Читать книгу Unconditional - Telaina Eriksen - Страница 9

Do’s and Don’ts

1) DO—make this more than one conversation. Even if you are feeling uncomfortable, you are the adult, and you need to be there for your child.

2) DO—affirm with love. Even if you have never said or done a single homophobic thing in your life, there is still a part of your child that is worried you will think less of them. If you have made jokes about “the gays” even just in fun, your child might be worried whether you will still love them. Eliminate this fear. They are still that great kid that you’ve been parenting all along. Let them know that.

3) DO—seek resources together. Go the library or order some books and movies online. Find age-appropriate materials and take turns reading them, or watch a documentary or movie together.

4) DO—be human. You’re not perfect and neither is your kid. As long as you are making a real effort with love and respect, your child will see that, and that love and respect will get you through many a parental misstep. (And I’ve found that if you show your kid love and respect, a good 80 or 90 percent of the time, they will show that love and respect right back to you.)

5) DO—keep an open mind. Depending on your life circumstances, a lot is being asked of you right now. If you’ve been raised in a strict Christian household and you believe every word of the Bible is word-for-word straight from God’s mouth, I’m asking you to think about if it is your job to judge your child. Can you just love your kid and let your child be responsible for their own faith and beliefs? They already know what you feel and believe. Trust in that.

6) DO—talk about what age-appropriate expectations you have now. If your son is 15, has just come out as gay to you, and his friend Ryan has been spending hours up in his room with him or having sleepovers, you need to have a conversation. Maybe several conversations.

7) DON’T—“Are you sure?” your child. I don’t know where we got this strange idea in America that something that is true one day will be true the next. As an example, I hated asparagus as a child. Hated it. We grew a bountiful supply in the backyard growing up, and I couldn’t stand it. Now asparagus is one of my favorite foods. I love it. Your daughter may tell you she is bisexual. She may end up with a man as a partner. She may end up with a woman. These are both “true” options and possibilities. Which leads me to…

8) DON’T—judge, lecture, or assume. These can be some of our favorite things to do as parents. Listen. Ask for more information if you’re not sure. Don’t interrogate your child, but it’s fine to say things like, “I’m not sure quite what you mean. Tell me a little more.” Or, “Is there anything else you want or need to tell me?” and even, “Okay, how can I support you right now?”

9) DON’T—scream, yell, or criticize their timing. If they are coming out at a certain time, it happened for a reason. Stay calm. Use all of your mad adulting skills. Remember, they are doing the best they can right now. Just like you.

10) DON’T—take it personally. This isn’t about you. It’s about them. And it’s going to be okay.