Читать книгу Motherhood Without Parole - Tanya Michaels, Tanya Michaels - Страница 10

Normally Lily Foster spent Saturday evenings folding the week’s laundry while watching rented movies with her younger kids and waiting for her older ones to meet curfew. Tonight she was pacing the kitchen that was so much larger, so much tidier, than her own. She hoped Kate didn’t mind her using her spare key, but under the circumstances, it had seemed the best idea.

Lily just wished she knew when the other woman would be home from her trip to the prison, but all she’d received when she’d tried Kate’s cell phone was an automated voice-mail response. Deciding not to explain the latest turn of events in a message, Lily had come to Paul’s house to wait. The kids needed to spend the night in their own beds, not Lily’s living room. Now that she was here, though, she felt uncertain and invasive.

If her big sister had lived, this place would have been Lily’s second home by now. It sucked that Heather hadn’t had more time to enjoy the house they’d bought after Paul’s last raise before leaving his former employer to hire on as CEO elsewhere. Heather should have had years, decades, to make this place her own, warm and inviting, to create memories. After the move, she’d complained about being tired, but it hadn’t slowed down her supermom schedule. When they’d all started to realize she was sick, they’d still been optimistic, not expecting anything as terrifyingly final as a late-stage cancer diagnosis.

The kettle on the stove began working its way toward a full-bodied burble, bags of Earl Grey ready and waiting next to an empty china cup. Lily’s mother-in-law was known to say that tea always helped in a crisis. Although Lily suspected tea leaves weren’t even going to make a dent in her worries about her family tonight, at least puttering around the kitchen gave her a small outlet for nervous energy.

Sometimes she expected the stress to come erupting out of her like steam from a teapot. As of today, her father was back in the hospital because of ongoing heart problems. Lily’s mother was a wreck, having never recovered truly from burying her child a few years ago. Please, God, let Dad bounce back from this. For all our sakes. Paul’s father had passed away before Neve was even born, but in the past five years the kids had lost both their paternal grandmother and their mother. Now, in a way, the children had lost Paul, too.

But gained a stepmother.

Neve still wouldn’t discuss that with her aunt, how she felt about Paul’s second marriage. Lily wished she and the children were closer, but it hadn’t been easy when she had four of her own to look after and Paul had sent Neve and PJ several states away. His own flesh and blood! When they were traumatized and no doubt needed him the most.

She shook her head, knowing that getting angry over what was past wouldn’t help anyone. But the frustration was there, bubbling beneath the surface. After all, she had promised Heather she’d look after the kids, take care of them like they were her own.

Paul loves his family, Heather had said, looking both frail and wise in her hospital bed, but he was so busy providing for us, working up to his success. He doesn’t know which stuffed animal is PJ’s favorite or how Neve loves brownies with macadamia nuts but not walnuts or peanuts. You’re a mom, you understand about the important day-to-day details he’s missed. He’ll need your help, Lil. Promise me you’ll be there for them.

When she’d made the vow, Lily hadn’t known her brother-in-law was going to bury his grief in work and ship his kids to the prestigious Newsome Academy, one of the best private schools in the country. Lily had taken the news that Paul was seeing someone again with mixed feelings. Obviously, as his first wife’s sister, it was difficult for her to see him with someone who wasn’t Heather. Then again, she’d known Heather wouldn’t have wanted him to live out his years miserable and lonely. So Lily had wished him well and silently hoped that the new woman in his life would help him bridge the ever-growing gap between him and his children. Or at least make him admit that there was one, that parenting wasn’t something that could be conveniently scheduled for holidays, summer and Spring Break.

Instead he’d picked Kate. Physically flawless übercareer-woman Kate who had no children of her own or previous marriages. Probably because she’d been working so hard on that career of hers. Just what the kids needed—two workaholic parents.

Lily didn’t resent the other woman’s beauty; Heather had been gorgeous in a personable, unaffected, I’m-not-afraid-of-laugh-lines way. It was more that Kate was so impeccable in attire, coiffure, mannerisms and composure that it was nearly impossible to relax around her. When they’d all gotten together for Paul’s last birthday, one look at Kate had made Lily aware that her hair had started sliding out of its ponytail in the car and that her trousers were sporting evidence of the family cats. Not to mention that Kate had all but admitted that it mystified her why any woman would choose to marry young and immediately have children when she could have gone to college and pursued a career, leaving her and Lily with almost no common ground over which to bond.

Her husband Bob’s voice played in her head. Give her a chance, Lil. But this wasn’t about Lily and whether or not she wanted to be buddies with the other woman. It was about Neve and PJ and what was best for them.

Lily had no doubt that if you wanted to plan a corporate takeover, Kate St. James was a good person to have on your side. Ditto planning a swanky dinner party and knowing which shoe designer was currently “hot.” But caring for two wounded children who’d already been hurt quite enough?

The teapot shrilled, causing her to jump.

She’d turned off the stove burner and was steeping tea when the automatic garage door raised, a mechanical shudder that vibrated through the kitchen. Kate was home.

Setting her cup on the kitchen island as the door swung open, Lily turned. “Hi. Hope my being in your kitchen unannounced didn’t startle you.”

“The car in the driveway tipped me off.” Kate smiled, but it didn’t warm her gaze. “I guess you came over to hear how Paul is doing?”

Lily would have called for that, not ambushed Kate in her own home after a long drive. “Not exactly. Mostly I’m here because of the kids.”

“Your kids?” Sounding confused, Kate settled into the closest kitchen chair.

“Paul’s kids. Neve and PJ.”

“Oh. Is there any chance we could talk about this tomorrow? Right now I just want to—”

“Neve and PJ are upstairs.”

The way the blood drained from Kate’s face wasn’t exactly endearing. If she was so freaked at the prospect of stepchildren, couldn’t she have found a guy who didn’t come with a ready-made family? But despite her telltale paleness, the woman’s expression didn’t alter by a single twitch or frown line. Either Kate redefined cool composure or there was BOTOX work in her past.

Feeling bitchy over the thought, Lily did penance by offering her sister-in-law a cup of tea.

Kate shook her head. “No, thank you. Just explain why the kids came back early. Are they okay?”

“They’re fine.” Physically, at least. Lily sat opposite Kate. “My father began experiencing bad chest pains early this morning. It might be nothing, but with two past heart attacks, no one wants to take chances. His doctor ordered some medical tests and temporary rest. With all that going on, Mom called me to ask if she could put Neve and PJ on an earlier flight. I picked them up this afternoon. I thought about letting them stay with my brood for the night, but Neve…well, it’s been a tumultuous year for the kids. She just wanted to come home.”

“It’s been a tumultuous year for everyone,” Kate agreed absently.

Yeah, but we have the luxury of being adults and not a confused preteen girl about to turn thirteen who won’t have either of her parents there to witness it. Knowing that her husband Bob would patiently cite this as the kind of judgmental observation Lily should keep to herself, she sipped her tea. She understood this past year had been rotten for Kate’s marriage. But when you were responsible for kids, they had to be your first concern.

Pushing back her chair, Kate rose. “If the kids are here, I’d better go talk to them.”

Well, she gets points for that. “PJ’s asleep already. He was practically snoring before I even turned off his light. Neve, last I knew, was reading in bed. I think it’s wonderful that you want to talk with her, but aside from popping in to tell her good-night, it might not be a bad idea to…give her some space.”

Kate arched a brow. “I haven’t seen her since before the trial. How much more space could I possibly give her?”

The edge of sarcasm in the woman’s voice was grating. “I’m not saying she’s logical, I’m saying she’s nearly thirteen. Having barely survived Brittney at that age, I know how moody they can be.”

For the past two years Neve had been polite when she came home, but another female could see the subdued resentment in her clear green eyes. Now, with the introduction of a stepmother and Paul’s arrest, Neve had become so surly and withdrawn that even her grandparents were commenting on her behavior. She probably couldn’t decide whether she was still angry about being sent to boarding school in the first place or pissed that she’d been yanked out of her familiar surroundings. She was likely mad about both, a seeming contradiction that was perfectly reasonable to a girl that age.

“I may not have daughters of my own,” Kate said stiffly, “but I was once a thirteen-year-old girl and am not completely clueless, believe it or not. Look, I appreciate your advice—”

“No, you don’t,” Lily said without heat. She was standing, too, suddenly aware of her defensive stance. Of course Kate wouldn’t appreciate people popping into her house uninvited and unexpected and telling her what to do. Lily wouldn’t either. “My heart was in the right place, though. Those kids mean the world to me.”

“They’re…important to me, as well.” The words came out so awkwardly that it was obvious Kate and the children were in for a bumpy ride. Had the forty-two-year-old career woman ever wanted to be a mother or had she merely made the concession because she’d fallen for a man who happened to be a father?

“I would be the worst stepmother on the planet,” Kate said, “if I came home and followed my original plan—which was a long soak in the whirlpool tub and a cold glass of sauvignon blanc—now that I know the kids are home. I’m not going to insist she open up to me or that we stay up braiding each other’s hair, but I have to say something to her. Why don’t you come, too? I’m sure you want to tell her good-night before taking off, and maybe your presence will keep it from being too uncomfortable.”

Lily appreciated the compromise, if not the subtle emphasis on taking off. “Happy to help in any way I can.” It wasn’t an empty offer but a vow she’d made and planned to keep.

People talked about running away to join the circus, but Neve St. James thought that was a stupid plan. She’d been to the zoo enough times to know elephants stunk royally. And even though she loved horseback riding, stables didn’t exactly smell like roses, either. So the reek factor alone was enough to dissuade her from the circus. Unless it was one of those du Soleil things, she mused, staring up at the circle-patterned plaster on her ceiling. Those circuses didn’t have animals. Then again, she didn’t have any freaky talents like being able to put her feet behind her ears.

She was stuck here.

Her first semester at the Newsome Academy she’d missed home so much she’d wanted to be curled up in this very room. Now that she was, it just felt…odd. What was the point? It had been her mom and dad she’d wanted, not the furniture and carpeting. Even knowing it was impossible, she’d desperately wanted to be a whole family again. Her dad, however, had wanted a fresh start.

She remembered clearly the night he’d shown her the academy brochures, nervous beneath his fake enthusiasm. “Look, you’d get to ride horses a lot there, Neve.”

Like she’d be fooled? There were places in Virginia to ride horses, too. He’d insisted that he’d miss them, that he wasn’t sending them because he didn’t want to spend time with them, but the man was a lousy liar. If he’d done something criminal at work, there was no wonder he’d been caught.

At least he put us in a coed school. All-girl would have been a nightmare.

Though she wouldn’t have admitted to her little brother that she found his presence comforting, she’d been glad he was at Newsome, too. Besides, if they’d been separated, she would have worried about PJ.

Starting at the end of August—barely weeks away—they would be in separate schools for the first time since he’d entered kindergarten. She’d be an eighth grader at a public middle school, while Paul Jr. would go to third grade at an elementary school. Newsome had continued straight through high school, breaking age groups up into different class buildings on the same grounds.

During their weeks in Florida with the grandparents PJ had been uncharacteristically calm about Neve’s no longer being around to look out for him at school. He’d been too busy being excited about being home, being closer to Aunt Lily, making new friends—Neve would miss hers like crazy—and spending time with their father. Ha! Hadn’t her brother noticed that even when they’d visited at Christmas they’d had to wait around for Dad to wrap up “important work” before he took them on whatever promised outing was scheduled? Besides, their dad wasn’t even home. He was in prison. The guy who’d lectured PJ about why playing a good, honest game was always more important than winning and had warned Neve that her active imagination was no excuse for lying…and he’d committed a federal crime! Well, if she had to write some stupid school paper this year on who her heroes were, Paul certainly wouldn’t be mentioned.

Even when he got out of prison, they’d have to share him with his new wife. My stepmother. The word mostly conjured images of evil psycho women from fairy tales. The stories her mom had once read her at bedtime, when Neve had been young enough to think she’d always want her room painted pink. Wonder if the step will let me paint it black? Four black walls might actually be too much, but it would be fun to ask.

Neve had met Kate two Junes ago, when she and PJ had come home for the summer. Dad had thought he was being suave, hinting throughout dinner that Kate, their model-gorgeous guest, was someone special. Unable to take the little suggestions that the kids treat Kate like “one of the family,” Neve had asked outright if her father was getting married. She’d known. She’d known as soon as he’d started talking up his girlfriend before they’d even left the airport. The only girlfriend he’d had since—

She swallowed the painful knot in her throat, redirecting her thoughts to the comparatively easier event of her dad’s engagement. Sensing her father was trying to break the news of an impending second marriage hadn’t entirely prepared Neve for confirmation of her question. Dad and Kate had exchanged glances as he’d nodded, then he’d looked expectantly at Neve, who’d felt like she couldn’t breathe. PJ had appeared equally wobbly. The kid was so small for his age he looked like a baby half the time even when he wasn’t on the brink of tears. Trying to get it together for both their sakes, Neve had asked what they were supposed to call their impending stepparent. No freaking way Neve was calling her “Mom.”

Kate had seemed as weirded out by the idea of being a stepmother as Neve was at having one and quickly assured them that just Kate would be fine. Paul had beamed, apparently thrilled they were already blending as a family or whatever.

What did he know? After all, wasn’t he in jail for something stupid? She wondered if Kate would give her the details if she asked. Aunt Lily mostly just wrung her hands, called the whole thing unfortunate and tried to change the subject. Neve used to be able to talk to her aunt about stuff, but it seemed like Lily and Dad weren’t getting along so well anymore. Neve wasn’t particularly thrilled with some of his decisions, either, but things were bad enough without rocking the boat. She was old enough to know better, but sometimes she just wanted the illusion that things were still close to the way they’d been when Mom was alive.

Footsteps on the stairs and muffled voices told Neve she’d be dealing with her stepmother sooner rather than later. She cast a wary glance toward the closed window. If the situation got desperate, she always had the circus as a backup plan.

Kate sucked in a deep breath, gathering her thoughts. Did twelve-year-olds typically shut their doors? Probably. Kate respected the kid’s right to privacy, but when she’d been this age, all she’d had was a dividing curtain. If Neve kept the thing closed, how would Kate know if the girl was doing drugs or downloading school papers off the Internet or anything else it was Kate’s duty to prevent for the next five months?

On the other hand, it wasn’t as if she’d been monitoring Neve’s every move while the budding teen was in New England, either.

Knowing that PJ’s room was far enough down the hall the noise probably wouldn’t bother him, Kate knocked on the door. It opened to reveal a young woman, seemingly taller than she’d been mere weeks ago, with green eyes that were huge on her angular face and frizzy wheat-colored hair. Neve didn’t speak, giving Kate a mild state-your-business glare.

“Hey,” Kate said. “I wasn’t expecting you guys yet or I would have been home earlier.”

Neve shrugged. “How could you know Pa-pa would get sick?”

Behind Kate, Lily made a small sound, and Kate kicked herself for not telling the other woman she was sorry to hear her dad was in the hospital. Basic etiquette! Kate was known to be the best person in the office for coolly dealing with sudden crises, but anything involving the kids threw her off her game. Well, it’s your first night. You’ll get better at this in no time.

And there was no time like the present.

“Can we come in?” Kate prompted, feeling bizarrely like a vampire who couldn’t enter without a specific formal invitation.

The girl moved aside in wordless grudging concession.

“We’re not keeping you up, are we, dear?” Lily asked, hovering in the background like the world’s largest butterfly. Nature similes seemed appropriate to the earthy, doe-eyed, dark-haired woman who didn’t look much like pictures of her late sister. “You’re probably exhausted.”

Neve remained silent as she sat on the corner of her double bed, but her nostrils flared delicately. Kate bit back a grin, guessing Lily had fretted over the kids all evening.

Kate suspected Paul’s sister-in-law considered her “aloof.” Then we’re even. Kate considered Paul’s sister-in-law to be potentially smothering.

“If you are tired,” Kate said, leaning against a small desk near the doorway, “we can talk in the morning. I just wanted to say hi, see if there was anything you needed.”

“Like what?” Neve’s tone was neutral, but there was an air of challenge in the way the teenager tilted her head, as if scenting ineptitude.

“Um…towels?”

“Thanks, but PJ and I know where everything is.” Her eyes narrowed. “Unless you’ve changed something?”

“No, everything should be in the usual spot. Well. I guess I’ll let you get back to, um, whatever.” Taking a stab at congeniality, Kate smiled in Lily’s direction. “Thanks for providing supper for them and tucking them—”

“It’s not like she had to help us into our jammies,” Neve muttered. On the contrary, the young woman was wearing silky mint-green pants with navy cuffs and a matching button-down nightshirt that made her look like a junior Victoria’s Secret catalogue model, slumber-party edition.

Kate met the girl’s sarcasm with a raised eyebrow and a quelling glance. At least she hoped it was quelling. “Why don’t you tell your aunt thank you before I show her out?”

“I can show myself,” Lily said crisply. “No need for drawn-out goodbyes when I’ll probably see you all again tomorrow.”

So soon? “We’ll look forward to it.”

“Good night, Neve. You know you can call me anytime you need anything.”

Neve nodded, and Kate grimaced inwardly. Oh, sure, Lily didn’t get any flippant retorts about towels.

Lily paused at Kate’s side. “You should feel free to call me, too, you know. Whenever you need help.”

The offer might have been more appreciated if Lily hadn’t sounded so damn sure Kate would need help. Immediately and often.

Kate would show them. Single mothers juggled jobs and children all the time, and she’d conquered every goal she’d ever set for herself. Motherhood would be no different.