Читать книгу Evening Stars - Сьюзен Мэллери - Страница 10

Chapter Four

AVERIL HAD GROWN UP in the Pacific Northwest where the ocean temperature rarely climbed past sixty and that was in the summer. California wasn’t all that different. Right on the beach the water warmed up a little in July and August, but only a few hundred yards from shore, the ocean floor plunged and the water was chilly. She’d visited a friend in Florida over a summer break from college and had been shocked by the shallow, warm gulf lapping at the sand. Somehow it just seemed wrong.

Now, as the wind picked up, she tightened the sail, then secured the line. The sun was high in the sky, the brilliant blue reflected in the endless ocean. Once they were on course again, she glanced at Kevin. His sunglasses hid his eyes, and if she couldn’t see them, she didn’t know what he was thinking.

He’d been quiet lately. If it were anyone but him, she would say pensive.

“Kevin,” she began. “Are you mad at me?”

He turned to her, his sunglasses hiding the direct line of his vision. “No. Not mad.”

“Then what?”

“Disappointed.”

The word was like a slap. She’d always been the object of desire in their relationship. The one who was chased and caught. She loved her husband and did her best to be good to him, but he was the one who came to her. Now she felt the foundation of her world shifting under her.

“About the baby?” she asked, her voice small.

“Some.”

The wind whipped her hair around her face. She’d pulled it back in a braid, but a few strands had worked loose. She pushed them out of her eyes and stared at him.

“Are you disappointed in me?”

“Yes.”

She felt the air rush out of her lungs—as if she’d been kicked in the gut. Panic seized her, making her want to say whatever was necessary for him to take the words back. She couldn’t stand for him to reject her.

“I know you’re not happy,” he continued. “I wonder if I’m the reason.”

Relief made it easier to breathe. This wasn’t her fault. Okay, she could deal. “You’re not,” she assured him. “I’m not sure what’s wrong.”

“Do you still love me?”

“Of course. Don’t be silly. We’re married.”

“What does being married have to do with anything?”

“I don’t know. It just does. We’re together.”

He looked away, then, and the panic returned. This time joined by fear.

“I don’t know what you want,” he admitted.

“I don’t, either. It’s not about you, it’s about me being uncomfortable and...” She paused as the truth settled over her. A truth she’d been avoiding for a long time now.

“I want to go home.”

She said the words without thinking about how they would sound. How he would read them. His expression didn’t change, but his hand reached for the line, and seconds later the jib collapsed. He pulled in the large sail, keeping it from sinking into the ocean.

“Kevin, no,” she said, grabbing his free arm. “Don’t do this. I didn’t mean right this second.”

Because by “home” she’d meant Blackberry Island. They’d both understood that.

He secured the sail, then turned to her. “It’s always been home. I’ve known that. You need to see Nina. What I don’t get is you two can’t be in the same house for more than a day without fighting. It happens whether she comes to see us or you go to see her. Yet, you can’t seem to make a decision without her. Why?”

She didn’t have an answer. She wanted to tell him he was wrong, only he wasn’t. Nina was... She swallowed. He was right. Nina was the voice in her head.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered.

“It’s not about an apology. I’ve given you all I have, Averil. All I am. If it’s not enough, I’ve got nothing left. Maybe I’m not supposed to make you happy. Maybe you’re supposed to figure that out on your own.”

She wanted to tell him she didn’t know how. Didn’t understand what being happy meant. Contentment was relatively easy, but happy? Who could say that?

“I don’t want you mad at me,” she murmured.

“I’m not. I’ve loved you from the first day I met you, but I can’t live in this half life any longer. I need you to be in this with me, or I need you to leave.”

The fear returned, but she held on to it, enduring the sense of having her heart ripped into pieces.

“Go see your sister,” he continued. “Figure out what you want. I’ll wait.”

“For how long?”

He removed his sunglasses then. She gazed into his eyes, seeing a combination of sadness and determination. “I don’t know. I’ll let you know when I’m done wanting you to come home.”

Which was fair, but terrifying. What if she waited too long? What if...

And with the questions came the realization that she’d already made up her mind. That whatever the price, she needed to go back home, to find answers. She felt as if everyone else had grown up and moved on, while she’d been stuck.

“I’ll be back,” she promised. “Please, don’t give up on me.”

* * *

Nina confirmed the charts had been pulled for that day’s appointments while she waited for the coffee to fill her cup. She’d had a restless night, no doubt brought on by the phone call from her sister. Averil was coming home for a visit. By herself.

Nina placed the files back on the shelf, then walked toward the break room. Kevin was such a great guy. She could only hope her sister wasn’t being an idiot over something inconsequential. Averil could be flighty—a characteristic she had inherited from their mother. Or maybe their father, who had walked away shortly after Averil had been born.

At the time, Nina had been too young to know much more than he was gone. Later, she’d blamed her mother for driving him away. Now, as an adult, she wondered if he had somehow sensed that in her heart, Bonnie preferred to play for the other team. Not that the news excused him for abandoning his daughters.

“Wow—where did all that come from?” she asked aloud. Obviously she’d been spending too much time on her own, she thought, shaking her head.

She poured a cup of coffee and took a restorative sip. The door at the top of the stairs opened, and Andi appeared.

“Morning,” Nina called. “You’re looking like you feel better.”

“I do! I ate breakfast without having to throw up. I call that progress.” Andi reached the main floor and grabbed Nina’s mug. She inhaled deeply. “God, I miss coffee. More than wine. I would have thought the wine would be the hardest to give up, but it’s not.”

She returned the mug and glanced at the stack of files. “Looks like a busy day.”

“We had a fairly light schedule, but there were a few last-minute calls.”

“There always are on Monday.”

They talked about who had phoned for an emergency visit, then Andi led the way to the break room.

“Guess who we had dinner with last night?” Andi asked as she filled a mug with water, then set it in the microwave. Her green eyes danced with amusement.

Nina took a step back. “No way. I don’t want to know.”

“But I want to tell you and you have to listen.” She grinned. “Dr. and Mrs. Harrington and their son, Dylan.” Andi clapped her hands together. “I can’t believe I’ve been on the island nearly a year and this is the first time I’m meeting the infamous ‘my son, the doctor.’”

Nina groaned. “Seriously? They had you over?”

“Uh-huh. It was great. He’s handsome. I wasn’t expecting him to be so ruggedly good-looking.”

“He’s okay.”

Andi hesitated. “Is this hard for you? Should I not fill you in on the details and tease you?”

Nina wanted to say yes, but that was ridiculous. She squared her shoulders and instead said, “Of course it’s fine. Dylan and I were over years and years ago. I never think about him.” Or she hadn’t until this past weekend. Which was his fault. If he hadn’t stopped to help her, she would have been completely fine. And happy not to have him on the brain.

Because he’d never called back. Not that she wanted him to. She didn’t. She wasn’t interested. But she would have enjoyed having him call so she could have told him that to his face. Or at least his ear.

“He’s single,” Andi announced. “I asked if he was seeing anyone.”

Nina leaned against the counter and clutched her coffee. “You didn’t.”

“Why not? I’ve never met him before. Asking questions is a part of polite conversation. He didn’t have a date, so I asked if he’d left someone special behind, and he said no. It was a natural bridge to ‘Are you seeing anyone?’ He said he wasn’t.” Her smile was smug. “So it’s a clear field.”

Nina held in a groan. “I don’t want a clear field. I’m not interested. What part of ‘it’s been decades’ doesn’t make sense to you?”

“It’s been only one decade and you were both young.” Andi pulled the mug out of the microwave and dropped in her tea bag. “Oh, and his parents mentioned that they’d been instrumental in your breakup. They feel bad about that.”

Nina felt a tic starting under her right eye. “You talked about me?”

“Not a lot. But I think it’s interesting, don’t you?”

“That my boyfriend let his parents dictate his love life? No. That’s not interesting.” Not that she was surprised by the admission. Dylan’s parents hadn’t worried at first. Nina would guess they’d assumed, once he got to college, the relationship would naturally end. But it hadn’t. He’d come home on weekends, and they’d spent breaks together. By the summer after his second year of college, the elder Harringtons had been pressuring them both. Nina hadn’t been about to give in, but Dylan had finally ended things with her.

Which she supposed she could accept. What had really hurt was he’d tried to make it her fault. He’d said... She reminded herself it didn’t matter what he’d said.

Andi pulled out the tea bag and set it in the sink. “He was a kid.”

“He was twenty.”

“Still, he wasn’t completely mature or he wouldn’t have let you go.” She smiled. “I liked him. He seems intelligent without being annoying about it.”

Nina knew that was a reference to Andi’s parents, who were both brilliant. “I’m not going to be dating Dylan.”

“Why not? You’re single. He’s single. What if the flame still burns?”

“There’s no flame. There’s not even ash. I’m sure Dylan is a great guy.” After all, he’d stopped to help her long before he knew who she was. Which meant he’d been willing to have a stranger drip on his expensive leather seats. “But I’m not looking to get involved with him.”

“You never date,” Andi started. “It would be fun for you to go out. I’m not trying to be pushy, but why not—”

“You are being pushy. I can find my own guy.”

Her boss shook her head. “I’m just trying to help.”

“I appreciate that, but you can let this one go. Dylan and I are long over.”

In the end, it wouldn’t matter, Nina told herself. Dylan hadn’t called, wasn’t going to call and she didn’t want him to call. Problem solved.

Andi’s smile faded. “You’re my friend and I want you to be happy. Your whole life is work. Either here or dealing with the store. You take care of everyone all the time. It’s exhausting, and I’m just watching. I thought maybe a good-looking guy might be a nice break.”

“I agree with the theory, but not with the guy.”

Andi’s smile returned. “You’re saying if a handsome stranger swept you off your feet, you’d be open to it?”

Nina thought about how long it had been since someone had shown interest in her girl parts. “I’d be begging.” A safe statement considering how few single men there were on the island. It was a family place. Most visitors came as part of a couple.

“Then I’m on the lookout for a handsome stranger,” Andi told her.

There was a loud bang as the upstairs door slammed. Andi sighed.

“That’s Carrie’s bedroom door. She’s running late again.”

Nina couldn’t remember a morning when the teen hadn’t been running late.

Sure enough, there was the sound of someone rapidly descending the stairs, followed by a loud, “Mom? Where are you?”

“Back here,” Andi called.

Carrie, fourteen and still gangly, burst into the break room. She flung herself at Nina and hung on tight.

“Morning,” Nina said, putting down her coffee and hugging her back. “I heard you’re late.”

Carrie grinned at her, then turned to Andi and hugged her. “I know, I know,” the teen said cheerfully. “I need to get up earlier. See you guys later.”

With that, she was flying toward the front door.

When Andi had moved to the island, she’d bought the large Queen Anne that now housed her practice. She and her contractor, Wade, had fallen in love. Carrie had been a bonus, settling into her new life as a stepdaughter.

The front door slammed. Andi sighed. “I need to have Wade check the hinges. One day she’s going to pull that door out of the frame.”

“I think it’s a little sturdier than that.”

Andi glanced at the clock. “Nearly showtime. Are we still on for Pilates after work?”

“I have my stuff in the car.”

“Great.”

With that they went into the hall. Andi turned toward her office, while Nina went up front to make sure the computers had booted up correctly. Out the window she saw Carrie climbing into the SUV next door. Deanna, Andi’s neighbor, took her girls to school every morning, and Carrie joined them.

Shared responsibilities, Nina thought. Balance. She understood the concept, even if she didn’t get to practice it much. Maybe in her next life she wouldn’t be the one who had to hold it all together.

* * *

“Point your toes, Andi. A little higher, Nina. Now slowly roll back down and breathe.”

Nina collapsed back on the mat. The way her stomach muscles were protesting, a slow roll to the starting position wasn’t an option. She was hot and sweaty and knew she was going to be sore in the morning. Had it really been that long since her last Pilates class?

She placed her hand on her rib cage and told herself that layer between her skin and the bones was necessary padding. Or maybe she should start walking on her lunch hour. The weather was going to get nice in the next few weeks. She could take advantage of that. Become fit over the summer.

She rolled to her side and struggled to her feet. Andi was already up and smiling, as if the class hadn’t been difficult at all. Nina gasped for breath as she finally gained her balance.

The workout room had an entire wall of mirrors. She made the mistake of turning sideways, taking in both her butt and her stomach. It seemed that extra ten pounds she’d been carrying since puberty had morphed into fifteen. She thought of the last of the brownies she’d consumed the previous night and vowed not to replace them. And she would start coming to mat class twice a week for sure.

Too weak and sore to change back into street clothes, she shoved her bare feet into her sensible, white athletic shoes and shuffled to the parking lot. Andi walked with her, practically bouncing with extra energy.

“I’m feeling so much better,” her friend said. “I’m glad that trimester is over. Now I have my energy back, and I’m eating. I love being pregnant.”

“You look great,” Nina murmured, trying not to sound surly. It wasn’t Andi’s fault that she was tall and thin and beautiful. Even with a baby on the way, her stomach was still flatter than Nina’s. Talk about unfair.

“And I’m sorry I guilted you into coming to Pilates with me today.”

“No, you’re not.”

Andi grinned as she paused by her SUV. “No, I’m not. Thursday?”

“I’ll be here.”

Nina got into her car, grateful to have it back from the auto repair shop. One fuel injector doodad later, her wheels were running and her checkbook was lighter. Not her favorite kind of compromise, but stuff happened and Mike had to earn a living, too.

She started the engine and thought longingly of heading home. Only she’d just hired Cindy and she needed to check on her progress.

She drove down to the main road that circled the island, then turned left. As she sped north, she saw a familiar BMW coming in the other direction. Dylan.

She thought of how she looked—hot and sweaty and not in a sexy kind of way. Her workout clothes weren’t the least bit flattering, and she was pretty sure she smelled. But it turned out not to be an issue. Dylan simply gave her a wave and kept on going. The truth was clear. Whether or not he was single, he sure wasn’t interested in her.

Something she could live with, she told herself. It wasn’t that she desperately wanted to spend time with him. She supposed the deep-in-her-heart fantasy was that he would come crawling back, so she could dump him as heartlessly as he’d dumped her. Not mature, but at least somewhat honest.

She turned into the parking lot by Blackberry Preserves. Cindy’s was the only car there. Nina walked over the gravel and went into the store.

The first thing she noticed was the light. There was a lot more of it. Also, the air was fresher, without that heavy stuffiness that seemed to cover everything like mold. Prince’s “Kiss” blasted from an iPod plugged into portable speakers. Cindy was up on a ladder, a microfiber duster in one hand. As Nina watched, she expertly swirled the cloth around the crystals dangling from the chandelier.

Rather than call out and startle her new employee, Nina walked to the speakers and slowly turned down the music. Cindy glanced over and grinned.

“Yes, I love Prince. I admit it.” She scrambled down the ladder. “How’s it going?”

“Good. This is impressive,” Nina said as she looked around. “The store looks great.”

“I took down the drapes,” Cindy admitted. “They were blocking the light and more than a little dusty. There were some very suspicious holes in them. I folded them up into a box, in case you want to keep them, but I think they should be tossed.”

“Not a problem. Toss away.”

Cindy had pulled her dark hair back with a headband, and she wore jeans and a sweater rather than her stylish interview clothes. Still, she managed to look put together and elegant. Nina thought maybe years of wearing scrubs had squashed her fashion gene, assuming she’d ever had one in the first place. Her appearance had never much mattered to her. If she was clean, she was happy. Growing up, she’d never had time to pore over fashion magazines or worry about what was in style. Now she wondered if she’d missed her chance.

Cindy pointed to the chandelier overhead. “I’ve been doing research. From what I can tell, that bad boy is Italian and maybe three hundred years old. If I’m right, it’s worth about ten thousand dollars.”

Nina felt her mouth drop open. “I’m sorry, did you just say—”

Cindy grinned. “Yup. Ten thousand. I could be wrong, of course. I was thinking of making a list of what could be high-end pieces, then talking to you about having a professional come up from Seattle and appraise them.”

Nina stared up at the crystals and shook her head. “I doubt my mom paid more than twenty bucks for that. She’s not a big spender when it comes to inventory.”

“She has a good eye.”

“She got lucky. Let’s remember what else we have in here. It’s good Tanya didn’t know or she would have carted it away. Any other finds?”

“A couple of sets of Depression glass. One is in amethyst. It’s beautiful and rare. I’m still working up a price. I also found a wonderful collection of cameos. Some of them look really old. Like I said, I’ll have a list put together for you.”

Nina couldn’t believe there was a chance the store could actually be a moneymaker. Talk about an unexpected turn of events. Of course, it hadn’t happened yet.

“I’m going to need some more cleaning supplies,” Cindy told her. “And the vacuum broke. I think I killed it with dust.”

“Can you buy what you need and give me the receipts?” Nina asked. “I’ll write you a check the same day.”

“Sure. I’ll stop by the store tomorrow on my way in.” She smiled. “So, you’re not going to secretly go behind my back and reclean what I’ve already cleaned?”

“No.” Nina tilted her head. “Let me guess. Your mother-in-law does that.”

“Yes, but with her, there’s no attempt to hide what she’s doing. And she loves to bring a cleaning rag out to my husband and show him the speck of dust or dirt she found.” Cindy sighed. “She really loves her son, but she doesn’t make it easy. I tell myself she can’t help it.”

“I’m sorry about that.” Nina knew that in-laws could be difficult, but there was a line that shouldn’t be crossed.

“It’s fine.” Cindy shrugged. “I tell myself she secretly adores me. It may not be true, but it helps.”