Читать книгу Where the Road Ends - Tara Quinn Taylor - Страница 8

She was going to have to let the nanny go.

Staring out the front-room window, taking in the beautiful rolling grounds of the Wainscoat estate, Amelia reined in emotion, trading its insidious confusion for logical thought.

Would it always feel as if her life was out of control?

Or was letting Kathy go the first step toward taking charge? The beginning of a new existence for herself and her son?

Fingers trembling uncharacteristically, Amelia pushed her dark hair over her shoulders, ruining the effect Donald, her hairdresser of ten years, had so painstakingly created. And if the tears that were threatening actually fell, the time she’d spent on her artfully applied makeup would be wasted, too.

As she stood there in her slim-fitting, dove-gray designer suit waiting for Kathy to appear, Amelia tried to focus on the facts. And she remembered the last conversation—almost a year earlier—she’d had with her husband.

They’d been in her suite in the high-rise building that was home to the head office of Wainscoat Construction. After a short day at his current construction site, Johnny had come to drop off Charles before going to the dock to take the new boat for a trial run, prior to teaching Charles to water ski the following day.

“I’m a little uncomfortable with how possessive of Charles Kathy’s getting,” he’d said slowly. “It’s almost like she’s jealous of your place in his life.”

“I’ve had to remind her once or twice that as his mother, I make the decisions,” she replied. “Kathy’s very involved with him, but that’s natural, don’t you think? They spend a lot of time together.”

He’d nodded, but hadn’t looked convinced.

“Do you think there’s a problem?” she’d asked Johnny. “More than just two women being territorial?” She’d studied his face, usually able to read his thoughts.

His broad shoulders square, Johnny had shrugged. “I think it’s possible. Which is why I wanted to talk to you.”

Amelia’s stomach had started to hurt then—just as it hurt now. “So what do we do about her? It’s not like we can fire her, Johnny. She’s part of the family.”

“Well—” Johnny had drawn out the word meaningfully “—no, she’s not.”

“She’s been living with us since Charles was born.”

“She’s an employee.”

He’d been right, of course, but…

“One we’ve trusted with our son’s life,” Amelia said.

“And I think we still can, to a point.”

“To what point?”

Johnny’s eyes had been warm, concerned, as they met hers. He’d suggested they keep an eye on things. Listen carefully to everything their four-year-old son had to say.

And with that warning, she’d wanted to get rid of Kathy then and there.

“Don’t overreact, Amelia,” Johnny had said.

Her heart missed a beat now as she remembered the grin he’d given her. The one that had always melted her heart.

“I’m not suggesting anything drastic here,” he’d continued. “I don’t think it’s gotten out of hand….”

She remembered thinking, that Johnny was right. As usual.

Things hadn’t been bad enough to warrant firing Kathy. Not then.

But this past year, since Johnny’s death, the situation had changed.

At least Amelia thought it had.

Thinking back over the past months, she made a mental list of times she’d been concerned about Kathy’s actions and was surprised—and a little frightened—by how extensive the list had grown.

Most recently with Kathy’s insistence that Amelia not change the school her son was attending.

Johnny had been worried that Kathy was overstepping her boundaries.

And she had been; there was no longer any doubt of it. Amelia reviewed her list.

And then her mind switched back to Johnny that day in her office. Bruising her with memories of the husband she’d lost…

He’d reached for the door.

“Johnny?”

“Yeah?”

She hadn’t known why she’d called out to him. She’d just wished things had been different, that he’d kissed her while they’d had that moment alone. That she’d said, “I love you.”

“You’ll be home for dinner?” she’d asked.

“I always am,” he’d said, heading back to the outer office.

He was always home for dinner. It was she—CEO of the multibillion dollar company for which Johnny was a construction worker—who missed out on family dinners. But what else could she do?

She’d met Johnny on a job site. He was a master carpenter and project supervisor for Wainscoat Construction. She’d known there would be some challenges in their relationship, but they’d loved each other passionately and she’d been certain that would be enough. She’d had no way of knowing, when she’d married Johnny and had Charles so soon afterward, that her father would die suddenly. Hadn’t realized that while Johnny’s pride demanded he continue to work, he had no intention of stepping into her father’s shoes, of working a desk job. Ever.

“Hey.”

She’d jumped, hitting her elbow on the doorjamb. Johnny had come back.

“What?”

“Just wanted to make sure you’d be home for dinner.”

“Yeah,” she’d said softly, very glad he’d asked.

“Good.”

He’d kissed her then, deeply, intimately, exploring her mouth with his tongue in ways that left her feeling, as his touch always did, more like a giddy teenager than the boss of an internationally known company.

It had been the last time she’d ever felt his lips on hers.

Kathy’s voice interrupted Amelia’s memories. “This might have to wait until tonight, I really can’t talk long.” Kathy had come into the room so quietly Amelia hadn’t realized she was there. “Charles’s swimming lesson starts in half an hour and I like to let him warm up first.”

Kathy’s once-forthright gaze was elusive. And Amelia’s resolve, along with her stomachache, deepened.

Sometime over the past year, the pretty woman who’d been living with them since Charles’s birth had stopped wearing makeup—and her fashionably attractive clothes were hanging on her slight frame. Things Amelia had noticed, yet not really acknowledged. She’d been too overwhelmed with grief and trying to get on with life.

She took a deep breath. “I’m going to be making some changes around here.”

The nanny’s gaze shot up, her brows straight beneath cocoa-brown bangs, her face a mask. “What kind of changes?”

In that second Amelia was certain about a decision she hadn’t even thought she’d made.

“Since Johnny died I’ve been forced to consider what’s important to me,” she began.

“Your company is important to you.”

“My son is important to me.”

“Of course he is, which is why I’m here to look after him for you.”

“But what about you?” Amelia asked, forcing her trembling hands to remain by her sides. “Your personal life has slowly dwindled down to nothing. You’ve not only tried to take Johnny’s place in Charles’s life, but you’re trying to make up for his absence in mine, as well.”

Cloyingly so.

Amelia hated herself for that reaction. Almost buckled under the guilt. Was she doing the right thing?

Because if she was letting fear or insecurity take over, she had to stop. Now. She needed to make rational decisions based solely on what was best for her son; she couldn’t afford to lose emotional control. She had to be strong for Charles.

And she wasn’t going to let Johnny down, either.

For a moment, silence filled the space between the two women, and Amelia remembered the history they’d shared. The years. The celebrations. The grief.

Kathy’s stoicism slid away into the silence, leaving a lonely woman with slumped shoulders. “My heart is here,” she said softly, as though that explained everything. Tears welled in her eyes.

Amelia almost hugged her. This was the woman she’d entrusted with her son’s life. The only family she and Charles had left in the world.

How could she fire her? What was she thinking?

Could she even manage without Kathy? Could Charles?

There was Cara, of course, Amelia’s best friend since childhood. But as Amelia’s right hand at Wainscoat, Cara was needed at work.

And what about Kathy? Was it fair to let her go after she’d dedicated five years of her life to them?

“You’re only twenty-eight, Kath,” she said, taking a step closer to the woman. The two of them were standing in the middle of the elegant front room.

Facing off or moving together?

“Until this past year, you’ve always had a lot of boyfriends. You wanted to get married and have children of your own, but you haven’t been away from Charles or me in months. And talk of any life outside this house doesn’t even exist anymore.”

Kathy’s eyes darted around the room, her forearm jerking up and then back to her side as though signaling an end. “Charles is my child.” The words were sharp.

Where was the woman Amelia had wanted to hug just seconds before?

Suddenly, Johnny’s warning was all she could hear, all she could think about. Her husband had been observant, intuitive about people, and the most dedicated father she’d ever known. She remembered the immediate reason for this meeting, Kathy’s remark, in front of Charles, that Amelia did not have the right to make important decisions regarding her son’s life.

How had it come to this? At one time, it had been a blessing just to have Kathy around. Amelia and Johnny had often marveled at how lucky they’d been to find her. They’d been so thankful.

“You know he’s not really your child,” Amelia said softly, treading carefully in territory she neither recognized nor understood. “He’s my son, Kathy. Mine and Johnny’s.”

Kathy motioned awkwardly again, her entire body jerking slightly, as though she’d been hit and was trying to hide the impact.

“Johnny’s dead.”

Amelia couldn’t argue with that. They’d brought her the shirt he’d been wearing that last day. Pulled out of the ocean almost a mile from the initial explosion. It was little more than shreds.

“In body, not in spirit.”

Kathy’s fingers fidgeted almost imperceptibly at her sides, then stopped and her chin rose belligerently. “You hired me to love Charles.”

“To care for him, yes,” Amelia admitted. And of course she’d been gratified, and greatly relieved, to leave Charles in the hands of someone who not only kept him safe, but loved him. Kathy had been young and inventive; she’d entertained Charles, made his life fun. Made all their lives fun with her impromptu games and celebrations.

“That love gives me rights.” There was no mistaking the challenge in the nanny’s tone.

“Some.”

“Do you love Charles?”

“Of course! And because he’s my son, he’s my responsibility.”

“He’s my responsibility, too. And I love him every bit as much as you do.”

Amelia sighed. “Kathy, I’m his mother.”

They stood there on the plushest of carpets, and continued to confront each other, one in business clothes, the other in capri pants and a pastel, button-down blouse.

“But, I’ve raised him.”

Amelia’s throat closed as she faced Kathy’s hard-eyed stare. The younger woman still maintained an outward calm. But she was way out of line. In her thinking. In her attitude.

Just as Johnny had suspected.

“You’ve helped, yes,” Amelia murmured, not at all sure how to proceed. “Tremendously. But that doesn’t change the fact that he’s my son and you should have sons of your own.”

Kathy started—not trembling, nothing so uncontrolled as that. “Charles is as much my son as he is yours, Amelia,” she said in an odd, faraway voice. “Being a mother is more than a biological function. We both know I’ve filled that role for Charles much more than you have.”

Oh, God. Who was this woman?

Fear rose within Amelia as she accepted that her deceased husband’s fears had been realized. On the verge of losing what little breakfast she’d eaten, she stood straight, strong, in control.

“Which is why I’ve decided it’s time to change some things,” Amelia said, calmed by her own voice, her ability to sound as though she could handle anything.

She didn’t know whether she was having any effect on Kathy, but she was convincing herself.

“What things?”

Was that panic she read in Kathy’s eyes?

Could the bravado be just that, then—a brave front Kathy erected as a way to deal with the pain and tragedy that had been crippling this household for the past year? Amelia could certainly understand that. Some days it felt as if bravado was the only glue holding her together.

So was Kathy’s behavior merely her attempt to achieve a sense of control over uncontrollable circumstances?

Amelia just didn’t know.

“You’re never going to find a husband or a life of your own as long as you’re tied to Charles.”

“I have plenty of time to find a husband, to start a family. Right now Charles needs me.”

“It’s not good for a little boy to have someone who’s dedicated her entire life to him,” Amelia said, certain of that much at least. “He’ll be spoiled, growing up to expect his relationships to be centered on him. He’ll expect to be waited on, to have whoever’s in his life there for him whenever he deems it necessary or desirable.”

“He’s just going on five, Amelia. He’s supposed to be able to count on having someone there for him.”

“There for him, yes, but he also needs to be aware that those around him have their own lives. He sees me go to work, sees me with Cara. Johnny worked, went out with his friends. Charles sees you go nowhere. He sees you loving no one but him. You’re always here, always available. Your existence has no purpose other than him.” Amelia broke off.

The nanny was silent for so long Amelia started to sweat. She was completely unsure of Kathy’s mental state these days and couldn’t begin to predict what the woman was thinking. Or how she might react.

“It’s not healthy for you, Charles or even me to have you so completely dedicated to us,” she added, hoping that Kathy wasn’t too hurt by her words.

When Kathy moved suddenly, Amelia barely stopped herself from throwing up her arms in defense. She was taller and stronger than the nanny, but…

Kathy dropped onto one of the sofas, resting her forearms on her knees, head bent.

“You may be right.” The words were soft but clear. “I guess I didn’t realize how much I’ve closed myself off.” She glanced up at Amelia. “There always seemed to be…so much need here, and I need to be needed.”

“You are needed, Kath,” Amelia said, coming to sit beside the younger woman, taking her hand. “It’s just that I think we’ve fallen into a co-dependency that’s dangerous for all of us.” She winced at using a term she considered psychobabble, but couldn’t come up with a better one.

“Dangerous?” Kathy pulled her hand away, clasping it with her other one in front of her. “I don’t like the way that sounds,” she said, staring at her clasped hands.

Standing, Amelia crossed the room to look out at the expanse of green lawn she’d once taken such pride in. “I’m sorry,” she said. “I’ve been forced to face a lot of truths this past year. About my life. My marriage. Myself. And I’m finding that while there are some things I can’t control, there are other things I can—and I’ve let them slip out of my control.”

Kathy was silent. Neither friend nor employee. Or family member. Glancing at the bent head, Amelia wasn’t sure who Kathy was, what she needed.

So Amelia continued with what she did know.

“I’ve done a lot of searching since Johnny died, trying to find my identity, a new course for the rest of my life. Trying to find out what really matters.”

“Wainscoat Construction matters,” Kathy said, looking up. “It always has.”

“But my son matters more,” Amelia replied. Yes, the company meant the world to her, but Charles was life itself. And what good was a world without life?

“From now on, I’m a mother. First and foremost. I’m going to be delegating many of my day-to-day responsibilities at the office,” she said now, imagining Cara’s reaction when she heard Amelia’s decision. Would her best friend think she’d lost her mind?

Somehow Amelia doubted it.

This was right.

“I’m going to spend the next fifteen years here at home, raising my son. Caring for him, practicing the piano with him. Encouraging him. Teaching him.”

Kathy paled. “And where does that leave me?”

Amelia almost caved then. Almost.

“Finding the life that’s out there waiting for you…”

“You’re letting me…go?”

Amelia nodded.

The nanny looked as though she might faint.

Once the decision had been made—and delivered—Amelia wanted to get Kathy out of her home immediately. Safely away from Charles.

There was no justification for the urgency.

Still, the urgency drove her.

While Kathy was packing her essentials, Amelia called Cara at the office and then her secretary to have all her morning appointments rescheduled. She also arranged for Celeste and Clifford Smith—the couple who’d been looking after the Wainscoats for thirty years—to have the remainder of Kathy’s things packed up and sent to her. And she canceled Charles’s morning swim lesson.

Then she escorted Kathy into Charles’s playroom, where the little boy was painstakingly drawing a picture with a big purple crayon clutched in his left hand. Left-handed like his father. The picture was for “Daddy’s grave to leave when they had the annivers’y day” the following week.

As they filed slowly into the room, Charles looked up from his child-size wooden table, pushing his glasses up his nose with the side of the hand still holding the crayon.

He didn’t say a word, but Amelia’s heart lurched at the expression on her son’s face as he saw the two of them together. He knew something was up.

What was she doing?

Charles had already lost so much. Far too much.

She couldn’t meet Kathy’s eyes as the woman hesitated at the door.

“Charles…” Both women spoke at once.

Kathy approached the little table, kneeling down until she was nose to nose with Amelia’s son.

“Charles,” she said, a forced smile stretching her unnaturally taut lips, “I just came in to say goodbye.”

His feet stopped swinging beneath the table. “Where ya’ goin’?”

“To my mother’s,” Kathy said. “I spoke to her a little while ago and she asked me to come for a visit.”

Charles wrinkled his nose. “I thought you said she’s not good at games.”

Kathy shrugged. “So I’ll teach her.” She ran a finger lightly down his nose. “Before I go, though, I want you to promise me you’ll be a good boy.”

“Uh-huh.”

“You know it’s what your daddy would want.”

Amelia didn’t miss the nanny’s lack of reference to her.

Charles nodded, picked up his picture of four square-bodied people standing in the air above what could have been a grove of purple trees or a crowd of very sunburned people at a baseball game. “You think he’ll like my picture?” he asked Kathy, the need for his nanny’s approval evident.

“Oh, yeah, buddy, he’s gonna love it,” she said, real warmth in her voice.

Charles sat up a little straighter, grinning at Kathy. His denim-clad legs were swinging again. “I know he will.”

Throat tight, Amelia was tempted just to call it off. Kathy’s love for Charles was so obvious—as obvious as Charles’s was for her. How could Amelia rob them of something so precious? What kind of mother did that make her?

Just as she was about to change her mind, a mental flashback to the scene in her living room half an hour ago held Amelia rigid. There’d never been any doubt that Kathy loved Charles. The doubt lay in whether or not that love was healthy.

Charles grew still again, his brows drawn together beneath those black frames that made him look too serious sometimes. His dark hair skimmed the collar of his polo shirt when he tilted his head back slightly to peer at Kathy. “Will you be done visiting to come home for the annivers’y party? That’s what Daddy would want, right?”

“My mom’s pretty lonely, Charles,” Kathy said. “I’m going to be living with her for now and then probably getting a little house of my own.”

“You don’t like our house?”

“Of course I do!” Kathy said, moving a little closer to the boy. “I love your house! But I’ve been here a long time and everybody needs a house of their own when they’re grown up.”

“Is that why Daddy went to live in heaven? To have a house of his own?”

“I don’t think so, Charles,” Kathy said. “This is your daddy’s house. He didn’t choose to go away from you. It was an accident.”

Feeling completely ineffective, Amelia simply stood there. Kathy was handling things so well—and deserved the chance to handle them.

Kathy knew exactly what to say to Charles. How to say it. And she was, even now, putting all her effort into making her departure something Charles could accept.

She had been a remarkable nurturer from the very beginning. It was one of the qualities that had made her such a great addition to their home.

Still frowning, so serious for his five years, Charles asked, “But you’re choosing to go away from me?”

“Oh, sweetie, no!” Kathy shot Amelia a half gloating, half lethal glance. “I don’t really have a choice, either, just in a different way.” Amelia was poised and ready to discontinue the conversation before anything damaging was said. Only the loving tone of Kathy’s voice as she spoke to Charles gave her pause.

“I’m a daughter,” the nanny said softly, “just like you’re a son. And as a daughter, I don’t have any choice but to mind my mother, who told me this morning that I should come home.”

“Like we do what Daddy would want?”

“Just like that.” And then, with another glance over her shoulder, “and what Mommy wants, too.”

Charles was silent, his legs swinging slowly, as he seemed to ponder his nanny’s words. At last he spoke.

“But if you go make your mom not lonely, doesn’t that make me be lonely?”

Tears sprang to Amelia’s eyes.

“Oh, buddy, come here,” Kathy said, pulling Charles onto her lap. She hugged him tightly, rocking back and forth slowly. “No matter where I go, I’ll always be loving you,” she said. Charles’s chubby little face was visible over the nanny’s shoulder. His eyes were squeezed shut.

“You only have to think of me and you’ll be able to feel me loving you, okay?”

“’Kay.”

Amelia started to panic. Wondering what had ever made her think she could cope without Kathy’s help.

Kathy set Charles back enough to gaze into his eyes. “Promise me you’ll remember that? That you’ll think of me?”

The little boy hesitated and then slowly nodded. “I promise.”

Amelia might as well not have been in the room.

She cleared her throat.

Kathy slowly set Charles back in his chair, straightening. “And besides,” she added, “I won’t be far away. My mom lives right here in Chicago. I can still visit you.”

Amelia had already established that much. She had no intention of robbing them of the right to care about each other, to see each other.

The visits would be supervised, of course, but Charles didn’t have to know that.

Charles was staring down at the table. “Will you come back to see my pictures when you’re visiting your mom’s? And take me to swimming lessons?”

Kathy’s shoulders stiffened. “I don’t think your mom—”

“It’s Kathy’s turn to be busy with other things in her life right now, Charles, just like Mommy’s been busy at work,” Amelia interjected quickly. “And now I’m through with that.” She crossed the room, kneeling to put an arm around Charles’s shoulders. “I’m going to be here from now on to take you to all your lessons and play ball with you and everything else. But I’ve invited Kathy to have dinner with us as soon as she can.”

She let go of a very tightly held breath when Charles’s face cleared. “Just don’t come on the meat night when it’s hard to chew and gets stuck in your teeth,” he said to Kathy before returning his attention to the box people he was coloring red.

“He doesn’t like roast tenderloin,” Kathy told Amelia.

Amelia nodded. She knew that.

“Okay, well, I’ll see you soon, buddy,” Kathy said, heading toward the door.

The little boy looked up briefly and then resumed coloring. “’Kay. Bye.”

Kathy turned for one last glance at that bent head before she left.

Her eyes clouded with pain.

Trying perhaps a little too hard, Amelia filled the days immediately following Kathy’s departure with far more activity than Charles was used to.

She broke the rules she and Johnny had established together during those long hours late at night when they’d lain awake in bed, her head on his chest, his hand on her belly, and planned how it would be once their baby was born. She knowingly spoiled Charles. Despite her certainty about the rightness of what she’d done, she overcompensated in her attempt to divert his affection away from the young woman with whom he’d spent most of his waking hours.

She told herself that wasn’t why she and Cara were standing in line with Charles at Six Flags amusement park that August afternoon. The park was one of Charles’s favorite places; they had season passes and more hours to fill than Amelia and Charles had ever had before. The park had been one of Kathy’s favorite places, too.

The park was crowded, surprising, since it was only Thursday. As soon as they entered, Charles’s brows came together in a considering look that was familiar to his mother and her redheaded manager of operations and best friend, Cara Carson. “I think we should do the Looney Tooter first,” he said, the barely contained excitement in his voice making it an octave higher than normal. “’Cause it goes everywhere around and then after that, we can remember what we should do next.”

“Looney Tooter it is,” Amelia said, grinning at her friend as Charles pulled at them, eager to get on with his afternoon. He was making it a little difficult for her and Cara, one on either side of him, to keep a firm grip on his hands.

In deference to the ninety-degree weather, or maybe more to fit in with the crowd, all three of them were wearing shorts, thin cotton shirts and tennis shoes. Amelia also had on a floppy straw hat and sunglasses that she hoped would disguise her. Her face would be recognizable to anyone who read the business section of any Chicago paper.

“We’re going to be there pretty soon,” Charles informed her with an extra tug. Amelia felt a pang as she noticed how Charles was starting to show promise of having his father’s tall, muscled body. She wondered if Johnny was watching over them. If he approved of her decision to dismiss Kathy. If he thought she’d waited too long to do so. If he disapproved of her bringing Charles to the amusement park for no special reason on a weekday afternoon.

And then it was time to ride. The Looney Tooter. Waddaview Charter Service, Porky and Petunia’s Lady Bugz and Buzzy Beez…

“It’s been two weeks since Kathy left, and he doesn’t seem to have suffered any great damage,” Cara said as the two leaned on the wrought-iron fence surrounding one of the kiddie rides Charles had insisted on riding alone. He’d had his fifth birthday, he’d reminded them, and was now officially “a big boy.”

“He misses her,” Amelia murmured, eyes on Charles’s bright-green shirt going around and around. “But right now, the novelty of having Mommy home more often—and of having his own little office at Wainscoat—has been a good distraction.”

Cara was frowning, although when Charles passed them and waved, she bestowed a huge, engaging grin on him.

“Isn’t it possible that having you around now has made her expendable to him?”

“I guess.”

“How are you doing without her?” The words were spoken softly, both women looking straight ahead.

Amelia didn’t even think about prevaricating. Not with Cara. There was no point. “The evenings are hard once Charles goes to bed.” Shifting her weight from her right foot to her left, Amelia rested her elbows on the fence. “You know, after my dad died, things weren’t great between Johnny and me, but I never realized how much I still relied on his companionship at night.”

“You were out a lot.”

“Yeah.” At the business functions Cara had been attending for her since Johnny’s death. While she wouldn’t trade her time with Charles for anything, Amelia yearned for the days when everything was clear—or she was too busy to notice that it wasn’t. “I shouldn’t ask this, Cara,” she said now, “but you’ve been talking about getting out of your neighborhood, selling the condo. And with Kathy’s apartment vacant…”

“You’re asking me to move out to the estate?”

“You don’t have to. It’s just an idea.”

“A great one,” Cara said, elbowing Amelia in the ribs. “I’ve always loved your house, you know that. But I’d insist on paying rent.”

“No way.” Amelia shook her head. “Consider it a well-deserved raise.” Each time Charles passed them, he waved. God, she loved that kid.

“We always talked about living together when we were young, remember?” Cara was smiling.

Cara had been raised by her aunt—her father’s older sister—after losing both of her parents in a car accident when she was five. Amy’s mother had been killed by a drunk driver before Amy’s first birthday. It was something that had drawn her and Cara together from the very beginning, losing a parent that way, and kept them together during all the years of their growing up.

And while Amelia had adored her father and Cara her aunt, they’d both thought that somehow the void in their hearts would be filled if they could live together. A childish dream but one that still meant something.

Amelia couldn’t help smiling at her friend’s reaction. “Kathy’s apartment has its own entrance and kitchen,” she said. “You’d have as much privacy as you wanted.”

“It would sure be convenient for me to be out there on the days you don’t come into the office,” Cara said. “I could just bring stuff home and we could work at night after Charles is asleep.”

For the first time in weeks, Amelia felt a lessening of the dreadful loneliness that had been gripping her.

“You’ll tell me if you’re not happy with that arrangement?” she asked, shifting to meet her friend’s eyes.

“I will.” Cara’s gaze was as forthright as always.

“Okay.”

Amelia turned as Charles came barreling over to the Buzzy Beez exit. She grabbed the back pocket of his shorts before he could get swept up in the crowd.

“Oh, Mom, that was so cool! Did you see me go faster and faster, maybe sixty-four miles an hour, and no hands or anything?” The little boy pushed his glasses back up his nose.

“We sure did, Charles! You’re going to be as big and brave as your dad was pretty soon.” Amelia grinned.

“Yeah,” Charles said solemnly. “Next week, pro’bly.”

After an ice-cream bar, a ride on the Ferris wheel and an encounter with Elmer Fudd that included, on Charles’s insistence, a hug for each of them, the trio started on their second go-round of Charles’s favorite rides.

“I’m going to make a dash for the ladies’ room,” Cara said when Amelia rejoined her on the sidelines after buckling Charles into Lady Bugz.

Nodding, Amelia continued to watch her son and he want around and around. His grin pulled at her, reminding her of his dad. It had been a year, and the pain of his loss hadn’t diminished at all. Johnny had been a great father. The best.

And as a husband—

Amelia couldn’t see Charles.

The ride came to a stop with the little boy on the opposite side of the enclosure, the machinery between them. She moved quickly, vaulting over the rail. She braced herself, expecting him to barrel into her as she dashed around the ride.

Charles wasn’t there.

In the couple of seconds it had taken Amelia to get to the other side, he’d disappeared.

Impossible.

Looking around frantically, trying to calm her frenzied heart, telling herself Charles had to be there, that panic was ridiculous, Amelia panicked.

“Charles?” she called, her heart pumping so fast she could hardly breathe.

He had to be there.

“Charles?” she called again, more loudly, weaving through the masses of kids exiting the ride, searching for a glimpse of that bright-green shirt. He’d just gone around the other way. She was sure of it.

He knew the rules. She’d tested him just a minute or two before he’d boarded Lady Bugz.

“Don’t ever be alone,” he’d recited. “Always hold hands when we’re walking. Don’t talk to anyone but the exact ones I came with today and if I have to throw up, tell you…”

Charles Wainscoat Dunn was worth a lot of money.

The rules were what kept him safe.

“Charles!” she shrieked, consumed by terror as she reached her original vantage point and her son was nowhere to be seen.

“God, no.” Tears sprang to her eyes and she angrily blinked them away. She had to find him. This wasn’t happening.

“Charles!” She hollered again and again, running around the entire ride, which was now being invaded by a new mass of children who’d been waiting for their turn.

A couple of little girls looked scared as she ran past. People were starting to stare.

“Can I help you, ma’am?” A ride attendant appeared. “You really can’t be in here.”

“My son,” Amelia panted, half-hysterical with fright. “He was just on this ride and now he’s gone.”

“The exit’s that way,” the young man said, pointing in the direction Amelia had just come from.

“I know that!” she snapped. “He’s not there!”

“Have you looked outside the fence? He probably just wandered out with the rest of the kids.”

“Charles wouldn’t do that. He knows the rules.” Amelia continued to scour the area, certain her son had to be there someplace.

Oh. God.

She choked back blinding tears. Johnny. I need you.

The skinny young man looked around at the restless kids now buckled in and waiting impatiently for the Lady Bugz to start moving.

“Sometimes kids get excited and take off for the next ride,” he said, his tone reassuring. “Don’t worry, he’ll turn up. If he’s not right here or in the vicinity, then head over to Lost Parents in Hometown Park. It’s across from The Orbit. That’s where whoever finds him will take him.”

“You don’t understand…” Amelia started to explain, and then stopped.

If Charles wasn’t here, he was someplace else. And she was wasting precious time.

Stumbling in her haste, Amelia tore around the outside of the ride, hardly seeing anything, searching only for that bright-green shirt.

Her worst nightmare was coming true and she was helpless. Helpless!

“Charles!” she screamed, desperate, her entire body shaking.

“Amelia!” Cara’s familiar voice, her touch on Amelia’s shoulder, slowed her panic, but only for a moment. “What’s wrong?” Cara was asking urgently. “Where’s Charles?”

“I don’t know!” Amelia cried, the last of her composure disappearing. “When the ride stopped, he was gone!”

“He’s got to be here, honey,” Cara said, her calm voice belying the worried look in her eyes as she twisted her head. “He knows the rules. He’d never let someone haul him off without a helluva lot of hollering, and you were standing right here. You would’ve heard him.”

Cara was right, of course. Amelia straightened. Shoulders back, she looked over the heads of the people passing in front of her. “Where is he?” she demanded, autocratic, commanding, in an odd parody of leadership. “Where is he, dammit?” The bravado ended abruptly with a gulping sob.

Cara’s arm slid around Amelia just as she might have fallen to her knees. “Come on, sweetie, we’ll take one more walk around the immediate vicinity and then go to Lost Parents. Charles knows where it is, and even if he doesn’t, anyone who finds him will take him there.”

Amelia nodded, allowing herself to be led as they walked around the ride one more time, checked behind trees, under benches and behind a vendor’s cart.

“He’s gone,” she whispered, desperation making her light-headed even while something inside her was pushing her to be strong.

“Let’s go to Lost Parents,” Cara said, right beside her. “He’ll get scared if he has to wait there too long.”

Adrenaline propelled Amelia through the park faster than she’d ever traveled it before, guiding her as she ducked around and through people. Her straw hat was knocked off and she hardly noticed, leaving it to be trampled. She could feel Cara right behind her, but wouldn’t have slowed if the other woman got held up.

Charles needed her.

And she needed him. More than anyone knew.

She and Cara burst through the entrance to Lost Parents together. And somehow were standing there hand in hand when an attendant told Amelia that Charles wasn’t there.

“He has to be here!” She heard herself screaming as if she was somewhere outside, watching the whole horrible incident from a safe place.

“What’s our next move?”

She heard Cara ask the question, grateful on some level for her friend’s strength, her ability to think when Amelia couldn’t.

“We’ll search the park, put everyone on immediate alert. I’m sure he’ll turn up. They always do…”

Sometime over the next grueling hours, while park security, the police and eventually—as dusk and then darkness fell—the FBI conducted searches, Amelia slipped into shock.

Cara was holding her when the park finally closed, was cleared out, thoroughly searched a final time—and the official word came in.

Charles was not in the park. He might have wandered away. Might be in the vicinity. But no one seemed to think that. They were going under the assumption that the Wainscoat heir had been abducted.

Cara was holding Amelia when the wrenching sobs wracked her friend’s body.

And was still holding her when, so lost in her fear and grief Amelia didn’t even know where she was, they were escorted out of the park.