Читать книгу Call To Honor - Tawny Weber - Страница 12
ОглавлениеSO THIS MUST be what it felt like to get run over by a truck.
A very large, dirty truck overloaded with painful regrets and parental guilt.
Sitting on the edge of the bed, head resting in her hands, Harper used her fingers to try to massage away the pain throbbing a tango on her scalp.
He’d taken the news well.
Too well.
She’d told him that the man who’d fathered him was dead, and Nathan had simply nodded. He hadn’t asked any questions. He hadn’t been interested in Brandon’s heroics as a SEAL, or why he’d never been around. He didn’t care what was in the box of effects sent to him by the person who claimed to be Brandon’s best friend. The first time he’d shown any emotion was when she’d suggested he might want the glass-fronted rosewood case of medals to keep in his room, and that’d been to throw the case back into the packing box with a scowl.
Before she could ask if he wanted to talk about it, or if he had any questions, he’d demanded to know if they were done yet so he could call Jeremy.
Harper hadn’t known what else to do other than wave him toward the phone. Maybe he was just too excited about camp to focus on the other. Or maybe he simply didn’t care.
She’d spent the rest of the evening watching for signs while pretending not to. She’d done her yoga in the TV room while he chatted on the phone. She’d worked on her laptop in the dining room while he’d tossed his baseball in the backyard. And she’d curled up with him on the couch while he grumbled over his summer reading.
But she hadn’t seen a single sign of grief or confusion. He’d been his usual, upbeat self.
Maybe he was repressing something.
Or maybe he simply didn’t care.
“Mom?”
Harper jumped to her feet, hurrying down the hall to Nathan’s bedroom.
“What do you need, sweetie?”
“I can’t find my baseball.” In Thor pajamas, wrapped in the bedtime scent of coconut soap and bubblegum toothpaste, Nathan sat in the middle of his floor surrounded by LEGO pieces. “I wanted to use it as the power source, but it’s not here.”
“Power source, huh?” Harper knelt down next to him, careful to avoid jabbing a tiny plastic block into her knee. “Is this going to be a space station?”
“Yeah. It’s gonna be Kylo Ren’s hideout.” He didn’t look at her, but Harper didn’t need to see his eyes to conclude he was upset. “He’s gotta recover and learn to control his temper and figure out stuff.”
Kylo Ren. Harper’s breath came slow and painful as she tried to figure out how to ask her little boy if he was suddenly relating to the villain’s father issues. She wanted to gather Nathan tight in her arms and rock away any pain, soothe any confusion.
Her eyes burned as she looked at the top of her son’s tousled hair as it lay drying in shaggy waves. He wasn’t a baby anymore. And while she didn’t claim to understand much about the male ego, she knew her little boy was already too much a man to accept either words or hugs until he was ready for them.
She didn’t know what it said that she grieved over that more than anything else today. But there it was.
So she did what she always did. She sidestepped the emotional drama and went for the practical.
“You were playing with your ball when you were in the yard. Did you leave it out there?”
“Maybe.” His face creased as he continued to snap the tiny gray pieces together. “I think so.”
“I’ll find it,” she said, giving in to the urge to run her hand over his hair before rising.
“Can I listen to a story, too?” he asked before she reached the door.
“Percy Jackson?” Harper asked, reaching for the remote she kept on the spaceship-shaped shelving unit and aiming it for the CD player. Already queued to chapter 7, the narrator’s voice filled the room with the adventures of Percy and Grover. Harper waited another moment, but Nathan seemed content.
He wouldn’t be in a half hour when she called for lights-out, though. Not without his ball. He’d never had a blankie or teddy bear. Just like he’d never had a father.
He’d had her. And he’d had his baseball.
Since he’d probably left it in the backyard, she started her search there. It wasn’t until the evening air cooled her hot cheeks that she realized they were covered in tears.
Harper dried them with an impatient swipe of her hands, bending low to peer under chairs, stretching sideways to check behind the bank of variegated hosta plants and rich purple spikes of salvia.
It took her a few seconds to realize she was hearing more than crickets in the night. Was someone yelling hiyah?
She stepped through the iron fence and froze.
The new neighbor was in his backyard. Barefoot and shirtless, he wore what looked like black pajama bottoms. He simply flowed across the moon-drenched lawn. Kicks, turns, chops and punches flowed in a seamlessly elegant dance.
Was that martial arts he was doing?
Shirtless.
She couldn’t quite get past that one particular point.
It was too delicious.
But instead of licking her lips, Harper clenched her fists tight at her sides.
Why the hell was a man who looked like that living next door to her? More to the point, why did her libido choose now to wake up? Was it some cosmic joke that she’d remember now, despite her claims to the contrary, she was a sexually aware woman who had needs and desires?
Harper watched him do some sort of flip, feet in the air and his body resting on one hand. Muscles rippled, but he wasn’t even breathing hard as he executed an elegant somersault to land, feetfirst on the grass, knees low and arms extended.
Wow.
She’d bet all of her needs and desires could be handled quite nicely by her gorgeous, and quite physically impressive, new neighbor.
Harper would have growled if she weren’t worried the guy would notice the slightest sound and turn around. The last thing she wanted while she was going through this personal crisis was attention.
She wanted to blame Andi. Oh, not for the new neighbor. Arranging for good-looking neighbors wasn’t one of Andi’s oft-bragged-about skills. But putting the idea of sex and lust and, yes, dammit, craving, into Harper’s mind so her imagination ran wild when she looked at the new neighbor? That was totally and completely Andi’s fault.
Her stomach tightened with an edgy need she recognized as desire as the guy did a series of kicks, each one higher than the other with the last aimed straight overhead.
Again, wow.
He had tattoos.
A cross riding low on his hip and something tribal circling one bicep.
Who knew tattoos were so sexy?
Harper’s mouth went dry. Her libido, eight years in deep freeze, exploded into lusty flames so hot they scorched away all her spit. She couldn’t swallow, could barely breathe. She had to try twice to clear the tight knot of lust in her throat.
Wow, she thought for the third time.
Because some things definitely deserved repeating.
The man was incredible.
Gorgeous. She was pretty sure he was gorgeous. It was hard to tell, though, because her head was spinning.
He looked like some kind of pagan god—the ones who liked to deflower virgins—with that commanding air, impressive body and golden skin stretched over well-toned muscles.
Short black hair that spiked here and there over a face made for appreciative sighs. Sharp cheekbones rose high, accenting full lips. Thick brows arched over deep-set eyes, and he had a scar on his chin that glowed in the moonlight.
She heard herself gulp before she realized she’d done it.
Wondering where her spit had gone, Harper decided that she’d better get the hell out of there. Before he saw her. Before she did something to make sure he saw her.
But just as she turned to go, she spotted Nathan’s baseball sitting on a raised brick flowerbed. It was all she could do not to groan out loud. Her hint of a sigh must have been enough though, because the guy looked her way. Just a glance, not enough to slow the elegant ballet of kicks and punches. But enough to show that he knew she was there. He’d probably known all along.
“You looking for the ball?” His words were lightly accented with a familiar Hispanic lilt. They came low and easy like his smile, which made it all the more irritating that Harper was still too breathless to reply right away.
“Yes, my son lost it.” She eyed the distance between her nice, safe spot next to the fence and the ball. It wasn’t far, but she’d have to skirt awfully close to the man who was now, what? She narrowed her eyes. Was he praying?
Palms together, eyes closed, he lifted his hands high overhead so that long body stretched toward the moon. Shimmering light danced over a puckered scar riding high on his chest, glistened off the sharp-edged tattoo that circled his bicep like barbed wire before he lowered his hands to chest height. Eyes still closed, he took a deep breath. Wondering if he’d do it again, Harper edged a few inches inside the fence line. Before she’d taken a full step, though, his eyes shot open.
“Good yard for working out,” he said with a nod of approval. He moved across the lawn with the same light-footed grace as he’d shown in his martial arts dance. He stopped along the way to grab the ball, then continued until he was a couple of feet from her. There, he simply stood, tossing the ball from hand to hand, staring.
“I should get that to Nathan.” She cleared her throat, tried a smile. It failed but she figured she at least got points for trying. “He’s very attached to it.”
“The kid’s a pistol.” His eyes were much too intense as he watched her face.
Didn’t the man blink?
That’s when she realized what she must look like. She’d tossed an oversize tee claiming Just Say Zen atop her green yoga bra and leggings, so unlike some people, she was decently covered. But her hair was pulled into a sloppy ponytail, and she was sure that whatever makeup she hadn’t sweated off during her workout had washed away during that first, or maybe the second, crying jag.
The only way this could be any worse was if she threw herself on his chest and started licking her way down his body. And given her reaction to simply thinking about it, she decided she’d better hurry up and get out of there before she did exactly that.
From the look on his face, he knew it, too.
“Thanks for finding it.” She held up one hand to indicate that he throw her the ball. But while he tossed it in the air, it was only to catch it again. What was he waiting for? She had to remind herself that this was a friendly neighborhood, and people expected actual conversation from time to time.
“I appreciate you taking the time to fix Nathan’s bike,” she said, wishing she could clear the nerves out of her throat. But that would just give him proof that he had her all stirred up, and one thing Harper had learned young was to never give a man that kind of upper hand.
“Fix his bike?” he repeated, as if surprised. “You mean out front today? We were just talking.”
Despite the shimmying tension in her belly and the tightness in her chest, that attempt at innocence in his voice made Harper laugh.
“Mmm, he’s having trouble with the chain. Probably has something to do with jumping his bike when he’s not supposed to.”
“Wouldn’t know about that. Like I said, we just talked for a few minutes. He’s a friendly kid.”
The compliment smoothed out her frayed nerves just a little. Breathing deep for the first time since he’d stepped through the hedges, Harper glanced up at the second floor of her fancy new house. Nathan’s window glowed with friendly cheer.
“He’s comfortable with people,” she said, half to herself. “Easy with them.”
“How about you?” He waited until her eyes met his again, the shadows dancing in wicked angles over his face. “Are you just as at ease and comfortable with strangers?”
She wasn’t even that comfortable with friends. But that wasn’t any of his business.
“I’m not seven years old, so I see people a little differently than Nathan does” was all she said.
“I guess he gets that easiness with people from his dad, huh?” Even as his lips quirked, that dark gaze seemed to intensify. “Me, all I got from my old man is my height.”
His expression was easy, his demeanor mellow. Still, nerves did an edgy cha-cha through her system. Maybe it was the mention of fathers, or just the pointed reminder of Brandon. Whatever it was, Harper didn’t like it.
“It’s a little soon to tell how tall Nathan will be,” she said, her words a chilly sidestep to his question. “Thank you for the help finding the ball. I’ll take it in to him now.”
His eyes not leaving hers, he moved closer.
Close enough that his scent—fresh male with a hint of earthy sweat and clean soap—wrapped around her.
Close enough to touch. All she had to do was reach out to trail her fingers over that hard flesh. Was he warm and slick after that workout? Or had his skin cooled, sweat sticking like a salty blanket? Her body hummed, nerves shimmering so hard her fingers trembled. She reached for the ball.
What was he looking for? What was he seeing? Finally, he placed the ball in her outstretched hand. Then, as if expecting something more, he stood there, waiting.
For what?
No matter how much her jump-started libido wanted otherwise, she wasn’t actually going to lick him.
“Thanks,” she murmured, gripping it tight. It was stupid for her heart to speed up now that she was only a moment from safe, but race it did. Harper gave the no-longer-smiling neighbor a brief nod, then turned to duck back through the vine-covered gate.
“Hey.”
One hand filled with the soft leaves, the other gripping the ball to her chest, Harper stopped to glance over her shoulder.
“Everything okay?”
No. But since she didn’t know why it wasn’t, she lied. “Fine.” Unable to resist, she added, “Why do you ask?”
Clouds cloaked the moon now, dimming its light so his eyes were cast in night shadows. But Harper could still feel the power of his stare.
“Maybe I just don’t like seeing a beautiful woman in a hurry to get away from me.” The shadows did nothing to hide the wicked charm of his smile or the hint of sexual heat in that shielded gaze.
It was the same heat Harper felt sizzling deep in her belly. An awareness and a whole slew of promises—all of which were as suited to the dark night as the man himself seemed to be.
Who knew she’d want that so desperately?
Oh, boy, there it was, Harper realized in a flash.
The reason for her nerves. All that masculine energy, all that sensual interest, all the impossible possibilities, they crowded her thoughts, filled her body.
Thankfully, the tiny voice in her mind still had enough control to scream danger.
“I’m hurrying because I don’t like to leave my son inside alone,” she managed, hoping her words didn’t sound as breathless to him as they did to her. “Again, thanks for your help.”
And with that, she tossed pride and dignity aside and slipped through the hedge before he could say another word. It wasn’t until she was inside the house that she realized she was holding her breath. Releasing it in a harsh whoosh, Harper leaned against the closed door and focused for a moment on getting the air in and out.
What was she doing? Getting lusty over a man just because he had a sexy smile and a gorgeous body? Just because his eyes promised all sorts of delights and his chest made her fingers tingle to touch? Sure, he looked as if he could’ve posed for Michelangelo’s David with those sculpted muscles and all that smooth skin. And maybe the hint of an accent and flashes of humor were intriguing. But was that an excuse to picture the man naked? To wonder if he had the kind of talent in bed to make her moan with pleasure?
At that point, Harper had enough breath to laugh at herself. Because if those weren’t reasons to get lusty, she couldn’t think of what was. Deciding to give herself a break, she peeled herself off the door and, resisting the urge to peek out the window, flipped the lock and turned off the lights.
Wouldn’t Andi be proud, Harper thought, grinning and tossing the ball from hand to hand as she climbed the stairs. Not that she would tell her. Andi wouldn’t understand. Because as much fun as it was to discover that, yes, indeed, she had a libido, Harper had no intention of doing anything about it.
No matter how lusty the guy made her feel.
* * *
AN HOUR LATER, halfway through her nightly bedtime routine, Harper glanced in the bathroom mirror and frowned. Was that a wrinkle?
She rubbed her finger along the faint line scored between her meticulously arched brows.
Her frown deepened. So did the line. It was a wrinkle. How could she have a wrinkle? She was only twenty-five. Weren’t wrinkles at least a decade away?
What the hell was she thinking, wondering if she should get naked with the hottie next door when her face looked like this? She yanked open the bottom drawer of the floor to ceiling corner cabinet and pawed through the array of bottles and jars and tins. Bubble bath, body lotion, tanning cream. Eye shadows, miracle mascaras, blushers by the dozen. Harper shuffled and dug until, a fistful of samples in hand, she rose to spread the tubes and tins over the bathroom counter.
After squinting her way through the tiny print and wondering if bifocals were next, she settled on four antiaging ones that promised to turn back time. A daytime moisturizer with SPF, a hydration-boosting serum, an age-reversing night cream and a mask rich in botanicals.
She’d need to visit one of those skin care counters at the mall, but she figured there wasn’t a moment to lose fighting the affects that that bitch, age, was trying to gash into her face. She’d be damned if she’d let her win.
Twenty minutes later, she’d washed, masked, toned and moisturized. She flexed a little, feeling righteous in her fight. Take that, bitch, she huffed into the mirror.
Hair pulled back in a tight ponytail and her face glistening with a thick layer that promised dewy youth, she caught sight of herself in the cherry-trimmed cheval mirror.
She had to laugh.
She looked like this, and she was worrying about wrinkles keeping her from hitting on the neighbor?
This was the closest thing to seduction wear she owned. The black nightshirt fit just fine, skimming her breasts and hitting midthigh. But it was roomy rather than revealing, and while the cotton was wonderfully soft, Wonder Woman was so wash-worn that she was more a shadow than an actual image.
She was so not the seduce-the-neighbor-into-a-puddle-of-lust type of woman.
Hoping that little taste of reality would put an end to the crazy thoughts that kept trying to take hold, she headed down the hall. She stopped to take a quick peek at Nathan. In the glow of the star-shaped nightlight, her son slept with his usual exuberant abandon. Blankets kicked this way, arms and legs sprawled. His face buried in the pillow, his hair stuck up in little tufts. Her fingers itched to smooth it down, to straighten his blankets and settle him into the center of the bed. But he’d wake at the lightest touch. So she simply listened to the gentle sound of his breath, watched the easy rise and fall of his chest. After a long moment, she pulled the door three-quarters shut again and went to her own room.
The bulk of the furnishings in the house belonged to Andi, including the four-poster bed. But the bedding, oh, that’d been Harper’s single indulgence for herself when they’d moved in. Heavy gold brocade and apricot satin, it was so rich and elegant, it made her feel like a princess. She woke every morning feeling as if she actually belonged in a house this fancy, as if she’d finally earned the right to such sumptuous surroundings. That she’d finally shed the grasping guttersnipe label pinned on her so many years before by Brandon’s mother.
With that thought firmly in mind, knowing she’d put it off long enough, Harper reached under the mound of decorative pillows on her bed and pulled out the envelope that had come with today’s delivery of a box of memories.
She tapped it on her palm a couple of times, then set it on the nightstand. She pulled back the blankets, climbed beneath the cool sheets and fluffed her pillow a couple of times before leaning back.
Then she lifted the envelope again. With a deep breath, she slid her thumb beneath the flap and carefully tore the seal.
Ms. Maclean,
You don’t know me but I served with Brandon Ramsey. He was my mentor, my friend and my roommate. He was a hero who deserves to be honored. But the Navy is tying that honor up in red tape. They are trying to make him a scapegoat for a team too incompetent to retrieve his body. That means they won’t send Brandon’s son the benefits he deserves. Instead they’re destroying the legacy your son’s father left behind. I’m sending a few things so his son can appreciate what a great man he was. But that’s not enough. They need to honor Brandon, to show the world what a hero he was. This is a mess. I hope you can help me fix it.
Keep the Spirit Alive!
Dane Adams
Harper read it again, then one more time, then glanced at the rest of the papers. News clippings, write-ups on Brandon’s deeds, certificates.
She could only sigh.
This poor guy. Of course the situation was a mess. What else would Brandon leave behind? She didn’t understand the part about the Navy making Brandon a scapegoat. More likely it was just red tape and some sort of military rules or regulations that this guy was upset over.
It wasn’t until she saw a tear splash onto the paper that Harper realized she was crying. She didn’t know why. Brandon had destroyed all of her illusions years ago when he’d crushed her heart.
She shoved the unread documents back into the envelope.
This wasn’t her life. It wasn’t her problem.
Whatever Brandon had done, whether he’d died a hero or not, it didn’t matter.
Not to her.
But tears still came, even as she slowly drifted into sleep.
Not for Brandon this time. Or even for Nathan.
But for the girl she’d been, the one who’d believed in heroes.
