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CHAPTER FOUR

WINNING IN WRITING: THE ALL-IMPORTANT COLLEGE ESSAY

Not every college requires an essay, but most of them want to see one. If you are applying at one of the colleges that do not require ACT or SAT scores, for example, the college essay is extremely important. Bottom line: The chances are pretty good you will have to write an essay. And, putting aside your fears for a moment, you will come to realize that this is a good thing.

For many admissions officers, your essay is the first chance they get to see the real you. They already know your grades, test scores and what classes you have taken for the last four years, but they don’t know YOU. Sure, they are looking at how well you remember those grammar and punctuation rules, as well as what kind of vocabulary you use, but they also want a glimpse of your personality, ambitions, talents, goals and dreams.

College essays have become such an important part of the admissions process that there are many books dedicated to showing you how to write them. Many also give sample essays to read from students who were accepted by colleges. One excellent book is Accepted! 50 Successful College Admission Essays by Gen Tanabe and Kelly Tanabe. Check out the many websites on the Net dedicated to the topic.

Be aware there are unscrupulous companies and people willing (for a price) to take the headache out of your hands and write the essay for you. Yes, you can buy your college essay. Is this ethical? What do you think? Not only is this wrong, but it also won’t help you get into college. Purchased essays are never able to convey the real you to a college. Don’t ask a friend or relative to write it for you either. The admissions officers are good at spotting styles that don’t fit with students. Also consider that if you turn in something that reads like Ernest Hemingway, but your GPA in English class has always been a B or less, a red flag will pop up immediately.

But the best reason for writing your own essay is that regardless of your skill, you can write a successful essay that will reflect your personality and your passion for life. It’s not as hard as you might imagine! Read on to learn how.

TYPICAL ESSAY QUESTIONS

• Describe your most significant personal experience. How has it influenced you?

• Identify and discuss a problem facing your generation.

• What have you read that has had a special significance to you? Explain why.

• Describe a person or experience of particular importance to you.

• Describe the reasons that influenced you in selecting your intended major field of study.

• If you could travel through time and interview a prominent figure in the arts, politics, religion or science, whom would you choose and why?

• Describe your experience in living in a racially, culturally or ethnically diverse environment; what do you expect to need to know to live successfully in the multi-cultural society of the future?

• Make up a question, state it clearly and answer it. Feel free to use your imagination, recognizing that those who read it will not mind being entertained.

• Indicate what you consider your best qualities to be and describe how your college education will be of assistance to you in sharing these qualities and your accomplishments with others.

• Evaluate a significant experience, achievement or risk that you have taken and its impact on you.

• Indicate a person, character in fiction, a historical figure or a creative work (as in art, music, etc.) that has had a significant influence on you and describe that influence.

• Why do you want to spend two to six years of your life at a particular college, graduate school or professional school? How is the degree necessary to the fulfillment of your goals?

• Use this space to let us know something about you that we might not learn from the rest of your application.

• How have you grown and developed over the four years of your high school career?

• What is the biggest risk you have ever taken? Explain why you took it and what you learned afterward.

• Discuss some issue of personal, local or national concern and why it is important to you.

• Write about your favorite book or film and tell why it has influenced you.

• Relate the most humorous experience in your life.

• You have just finished writing your 300-page autobiography. Please submit page 217.

The questions and/or topics you might be given to write about in college essays vary a great deal in subject area. Regardless of the question, the point is to say who you are. You will show that in how you respond, what anecdotes you use, what examples you include and so on.

Essay Mistakes to Avoid from the Get Go

Remember that you want your essay to stand out from the others in the pile on that admission officer’s desk. You want to make a favorable and memorable impression and you want the reader of the essay to feel as if he or she is getting to know you. To make sure that your essay sounds unique and individual, take care to avoid certain pitfalls; for example, don’t respond with the answers that everyone else does. If you are asked to write about a book you have read, don’t pick the one that all high school students were required to read. Pick something unusual or different, a book that tells the admissions personnel something about you for choosing it. It does not matter if the admissions officer has ever heard of it. What matters is how you explain why it was an important book to you.

If you are asked to write about an event in your life, go beyond just describing it. Show how it affected your life and how you are different because of it. The trick here is not writing what everyone else does. Along with Dr. Seuss essays, admissions officers weary of reading essays that focus on the “I’ve seen the light” philosophy. You lost the game, but achieved a goal. Your parents got divorced/took drugs and it taught you a lesson. You had this favorite teacher or coach. It’s one thing to write about something that you learned from the experience, but it’s over the top to write that you’ve found the purpose of life through these experiences. It’s easy to think that you have to be profound and philosophical when you write this essay, but the truth is that admissions officers see more than enough of this approach.

THIS IS YOUR CHANCE!

Quite often, the college application essay is the perfect opportunity to tackle the subject of your less-than-stellar-quality test scores or GPA. Many times you can tie the question you are asked to write about to the subject of your strengths and weaknesses. If you can directly address the issue in your essay, do so. Look back over the list of the most commonly asked questions. Can you see how you could relate your strengths to the topic? For example, “Use this space to let us know something about you that we might not learn from the rest of your application.” You could explain how you have been persistent, dedicated, strong, determined, creative or any other admirable trait through examples. You can show the admissions officers that while your numbers may not be the strongest they have seen, you are a bright, skilled and wonderful student that would be an excellent addition to any college. Think of the essay as your time to shine!

Other things to avoid

Don’t try to be cute by adding poetry or illustrations unless they directly relate to your topic or your specific talent, don’t use unusually fancy paper and never handwrite the essay. While it is okay to be emotional, do not whine, complain or be sarcastic. Avoid using current films, actors or television shows for your examples, and don’t try to sell yourself. Represent the special person you are, but don’t sound like an overzealous salesman working on commission. Don’t use anyone else’s idea even if it is interesting. It won’t sound like you and your support will sound hollow.

Be funny, be enthusiastic, be reflective—but make sure it is not something that you and 4,000 other students wrote about. Go beyond the expected and you will get noticed. The college essay is often the deciding factor in whether you are accepted or rejected. You want your words to push you over the top.

Putting Words on Paper

College essays are typically 250 to 500 words. That is about one to two pages of typing, double spaced. According to the Common Application (www.commonapp.org), that limit is a guideline because colleges do not actually count the words. They won’t mind if it is a little shorter or longer because quality is far more important than quantity. “College admissions officers are far more concerned that the essay is well written, proofread (not just spell-checked), well thought out, etc. Do not get caught up in the ‘micro’ (words, spacing, font size, color of ink),” states the website. “They are looking for the ‘macro’: does the student write well and what can they learn about this person from his/her essay?” Their website has more helpful information on what you will find on many college application forms.

Once you know the question, sit down and brainstorm possible answers. Just let your mind wander around the topic and write it all down without judgment or self-censorship. When you have run out of ideas, start going through what you have. What looks best? Throw out the things you could only write a paragraph about and keep the ideas that you can build into several pages of examples and facts that support a topic sentence. Look for the ones that make you feel emotional; that probably means they impacted your life in some way. Then choose one.

Now, write out an outline, just like you have done for other papers and reports you’ve done in school. What are the main points you want to cover? What details go under each point? For example, imagine that you have been asked to write about something you have read that was significant to you. Some points you might want to cover include these: Why you chose to read the book, how you felt while reading it, what new perspectives or points of view the author taught you, what questions the material raised in your mind, what you learned from the experience.

Once your outline is done, it is time to write your first draft (and yes, that means there will be second, third and more drafts before you’re done). Do not start your essay with any of the following opening sentences:

• My name is Kevin Jones and I …

• I was born in Los Angeles, California, and …

• My college admissions essay is going to be about …

• I am writing this because I really want to go to your college …

• This is the story of my life so far …

• I am such a great person that you will want to read my story …

• My parents, Jean and Jasper Carpenter, first moved …

These are boring lead-ins and you will most likely have lost the reader’s attention in the very first paragraph. Start with something interesting, eye-catching and unique. Grab the admissions officer’s attention by writing something that will make him or her put down that cup of coffee, sit up straight in the chair and want to read what comes next.

Your first draft should be written without worrying about grammar, spelling or punctuation. You want to get your best thoughts down first, without being slowed down by rules. In case you don’t remember the basic structure from endless English classes, you need the minimum of a five-paragraph essay. It should look pretty much like this:

INTRODUCTION thesis statement

BODY: Paragraph 2 support for thesis statement

BODY: Paragraph 3 support for thesis statement

BODY: Paragraph 4 support for thesis statement

CONCLUSION summary of main points

When you are done, show the first draft to your friends and family. Ask their opinions. Should you give more detail? Was everything clear? Did it represent your personality? Is this how they would have imagined you answering the question? Listen carefully to their feedback so you can use it in your revisions.

Now write a second draft, pulling in any extra details you remembered and keeping others’ comments in mind. This time, fix any spelling, grammar or punctuation errors. Share it with a favorite teacher or your guidance counselor. Get their comments. Go back to the desk. Go through it again, keeping the new feedback in mind. Run spell check (but do not depend on it) and print. You’re ready.

What If I’m Not a Writer?

It is entirely possible that you are a whiz at math or a mad scientist, and writing just isn’t your forte. If this is true, the college essay may be all that much more intimidating. So let’s give your essay some thought before you begin to put words on paper.

Here are some ways to take your brilliant ideas and eventually come up with an essay. Which one sounds best to you?

• Get a phone and record what you would like to have in your essay. Consider this your first draft. Listen to it and refine it and when it centers on what you want to say, either type it as you listen or ask someone else to transcribe it for you.

LET ME EXPLAIN …

Remember in Chapter 3 how I talked about “taking the credit; taking the blame”? Let’s return to this theme for a moment. An essay is one of your best opportunities to explain your grades. If you can do this clearly and honestly without resorting to whining and complaining, then you are doing yourself a huge favor.

Let’s take a look at three partial sample essays that explain, in three very different ways, why these students’ grades are less than stellar. Can you relate to what they say? How could you write your essay?

Example 1

Reaching and then maintaining high grades has always been a struggle for me. It wasn’t that I didn’t care about school, because I did. Basically, there were so many issues going on inside my house that I rarely had a moment to give to homework or studying. I have a younger brother named Kevin and he has cerebral palsy. He has to spend most of his time in a wheelchair and since both of my parents work, it is my job to take care of him as soon as I get home from school each afternoon. I don’t mind doing it, but it really makes it hard for me to sit down and study for more than a few minutes at a time. Sometimes it also meant that I was up later than I should have been and then I was tired for class the next day.

Has your family experienced something that has made it harder for you to study and maintain good grades? It might be an illness or sickness, moving, divorce, a parent in the military, etc. Think about it for awhile. Maybe to help your family you have had to work two jobs. Perhaps you have had to help out in the family business. What are some reasons that you simply could not study or do as well in school as you had hoped?

Example 2

The only person that I can blame my poor grades on is me. For the first two years of high school, I just did not put the effort and time into my classes that they deserved. I spent most of my time playing sports and spending time with my friends. In my junior year, however, that all changed. One of my best friends died in an automobile accident. It came as quite a shock to me. I guess, like a lot of other teenagers, I thought I was immortal and this accident proved me wrong. Moreover, it made me realize that time really is limited and if I wanted to go to college and pursue music, I had to start taking school a lot more seriously. Since that time, I have been working to make high school my first priority. It has not been easy and I am still struggling in a couple of my classes, but my GPA has steadily gone up.

Does this story sound familiar? Did something happen to you during your high school years that changed your perspective on things? Did you blow off school for a while and then something got your attention focused in a different direction? If you admit that once you didn’t do so great but you’re better now and why, it can be quite persuasive.

Example 3

My GPA is low for one reason and that is math. My teacher was very supportive and spent a great deal of extra time tutoring me but it never seemed to work. For whatever reason, math just continues to be incredibly difficult for me. As abysmal as I am at numbers, however, I excel with words. I love to read the writings of other authors as well as pen my own. I have kept journals since I was six years old and have written more than 100 short stories. I’ve won a number of local and regional contests and truly believe that my future will center on the publishing world. In the meantime, however, my math grades will keep pulling down my GPA and I will keep muddling my way through numbers while I am covering my notebooks with words.

Is there an area in which you stand out from the pack and another that is a constant struggle? Talk about it. Explain this challenge and what you have done to address it and even compensate for it. It is okay to honestly state that you are not as strong in one subject as you are in another. Show how you use that experience to fuel your productivity in areas where you do excel.

• Sit down and talk to your parents or a special friend about your response to the essay question or topic. As you speak, have that person make a list or an outline of what points you mention. Once you have a basic roadmap, it can be easier to start writing the essay.

• Find some friends who are writers and ask for their tips, ideas and suggestions. Have one of them tutor you through the process as you write the essay.

• Get some books from the library that have sample essays and see if you can use them as inspiration.

• Ask your English teacher for some guidance in putting your ideas on paper.

• Check to see if the college you are applying to allows for some flexibility in the format of your essay. If so, you might be able to write it as a lab report or some other format that feels more comfortable to you. You might also see if a college will accept a verbal essay rather than a written one.

• Write the essay as best you can and then let someone who writes very well go over it for suggestions, corrections and revisions.

Out of Your Hands

It is done, gone and out of your hands. What happens to your essay now? That depends on the college. At least one person will read your essay. At smaller, more intimate colleges, it will probably be read by more than one person. Quite often the first person to see it is an admissions officer, commonly an alumnus of the college or someone with a strong background in education. If there are multiple readings, your essay passes next to another admissions officer or perhaps a director. At some colleges, it will even be presented to an entire admissions committee.

The college essay is important, so give it the time, attention and effort it deserves. In turn, the colleges will give your essay the time, attention and effort it deserves.

Winning in Admission—With Someone Else’s Words

There is another important element of the admissions process that we don’t want to overlook—personal reference letters. This time you don’t have to sell yourself with your words; other people will do the job for you.

Whom should you ask to write a letter of reference? Common sense says to make it someone who likes you, right? Just don’t make it your grandmother, best friend or boyfriend. Sure, they like you—even love you—but you need a letter that will show how a person has evaluated you as a potential student, not something about how you are the best granddaughter, friend or girlfriend in the world. Here are some potential people to ask:

• co-workers, employers or supervisors

• teachers

• coaches

• other school faculty

• your pastor

• karate instructor or sponsor of other activities outside of school

• if you have done volunteer work, ask the organization’s leader

It may be tricky to ask someone at school for a letter of recommendation if you haven’t done well in his/her class but don’t rule it out. Explain to your teacher or counselor what you are trying to accomplish and you may find you have more of an ally than you had originally thought. If you have a reason for not performing to your full potential, let your teacher know. Explaining your circumstances can help your teacher write a more supportive letter that gives a fuller picture of who you are.

How do you go about asking for a letter of reference? Ask in person rather than by email or telephone. This way you can show how much it would mean to you to have this individual’s personal recommendation.

Be sure to give the person plenty of time to write a quality letter. Don’t walk up to your boss at the end of the shift and say, “Before I go home tonight, could you write a reference letter for me?” Ask weeks ahead if possible. If there are word limits or other restrictions on the letter’s format, be sure to tell the person before he or she begins writing.

Some people may not know how to write a personal reference letter, so be ready to tell them what it should include. Provide a resume or summary of some of your achievements to help the different individuals that you ask to write letters, and include a stamped, addressed envelope to the school. The typical letter should be about one to two pages in length and should include these elements:

• The identity of the writer

• The writer’s relationship to you (teacher/student; employer/employee, etc.)

• Why the writer has chosen to recommend you as a potential candidate for college

• Examples and illustrations of the strong points that he or she has observed in you

• An overall evaluation of you as a student, community volunteer, all-around person

• A conclusion

Afterwards, always, always, always show your appreciation and gratitude for each person’s help. A thank you note is really good manners, but a direct and sincere thank you face to face is great too.