Читать книгу Twenty-Four Shadows - Tanya J. Peterson - Страница 9

Chapter 2

“How do you do it, Reese?” Reese and Gretchen sat on Reese’s sunny patio enjoying the lazy Sunday afternoon while Isaac and Max, only half-heartedly cleaning up the mess in the wake of yesterday’s party, played T-ball with Dominic.

Reese turned her attention away from the grinning, drooling baby on her lap to look at Gretchen. “Do what?”

Gretchen nodded toward Elise and frowned. “Do that. You look so natural with her. And you get her to smile like that so easily. That baby loves you. She loves you more than she loves me, her own mother.”

Elise laughed. “Gretchen, that’s not true and you know it. Elise is just used to me. We’ve spent a lot of time together. Just like Dominic adores you and Max. We’re all practically one family. You’re Elise’s mom, and she loves you.” Reese studied Gretchen’s pinched features before turning to the baby. She blew on Elise’s belly and, in an exaggerated, adult-turned-baby voice, she babbled, “Who loves Mommy? Elise loves Mommy! Giggle if you love Mommy!” When Elise emitted a squeal, Reese looked triumphantly at Gretchen and stated firmly, “There. See? I told you.”

Gretchen rolled her eyes. “Reese. Please. She’s too young to understand English. She has no idea what the hell you just said and is simply playing with you. Watch this.” Gretchen leaned over and scooped up her baby. She held her out in front of her, her elbows locked, arms, shoulders, neck, and back stiff and ramrod straight. Mother and baby studied each other. Baby reached out and grabbed a fist full of her mother’s long hair, chubby fingers wound around dark pieces and blonde highlights alike. Gretchen was the first one to make a noise, her yelp followed closely by Elise’s wail. With one well-manicured hand, Gretchen attempted to extract Elise’s fingers from her hair. When she was unsuccessful, Reese stepped in and assisted. Because Gretchen concerned herself with smoothing her hair, Reese soothed Elise. Elise’s good mood returned before Gretchen’s.

“Ugh. See? That’s what I mean. She adores you, and I don’t blame her. She hates me. I swear she grabs my hair like that on purpose.”

Reese couldn’t help but laugh. “Come on. You really think she has the motivation to bug you and make you mad? This is unintentional. Just wait until she’s a teenager.” Reese grinned. “And if you don’t like her grabbing your hair, wear it back. Why do you think my hair doesn’t fall much past my jawline? It’s easier.”

The left corner of Gretchen’s upper lip lifted slightly in a show of mild disgust. “That’s you. Personally, I am not changing who I am because of a child. I like my hair the way it is, thank you. And as for her being a teenager, that’s a moot point. I’m not going to be here to deal with it and by then she’s not even going to remember who I am. She’ll be someone else’s problem.”

Reese felt her blood go cold. “Gretchen,” she rasped. She cleared her throat. “Gretchen,” she repeated more strongly, “what do you mean?”

Gretchen sighed audibly and crossed her arms across her chest. She held Reese’s gaze as she talked. “Look. Reese. You know I’ve been unhappy for a long time. We’ve talked about it. Just a few days ago you observed that I was anxious and agitated and you were concerned about me.”

“Yes. I was. You were. But you seemed so much better yesterday. I thought…What are you saying?”

Gretchen didn’t waver. She sat straight and still with her hands folded peacefully on her lap. She continued to look her friend in the eye. “Reese. I can’t do this anymore.”

“Do what?” Reese could hear the tension in her own voice. She wanted to stay calm and have a rational conversation with her dear friend, but she didn’t like the way this conversation was going.

“All of this.” Gretchen took a deep breath, exhaling slowly, and gestured. With a sweep of her arm, she indicated Elise, the swing set and sandbox in the backyard, Max and Isaac, and Dominic. “I’ve tried, Reese, I really have. Especially after Elise was born. I wanted to give her a happy family like you and Isaac do for Dominic. But my staying around and being miserable isn’t going to give her a happy home. Quite the opposite, actually. You saw how she and I reacted to each other just now. And it’s only going to get worse. I just don’t feel loving or closeness to her or to Max or to this life. The only thing I can do to make them happy is leave so I can be happy, too. I’m not trying to be selfish.”

Reese couldn’t believe what her friend was saying. She just shook her head. She wanted to say something, so she began, “Gretchen, no—”

“Reese, yes,” Gretchen interrupted. “I’ve made up my mind, so please don’t try to change it. I actually have a job lined up. That’s why I was so agitated the other day. When I said weeks ago that I was on a business trip, I was really interviewing. The offer came in a few days ago, and it forced me to make a decision: stay or go. I chose to accept, and it was the right choice. I felt peaceful and calm after I accepted. The job is my dream job in my dream place.” Reese felt her eyes widen. “At Howard K. Banks, one of the top architecture firms on the East Coast. I’ll be in their Boston office.”

“Boston? Have you lost your mind?”

“No. I have finally found my mind and listened to my heart.” She smiled now, and her eyes, sparkling and gazing over Reese’s shoulder, were eyes that could clearly see a yearned-for dream manifesting itself. “Reese, you know I’ve always wanted to live on the East Coast. Everyone always talked me out of it. Then I met Max. I thought I could be happy staying here in Oregon with him, but I was so wrong. You also know that I didn’t want Elise. But accidents happen and here she is. She deserves a good life, but I’m not the one to give it to her.”

“Gretchen!” Reese’s voice reflected her sorrow and anger. “You are abandoning your family! Have you talked to Max? Have you asked him to go with you? He’s crazy about you, and I’m pretty damn sure he would move to the moon with you if that’s what you wanted to do.”

Gretchen turned her head away, but only briefly. “No. I haven’t told Max. He doesn’t know yet, so please don’t say anything. I know he would go, but the truth is…” she trailed off and sighed. She glanced at her husband, seemed to study him, then turned back to Reese, who was studying her the way she had just studied Max. “The truth is that I don’t want him to come with me. I don’t love him, and I’m not even sure that I like him anymore. Everything he does bugs the shit out of me.” She and Reese looked at each other in silence. “Don’t look at me like that, Reese. Max and I aren’t like you and Isaac.”

Reese had progressed from shocked to sorrowful to irritated to angry. Currently in the angry phase, she didn’t even try to keep her tone neutral. “Whoa. Hold on a second. First, what do you think that Isaac and I have that you and Max don’t? Haven’t you listened to me at all over the years? Marriage is hard, Gretchen. We don’t have it perfect. Sometimes—”

“Wait. I didn’t say you had it perfect. But you can make it work and you join together to raise Dominic. I don’t want to join Max or team up with him or talk to him or even look at him. You don’t feel that way about Isaac, do you? You love him.” It almost sounded like an accusation.

Reese shifted in her chair and absentmindedly bounced Elise on her lap. “Yes, I love Isaac. Deeply, actually. But that doesn’t mean it’s easy or perfect or that I love everything about him. Just like you’ve vented to me, I’ve vented to you about Isaac. A lot. You know that he frustrates me sometimes. He can have a temper. He’s moody. Sometimes drastically, like I’m not even sure if I’m dealing with the Isaac I married. But he always snaps out of it, sometimes more quickly than others, but he always comes around. And yeah, sometimes his behavior is a bit bizarre and confusing, and when I call him on it he always pretends that he doesn’t know what I’m talking about.” Reese shook her head. “The man’s memory sucks, actually, but we all have our own faults. We’re human. And he and I fight because of our faults. But more often than not, we don’t fight. There are so many wonderful things about Isaac, and I love him despite the flaws and the annoyances and the frustrating things that make me want to wring his neck.” Reese smiled wistfully and looked at Gretchen, silently imploring her to understand.

Gretchen nodded slowly. “Thank you, Reese. Thank you,” she said quietly but emphatically. “I know that this isn’t at all what you intended, but you just proved my point. I don’t feel the way about Max the way you feel about Isaac. I know I’m probably a bitch, but all I see are his flaws. There is nothing endearing about him anymore. We fight more often than we don’t, and it doesn’t even bother me. If I loved him, it would bother me, and I would feel something. But I just don’t love him, Reese, and I never will. He and Elise will be better off without me. We all deserve to be happy, myself included.” She uncrossed her legs and crossed them the other way.

“Oh, Gretchen—”

“I’m not asking you to approve or to feel anything, Reese. I’m telling you as my best friend. Nothing more or nothing less. I’m telling Max later today, so please don’t say anything.”

Reese opened her mouth to respond, but was interrupted by a howl. Maternal instinct kicked in, and before she even turned to look to see what had happened, she stood and walked briskly into the yard. Isaac was just scooping up a bleeding and wailing Dominic when she reached them. Dominic reached for her and lurched out of Isaac’s arms toward his mother. Either Dominic or Elise would have fallen to the ground if Max hadn’t acted swiftly and grabbed his baby.

“Nice move, Max,” Reese smiled at him briefly, then turned to console Dominic. She stroked his hair and kissed his forehead, taking in as she did so the little face that looked like a canvas of finger paint with its smear of tears and blood and dirt. “Come on, sweetie. Daddy and I are going to take you inside and get you all fixed up, okay?” As the trio made their way into the house, Reese snapped, “What happened, Isaac? You were supposed to be playing with him. What good does it do to have you out there with him if you aren’t going to watch what he’s doing? Or did you play too rough and hurt him?”

“Hey! Reese, it just happened.” Isaac began to talk in a rush, words a whorl of indignation and distress. “Dominic wanted to slide into home, but he tripped and rammed the bag with his face. God. I wouldn’t hurt my son. That’s disgusting. I wouldn’t harm him, Reese. He’s our little boy, and I love him. He’s only five. Why would I hurt him? Ask Max.”

“Slow down. Take some breaths and just settle down. I’m sorry, Isaac. I didn’t mean it.” Reese placed Dominic on the bathroom counter and began to gently wash his face. Isaac grabbed a second washcloth and held it over Dominic’s nose to stop the bleeding.

“I didn’t hurt him, Reese.”

Reese placed a hand on Isaac’s back and looked at him. “I know you didn’t. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to snap, and it had nothing to do with you.” She was dying to tell him just what had caused her to snap, but she couldn’t do so with Dominic sitting here. The story would have to wait.

“Yeah, Mommy. Daddy didn’t do it. I tripped. I think I was running too fast. I’m very fast, you know. Faster than everyone. I beat you and Daddy all the time.” The washcloths through which Dominic muttered filtered the arrogance out of his voice and rendered it endearing. Reese laughed.

“You are very fast. Too fast for your own good sometimes, I think.” Reese dried his face. “There. How does that feel, sweetheart?”

“Let’s see if that nose has stopped bleeding.” Isaac lowered his arm. A bright red stain decorated the washcloth, but blood no longer gushed from Dominic’s little nose. Isaac put his arm around him and kissed the top of his head. “I think you’re good to go, little man.”

“Wanna wiggle my loose tooth?” Dominic looked hopefully at both of his parents.

Reese ruffled his hair. “Sweetie, we just checked this morning. No loose ones yet, but they’ll come, I promise.”

Dominic stuck his finger in his mouth and wiggled one of the top front teeth. “Ith looth. Thee?”

“Let me take a look.” Isaac placed a finger on the tooth in question and moved it slowly back and forth. He glanced at Reese and raised his eyebrows. “Guess what, Tiger? Congratulations! You have a loose tooth. I think you have the ground to thank for that.”

“Yes! I told you so! I’m gonna go show Max and Gretchen.” With that, he jumped down from the counter and bolted out the door on his way to the backyard.

Reese grinned, but her expression turned solemn instantly when Dominic’s words hit her. “Isaac, oh my God. You’re not going to believe this. Gretchen—”

“Daddy!” Dominic charged back into the room. “Come play baseball again with me and Max.” Dominic grabbed Isaac’s arm and pulled.

“Hang on, Tiger. I’ll be right out. I’m just talking with Mommy for a sec.” Isaac gently pulled his arm free of Dominic’s grasp.

The abrupt interruption made Reese realize that trying to talk to Isaac about Gretchen and Max right now was a bad idea. She shook her head and smiled. “No, that’s okay. Go play ball, boys. We’ll talk later.” She looked solemnly at Isaac, who nodded his understanding and went on his merry way with Dominic.

Reese tried unsuccessfully all afternoon to isolate Isaac so she could discuss this with him. Not that he could do anything about it—she doubted that anyone could do anything about it—but this was huge and devastating and she needed to process it with somebody. More often than not, Isaac was a fantastic listener. He seemed to know just when to contribute to conversations and when to be silent so she could get things off her chest. Right now, though, she could not get Isaac off by himself. So she sat tensely beside Gretchen, her anxiety and stress over this situation increasing by the second.

“Reese, will you just relax? Please?” Gretchen broke into another of Reese’s reveries.

Reese uncrossed her arms and let them drop to the arms of her chair, and she willed her leg to stop bouncing. It was too much of an effort to maintain a relaxed, still position, though, so she promptly refolded her arms across her chest and let her leg resume its rhythmic bobbing. “Relax? Really, Gretchen? Just how am I supposed to do that? You dropped a huge bomb on me, and you’ll soon be dropping another one on your family. I’m hurt that my best friend is doing this, and if I’m this hurt, I can about imagine what Max is going to feel.”

Gretchen sighed impatiently. “Look. I’m sorry that you’re hurt, Reese, and I’m sorry that Max will be hurt. I’m not trying to hurt anyone.”

“But you just don’t care that people are hurt,” Reese said sharply.

“Truthfully, no, not really. You’ll all get over it and move on. I told you. This is what I need to do, and by pursuing my happiness, I’m making room for everyone else to find theirs.”

“Whatever, Gretchen. You keep telling yourself bullshit.”

For the duration of the evening, Reese made meaningless small talk with Gretchen. She only looked at her because she needed to so Max wouldn’t catch on that an earthquake was about to rattle his world. As typical for a weekend evening, they ordered pizza. She watched Isaac light the torches that surrounded the patio. He loved those things. Normally, she did, too. Their dancing flames cast muted, flickering light across the whole area, making people and objects appear to glow warmly from within and without. Tonight, though, she thought that they looked like the flames of hell, and she wanted to go around behind Isaac and snuff them out. Only because she wasn’t in the mood to explain herself did she leave the torches lit.

The pizza came. The boxes were opened. Isaac seemed to take great delight in loading up everyone’s plate by pulling individual pieces out of the box and letting the cheese stretch into long strings before finally separating them from the whole pizza. He laughed. “Look at that! Absolute perfection. Come on, pizza, get in my belly!” Max appreciated the Austin Powers reference. Reese did not, as she didn’t find a single thing funny at the moment. She had little appetite, but she noticed that Gretchen seemed fine. How could she sit here, casually eating and pretending like nothing was about to happen? Reese felt ill as she tucked Dominic into bed and checked on Elise, who was dozing in her playpen in the kitchen. Filled with dread and melancholy, she rejoined the others on the patio. She was barely settled in when Gretchen threw her brick.

Never one to mince words, Gretchen got right to the point. “Max, I’m leaving.”

Max shoved the end of his piece of pizza into his mouth and, without first chewing and swallowing, said, “Where’re you going? Another business trip?”

Reese wanted to scream at Gretchen to knock it off and come to her senses. Instead she remained silent and caught Isaac’s gaze. She tried to bore meaning into him. He looked at her quizzically, and she figured that he probably missed the point. She turned her attention back to Gretchen and Max.

Gretchen made a noise of disgust and wrinkled her nose. “God, Max. Don’t talk with your mouth full. It’s repugnant. And it’s more than a business trip. I mean that I’m leaving you and Elise. For good.”

Max choked on the mouthful of food he had been in the process of swallowing. He tried to gulp down water but in a fit of coughing ended up spitting it all over the table in front of him. He continued to cough. Isaac whacked him on the back. Max continued to cough and sputter for a moment, but he managed to take a few drinks of water from the glass that Reese handed him. When he stopped gasping for air and regained the ability to talk, he looked across the table at his wife, who hadn’t made a move to help him. “What? You’re leaving us? Why?”

Reese couldn’t decide if she wanted to punch Gretchen or simply cry as she listened to her coldly relate a summary of what she had told Reese earlier. When she looked over at Max and saw his distraught expression, she wanted to do both. As Max tried to express his lack of understanding, Reese looked frantically at her husband. She wanted to connect with him, to share this shock even if it was just across the table. Isaac, though, was looking from Gretchen to Max and back again. He squeezed his eyes shut and held them closed for a few seconds. When he opened them, his entire expression was cold and hard, his jaw clenched so tightly she could see knots of muscle formed in the upheaval of teeth bearing down on teeth. His eyebrows seemed to simultaneously pinch together and shove each other back so that the result was that he appeared to have suddenly devolved into a Neanderthal. His eyes were narrowed, beady, dark. All he needed to complete the look was a club. Thank God he didn’t have one. Almost imperceptibly, he adjusted himself, and his posture was stiffer, straighter. If Reese didn’t know it was impossible, she would have sworn that his shoulders looked broader. He ripped his glasses off his face and threw them onto the table. Chills came over her as she watched her husband seethe. She attempted once again to make eye contact with him, if for no other reason than to help pull him out of this, this, whatever it was. Isaac, though, was still glancing back and forth between Max and Gretchen, glaring more deeply with each look at Gretchen. Unsuccessful in her attempt to catch Isaac’s attention, she tuned back into the exchange between their best friends.

“…but what’s so bad about us, Gretchen? Certainly whatever it is can be fixed. And how could you walk away from a beautiful, innocent, sweet baby girl?” Max’s voice was tight with emotion. Reese could tell he was trying hard not to cry, and her heart went out to him.

Gretchen sighed with obvious boredom and crossed her arms over her chest. “Look. Max. You’re embarrassing yourself. Have the balls to accept this and move on. Elise was a mistake, one that I can’t continue to live with day in and day out, especially not with a man I don’t love. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ll be getting on my way. My car is packed with the only things I want, and I’m getting a head start tonight. Have a nice life, Max. Good luck to you and Elise.”

When she scraped her chair backward across the patio stone, the crickets stopped their chirping. Reese hadn’t even noticed them until they stopped. Everything was hushed as Gretchen turned to go. Like the two men at the table, Reese sat perfectly still. The crickets resumed their melodic rhythm. Gretchen took a few steps across the patio, her feet barely making a sound. Reese jumped what felt like several feet into the air when Isaac shattered the silence.

His chair crashed to the ground with a loud thud as he sprang to his feet. The glass he threw exploded beside Gretchen, peppering her leg with shrapnel and soda. The fragments of glass hadn’t completely come to rest on the ground when Isaac roared, in a pitch lower than his usual, “You bitch!”

Gretchen spun around. “How dare you!”

“How dare me? How dare you. Who the hell do you think you are?”

Reese watched in disbelief as her husband and former best friend strode angrily toward each other and stood nose to nose screaming at each other. She looked at Max. He sat with his head in his hands, seemingly oblivious to the intensifying fight yards away from him. She turned back to Isaac and Gretchen, too stunned to intervene.

“Look, you son of a bitch, don’t tell me what I can and can’t do.”

“Despite what anyone thinks to the contrary, this is my house and my wife and my best friend and I’m here to protect them from whores like you.” He poked her hard in the chest.

Gretchen slapped him across the face. “Don’t you dare call me a whore. And what the hell are you talking about, Isaac? No one thinks anything to the contrary. You can have your everything, especially your best friend because I am leaving.” She turned to go. Isaac grabbed her by the wrist. She glared at him. “Let. Go. Now.”

Isaac tightened his grip. “Look, whore, Max is the luckiest man alive. His bitch is finally out of his hair.” He cried out and doubled over when Gretchen kneed him in the groin. He did not, however, let go of her wrist, and as he bent forward, he twisted it. She yelped and attempted to pull free.

That was enough to break Reese’s stupefied trance. She lurched forward and tried to break apart these two people who had clearly lost their minds. She was unable to do so, though. She found herself gently nudged aside. Max wasn’t so gentle when he wedged himself between Isaac and Gretchen. “Both of you, knock it the hell off,” he bellowed. He grabbed Isaac’s arm and yanked it off of Gretchen’s wrist. “Don’t you ever call her a bitch or a whore again. Do you hear me, Isaac?” He shoved Isaac backwards as he let go of his wrist. Isaac stumbled but recovered his balance.

“What the hell, Max! She’s leaving you. She’s abandoning her daughter. I’m trying to defend you, and you defend her?” He threw his hands into the air and stomped several feet away. He immediately stomped back and marched up to Reese. “Can you believe him? I’m trying to help. That bitch cut him down and I’m showing her just what she deserves. Why doesn’t he get it?”

Reese shook her head. Max and Gretchen were arguing; Isaac, in one of his angry fits, by far the worst one she’d ever seen, was shouting in her face and frankly scaring her with this never-before-seen display of violence; and she was ready to scream in frustration. That, though, is exactly what none of them needed at the moment. She took a deep breath. “Isaac. I know you’re trying to help. This isn’t good for anyone, though, including you. Go cool off.” When he just glared at her with those cold, beady eyes and, jaw set, said nothing, she added, “Please.” She stepped in and hugged him. It was what hugging a cadaver must be like. She shuddered. That this was the second time in a short interval that her husband made her shudder didn’t escape her. She pulled back and gently pushed him toward the house. “Go settle down and then come back when you’re ready.” He glared at her for a few more seconds, then without a word, whirled around and stomped toward the house. Reese exhaled audibly, closed her eyes as she rubbed her temples, took a deep breath, and turned her attention to Max and Gretchen.

Max stood with his hands at his sides. Gretchen stared at him, then looked at Reese. Calmly, as if none of this ruckus had just occurred, she said, “Good-bye. Max, you’ll be fine. Reese, you’ve been a wonderful friend.” She turned, and poised and confident, strode out of their lives.

Reese looked at Max. The summer evening seemed to have cooled uncomfortably. The flickering torches continued to cast their light, but the warmth had even left the flames. The orange glow looked like it stopped at Max rather than washing over him, and it accentuated his aloneness. She had absolutely no idea what she could possibly say, should possibly do. Max looked down. He didn’t move, barely breathed. Reese heard him sniff. “Max,” she whispered. When he still didn’t move, she stepped toward him and held him. After a pause, he returned her embrace. “Max,” she whispered again, “I’m so, so, sorry.” When he eventually stepped away, he just looked at her and shook his head. Reese took his hand and led him to the table.

“I…I don’t know what to say, Reese. I think I’m too numb to formulate coherent thoughts right now.” He covered his face with his hands.

Reese rubbed his back. “We’re here for you. Always. Our friendship is strong, and Isaac and I love you. We’re going to get through this, okay?” Max nodded, then shrugged, then nodded again. “I mean it, Max. I know that Isaac’s with me on this, too. Clearly he’s on your side. I have no idea what came over him tonight, but at least he was trying to be supportive. In a really twisted way though, I must admit.”

Max gave her a small smile. “Yeah. That was interesting. I wonder where the hell that came from.”

“I have no idea. I don’t really want to find out where it came from, and I don’t want to see that side of him ever again. Next time he’s in one of his pissy spells, I’ll just count my blessings that he’s not subjecting everyone to a fit of rage.” She paused as she thought. “I’m not justifying his behavior, because what he did was wrong, but he was looking out for you, Max. And we’re both going to keep looking out for you. We’re here.”

“Thanks.” He nodded. He continued to nod, but he didn’t say anything further.

When Max, still nodding, wiped his eyes, Reese took his hand in hers again. “Why don’t you stay here tonight? Elise is already asleep. Just let her be, and crash on our couch. I can make it comfortable. That way you don’t have to go home tonight, and you don’t have to be alone.”

Max shook his head. “Thank you. But Elise needs her crib. A playpen isn’t comfortable for sleeping all night, and when she wakes up she needs to have her little mobile and her little stuffed animals so she won’t know right away that her mother is gone.” His sigh was deep and ragged. “I feel so awful for Elise. She’s sweet and innocent, and her mother just up and abandoned her. Girls need their mothers. She just lost hers.” He hung his head.

“Max, you are a good person and a wonderful father, and Gretchen is a fool.”

Max stood up. Together, he and Reese walked into the house. Reese thought her heart would break as she watched Max scoop up his baby and cuddle her. She touched his arm. “We’ll check on you in the morning, okay?”

Max nodded. “Okay. Tell Isaac goodnight. I need to go home right now; otherwise, I’d stick around to see him.”

“Don’t worry about that. He’s off somewhere cooling down. He’ll understand because he’s your friend.”

Once again, Max nodded. After whispering a barely audible thank-you, he shuffled out the door toward his empty house. Reese watched him go, blurred through her tears, then wiped her eyes and set out to find Isaac. She checked every room of the house to no avail. Puzzled, she tried the garage. The instant she opened the door and stepped in, her nose was assaulted by the strong smell of cigarette smoke. “What on earth?” she muttered to herself. Louder, she called, “Isaac?” but was met with silence.

Her heart began to beat hard in her chest. Isaac hadn’t answered her call. Isaac didn’t smoke. Who the hell was in her garage, and where was Isaac? Had he been knocked out by this intruder? Her adrenaline surged, preparing her to defend herself, her family, and her home. The light was on, and she could see the cigarette smoke emanating from the back of the garage. It looked like the intruder must be sitting on the floor smoking. Her heart continued to pound, banging loudly in her ears. She slunk along the wall, grabbed Dominic’s baseball bat, and crept slowly toward the smoker. Her eyes trained on the cigarette smoke, she looked down only occasionally and then only briefly to step quietly over such obstacles as a bike pump and rollerblades. When she reached the end of her segment of the wall, she leaned her head back, raised the bat, took a deep breath, and pivoted quickly around the corner.

“Who the hell are you and what are you doing in my garage? Get out!” Reese screamed as menacingly as she could muster. She started to swing the bat toward the intruder on the ground, but gasped and abruptly moved it to the side so it hit a bin of Dominic’s toys rather than the man on the floor.

“Isaac! What…Why…Uh, could you explain yourself please?”

Isaac smiled. Or was that a sneer? Reese was fairly certain that he was sneering. He stopped sneering as he inhaled deeply, drawing smoke into his lungs and holding it for several seconds before blowing it out in Reese’s direction.

“Isaac!” she repeated, furious. “Since when do you smoke?”

“Since when are you such a nag?”

“What?!”

When he just shrugged and took another puff, Reese fumed. “Isaac Bittman, I have no idea what has gotten into you. Seriously. You scared the hell out of me outside with your yelling and physical violence. Just a moment ago, you didn’t answer me when I called you, making me think that we had an intruder who had already hurt you, you’re smoking, and you’re being an asshole. I don’t want to deal with this right now. I need to focus on Max and Elise.” She watched Isaac direct another long stream of smoke at her. “Do you have anything intelligent to say, or are you just going to sit there blowing smoke at me?”

After exhaling yet another breath of smoke, Isaac said in the same low pitch he had been using since he became angry at Gretchen, “One, don’t be such a goddamn wuss. I wasn’t hurting you outside, and why the hell would there be an intruder smoking in the garage? Two, you didn’t call my name, so why should I answer? Three, yeah, I’m smoking. So what? And four, I’m not being an asshole. You’re just too sensitive.” As he talked, he lit another cigarette off the one he had finished, and he inhaled deeply after his last word.

“To hell with you, Isaac. I’m going to bed. But I guarantee you, this isn’t over.” With that, she spun on her heels and stomped to the door. She dropped the bat, its clank reverberating off the concrete, turned off the lights, and slammed the door behind her as she stormed inside.

After checking on Dominic, Reese prepared for bed, crawled in, buried herself deep among the covers, and sobbed. This had probably been the worst day of her entire life, and she couldn’t contain her emotions any longer. Lost in her tears and her devastation, she didn’t hear Isaac enter the room. It wasn’t until he slid into bed and cuddled up beside her that she registered his presence. Startled and appalled, she yanked herself away and rolled over.

“Whoa, sweetheart, what was that for?”

Reese noticed that his voice was back to normal, but she would not allow herself to be fooled. She had had enough of his games and horrible behavior. “Don’t play dumb with me, you jerk. Get out of this bed. Go sleep on the couch or, better yet, back in the garage with your precious cigarettes. Leave me alone.”

Isaac gasped. “With my cigarettes? But I don’t smoke. You know I don’t smoke, Reese. What do you mean? And why did you call me a jerk? I don’t know what you’re talking about.” His voice had risen in pitch as he expressed apparent confusion and alarm.

Reese sighed. She didn’t roll over. “Really, Isaac? You expect me to buy that load of bull?” Her voice wavered. She swallowed hard. As much as Isaac’s behavior, and his confused reaction now, hurt her, she would not cry in front of him and give him any sort of advantage over her. She flinched when he touched her shoulder. She pushed his hand away.

“Reese,” it was barely a whisper. “I’m confused. I don’t know what you’re talking about. I don’t. I don’t know. I’m so sorry if I was a jerk. Please tell me what I did so I can make it right. And I don’t smoke. I never have. Why would you think I did?”

“Because you were sitting in the garage smoking, Isaac,” Reese snapped. “You kept blowing smoke at me, you called me a nag, you told me I was too sensitive, you sneered at me, and all this was after you attacked Gretchen in the yard, screamed at her, and grabbed her wrist, wouldn’t let go, and twisted it.”

Reese expected a comeback, but instead, Isaac was completely silent. She could hear his breathing and feel his presence beside her, so she knew he was still there. Why wasn’t he saying anything? They needed to hash this out, so with a huff she rolled over to face him. He was just lying there, and when she rolled over, he looked into her eyes. After a few moments, he slowly shook his head. Again in a whisper, he said, “I don’t know what you’re talking about. I don’t remember any of that, Reese, and I would never act like that.” Her heart usually went out to him when he was baffled like this and seemed so lost. Part of her now wanted to hold him and reassure him, but she couldn’t. Not just yet. Not after everything he had done. Did he really not remember, or was this some lame attempt to get himself off the hook? How could he not remember? Although this certainly wasn’t the first time he claimed not to remember having done or said things, it was the most extreme.

“Smell your hands, Isaac.”

“What?”

“Smell your hands. You were smoking, so they smell like cigarettes.”

Slowly, he did as she requested. His eyes widened in apparent terror, and he quickly lowered his hands. He shook his head. “No. No. Why do they smell like cigarettes, Reese? Why?” His voice was rising in pitch again, and his breathing was becoming more rapid. “I don’t remember, honey. I don’t remember any of what you said, and as I rack my brain, I don’t know what I’ve been doing. I guess the last thing I remember is being on the patio. How much time has passed? I don’t even know when or how I got in bed, and it scares me. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I’m sorry I do these things, I’m sorry I was a jerk, and I feel really bad for Max. He didn’t deserve to have Gretchen leave. He’s a good person. But I’m not. I’m a horrible person, but I don’t mean to be. I don’t deserve you. Max didn’t deserve this to happen to him. Oh, Reese…” He stopped.

As confused and hurt as Reese had been, she was too tired and hurting for Max to continue to fight with Isaac. She took him in her arms, and the moment she did, Isaac pressed against her. Reese let herself succumb to the moment, and she cried while Isaac rubbed her back and stroked her hair. Briefly, she wondered how Isaac could possibly transform from nice guy to asshole and back to nice guy, and not only do it but claim to not remember doing it. But she was tired and overwhelmed, and it felt good to be in her husband’s arms. She let the thought drift away and gave in to the moment.

As her tears subsided, Reese ran her hands down Isaac’s arms. He cried out in pain.

“Isaac! What’s the matter?”

He winced. “My arms hurt. I don’t know why. They’ve been hurting since I got in bed, but I didn’t want to say anything. I’m sorry for yelping just now. I didn’t mean to.”

“Lemme see.” She began to scoot up his sleeves, but she stopped when he winced again and inhaled sharply. “Okay. Can you slip your arms out of your shirt?” As he slowly complied, she saw his forearms and what was causing him pain. “Oh my God, Isaac! What did you do to yourself?”

Together, they studied his arms. Neither spoke until Reese asked, “You really don’t remember anything, honey? I saw you smoke. You have cigarette burns from wrist to elbow on each arm. You don’t remember burning yourself like this?”

Isaac shook his head. When Reese looked into his eyes, she saw pain and confusion and fright. She ran her hand along his face, felt the ever present stubble that drove her wild. She leaned forward and kissed him gently. When she pulled back, she kept her hands on his face. “Okay. I believe you. Let’s not worry about how these got there right now, okay? Let’s just take care of it. I suppose an advantage of having an over-active, rather clumsy five-year-old is that we always have a stocked first aid kit. I’ll be right back with it.”

Isaac called to her, and she stopped in the doorway of their room. When she turned to look at him, he said, “I want you to know that despite the way I am, despite being such an awful person, I love you with all my heart and soul.”

She returned to his side and kissed him. “You are so not awful, Isaac. Confusing as hell, yes. Awful, no. I really love you, too.”

As she left the room to fetch the supplies to bandage her husband’s mysterious burns, she pondered her feelings. It was true. She loved Isaac deeply. His various episodes, as she privately referred to them, were bothersome and bewildering, but until now hadn’t been all that harmful or disruptive. When she thought of his behavior at Dominic’s party yesterday and tonight with Gretchen and in the garage, she frowned. Was this bizarre aspect of his personality going to become more pronounced? If it did, it would certainly become more difficult to ignore.