Читать книгу Money Mammoth - Ted Klontz - Страница 33

Financial enmeshment is a blurring of boundaries among family members around money. Our research has found that financial enmeshment occurs more commonly with higher income males,¹ but it can afflict anyone. One example of financial enmeshment is when parents give children too much financial information or involve them inappropriately in adult financial matters. Common examples include:

 Using children to pass along financial information between divorced parents (e.g., “Please tell your mother to pay me the $100 she owes me”).

 Sharing your financial stress with a child (e.g., “I don't know how we are going to pay rent this month”).

 Having children answer the phone when creditors call.

 Talking poorly about a child's parents around money (e.g., “You can't have braces because your father won't pay child support”).

Involving children in adult financial matters can have a negative impact on their own relationship with money. While some children may feel a sense of importance that they are being involved in adult matters, they are not psychologically able to cope with and process the information. As such, the experience often leaves them feeling anxious and insecure. It is very important to talk to your children about money, but it is not okay to share too much financial information with them. A great litmus test on what is “too much” is to ask yourself this question: “Am I feeling negative emotions around this issue (e.g., scared, guilty, or anger)?” If so, you are best not to share it. A better idea is for you to share those concerns with another adult, possibly even a professional. There is no shame in having financial stress or concerns, but you need to be careful not to burden children with your issues, as it can hurt them.