’ she soothed, ‘you have really been through the wringer these past few years. Life’s not easy and I know being a widow with a young child must seem an awful lot to cope with. Do you not think that perhaps your brain is creating an outlet for you?’

She was being rational and I would have loved to believe her, but there was no denying something peculiar was happening. Something that went beyond psychological stress, even perhaps beyond mental illness or the possibility that my brain was rewiring itself around a blockage.

The quiet lull of her voice, the reason in her argument, the relief of her physical presence served to pacify me a bit. Even her suggestion that I might want to see a counsellor was acceptable although wide of the mark, but then she added, almost as an afterthought: ‘Of course you want to keep the memory of Josh alive, it’s a completely natural impulse, but this way,’ she shrugged limply, ‘just seems so negative, Sarah.’

‘What are you talking about?’ The words exploded out of my mouth without thought or care. ‘How dare you?’

Martha took in my expression and started to backtrack. ‘God, I’m sorry, Sarah. I know it’s a touchy subject.’

But I was on my feet, walking up and down the kitchen, hands gesturing to the ceiling with outrage and exasperation. ‘You think this thing is my husband?’

‘Well, I …’ Martha’s eyebrows knitted together. She shrank into her chair.

‘That’s bloody ridiculous.’

Martha relaxed a little. ‘I’m glad to hear it, Sarah, really I am. I know you’ve not been yourself lately.’

I stopped pacing, rested my knuckles on the table and took a deep breath. ‘This has nothing to do with Josh. Nothing.’ I tried to speak in a controlled voice. ‘This thing, Martha, is female.’

She had her mouth open as if she was going to speak but then closed it. A small sigh escaped her. ‘Really?’

I knew she was trying to help but she sounded so insincere, I realized that it was pointless talking to her, and rather than offend her again with another exasperated tut or sigh I answered her with a small shrug.

She cocked her head to one side and held my gaze. ‘Have you ever read Stephen King?’

OK, I thought, now she’s getting it and replied, ‘Maybe. Yes, when I was a teenager. I’m not reading anything like that now and before you suggest it, Martha, no I’m not letting my imagination run away with me.’

She smiled and stretched her hand to me across the table. ‘Honey, I wouldn’t dream of patronizing you like that. What I was going to say is I once remember reading an interview with him, where he said something that had quite an impact on me.’

‘Go on.’

‘We make up horrors to help us cope with the real ones.’

Exhaustion fell across me.

She must have seen it because she asked if I wanted to go to bed.

I nodded.

Martha got to her feet pretty damn quickly.

At the front door, she paused and held out a little green pill. ‘Valium. Get some sleep, Sarah. Call me in the morning if you need to talk. You’re not alone.’

‘I know. That’s the problem,’ I said and closed the door.

The next morning I woke up with a sentence going round my head. It was a phrase Sharon had used to describe coming off the anti-depressants she’d taken once when she was younger. It was a hard time and she said she weirded out a bit. ‘Until you get balanced again …’ she told me, ‘… it can be just like a bad trip.’

Having had a few early forays into recreational drugs during my twenties this made sense. Once, in the bath, coming down from something or other, I was convinced I could hear voices in the water pipes begging me to release them from their watery prison. By the time Josh found me I’d scratched the paintwork off the u-bend and was searching for a hammer.

I entertained the idea of a flashback. The incident by the French doors had been, it was fair to say, rather trippy. And with regard to the mobile, there was a possibility that I could have sent the message to myself while I was half asleep or sleepwalking. Though it seemed unlikely.

In the afternoon I summoned the courage to listen to the message again and tried dialling into it but it was gone. I wasn’t sure if I had failed to save it or perhaps Martha may have deleted it in a well-meaning attempt to help. That would be just like her. The possibility rather put me out – I hadn’t given her permission to tamper with my phone. I would certainly speak to her about it when I next saw her. It was frustrating. Now I only had my memory of it to go from and it was becoming hazier the more I tried to concentrate on its recall.

By evening I had a heavy feeling in the pit of my stomach and by nightfall I was edgy as hell. I didn’t want to admit it at the time, but I was getting scared. I think part of me knew what was going to happen.

The dreary sameness of Monday morning felt like something of a reprieve. In fact I’d go as far as to say that I was almost pleased to be going into St John’s. The students were gone and we had a week of administrative duties to sort before we were allowed to bugger off on summer leave.

As I turned into the drive and clocked the grey steel girders of the new music block extension with its vaulted see-through roof, the absolute soullnessness of the place suddenly heartened me. There’s a first time for everything. Nothing organic stirred here. Thank God.

A break from restless spirits was required.

I needed to get in and get my head down. Work would absorb me and for a while I could feel almost normal.

The last thing I wanted to do was talk it over again. So when John fired up I told him just that. But the silly sod wouldn’t leave me alone.

‘Sarah? ARE YOU OK?’

I locked the door of the car and picked up my bag and started marching to the entrance. It had rained the previous night and the air was damp and verdant.

‘I’m not really sure if I am OK, to be honest. If I told you what happened, you’d just think I’m mad and to be honest, I’m starting to wonder about that myself.’

He nipped ahead and turned to face me, blocking my path. ‘Hey, slow down. Do you want to talk about it? I’m going to go into the research room and do some marking, if you want somewhere private to chat.’

‘Actually, I don’t, John. I’m sorry about calling you on Saturday night. I had a bit of a fright – a missed call from some woman asking for help. I thought it might be Sue? What with the pregnancy and everything. Is she OK?’

John nodded. ‘I just saw her in the staff room. She’s fine. Everyone’s fine. Are you fine?’

‘Please forget it.’

He was scuttling alongside me. ‘Was it another cockleshell?’

I shook my head and scowled knowing that I would appear either rude or irritable or probably both.

‘Thank God for that. Solitary female hysteria.’ My eyes met his, which crinkled warmly. ‘Joke,’ he added.

But I wasn’t in the mood. ‘I’m going to the staff room.’

‘Well, come and find me if you’re bored. You sure you’re OK? Don’t worry about drinking too much, if that’s what you’re thinking. An early death might save you from the horrors of new education models.’ And he bounced off.

I turned into the staff room and made for the coffee machine. I was being too hard on him I ruminated, now regretful, as I set my load down on the side. He was just trying to help.

I fumbled in my bag for my purse, finally scooping out a handful of coins, which promptly scattered across the ledge that the machine perched on.

I cursed and picked up a twenty-pence piece. It went into the coin slot and straight out of the return. ‘Fuck.’

‘Having one of those days are we?’

McBastard stood beside me. A half smile curled his lips, suggestive of glee at my blinding incompetence.

As there were no students present in school that week, we were permitted to wear jeans. McBastard’s grey chinos had been swapped for dark denim that caught across the hips and tailored down over his long legs, fleshing him out for a change. To my surprise I saw he was wearing a t-shirt with a logo of a cool band that I had once publicized. Was the robot becoming human?

‘Let’s say I’ve had better mornings.’ Struggling with the coin slot, I glanced at him in time to see his volcano eyes fix on me. He looked away immediately, embarrassed to be caught staring. Could he tell something strange was happening to me? Was I dragging around an aura of weirdness?

The coins returned once more. I was starting to feel self-conscious.

McBastard coughed. ‘Here, let me.’ He retrieved the money and this time, his efforts produced a coffee. His fingertips brushed against my palm as he handed over my change.

Without thanking him I scrambled my stuff together hastily and made towards the desks at the far side of the room.

‘Sarah!’ he called after me. I turned and met his stare. The openness of his face had melted away. ‘I need your course review. Tomorrow at the latest, please.’

I answered him with a grunt and sat down, spreading my papers over the wooden top, noting with bewilderment that my hand was tingling where he had touched me.

At lunch John found me in the canteen mauling a stale beef sandwich and trying to put the horrors of the weekend out of my mind.

He wedged his butt along the pine bench next to mine. ‘Have you seen Sue?’ He was trying to make conversation.

I informed him she had an ante-natal appointment at the hospital but didn’t expand. I wasn’t in the mood for conversation.

John poked a dried-up triangle of something pizza-like on his plate. The food, which was below average at the best of times, was virtually inedible once the students, sorry customers, had departed.

He forced himself to bite the cheesy triangle and winced. ‘Good night on Friday, wasn’t it?’ he said, through a mouthful of dried bread.

My mind went straight to the phone call, the haunting watery words, the strangulated tone of the woman. With some effort, I focused on the Red Lion hours.

‘I was quite drunk. Any gossip?’ I did my best to engage.

‘One of Finance got chucked out for doing coke in the loo.’

‘Oh, who?’

‘Tina Worten.’

John took another bite and we munched in silence until he put down his crust and said, ‘You’re a bit pissed off with me, aren’t you? What is it? The hysterical woman reference? I was being silly. I thought we had that kind of relationship. I’m sorry. Is that why you phoned me Saturday night? To be hysterical? I was only concerned because I didn’t realize you were joking.’

I stared at him blankly. I had phoned him when I was upset Saturday night, hoping he might be up. But when the call went to his voicemail I left some garbled message for him to call me. It hadn’t occurred to me that he would assume the call was a prank, although part of me was mighty relieved that he might.

‘Now you’re pissed off with me for not getting it. I understand. But can we just go back to being normal? I won’t mention it again.’

I wondered briefly if I should go with the prank call idea. It certainly made me feel better. Better than him thinking I was mad.

‘Sorry, John. Something happened on Saturday night but I don’t want to go into it.’

‘Something else? I’m here if you need to talk.’

‘I have to try and work a few things out in my head first.’

‘And you think I’ll think you’re hysterical.’

‘Perhaps.’

‘Shit, don’t punish me for something stupid I said when I was pissed.’

‘I’m not. Honestly. I’m just not sure what’s going on and …’ I faltered.

‘You’re under a lot of stress, Sarah. We all are. It’s the end of term and we all need a good rest. I’m sure you’ll be back on form by September. Give yourself a break. Go away. Have some fun.’

I balked at the mention of September. The idea that this might escalate, that I might return to school with the current situation unresolved was terrifying.

‘Oh God.’ I hadn’t meant to say it aloud.

John’s eyes narrowed. ‘Is it something else? I’m getting the sense that you don’t want to talk to me.’

‘You got it, Columbo.’

He ignored my barb and continued. ‘OK, you may not want to talk to me, but how do you feel about talking to my sister? I spoke to her over the weekend. She’s a little left of centre but I mentioned your cockleshell thing and she said she’d heard of that kind of thing happening.’

His sister. ‘Oh yes, the one into “weirdies” and stuff.’ The thought was appealing however. ‘But you said she was in California?’

‘She is. You know the wonders of technology can reach out across the miles. Do you have Skype on your trendy new internet?’

I nodded.

He wrote her handle on a piece of paper. ‘I’ll send her an email this afternoon and let her know you may call. Do it. She won’t think you’re nutsville, which everyone knows you are anyway. Give her a try. Seriously, it might just be worth talking to someone. If not to put the whole thing to rest, at least to let off steam at someone who’s odder than your good self.’

That night I settled Alfie early. It took a while as he was agitated and didn’t want to be on his own but eventually his tired little body won over his restless mind and he fell asleep. and I was able to go downstairs and have a little me-time.

The living room was dark, the windows onto the street were still open and yet hardly any noise drifted in. There was no hum of traffic or doors slamming, only the calm of Monday evening hibernation.

I dug into my pocket and pulled out John’s sister’s details. ‘Put it to rest,’ he had said.

He was right. I wasn’t passive by nature. Well, there was no time like the present.

In the kitchen I set up my laptop, pressed the on button and poured myself a glass of red as the Skype loaded onto my home page.

I took a sip and entered Marie’s details into the contact box.

The woman who popped up seconds later on the video stream had John’s easy eyes, his pronounced chin, which suited him more than her, and his heavily textured voice softened by a slight East Coast twang. She was lean, with a healthy tan, and in her mid-to late thirties.

‘Hi,’ I said.

She grinned at me, her image pixellating slightly as the information whizzed through the modem. ‘Sarah?’

In the smaller video screen to the bottom right of the monitor I could see an image of myself disintegrating into little blocks and reintegrating again.

‘Yes, hi. You’re Marie?’

She nodded, a big, shaggy mane of mahogany hair tumbling about her shoulders as she did so. ‘John said you might phone sometime. I didn’t think it would be so soon. You OK?’

‘You look like John,’ I said, changing the subject. It was odd having a face-to-face conversation with someone you would probably never meet in the flesh.

‘Yes, we’re related.’ She tossed her head back as she laughed. Same gesture as John. I wondered briefly what their parents were like.

I raised my eyebrows and shook my head. ‘Of course. Sorry. This is a bit weird isn’t it?’

She leant closer to the screen as if scrutinizing my image. ‘You mean Skyping or your situation?’

I hadn’t expected her to bring it up so soon. ‘Well, er, both really.’

She grinned again showing good, strong teeth. ‘Not in California, honey, believe me!’ I think she winked but it could have been a time delay on the screen. ‘Do you fancy a cup of chamomile?’ she asked.

‘I think I might have a glass of red if it’s not too early for you?’ I raised my glass to the screen and laughed. She saw it and nodded. ‘Normally I’d join you but it’s not yet noon here, honey. The neighbours would talk.’

There was a lot of John’s comfortable easiness about her, which made me relax more than I’d anticipated.

‘Gimme forty seconds,’ she said, ‘and I’ll be all yours.’

‘OK.’

Marie had a pleasant living room. Behind the empty wicker chair on screen there was a white stucco arch that led out onto what looked to be a wooden deck furnished with tropical plants. The room was full of bright late morning sunlight and crammed with bookshelves and more plants. Pictures on either side of the walls spoke of a love of contemporary art and esoteric objects. I was trying to place one of the paintings when Marie’s torso filled the screen. A porcelain mug bearing a picture of a cat came into view followed by her shoulders and head.

‘Right,’ she took a sip of tea. ‘Fire away. It started with a cockleshell? Am I right?’

I bit my lip, unsure of whether to mention my appointment with Doctor Cook. Marie read the slight pause as hesitation. ‘Hey, honestly you don’t need to tell me everything. I’m just assuming that as you called you needed some advice.’

‘No. It’s not that. It’s just— Oh, never mind …’ and I started at the beginning.

Several minutes later I reached the Saturday night climax. ‘I can’t describe it. I’m pretty sure it was female and human, or had been once upon a time. Long gown, black hair …’ I was speaking quickly, gabbling. ‘But I got this awful feeling of tragedy. You know I’ve felt that before. I’ve been through loss. But this was kind of saturating. Overwhelming. Like drowning. Like the feeling I came back with from the Drowning Pool. That’s what this is about.’

At this point I realized I must have sounded insane as Marie’s eyes widened and her eyebrows rose virtually up into her hairline. She shuddered and moved back momentarily from the webcam.

I stopped. My shoulders were aching with tension so I too sat back into my chair with a small sigh. My breath vaporized in front of me. Instinctively I thought of smoke and reached for my cigarette packet. ‘Oh God. Sorry. This sounds so nuts, I know.’

Marie looked sort of frozen and for a second I thought I’d lost the connection, and then I saw her breathe in. ‘It’s OK,’ she said, with a tremor to her voice that had been absent before. I guessed she wanted to stop and get away from her brother’s mental mate as soon as possible. I cursed myself and took a cigarette from the pack.

‘Marie. I can’t believe I’m telling you all this.’ I paused and pulled on the fag. ‘Perhaps I am ill?’

‘Sarah, it’s OK …’ Marie had leant forward and was looking intently into the screen. Her voice was purposefully gentle but I could make out worry lines streaking across a forehead that had had clearly lost some of its ruddiness.

‘I can tell from your face that you must think I’m crazy. I don’t blame you. I shouldn’t have …’ I shivered involuntarily. The room had grown cold. Very cold.

She broke in. ‘Sarah, listen – I believe you.’

But I wasn’t listening. ‘… Skyped you. Perhaps I am nuts. Saturday night just felt real.’ And then her words sank in.

On the computer her head nodded.

‘You believe me?’

Her face was filling the screen now so it was easy to see her swallow and hesitate.

‘Why?’ I said, fixing onto the whites of her eyes.

She paused and then in a very slow voice she said, ‘Because I can see her. She’s standing behind you.’