Читать книгу The Bachelor's Baby - Teresa Southwick, Teresa Southwick - Страница 9

Tucker suppressed his anger at her dismissal. He needed a clear head, something he could never manage when he was mad as hell. Like now. Casey Wright had confessed, unburdened her conscience, come clean and told him about his son. Her halfhearted attempt to find him didn’t cut it, as far as he was concerned. He didn’t trust a woman who would keep secrets from him, especially something as important as the fact that he was going to be a father. If she expected him to walk out of his son’s life, she’d better think again.

“This is a proposal that you might want to seriously consider,” he repeated.

“If this is about marrying you,” she said quickly. “That’s out of the question.”

“I wasn’t going to ask you to.”

“Oh. Good, because the answer would have been no.”

“Fine. I don’t want to get married, either. But I’ve got another idea. Will you hear me out?”

She stared back at him, her delicate jaw rigid with stubbornness. Big green eyes in a pixie face, surrounded becomingly by short, jagged-cut blond hair, regarded him suspiciously. He realized he had lied when he told her she wasn’t as cute as he remembered. She was cuter.

When she took a deep breath and nodded, he knew she would listen. “I don’t think I’ll like it, but the least I can do is hear you out.”

“How do you know you won’t like it?” he asked, irritated.

“I just do. But go ahead.”

Still on one knee beside her rocking chair, he felt as if he should propose marriage to her. It was the honorable thing to do. He couldn’t. It might be noble, but it wasn’t right. Not for Casey or Jason or him. Marriage implied love and commitment that would last forever, and he didn’t believe that was possible. But he could offer her the next best thing.

“I want you and Jason to move in with me on my ranch.” He took one look at her face and added, “Temporarily. Say, three months. A month for every one I missed out on.”

“You want—” She stared at him for a moment.

Then she moved. Beneath the soft little blanket that hid his son and her breast, she squirmed as she righted the straps of her bra and shirt. She threw off the flannel covering, lifted the contented baby to her shoulder and burped him. With quick, angry movements, she arranged a small plastic chair in the crib.

“What’s that?” he asked. “What are you doing?”

This baby thing was all new to him. Everything was fascinating. Especially the feeding part, he decided, noticing the way her T-shirt molded to the soft curve of her breasts.

She spread the chair straps wide with one hand as she held the baby in her other arm. “This is called an infant seat. I’m going to put him in here in a semiupright position.”

“Why?”

“If I put him on his tummy when it’s full, he’ll throw up. If I put him on his back, I’m afraid he’ll spit up and aspirate it into his lungs.”

“That doesn’t sound good.”

“No, it’s not.”

“What does he do when he sits in the chair—infant seat?”

“Nothing.”

“Sounds boring.”

“Probably. Pretty soon he’ll get tired and take a nap.

“How does he get tired from doing nothing?”

She glared at him. “I don’t know. And I don’t know what makes you think you have the right to make a suggestion like you just did.”

“You think moving to the ranch is a bad idea?”

“Very bad.”

“Why? You said you don’t want to leave him. The way the world is today, a wacko on every corner, I don’t like the idea of him with a total stranger—”

“I’d never leave him with someone untrustworthy.”

“I have a right to approve of my son’s caretaker.”

“You never heard of Jason until today. This isn’t your problem or your business.”

As she heaved a huge sigh, her chest went up and down in a tantalizing way that made his blood race and his pulse pound. She had a lot of things to explain, like why she hadn’t tried harder to find him. Why she hadn’t returned the calls he’d left on her voice mail. Whether or not she ever would have told him he had a son. But one thing was clear to him, the attraction that had provoked him into taking her to bed against his better judgment hadn’t lessened in a year.

As he watched her strap the baby in the chair, Tucker carefully gathered his thoughts. “Casey, I’m sensing that you don’t like the fact much, but the reality is, I’m Jason’s father. Everything about his welfare is my business.”

“Damn. This is exactly what I was afraid of.” She glared at him and marched out of the room.

Tucker glanced at the baby, sitting quietly in his crib. “Hey, there, little fella. Son,” he said, testing the word. He liked the way it sounded.

He wound up the music box on the mobile mounted on the crib rail. Strains of music filled the room as the suspended animals slowly turned. Jason waved his arms, trying to catch the moving figures, Tucker guessed.

He reached out a finger and the baby grabbed on. “Good grip, buddy,” he said. Jason grinned.

The mobile’s movement drew the baby’s wideeyed blue gaze. As he smiled and gurgled happily, dimples formed in his cheeks. Tucker noticed again the resemblance. The boy was a Smith through and through. Although there was some of his mother in him, too. He was sort of bald at the moment, but the little bit of hair he had was light. Looked like it might turn out to be wheat colored like Casey’s.

He, and a woman he barely knew, shared this baby. It was an amazing, unsettling thought.

As he studied his son, Tucker’s chest swelled and his heart melted. His feelings were bittersweet. He’d missed out on Casey’s pregnancy, watching her belly grow big with his baby, being at the hospital for the birth, seeing her learn to nurse before she had become discreet about it. He hadn’t been included in bringing Jason home. He’d just missed out on the baby rolling from his tummy to his back for the first time.

His son was already three months old, and Tucker keenly felt the irretrievable loss. He didn’t intend to miss anything else. Including getting acquainted with his son’s mother, so he could better know the boy, he told himself.

He walked into the living room and frowned as he took in the feminine furnishings. Shaking his head, he was amazed at how his perspective had changed since learning he had a son. The room he once would have thought pretty and definitely female, and so suited to Casey, now became the worst possible environment for raising a boy.

The question was, how was he going to make her realize that. He had no idea what his legal rights were, with them not being married. Although he intended to find out. Still, he didn’t want to force her into a decision. It would be best for everyone if she came to the ranch because she believed it was the right thing to do.

Standing in front of the white brick fireplace, she stared at a photo on the mantel, her back to him. She must have sensed his presence, because her shoulders stiffened.

Tucker moved beside her. “You want to explain what you meant by what you just said?”

“What did I say?”

“You were afraid that would happen. Exactly what were you afraid of?”

She looked at him. “That you would try to rescue me.”

“What the hell are you talking about? You don’t look like you’re drowning. Haven’t fallen down a mountain. Far as I can tell you’re not shipwrecked. Exactly what does rescue mean?”

“That you would try and make everything better for me and the baby, which implies that things are not fine just like they are.”

“Things aren’t fine. You don’t have a job. Because of the baby. I share half the responsibility for that. Why did you decide to have him?” He held up a hand. “Don’t pretend to misunderstand. You could have taken the easy way out, but you didn’t. The path you’ve chosen is bound to have a pothole or two. So why’d you do it?”

“Because I wanted a child. Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t set out for it to happen. I’m not the sort of woman who meets a man and falls into bed with him.”

“I never thought you were.” One of the things that had charmed him that night a year and a day ago, had been her shy innocence. He had known then she didn’t make a habit of going to a man’s motel room. It had pleased him that she trusted him enough to do that with him.

“When I found out I was pregnant, I was pretty upset.”

“You said you don’t have family—”

“I said no family to help.” Her eyes darkened. He waited for her to say more, but she didn’t. He could only guess what she must have gone through—dealing with the pregnancy and birth all by herself.

“After the shock wore off, I realized I wanted this baby. I wasn’t getting any younger. I like kids and figured, Why not?”

“What about a husband?”

She sighed as she met his gaze. “Are we talking about you?” Before he could answer she added, “I thought about this a lot. Really I did. It just didn’t seem wise to make a difficult situation worse.”

“How would telling me about the pregnancy make it worse?”

She looked down. “Tucker, I barely knew you or anything about you. I had no way of knowing if you would insist on a marriage that neither of us wanted. I’m sorry if this sounds selfish, but I had more at stake than your feelings. I don’t mean to sound cold, but the responsibility of bringing a new life into the world was frightening enough without having to worry about what you would do.”

“So that’s why you didn’t return my calls? You did get them?”

“Yes. I tried to call you after the first one, two weeks after you’d left here. I didn’t get the message right away. I’d taken a long weekend. By the time I was able to call you back, you were gone.”

“What about the other two?”

She looked at him, then her gaze settled on a point beyond his shoulder. Her gaze darkened as she frowned at her memories. “When I got the second call, I was two months pregnant and not sure what to do, whether to tell you or not. I agonized over it.” Her fingers twisted together as she caught her bottom lip between her teeth. “Finally I decided you had a right to know, and I called. You were gone again.”

“Is that when you tried, not too hard I might add, to find me?”

She nodded. “I got the third call, too. By then I was so confused. I was beginning to see how much you moved around. A baby would really disrupt your life. The two of you would only be in the same city once a year.”

“That was a big assumption.”

“What else was I to think? I hardly knew you. Until ten minutes ago, I didn’t even know you had a ranch.”

“Well, I do. A prosperous one.”

She looked mildly surprised. “So how come you’re never there—prospering?”

“I’m on the rodeo circuit.”

“That part I knew. What I don’t understand is why you want Jason and me to go to the ranch if you won’t be there? Why should I pull up stakes and take my baby away from everything that’s familiar?”

“What does a three-month-old know about familiar?”

“I was talking about things that are well-known to me. I trust his pediatrician. The friends I have here are the best.”

He ran a hand through his hair. “You’re leaving out one very important fact. You’re out of a job.” Her mouth tightened at the reminder, and he hated doing that to her. But somehow, he had to get through to her. “Admit it, Casey. It’s a good solution.”

“Not for me.”

“Don’t start with that rescue thing again.”

She took a deep breath. “There’s something you need to understand about me, Tucker.”

“Shoot.” He stuck his fingertips in the front of his jeans and gave her his undivided attention.

“When I was a little girl, we didn’t have much money. Didn’t go to the movies or do a lot of anything, for that matter. What we did have was a TV set. My mother scrimped and saved to buy it” She stopped and waited for him to say something.

“Go on. I figure you’re going somewhere with this. I’m listening.”

“Besides books I borrowed from the library, my only entertainment was that TV. I grew up on John Wayne Westerns, reruns of Maverick and Bonanza. Clint Eastwood was my hero.”

That was a little irritating. Hard to go up against a fella who was bigger than life. Not that he wanted to compete. “Go on.”

“My favorite part was when the cowboy rescued the heroine. He’d ride in on his white horse, dispose of the bad guy in short order, then carry the damsel in distress off and take care of her as they lived happily ever after.”

“What’s wrong with that?”

“Not a thing, except it’s fantasy. I found out soon enough real life was very different from that.”

“So do you have a point?”

She rolled her eyes. “You’re a cowboy, for goodness’ sake.”

Was he supposed to know what that had to do with the price of a Stetson? “Last time I checked it wasn’t a crime.”

“That’s true. But something else you should understand. I’m an accountant. I’ve always been good at math. I like rules, regulations, equations, and formulas. My point is this—cowboy equals rescue. Rescue equals myth. Therefore, cowboy equals myth.”

“I’m no myth, sweetheart,” he said sarcastically. “I’m a flesh-and-blood man who found out his own flesh and blood is in the other room. This has nothing to do with rescuing you and everything to do with the fact that I want to be a part of Jason’s life.” She opened her mouth, and he pointed at her. “And don’t tell me you were afraid of that.”

Her mouth pulled in a straight line as she crossed her arms over her chest. “You have no legal rights to him, Tucker.”

“The hell I don’t. My father taught me that every man should live by a code. He said, ‘Write it in your heart and stand by it. Ask no more and give no less than honesty, courage, loyalty, generosity and fairness.’” He took a deep breath, remembering the way his father had always said those words with a hand on Tucker’s shoulder. He wanted to be that kind of an influence in his son’s life. “You don’t need to hold me responsible, I can do that all on my own. The way I see it, I have a moral obligation to that boy, more binding than man-made laws. But if necessary I’ll use them.”

“What are you implying?”

“I’m not implying anything. I’ll say it straight out. I intend to be a father to my son. If you force my hand, I can tie you up for a long time in court.”

“You wouldn’t.”

“I don’t want to.”

She paced for a few moments, her forehead puckered thoughtfully. Finally she stopped in front of him and said, “Tucker, I need some time to think about this. I’m glad you know about Jason. But, truthfully, I never expected to see you again. For the past year I haven’t had to consult with anyone about anything.”

Once again he realized how little he knew about the mother of his son. More than ever he was convinced that he was right about this. “You said you had no family to help you—”

“My mother and sister have their hands full taking care of themselves.”

“What about your good friends? Who took you to the hospital when you had the baby?”

“Let it go, Tucker. I got there and had a normal birth and a beautiful baby boy. You didn’t know. You have nothing to feel guilty about.”

“Maybe not. But all the same, I can’t help feeling that there’s a lot to make up for.”

“I’m sorry. As far as your proposal, there’s a lot to consider.”

“Like what?”

“Where would I live? What would I do?”

“The house is big enough for all of us. You’d have your own room, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

“I wasn’t worried,” she said too quickly.

“Yeah. As far as what you’ll do, taking care of Jason is a full-time job.”

She shook her head. “I can’t just stop looking for work.”

“You don’t have to. There’s no reason why you can’t do it from the ranch.”

She shook her head. “I can’t make a snap decision about what happens now. You’re going to have to understand that.”

He didn’t understand. It seemed cut-and-dried to him. She didn’t have a job, and she didn’t want to leave the baby. On the ranch she could take her time about finding work, while she cared for his son.

Something else his father had told him: “It’s better to sit on your horse and do nothing than to wear him out chasing shadows.” Her agreement to come to the ranch was not what he would get if he continued to push.

He walked to the table and picked up his hat. “I do understand that you need some time to think. I’ll just be going now.”

“Are you leaving town?” she asked.

“Why do you ask?”

“In the past, every time I needed to get in touch with you, you’d moved on.”

“Not this time.”

“Being my Lamaze coach does not constitute saving my life, thereby giving you control of it.”

“So you invited me to lunch to yell at me? Silly me for thinking that you might have been grateful I sent you the man on the white horse.”

“Grateful that you took matters into your own hands and interfered?”

Casey was only half joking as she looked at Kim Delaney, sitting across from her in a booth at the local burger joint. Dark brown hair in a short pageboy fell sleekly around her pretty face. Her warm brown eyes were highlighted by the longest, thickest black lashes Casey had ever seen. In fact, Kim was pretty enough to thoroughly dislike. But their friendship transcended mere physical attributes and petty female envy.

Kim was the very good friend she had told Tucker about. She had been there for Casey through everything. Including the night she’d met Tucker and the night she’d given birth to his son. Beside her in the booth, Jason slept peacefully in his car seat, while his mother had lunch with his godmother. Casey smiled tenderly as she tucked the receiving blanket snugly around him, a protection against the air-conditioning.

“Define interfere” Kim said, not in the least intimidated.

Reluctantly Casey pulled her gaze from her son to her friend. “You sent Tucker to the condo and told him I’d been let go from the firm. I think that’s interfering. Since when do you break company rules and give out the home address of an employee?”

“Rule, schmule. It was vague verbal directions.”

“I’m serious, Kim.”

She sighed. “I know you are. And you deserve an explanation.”

Casey looked at her and waited. When one wasn’t forthcoming she said, “Well?”

“I’m thinking. Technically, since you were canned, I didn’t have to withhold your address. Besides, you and Tucker have a lot to talk about.”

“You said the same thing to me a year ago when I met him.”

“I was right, too. The two of you chattered like magpies all night.”

“If we’d stopped at that, I wouldn’t be in this bind now.”

Kim sighed. “I’ll never forgive myself for talking you into going to that bar with me. It’s just that I couldn’t stand to see you wasting the best years of your life staying home night after night with TV and books.”

“What happened is not your fault.”

“I know how you are about blue eyes and dimples. I should never have left you alone with him.”

“You stayed until two in the morning, until you could barely keep your eyes open. I refused to leave with you. That’s ancient history, Kim. I’ve got bigger problems now.”

“What?”

“He’s making noise about his legal rights. He wants me to move to his ranch with the baby.”

“Boy, howdy!”

Casey couldn’t tell if that remark was sympathetic to her plight, or encouraging her to accept Tucker’s offer. She decided the latter. Part of the reason their friendship had endured since high school was that opposites attract. Kim was a fly-by-the-seat-of-her-pants sort of gal; Casey planned her life step by step. Moving to his ranch was not one of the steps she intended to take.

“My job contacts are here, Kim. Jason’s pediatrician is here. You’re here.”

“I could be talked into going with you, if he’s got any more at home like him.”

“Be serious.”

“I am. Dead serious.”

“This is all about him and what he wants. He can’t just swagger in here and get things his own way.”

“Case, I’ve got news for you. Cowboys don’t swagger. They can’t really. It’s sort of physically impossible with those bow legs from riding horses. They sort of sashay—”

“Kim! You’re splitting hairs, and I don’t really care how he walks.”

“Yeah, and I’m Princess Di.”

The server deposited a tray littered with burgers and drinks. When they were alone again, Casey looked at her friend.

“I know it sounds like a wonderful adventure to you. But I’m not the sort of person who just picks up and moves at the drop of a hat—not even a cowboy hat.”

“Why not?”

Casey sighed. Kim wasn’t going to make this easy. Drawing in a big breath, she willed herself to patience. “There’s a term for it, maybe you’ve heard. It’s called cautious.”

“You’ve got to learn to be a risk taker, Case.”

“I’d need a personality transplant to do that. Besides, I’ve got Jason to think about.”

“Come on, you’re just throwing down stumbling blocks. Quit being so contrary. You can find a pediatrician near the ranch. Dr. Olsen may be able to give you a reference. You can send out your résumé from there just as easily as you can from here. And while you’re at it, you won’t have to worry about a roof over your head and food on the table.”

Casey thought about that and knew Kim was right. She had someone more important than herself to worry about. Jason. If not for him, she’d have told Tucker Smith to take a flying leap. She stared long and hard at the woman across from her, happily chewing and swallowing the last bite of her hamburger. “Do you stay awake nights thinking of ways to complicate my life? Or does playing devil’s advocate just come easily to you?”

Kim grinned. “What are friends for?”

It was damned irritating that her friend made such good sense.

That evening Jason fussed long after he should have gone to sleep for the night. Casey couldn’t quiet him. She’d tried walking him until her legs were ready to fall off, and had rocked him in the chair until she was dizzy. No dice. Even his baby swing didn’t produce the usual tranquilizing effect.

She was exhausted. Now that Tucker had dropped into her life again, sending her on an emotional roller coaster with his proposition, the baby’s crying put her on the verge of tears herself. It hadn’t been this bad since Jason’s first night home from the hospital.

“What’s the matter, big boy?” she asked as he wailed into her ear.

He wasn’t wet, hungry or sick. He didn’t have a fever, she’d taken his temperature.

“Are you so tired you just can’t sleep?” she asked, wishing he could tell her.

Should she put him down and let him cry it out? It tore at her heart to listen to him, but she didn’t know what else to do. In his crib, she put him on his tummy and patted his bottom. His crying increased in volume and he lifted his head, leaned to the side and rolled over on his back. Wet with tears, his little face was blotchy and red.

“Sweetie, I don’t know what you want. Is your tummy upset? What is it?”

The doorbell rang. Casey looked at her watch… 9:00 p.m. Who would stop by at this time of night? She glanced quickly at the sobbing baby, then ran to the front door.

When she opened it, she wasn’t really surprised to see Tucker standing there. He glanced at the doorway where the wailing was coming from, took one look at her face and asked, “What’s wrong?”

“Jason’s been crying for an hour, and I can’t get him to stop. I don’t know what to do—” She put her fingertips to her mouth, stifling the sob that threatened.

“Let me look in on him,” he said, frowning. He set something on the entry way floor and followed Casey through the condo to the baby’s bedroom.

Tucker reached into the crib and picked Jason up, without any of the awkwardness he’d shown the first time. Putting the child up to his shoulder, he patted his back and walked around the room, speaking in a deep, soft, calm voice. Casey watched him, torn between gratitude that he was there to relieve her and guilt that she had nearly come apart under the stress.

After a few minutes the crying lessened to an occasional moist hiccup. Finally Jason was quiet, with his face nestled into Tucker’s neck.

He looked at her and whispered, “What now?”

With hand motions, Casey indicated he should put Jason in his bed. He did, and the child stirred and snorted. Tucker, rubbed his back for a minute or two and finally he was sound asleep. Tenderly he pulled the light blanket over the baby, gently ran his knuckle over the little head, then they tiptoed out of the room.

Casey exhaled slowly and sat on the sofa. “I never knew how wonderful silence could sound.”

“Yeah. I know what you mean.”

She looked at him. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but what are you doing here?”

“I wanted to see Jason.”

She remembered he had set something down in the entryway, but she’d been too distraught to notice what it was. “What did you bring?” she asked.

He glanced in that direction. “I forgot all about that.” He walked over and picked up the object, and all she could tell was that it was made out of wood. When he brought it to her, she could see it was a rocking horse.

She couldn’t help smiling. “That’s really cute. You’re aware, though, that it will be at least a year before he can ride it?”

“So?”

“So I have a feeling this is a symbolic gesture from a man of few words.”

“You mean my way of saying I want you and Jason to come to the ranch?”

“Yeah, that about sums it up.”

He shrugged. “Could be. I just saw it in a toy store and bought it. Since you brought the subject up, have you considered my proposition?”