Читать книгу When Your Eyes Close: A psychological thriller unlike anything you’ve read before! - Tanya Farrelly - Страница 11

The rain was coming down in sheets as Michelle and Conor made their way from the premises on Capel Street onto the quays, their backpacks loaded with sandwiches and flasks of hot tea and soup. Michelle checked her phone, as she had been doing compulsively all afternoon, while Conor poured soup for the homeless man on the bridge, and then took from his pocket some treats for the Jack Russell who sat obediently by the man’s side. No messages. She put the phone away and stooped to fondle the dog’s ears.

‘How’s it going, Tommy?’ she asked the man.

He nodded and slurped the soup. She didn’t ask if he was hoping to get into a shelter; he’d told her before that he was a loner, that all he needed was the dog, Buddy, for company. ‘Have you eaten at all today, Tommy?’ she asked. The man stopped to think.

‘Had the best steak you can imagine,’ he said, ‘back in 1993.’ He laughed at his own joke as he unwrapped the tuna sandwiches Conor had given him. The dog was crunching on a biscuit as they closed their backpacks and moved on.

Michelle was used to the run. Usually, she even enjoyed it. Nick had asked her if it wasn’t too dangerous, but she told him, no, that the volunteers always went out in pairs, and that some of the homeless people were the nicest, gentlest people you could meet. She’d been appalled by some of the stories they’d told her. They’d been spat on, and worse, by drunken fools who thought themselves superior; their deplorable behaviour proving the exact opposite to their own skewed beliefs.

As they continued along the North Quays, it occurred to Michelle that she hadn’t recently seen the homeless couple that usually sat on the Ha’penny Bridge.

‘Hey, what’s happened to Dolly and Jim? I haven’t seen them in a while,’ she asked Conor.

Conor sighed and looked at her. ‘Jim passed away – pneumonia,’ he said.

‘Shit.’ Michelle felt tears prick her eyes as she thought of the couple always making jokes and sitting close together. She took a deep breath. Conor looked at her and she turned away so that he wouldn’t see the tears.

‘It sucks, I know,’ he said.

Michelle nodded, not trusting herself to speak. It didn’t seem right, Dolly without Jim. She wondered where Dolly was, whether she’d been forced to seek refuge in a shelter now that her partner was gone. Michelle took a deep breath, then lowered her head and quickened her step to match Conor’s. By the time they were out of sandwiches and had returned to the premises, Nick had still not called.

‘I’m off. See you guys on Friday,’ Michelle called. She ducked out of the building and ran down the narrow stairs before anyone had a chance to engage her in conversation. Usually sociable, she couldn’t face talking to anyone today and as she stepped out into the street she swallowed back more tears. Why hadn’t Nick called?

In the car, the tears came again. Something was wrong – and she couldn’t bear to be kept in ignorance. She wiped her eyes, breathed deep and turned on the ignition.

It was after ten o’clock when Michelle found herself outside Nick’s house again. She turned on the dim overhead light and checked herself in the rear-view mirror, then took her compact from her bag to renew her foundation and coat her lips with pink gloss. She didn’t look too bad considering the day she’d had. She took a deep breath, got out of the car and walked up to the front door. Her heart thumped as she rang the bell and waited for him to answer. A few minutes passed and she leaned on the bell again. She heard movement inside, and through the frosted glass of the hall window she saw Nick descend the stairs.

He didn’t look pleased to see her. He ran a hand through his already dishevelled hair. She noticed the dark circles beneath his eyes, and his hands were shaking. ‘What are you doing here?’ he said.

‘I was worried. Can I come in for a minute? I won’t stay long.’

He stood back, avoiding her eyes as she stepped past him into the hall. He followed her into the kitchen.

‘Are you okay?’ she said.

‘I’m fine. You shouldn’t have come, Michelle. I was going to call you …’ He still didn’t meet her eye.

She put a hand on his arm. ‘Nick, what’s going on? Why have you been avoiding me?’

‘I haven’t, I’ve been busy that’s all …’ He stepped away from her, crossed the kitchen to the dishwasher and began emptying it.

Michelle stood in the middle of the room, lost. ‘Can’t we at least talk about it?’

‘Sure, but you shouldn’t just show up like this. It’s not fair.’

‘Not fair? Do you think it’s fair to just ignore me? I’ve been worried sick. You haven’t called in days. I thought there was something wrong. And obviously there is, but we need to talk about it, Nick. I mean … is it me, am I the problem?’

Nick shook his. ‘No, it’s not you. Not personally.’ He stopped putting away the dishes and turned to look at her. ‘I’m sorry, Michelle. Look, I don’t know what to tell you. I just don’t feel that great right now. Can’t we do this another time?’

Another time. Another four days of silence, more maybe? ‘No. I’m sorry, Nick, but I can’t go on like this; not knowing what’s happening between us. If you want to finish it, then it would be better if you just told me.’

He didn’t say anything for a minute. ‘Look, Michelle, you know I’m crazy about you. It’s just … I don’t think I can do this right now. Maybe it was too soon after my divorce, everything happened so quickly.’

She was fighting back the tears. This was the last thing she wanted, and if he was so crazy about her, what the hell was he doing? ‘So, what? We just end it – walk away and pretend we never met?’

Nick took a deep breath. He looked like hell, and she wondered if there was something else going on. ‘I don’t want to string you along … not when I don’t know what …’

‘Nick, you’ve been stringing me along for days. I thought we were happy, I thought we were doing great … what happened to change your mind? Is it your ex-wife, is that it?’

‘Susan? No, that’s got nothing to do with it.’

‘What then? I just wish you’d give me a reason …’

‘I’m sorry … I guess I’m just not ready. I’m so sorry, Michelle, I really am.’

‘Right, well that’s it then. There’s nothing I can say to change your mind.’

He pinched the sides of his nose, shook his head. For a minute she thought he was crying. It was all she could do to keep back her own tears. ‘Right, well, there’s a bag of stuff upstairs, clothes … If you don’t mind, I’ll go up and get it.’

‘No. No, go ahead.’

Rowdy sniffed beneath the sitting room door as she passed. She walked on, seeing the dog would surely make her come undone. At the top of the stairs she paused. This might be her last time in this house, and she didn’t even know why. She wished he’d change his mind, follow her up the stairs and tell her not to go, but he didn’t. In the bedroom, she picked up her slippers from her side of the bed, put them in the bag that she’d left there for convenience. He’d told her there was no need to keep taking it every time she left, and so she’d taken it home once a week to fill it with clean clothes, but this time there’d be no coming back. She stood at the end of the bed, looked round the room, committing everything to memory. When she neared the door, she noticed something on his bedside locker. It was a container of pills and, curious, she picked them up. Valium the label read. Surprised, she put them down again. What was he doing taking Valium? He’d never mentioned being on any sort of medication. She’d never seen him take it.

‘Did you get everything?’ Nick asked as Michelle headed back downstairs.

She nodded. ‘Nick, those tablets on your locker … is everything all right?’

He looked taken aback, but then sighed resignedly. ‘Yeah, I’ve just been a bit stressed, you know. Work … the doctor said they’d help.’

‘Okay. Look, if there was anything else wrong, you’d tell me, wouldn’t you? I’m here for you, Nick, if you need me. I can be a friend if you’re not ready for anything more …’

‘I know.’

He walked with her to the door. She waited for him to say that he’d call her, anything that might give her hope, but instead he just hugged her awkwardly, and told her to take care of herself.

‘You too,’ she said, and hurried to the car before he could see just how badly he’d hurt her.