Читать книгу At Close Range - Tara Quinn Taylor - Страница 11

The Chinese food was gone. The first shot of scotch was long gone, too—having been followed by another and then, at some point, straight 7-Up. Too many hours were gone.

Brian was not. Nor did he appear to be in any hurry to leave.

“I’m all right,” she said, rolling her head along the back of the couch, to peer down to the opposite end where he was lounging. “You don’t have to babysit me.”

Don’t go, the little girl in her pleaded silently. I’m afraid to be alone.

“I’ve never, not once, seen you act like a baby. Or treated you as one.”

“You suck at prevarication, Hampton.”

“Well then,” he said, staring her straight in the eye. “How’s this? I’m not babysitting. I’m here because there’s no place else I’d rather be.”

“I’m guessing Cynthia wouldn’t be too happy to hear that.”

“Cynthia will understand. She knows how long we’ve been friends. She knows I love you like a sister. And…” he added, after a pause “…I don’t think she’d throw a fit even if she didn’t know. I almost wish she would.”

“Why?”

“Because while we enjoy being together, I still don’t quite feel as if we’re really in love. It’s like she doesn’t entirely trust me to love her. Or rather, doesn’t trust herself to be loved. She has no expectations. Counts on nothing. Including the fact that I’m going to come home to her every night.”

Hannah didn’t like the sound of that.

She’d been watching out for Brian—and he for her—more than half her life. She’d known him longer than anyone else. He was family.

That gave her the right to care, didn’t it? Regardless of this new dimension in his life—a woman waiting for him at home. A woman who had first call on his loyalty.

His heart.

“You don’t think Cynthia loves you?” she asked after a long pause.

Brian had suffered enough. Cara’s death had held him captive for more than ten years. Hannah wasn’t going to sit by and watch someone act carelessly with emotions that were only now coming out of storage.

“I think she does,” Brian said.

“But you don’t know it.”

“Right.”

“Does she say she does?”

“Yeah.”

The scotch had relaxed her, possibly too much. Still watching him, Hannah wasn’t sure what was happening—why these intimate feelings were coming out.

“Does she treat you well?”

“Yeah. It just always feels like she’s holding back.”

He’d loosened his tie—a Disney original dotted with Mickey Mouse figures—and unbuttoned the collar of his matching yellow shirt.

Mickey gave her courage. “Maybe she’s not the one holding back,” she said. “Maybe she’s reacting,” she added when he said nothing.

“To what?” he asked, but she thought he knew.

“To you. Maybe you’re the one who can’t give freely and that makes it less safe for her to do so.”

“I’m ready,” Brian said, a frown creasing his forehead. “I know I am.”

“I’m sure you are,” Hannah told him. “But being ready doesn’t mean you’re not out of practice. Don’t be so hard on yourself, Brian. You don’t have to be perfect at everything you do.”

“So you think she’s holding back because I am?”

“I’m saying it’s a possibility. But hey, consider the source. I’m a careful observer, but it’s not like I have any real experience at this.”

“You had the best experience,” Brian said quietly.

By unspoken agreement, they didn’t refer to her life before law school. Her time with Jason.

“Yeah, well, maybe. That was a long time ago.”

Too long ago. Another existence. A very brief idyllic period during which she’d dared to believe she’d finally found a real home.

“And yet, it’s always right there, isn’t it?” His dark eyes wouldn’t let her hide her pain. Because he hurt, too?

“Yeah.” She tried hard not to remember, even while images of Jason’s smile lit her from the inside out.

“He was a great guy, Hannah. One of the best.”

“I know.” Which was partly why it was so hard to accept, even now, that he’d been given such a short time on earth.

“And he loved you.”

Yeah. He had. As much as she’d loved him. A rare gift.

“Do you ever regret marrying him?”

“No.” She didn’t even need to think about that.

“I don’t know if I could’ve done it. Being so young. And knowing he was sick.”

“I was only seventeen,” Hannah said. “But it felt like thirty-seven. I’d been in and out of six foster homes by then, living on the streets for weeks every time I ran away. I felt like I’d been on my own for years. It’s not like I had any childhood left to cling to. Having a real home of my own—that was heaven.”

“But you knew you were going to lose him.”

“I knew it was a possibility, but I was still young enough to believe we’d fight his illness together. That we’d win. I think, when you’re in a situation like that, you have to believe in miracles. It’s how you get through the day-to-day business of living.

“Besides, regardless of the threat of death, I had the honor of being his wife. I got to be with him every single day, in a life where they were all precious. I got to know every intimate detail about him. I was the one he talked to in the middle of the night. I got his wisdom, his laughter. I got to share his pain. And to ease it.”

She had tears in her eyes, and didn’t care. Jason deserved them.

“I wish I’d known him.”

“I do, too,” Hannah said now, knowing instinctively that Jason would’ve liked Brian. And although Brian already knew the story, she found comfort in telling it once more. “Cara met him a few times. He’d insisted he’d only marry me if I went to college, and I met up with Cara again that first year. We’d been best friends in junior high, two foster families before my last one. I only saw her during class at Arizona State for the first year or two because Jason and I spent all our time together, but she and I talked a lot. By the time Jason got really sick, Cara and I were close again. Jason wanted to meet her and she wanted to meet him. She started coming around on weekends. That was toward the end when he wasn’t up and about much.”

Brian settled back in the corner of the couch, his arm along the back with his fingers just inches from her head. His presence was a comfort, offering an odd kind of security—to a woman who’d never known much of that.

“She told me about him,” he said now. “We were already dating by the time he died. I kind of assumed he was always pretty much bedridden.”

“No.” Hannah shook her head, smiling through her tears. “That was only the last couple of months. The first three years you wouldn’t even have known he was sick except for all the medication in our bathroom. And the grocery shopping. We had to be careful about what he ate.”

“With him being well, didn’t that give you hope?”

“Sure it did.”

“That must’ve made it even harder when he got worse.”

She couldn’t believe they were talking about this. Jason was a topic held very close to her heart, taken out only when she was alone. And yet, tonight, with Brian, sharing him felt right.

“Is it ever easy?” she asked. The question wasn’t rhetorical and they both knew it.

“No, of course not.”

“So which is better? To know beforehand, to be able to prepare, but to spend those last days in mourning? Or is it better to have your loved one there, perfectly normal and happy, enjoying what you think is a long life together, and then be left in shock when he’s snatched away with no time to say goodbye?”

Brian shrugged. “They both suck.”

It was her word. Her one leftover from the hardened teenager she’d left behind. She’d never heard him use it before.

“Yeah, but look at it this way, Brian. Most people are looking for that one great love, wishing for it, missing it if they’ve settled for less. Some of them will never know what it’s like to find your soul mate. We had that. We know.”

He studied her for several seconds, lips tight as emotion shone from his eyes. “You’re right.”

“I’d choose those three years with Jason over a lifetime of settling.”

He nodded. “Me, too.”

As a boy, Bobby Donahue had had trouble sleeping. Getting under his bed quickly enough to avoid a drunken attack from his father was impossible when he was unconscious.

Since taking control of his life, however, and later, control of the lives around him, the only nights he’d been up late involved a woman.

Usually the same woman.

Tonight was no different. The hours between Friday night and Saturday morning, he spent alone in the Flagstaff home he’d once shared with the two people he’d loved above all else. His wife and son.

He sat, dressed in nothing but his skin, and searched for his woman—Amanda Blake.

Stripped down he was completely raw, the man his Father in Heaven had crafted him to be.

Nudity kept him grounded when life was throwing him more challenges than he’d bargained for.

He was prepared for the hard work. Could handle anything he was given. He didn’t doubt that. Not for a second.

He’d just found some things easier to conquer than others.

The trial had not gone well that day, but he had things in hand. One way or another, Kenny Hill, a zealous young man Bobby dearly loved, would be alive to continue his good works.

But Kenny wasn’t the reason Bobby was up. Living without his son, knowing that a year had passed in Luke’s life, a formative year, was slowly eroding Bobby’s peace of mind.

He’d never loved anyone like he’d loved his son. Never.

Not even Amanda, the boy’s mother. Luke’s kidnapper.

The Internet was a wonderful tool. And his ability to hack into more sites than God didn’t hurt—not that anyone else knew about that ability.

He stared at the screen.

“Father, I give it all to You,” he said aloud. “Thy will be done. If Thou would have me search until my eyes go blind, I will do so.” There was a clue here somewhere. He was certain of it. A newspaper article, a picture, a mention of a homeless woman’s arrest, or better yet, some illegal activity for which he knew Amanda was well trained. Like breaking and entering.

With a twist.

Amanda would only go to homes that were empty. She’d pick the lock. She’d take food, clothes and any cash she found. Nothing else.

Amanda was a class act.

And she’d only rob others if she was desperate.

Which she’d have to be, on the run, not only from the law, but from their church—the Ivory Nation.

No one escaped the brotherhood forever. Amanda had already set a record for length of time on the loose avoiding Ivory Nation capture.

With Bobby’s son.

While he knew God would have him find the woman, bring her to penitence, Bobby also admired her. The only woman he’d ever loved. Amanda was good. The best. Which was why God had given her to him in the first place.

They’d had a great work to do together. Had done it well. And if she’d remained faithful, they would’ve done so much more.

Bobby reached for the hand gripper he kept close by and started to squeeze. When that didn’t ease his tension he scrolled faster through the Web sites, reviewing incident after incident, detail after detail, looking for the telltale signs in police logs across the country.

And without his permission, visions of Amanda ran through his mind. Visions of her when she’d been a zealous follower of the Ivory Nation, proselyting on campus, while the brothers went about the seamier business of cleaning up God’s world for His people.

He’d loved her.

And she’d loved him, too. For the first time ever, he’d known what love felt like. Known what it meant to have it in his home.

In those first couple of years they’d never gone more than a night or two without making love. He, who’d had all the sex there was to have, wanted only one woman. He couldn’t get enough of her. No matter how often Amanda spread her legs, no matter how long they were together, he always felt blessed by her beauty.

She’d been so much more than sex. She’d been his companion. A believer in his cause. A missionary.

She’d been a true daughter of God.

Bobby had seen the Lord’s work in Amanda’s ability to reach people, her soft voice and big eyes touching their hearts in a way Bobby couldn’t. She could convince a crowd of undergrads at the college, or a roomful of executives at a business meeting, that giving money to support their work, to support certain political candidates, was something they wanted to do.

And she’d done so willingly. In the beginning, she’d begged him to let her help make a difference in this dirty, evil world.

And then she’d conceived a pure white child and he’d had to have her twice a day sometimes. When he looked at his woman pregnant with another of God’s pure souls, his cock wouldn’t be still.

He’d insisted on delivering Luke himself. Nothing would ever compare to the power and love he’d felt as he’d reached up and pulled out their perfect boy. He’d bawled like a baby.

In the months that had followed, he’d been there as his beautiful and loyal woman had suckled their infant, nourishing Luke through the miracle of her body. He’d held her breast while their son fed, and fed himself on the leftovers.

And he’d cried then, too, giving thanks for his changed life: from drinking tainted water to supping on God’s nectar.

The blinking cursor brought Bobby back to the air-conditioned room. The house was far too quiet. Too dark and foreboding. This was no longer the house of love he’d built.

And he was no longer just lonely, worried and angry. He was also uncomfortably turned on. Bobby knew what he had to do.

The same thing he’d been doing since Amanda’s defection two years before. He couldn’t bed another woman. He couldn’t be untrue to her memory.

God had made that clear to him when He’d told Bobby he’d have to give up Amanda. That He needed Bobby to make the supreme sacrifice.

He’d made Bobby promise that he’d never tarnish the memory of the love he and Amanda had shared by coupling with another woman.

And bedding a man would be a sin. God was very plain about that one.

With a couple of clicks, Bobby was in a private live chat, his Web camera aimed and ready.

And a minute later his screen revealed the naked body of an attractive woman named Jane, her glorious red hair and welcoming smile familiar as her voice filled the cold room with a warmth he was eager to enjoy.

He used the camera to show her that he was following her orders, while he watched her pleasure herself. The illusion they were creating washed over him, soothing him, giving him a few minutes of escape.

And hopefully enough of a release to be able to sleep.