Читать книгу Love Comes Home and A Sheltering Love: Love Comes Home / A Sheltering Love - Terri Reed - Страница 13

Rachel was ready and fresh from a nap when the boys arrived to pick her up. She was thankful Josh had honored her wishes and not returned earlier. She’d needed the time to get herself refocused on her mission: See to Mom G.’s affairs and then head back to Chicago. She’d made an appointment with Mr. Finley to go over the terms of the will and sign the necessary papers.

The drive to Jennifer’s went smoothly with Griff chattering away about an upcoming Boy Scout trip. The only trouble she had was keeping her pulse from racing every time she met Josh’s gaze. He’d grown more handsome since morning. He wore dark denim jeans, a light blue chambray shirt with a white T-shirt peeking out at the V where the first three buttons were undone.

She forced herself to look straight ahead at the scenery going by as he drove, in an effort to keep herself from overheating. They turned onto a gravel driveway where Josh pulled the truck to a stop beside a white minivan.

The large, yellow with white trim A-frame stood on the top of a rise on the north side of the county. The wraparound porch cluttered with a smattering of toys added charm to the house. The laughter of children reached her ears and she couldn’t tell if the sound came from inside the house or from the back where she’d glimpsed a lawn with a wooden swing set. On the evening breeze the scent of barbecue drifted past.

Griff bounded up the porch stairs while she and Josh followed at a more sedate pace.

“This is lovely,” Rachel commented as they stopped in front of the large oak door. Sandwiched between Josh, his muscular body pressing into her as he reached to press the doorbell, and Griff, his small hand tucked tightly within her grip, she felt oddly out of place, yet not. It was a very strange feeling.

Heavy footfalls approached the door and it opened to reveal a man, average in height, with dark, short hair and a clean-shaven face. She kept her surprise in check. This man with his pressed khakis and white button-down shirt didn’t match the type she’d always pictured with Jennifer. She’d figured Jennifer for the bohemian type of man willing to ramble around the world with his photojournalist wife.

The man smiled, his warm brown eyes crinkling at the corners. “Welcome. Hey, we’re still on for bowling next Saturday?”

Josh flexed his fingers. “You bet. We’ll whip up on Larry and Stan like last time.”

“That we will.” Paul ruffled Griff’s hair. “Griff, the kids are around somewhere. Why don’t you go find them?”

Griff didn’t needed to be asked twice. He disappeared from sight without a backward glance.

The man turned his attention to her. “You must be Rachel.”

“Yes. And you must be Paul.”

“I am indeed. Please, come in.”

He stepped aside, allowing Josh and Rachel to enter. The comfortable coziness of the house surrounded her with peace. Even the clutter of toys couldn’t diminish the rustic beauty of Jennifer’s home.

The dining area directly across from the entryway held a large oval table set for dinner, surrounded by high-backed chairs and a high chair. In the living room to her right, Rachel noted the furniture was an eclectic mix of old and new. A huge stone fireplace dominated one wall.

“Jen’s changing the baby. She’ll be out in a sec.”

“Great.” Baby? How many children did Jennifer have? Rachel tried to remember what Mom G. had said the last time she’d given her an update.

An enlarged photograph on the living room wall caught her attention. She moved to get a closer look. The peaceful serenity of the meadow scene struck a familiar chord. Bright yellow monkey flowers, indigenous in the Sierras, carpeted the sides of a meandering stream. The petals, which resembled the face of a grinning ape, were captured in vivid detail. Off in the distance mountains rose in majestic splendor meeting the sky in sharp lines.

“Jen took that.” Pride rang in Paul’s tone.

“That’s why it looked familiar. Jennifer and I spent many summer hours in that meadow.” She’d planned her life as a doctor and Jennifer had dreamed of photographing the world.

What happened to Jennifer’s dream?

The sound of running footsteps echoed through the quiet of the house as Griff and three children of various ages and genders came skidding to a halt in the archway of the living room.

“Kids.” Paul’s deep voice brought the children to attention. “Meet Mom’s friend Rachel. Introduce yourselves.”

The tallest boy, close to Griff’s age, smiled, showing even white teeth. “Hi, I’m Will.”

Next to him a girl, younger and smaller, peered at her through a veil of blond hair. “I’m Krissy.”

The youngest of the three, another girl with short, light brown curly hair blinked up at Rachel. “I’m Linnea. I’m four.” She held up four fingers.

“Hello, Will, Krissy and Linnea. I’m pleased to meet you.”

The three stared at her silently, assessing her. She smiled reassuringly, hoping she met with their approval.

“You’re pretty,” Linnea said, her little round face breaking into a grin.

Beside her Josh made a noise of agreement. When she met his gaze, his eyes were dancing with mirth.

Griff sidled up to her and took her hand.

“Okay, kids.” Paul clapped his hands. “Go wash up for dinner. We eat in five.”

The four kids turned and vanished down the hall just as Jennifer sailed in, carrying an infant on one hip.

“Hi. I’m so glad you could come.” Jennifer gave Rachel an one-armed hug. And then she gave Josh one.

“Me, too.” She hoped her friend didn’t hear her hesitancy. Though Rachel had worked with children often at the hospital, being in the midst of such a large brood was overwhelming. How did Jennifer juggle four kids?

“The barbecue’s just about ready,” Paul said. “It shouldn’t be more than a few minutes.”

“Need some help?” offered Josh.

“Yeah, come on back.” Paul and Josh disappeared behind a swinging door.

“He cooks?” Rachel quipped.

“One of the perks of our marriage.” Jennifer studied her with curious intensity. “Josh is a really good cook, too.”

Hoping to distract Jennifer from the subject of Josh, Rachel held a hand out to the baby in Jennifer’s arms. The little angel wrapped a chubby hand around one finger and pulled it toward his mouth. “Who’s this?”

“Oh, honey, I’m sure Rachel doesn’t want to become a pacifier.” Jennifer extracted Rachel’s finger from the child’s grip. “This is Bobby. He’s teething and everything goes in the mouth right now.”

“Hey, Bobby.” Rachel held out both hands. “May I?”

Surprise flickered in Jennifer’s eyes. “Of course.”

She passed the baby over and Rachel took him, loving the slight weight in her arms, enjoying the fresh, powdery scent coming from the baby’s soft, downy hair.

“You’re a natural,” Jennifer declared.

Rachel laughed. “I’m a doctor. I get to do this occasionally.”

“Dinner’s served,” Paul announced as he and Josh came through the swinging door carrying two large platters.

On cue the children raced down the hall and straight to their chairs. Griff took the empty seat next to Will. Rachel handed the baby back to Jennifer and then slowly moved to an empty chair. She sat with Jennifer on her right and Linnea on her left. Across from her sat Josh.

When Linnea’s hand slipped into hers, Rachel blinked with surprise, but then she realized that Jennifer’s hand was extended toward her. Around the table hands were held, forming a circle. Rachel took Jennifer’s hand, completing the ring. As Paul said the blessing, Rachel felt a stab of longing for Josh. For the family with him that would never be. She forced herself not to open her eyes and look at him.

The meal progressed in a chaotic whirl. Rachel fielded questions about her life and in turn she asked about their lives. She found out Paul was a bank executive, Will liked basketball as did Griff, Krissy was passionate about horses and Linnea loved to have tea parties.

The children all had something to say, and the volume rose as they talked over each other. Jennifer fed the baby with intermittent comments and Paul listened attentively to each person while exchanging loving glances with his wife.

Rachel glanced at Josh occasionally and would catch him staring at her, heating her with the almost tender expression in his eyes. She smiled at him and felt like such a fake. She wasn’t cut out for this kind of scene. Yet she couldn’t deny the stirrings of need for such a life, for a family to call her own. She watched Jennifer. Her friend’s eyes lit with joy and her smile came readily. Did she regret not pursuing her dreams? Could Rachel ever hope to have what her friend had?

Even if she could, that kind of life would never include Josh. His life was here; hers was in Chicago. A ribbon of sadness wound its way through her. She accepted it because she had no choice. She had to keep focused on God’s plan for her.

After the table was cleared, Paul hefted Bobby into his arms. “Why doesn’t Griff stay the night?” he asked Josh. “We have extra toothbrushes and he can sleep in a pair of Will’s pj’s.”

“Can I, Dad? Can I?” Griff hopped in excitement.

“Sure, I suppose that would be okay since school’s out now,” Josh replied, earning himself a big hug from Griff.

“I’ll get these rugrats settled in,” Paul said as he ushered the kids down the hall.

Josh’s gazed darted between the two women and then he called after Paul, “I’ll help you.”

“Chicken,” Rachel teased.

He glanced over his shoulder. “I know to retreat when I’m outnumbered.” He winked and then disappeared.

“Coffee or tea?” Jennifer asked once they were alone.

“Herbal tea would be nice.”

Rachel followed Jennifer into the kitchen. The white-tile countertops, light oak cabinetry and blue-and-white gingham window coverings created an inviting and soothing atmosphere. Rachel dismally recalled her own kitchen with its harvest-gold counters, bare walls and dark cabinets.

She watched Jennifer go about the task of making tea, her movements fluid and natural.

“How are you really doing, Rachel?”

The intensity in Jennifer’s voice grabbed Rachel’s attention. Sliding onto a stool at the wide, white-tiled island in the center of the kitchen, she replied, “I’m hanging in there.”

Jennifer’s clear eyes searched Rachel’s face. “I’m worried about you.”

Rachel tilted her head, touched by her concern. “Why?”

Jennifer took the remaining stool. “Nothing specific. I just want you to be happy.”

Rachel put her hand on her friend’s hand. “Are you happy?”

Jennifer’s smile brightened the room. “Yes.”

“But you gave up your dream.”

Confusion dampened Jennifer’s smile. “What dream was that?”

“Traveling the world, taking pictures.”

Jennifer laughed softly. “Dreams change.”

Rachel sat back with a frown. “But you were so set on photojournalism.”

Jennifer went to the stove. She was silent as she poured the tea. Carrying two mugs, she handed one to Rachel and then resumed her seat. “You know, I envied you so much when we were young. You always knew who you were and what you wanted out of life.”

Rachel wrapped a hand around her mug. “So did you.”

Jennifer shook her head. “I didn’t have the conviction you did. It sounded good. Photojournalism.” She gave a wry laugh. “That would’ve been a lonely life. I was afraid to tell you my real dream was to have a family.”

“Why?”

Jennifer shrugged. “Your dream was so lofty, so ambitious. I didn’t want you to think less of me.”

Stung by that revelation, all Rachel could say was “Wow.”

Something deep inside Rachel shifted and an uncomfortable, wholly strange sensation filled her. For a pregnant, silent moment she stared at her friend, then comprehension dawned. She was envious. Envious of Jennifer’s freedom to choose.

But Rachel had been given a choice once. Marry Josh or pursue medicine. She’d made the only choice she could.

A sharp pain banged behind Rachel’s eyes. She pinched the bridge of her nose.

Her stirrings of longing for a family intensified, but along with that came the reality of what having a family for her would mean. The sacrifices and compromises that would need to be made. And the greatest sacrifice—the risk of loving and hurting.

Could she make those sacrifices, those compromises? And in doing so, would she be going against God’s plan? How could she ever make that choice?

“Rachel, are you okay?”

“I’m getting a bad headache.” She could hear the strain in her voice, feel the weight of her future crushing her heart.

Jennifer touched her arm. “I’m sorry if I upset you.”

With practiced effort, Rachel forced the pain to recede. “It’s not you, Jennifer. It’s everything. Losing Mom G., seeing Josh…” The loneliness, the confusion. “Away from the hospital, I feel like I’m losing myself.”

“Or finding yourself.”

Jennifer’s verbal arrow quivered in the center of the bull’s-eye. “Maybe,” Rachel scoffed lightly, trying to ignore the well-aimed words.

“I watched Josh tonight. He cares for you.”

“Nothing could ever come of it. Josh and I both know that.”

“We both know what?” Josh asked as he and Paul entered the kitchen.

Heat flushed her cheeks. “Nothing.”

He arched a brow. “Looking pretty guilty for nothing.”

Rachel threw a panicked glance to Jennifer, looking for help.

Jennifer flipped her curls and smiled serenely. “Coffee or tea, gentlemen?”

Rachel was thankful the conversation turned to world news events. She relaxed as the light banter among the four of them stayed on subjects that didn’t include her and Josh in the same sentence.

She was painfully aware of Josh leaning against the counter beside her. His big hands toyed with a napkin, distracting her. He had nice strong hands. When he touched her hand, it seemed natural for her to curl her fingers around his.

“You tired?” he asked.

“Yeah, a little.” She stared into his eyes. He cares for you. She was getting in way too deep. She slipped her hand away.

They said their goodbyes to Griff, who was snuggled in a sleeping bag on the floor of Will’s room.

After promising Jennifer she’d see her again before leaving town, she followed Josh to the truck. He helped her in, his hand hot on her elbow, a shiver prickling her skin.

Alone with him in the truck, Rachel was acutely conscious of his masculine appeal. His muscled thighs and wide shoulders took up room, making her feel feminine in contrast. “It was a nice evening.”

“You surprised?” He slanted her a quick glance.

She shrugged. “I didn’t know what to expect.”

Josh pushed a button on the dash and soft country music filled the cab. She couldn’t tear her gaze from his profile. She liked the strength of his jaw and the line of his nose. Her gaze landed on his mouth, his lips. She clamped her jaw shut and turned away. She had no business fostering her attraction to him. No business wanting to kiss him.

They arrived at the hotel and Josh cut the engine. He shifted on the seat to face her, his arm stretching across the back of the seat, his big body leaning close. The tips of his fingers made little swirls on the top of her shoulder, setting off little sparks through her bloodstream. The light coming from the moon bathed his ruggedly handsome face in a soft glow, but couldn’t disguise the magnetic pull of his eyes. She clenched her fist to keep from reaching for him.

“I have to go to the station tomorrow but I’ll come back to help you at Mrs. G.’s as soon as I can.”

“That’s not necessary.” It wasn’t a good idea to keep seeing him when she knew it would only make leaving harder.

“I know it’s not. But I want to.” The husky timbre of his voice slid along her limbs like a smooth caress.

“What are we doing, Josh?” she asked, hoping to bring some perspective into the intimate atmosphere surrounding them.

His fingers stopped. He drew back slightly. “I don’t know. Taunting disaster?”

“I’d say so,” she whispered, striving for calmness when her heart was beating wildly.

His mouth quirked up in a self-effacing way as he stared out the front window for a heartbeat. “I’ll walk you to the door.”

He climbed out and came around the truck to open her door. As she slid out, his arm encircled her waist, drawing her up against the length of his solid body. She tipped her head and the smoldering blaze she saw in his gaze ignited an answering flame inside.

She felt exposed, vulnerable to the attraction coursing through her. But it was so much more than purely physical and it scared her because any way she examined it, they had no future together. Giving in to this thing arcing between them would only spawn more regret and heartache. She deliberately shut down her feelings and pulled away from him.

On unsteady legs she moved up the stairs of her unit and unlocked and opened the door. She turned to say good-night, expecting he’d be where she’d left him by the truck, but found herself staring at his broad chest. She quickly stepped inside, keeping the threshold between them.

“It’s best if you don’t come tomorrow, Josh.”

A look of implacable determination settled on his face. “Sleep well, Rachel. And I will see you tomorrow.”

She watched him stride away and climb back into his truck.

“Sleep well?” she muttered as she closed the door and listened to him drive away. He might as well have told her she could perform surgery with her arms tied behind her back.

Josh drove home on autopilot. He was all tied up inside. Hanging out at Jennifer and Paul’s with Rachel at his side—as if they were a couple, a family—had felt right and natural. He’d liked it way too much. He’d let it go to his head. Let his guard down and had been tempted to act on the attraction building between him and Rachel.

She’d relaxed a bit tonight, as she had earlier at the ice cream parlor. When she wasn’t all frosty and controlled, he really liked her.

But liking her and letting himself fall for her were two very different things. He was grateful she’d turned on the ice and reminded him how painful freezer burn could be. He’d be more careful in the future. He had a promise to fulfill, and as long as she was within his reach he’d do what he could to take care of her. But that’s as far as he could let it go without costing him his heart.