Читать книгу Being Amber - Sylvia Ryan - Страница 8

4

It took Jaci an instant to suppress her surprise when Xander climbed into the bed next to her. His intense expression and his dark exploration of the features of her face raised goose bumps on her arms and sent tingles down the back of her neck.

“How are you feeling?” he whispered, reaching up to brush a lock of her hair aside. He placed his palm on the skin he’d exposed on her neck, his fingers curling around to her nape. His hand was hot against her cool skin. Her breathing quickened. It felt nice, his hand on her.

“I’m ready to come home. These women wouldn’t let me yesterday,” he grumbled. He gently petted the back of her neck with the velvet pads of his fingers.

“I’m not sure it’s up to me,” Jaci said, giving him a faint smile.

“Maybe I’ll stay here and hide behind you.”

“You could try, but I think I’d notice.” The voice sounded from behind Jaci. Caroline was awake.

“Crap,” he murmured.

“You just couldn’t stay away, you goon,” Caroline chastised.

Jaci rolled over onto her back. “It’s okay, Caroline. He’s not bothering me.”

Caroline glowered at Xander while he gave her a self-satisfied expression.

She turned her attention to Jaci. “You need anything?”

“Bathroom.”

Xander got up from the bed and walked around to where Caroline stood. They both helped her up and walked her over to the bathroom. Xander’s arm circled her back. His hand slipped underneath the opening of her paper clinic gown. It was large and warm on her skin, gently cupping her hip, guiding her. Caroline went into the bathroom with her this time, as Xander stepped away.

* * * *

“Do you want me to kick him out?”

“No, it’s his apartment too.”

“He’s going to want to sleep here tonight. Are you ready for that?”

Jaci was silent for a while. “He’s not weird or dangerous or anything is he?”

“Ha! Xander? No way. He’s just a whiny baby who can’t stand not being in control.”

Jaci smiled. She couldn’t imagine that man having a whiny bone in his body. “I think it will be okay.”

“It’s nice to see you smile.” Caroline caught her eye, obviously trying to read her, and then nodded. “Okay.”

“I’ll be out in a minute.” Jaci raised her eyebrows expectantly, waiting for the woman to leave her alone.

Caroline nodded and smiled at her. “Okay.” She grabbed the box of surge patches on the way out the bathroom door. “I’ll have to take a look when you’re done in there,” she said, holding up the box.

When she exited the bathroom, Caroline was waiting. “Let’s take a look. I’ll spray the areas with the antibiotic spray and put new patches on.”

Xander leaned against the wall by the window. His arms were crossed over his chest. It looked as if it didn’t even occur to him that she may want some privacy. He wasn’t going anywhere.

“Oh you don’t have to do that. I can do it this time.” She looked down. “It’s kind of–yuck.”

“I’m a nurse. I’ve seen a lot worse than this.”

Jaci‘s head snapped down to where Caroline knelt in front of her. “A nurse? I thought Ambers couldn’t have professional jobs.”

“Sometimes I think the Gov spreads that disinformation on purpose because you aren’t the first fallow to say that to me. So, it’s understandable why you’re confused. Plus, only the Ambers that don’t have higher education work outside the Amber Zone, so there was no reason to think any differently. You can go to college online here as long as you do your twenty hours of work assignment every week. All of our professionals are Ambers. Everything here is done by us, for us. There are no other class designations that work in the Amber Zone.

“There, you’re all set.” She threw the wrapper from the new patches away, and led Jaci back to bed.

“My work assignment is painter. It’s only twenty hours a week? And I can go to college for anything I want?” She looked back and forth between Caroline and Xander.

“Yeah, everybody works twenty hours a week. No exceptions,” Caroline said.

“I don’t get it, how do you earn enough money to live?”

“We don’t earn money, we earn credits. It’s illegal to have currency in Amber,” Xander stated.

“Pretty much everything, you know, the basics, are provided by the Gov at the commissary. The credits are for extras like clothes and luxury items like scented soap, stuff like that,” Caroline added. “That’s one of the things the code on your palm is for.”

Jaci must have looked lost because Xander added, “Your credits are deposited to your code. Whenever you need to pay for something you scan your hand and the credits will be deducted from your total.”

Jaci looked at Xander with disbelief, then at Caroline waiting for her to contradict him, or start laughing or something. “You’re kidding right?”

“No.” Xander shook his head. “From teachers to trash collectors, nobody is paid with money, and everybody earns the same amount of credits every week. If somebody chooses to go to school to be a nurse, it's because that's how they want to spend their twenty hours of work per week, not because nurses earn more credits.”

“Our quality of life here is probably as good, or better even, than those who are Sapphires. Of course, the sacrifices that are made are the price we pay. Some more than others,” Caroline said absently scratching Jaci’s thigh.

“What’s your job?” Jaci asked Xander.

“I’m a police officer.”

Jaci saw it in him immediately. He carried himself with authority. She scanned his face and body, taking everything in. He was handsome with his short cut, brown hair and intense, almost black eyes. His features were rugged, especially with the growth of whiskers darkening his jaw. His face could easily be intimidating. He also possessed an essence of danger.

Their gazes locked. He’d seen her taking him in, assessing him, and it looked like he’d been doing the same.

He wore an intoxicating look on his face that contained a promise of…Jaci sighed and the muscles of her neck and shoulders relaxed. His eyes promised refuge and security.

Caroline cleared her throat and then rolled her eyes. “Don’t mind him, he knows he’s good looking and it’s gone to his head. He thinks he’s God’s gift to the female of the species.” She misinterpreted the moment they’d just shared. It’s about time for another dose,” Caroline said over her shoulder as she shook out another painkiller for Jaci.

Xander’s jaw clenched as he eyed the pill bottle in Caroline’s hand. But in the split second it took for Caroline to turn back toward the room, his expression changed to normal. In that moment, Jaci realized he was the one who’d found her after she took the pills. No words were necessary from him. His expression told her everything she needed to know. He was seriously pissed off about it and nothing like that would be happening again.

“So you only work twenty hours a week too?” Jaci asked, trying to change the subject.

“Yeah. I do two ten-hour days–Tuesdays and Wednesdays unless I’m working on an ongoing case. Then my hours adjust if they have to. It all eventually washes out to twenty hours per week in the end. It’s a nice gig.

“We don’t have much crime here, since there’s no paper money and few valuables. Thieves try to sneak out of the Amber Zone to steal. Violent crimes are practically nonexistent. I think it’s because people are rarely alone enough to get away with much of anything. Once in a while we’ll get a call about a fistfight, usually it’s over a woman.” Xander reclined at the foot of the bed, propping his head up on his hand and absently touching the hills made by Jaci’s toes under the blanket.

Their eyes met again. He was doing it on purpose, trying to catch her gaze. Instinctively, she looked away. Her face flushed. He was an intense man. When he looked at her like that, she felt like he knew every secret in her soul. She liked it. In that moment, she wanted him to look at her like that for the rest of her life.

Jaci glanced at Caroline, who rolled her eyes again. “Okay, get on out of here, Xander. Jaci has to clean up and change. She’s had enough of you for now.” Caroline shooed him away toward the door.

“Let me grab my clothes, jeez,” he said, ducking away from her. “I’m going to take a shower at your place,” he grumbled over his shoulder as he grabbed his clothes and strode out the door. Jaci’s gaze followed him all the way. He was magnificent to look at and as she watched him go, something inside her shifted. Suddenly she wanted more of him. She needed him to come back.

“Now listen.” Caroline’s voice intruded on the longing that started to develop inside her. “We have a few more things to cover before tonight.”

That caught her attention. “What do you mean ‘before tonight’?”

A knock sounded at the door, and Caroline walked over to let Jordan in. The hallway was crowded with people.

“What’s going on out there?” Jaci asked.

“There’s a bigger gathering than usual because people have been wanting to come in,” she said, closing the door and walking back over to the bed. “Our open way of living is literally that. Open. When we’re home, we usually leave our front doors open. People come in and visit, watch a movie, eat, talk, sleep. You literally are never alone here. Most people stick to roaming their own building and you’ll get to know the people on your own floor the best.

“Let’s put it this way,” Jordan said. “If your door is closed, you’re either not home, showering or doing the nasty. And a lot of people don’t even close their doors for that. You could spend a year here and never sleep in your own bed if you didn’t want to.”

“That explains the crowd I walked through when I left for the Center yesterday morning. People were touching me when I walked by. I didn’t even realize they were doing it on purpose.” Jaci shook her head in understanding. “So, people are waiting for me to open the door so they can just come in here?”

“Yep.”

Jaci’s heart beat faster with anxiety.

“You suddenly look nervous,” Jordan said.

“I am. Meeting large amounts of people…I don’t know…is intimidating. Especially when I look like this.” She motioned to herself.

“You won’t be alone. We’ll be here. And we’ll fix you up. You’ll look luscious.” Caroline winked at her.

Jaci rolled her eyes. “I don’t think I’ve ever looked luscious.” She laughed, and it felt weird to laugh so soon after the events of the past day.

“You might as well get used to people seeing you au naturelle. We’re one big family here with a lot of brothers and sisters,” Caroline said. “I think I have probably seen every person in this building in their pajamas. Hell, I’ve probably slept with at least half.” She paused. “When I say sleep, I mean sleep…you know that right?”

Jaci smiled. “Yes. I get it. I want to take a shower. I feel stinky, and I’m dying to wash my hair.”

“Oh,” Jordan said standing up. “I’m getting a com. I have to take this. I’ll be back ladies,” she said as she slipped out the door.

“Can you manage the shower on your own?” Caroline asked while helping Jaci to her feet.

“I think so.”

Caroline eyed her for a few moments. “Okay. You got anything to change into?”

“Not really,” Jaci said, walking the last few steps to the bathroom.

“While you’re in the shower, I’ll find something for you to wear. When you get out we’ll get you in some clean clothes, put some food into you and take it from there. Sound good?”

Jaci nodded and shuffled to the bathroom. After closing herself in, she turned on the shower and then released the strings at the neck of the paper gown she wore. She was so glad to get out of that crinkly reminder of the sterilization. She wadded it up into a ball and tossed it into the can. Pulling the curtain back, she stepped into the shower and stood with the spray hitting her back. The hot steam felt good. She felt…good? She wouldn’t go that far. But, she was hopeful. She already felt like she had a place where she belonged.

Maybe she could withstand the loss of her old life.

The loss of her fertility.

The loss of her family.

“Shit.” Bowing her head, she groaned. As soon as she started thinking, she started hurting all over again. The rush of feelings swarmed her, erasing any hope she’d accumulated that day. The longer she stood under the spray, the more she felt like someone ripped her insides out and left a hole there. Stark emptiness swam around inside her. Jaci got down on her knees in the tub and curled herself up in a ball, letting the hot spray sting her back. The waterfall of her dark hair created a dim, wet sanctuary for her face.

It was true. There was something in the touching and acceptance that eased her. It was the times she was alone when misery attacked, devouring all the emotional progress she’d made. This was all an illusion. She knew nobody cared about her, loved her here. It was impossible. She’d only been in Amber for a day. But she supposed pretending that someone cared for her made life bearable right now. Being connected with other people kept her from collapsing in on herself, from becoming a shell of skin with nothing of value inside. It helped her feel not so alone. It distracted her from suicide.

She inhaled the hot, wet air wafting around her face and then released a shuddering breath. The shower spray needled her back from the jets hitting the same place for so long. She shifted slightly to relieve the sting. If only it were that easy to dull the other pains.

In these silent moments, she felt too much, way too much. The emotions were caustic, like acid eating through her heart. She’d do anything to make the hollow loneliness that swam around inside of her subside. Caroline told her she didn’t ever have to be alone in Amber unless she wanted to. In that moment, she didn’t want to.

She called out. “Caroline?” There was only silence.

Then the bathroom door opened

“Caroline’s not here. You okay?” It was Xander.

Jaci wasn’t expecting him to be there. “Yeah,” She struggled to sound normal. “I’m just being pathetic. I’m fine.” She heard the click of the door close and sighed.

So much for not being alone.

She knew it was essential to get up and face the world. It was time to embark on her new life even if she forced herself to do it. The pity party she was currently throwing for herself wasn’t helping anything.

Jaci flinched at the unexpected contact of a hand on her back.

“Come on, I’ll help you out.” Xander’s raspy voice caressed her ears.

She lifted her head to look up at him, and a screen of wet, tangled hair stuck to her face. The spray of the water stopped. The bathroom fell silent.

“I can do it,” Jaci whispered shakily.

“Yes. But you don’t have to.” With the soft warmth of a towel draped over her back and a firm grip on each side of her, he lifted her, unfolding her until she stood. Xander’s gentle touch brought her to the verge of tears. He drew her into his arms and held her there.