Читать книгу Reclaiming His Pregnant Widow - Tessa Radley - Страница 9

Clea knew at once how it must appear.

“It’s not what you think,” she said quickly, reaching up to cradle Brand’s beloved face between her cupped hands. “Remember how we—”

“It certainly didn’t take you long to find someone else.”

The blaze of accusation rocked her. Brand had gone all tense, his jaw clenching and unclenching against her hollowed palms as he glowered at her from between slitted lids.

In the stillness of her office, Clea stared up at him in absolute shock, the awfulness of what he was saying—what he believed—finally sinking in.

There was no one else.

“I didn’t—”

“Shut up,” he snarled.

“Wait a minute …”

Clea’s voiced trailed away as his hands manacled her wrists. He forced her fingers away from his skin and dropped them with palpable distaste, and all the while the beautiful ocean-hued eyes bored unblinkingly into hers. “It didn’t take you long to accept that I was dead—or was it a case of out of sight, out of mind?”

The injustice of that caused her to reel away, almost tripping over the visitor’s chair in front of her desk. Clea sank onto the padded black leather, her legs weak.

How could Brand believe that?

Especially when she’d never stopped believing in him!

Five days after her last telephone conversation with Brand, unable to contact him, Clea had sounded the alarm. It had taken another thirteen days—the longest stretch of Clea’s life—for the official channels to relay back to her that Brand was no longer in Greece. He’d entered Iraq over two weeks earlier through the Kuwait border and had checked into a battle-scarred hotel once favored by foreign businessmen in Baghdad. No one knew where he’d gone after checking out a few days later.

There had been nothing left to do but wait. She’d made every excuse in the book for him. But time passed and still he hadn’t gotten in touch.

To the men in black suits who materialized like spooks at her workplace Clea had insisted there had been nothing suspicious about her husband’s visit to Iraq; after all, Brand made his living from dealing in antiquities, a love he’d developed while stationed with the Australian Special Air Services elite forces in Iraq. But it had been galling to admit that he hadn’t told her about his intention to enter Iraq, and she decided not to tell her visitors about the argument she’d had with Brand the second to last time she’d spoken to him.

Once the shadowy men in black suits departed, on her father’s advice and using his extensive contacts, Clea had hired a firm of investigators to locate her missing husband.

It had never been a case of out of sight, out of mind.

She hadn’t stopped thinking about him, not for one minute. Even the two identical clocks on her office wall bore testimony to that—one set to Eastern Time, the other to Baghdad time. She’d never stopped thinking what he might be doing at any moment of her day. She’d wanted her husband back. She’d wanted answers about his disappearance. Real answers. Not speculation that he’d deserted her for another woman, which had been the first theory the investigators had come up with. The news of the grisly discovery of the burned-out SUV in the desert had terrified her. But she’d stubbornly clung to her belief that she would’ve known in her heart if Brand was dead. She’d demanded incontrovertible proof.

When they’d brought her his wedding ring nine months ago, Clea had been shattered, her dreams pulverized to dust, her hopes charred to ashes.

The idea of a baby had become a lifeline to sanity.

Getting pregnant had given her back her life. Not the life she’d hoped to share with Brand, but something better than the hopelessness that had overtaken her.

Yet now Brand stood over her accusing her of forgetting him. Instead of taking her in his arms, he was behaving like the world’s biggest bastard. And he showed no signs of listening anytime soon. Clea shook her head to clear it and pressed her hands protectively over her stomach.

Brand laughed—a harsh, grating sound she’d never heard before. “Nothing further to say? How unfortunate for you I didn’t remain dead.” The sea-green gaze had turned arctic.

Slumped in the chair, Clea’s whole body ached. Her feet. Her head. Her heart. Was it possible Brand was hurting every bit as much as she was? “I can explain …”

Brand recoiled.

“I don’t need your explanations!” He looked down on her from the full height of his six-foot-two-inch frame. His eyes froze her out. “It’s easy enough to see what happened.” One side of his mouth kicked up. “So who’s the lucky man?”

“Will you stop interrupting me?” Her voice rose. Hauling in a shaky breath, she tempered her tone. “We always talked about having a family—”

“Our family,” he said, pointedly inspecting her belly, covered by the silk of her designer dress and sheltered by her clasped hands. “Not some other man’s bastard.”

“Brand, wait!”

Clea rose to her feet and reached for him, then dropped her hands to her sides at the icy look he bestowed on her.

“Please listen—”

“What’s the point of listening?” There was contempt in the frigid gaze that met hers, and something else …

Disappointment?

His lack of faith stung. She deserved a chance to explain, and she didn’t doubt that he’d listen once he’d calmed down. Brand might have a dangerous reputation, but he loved her.

Or did he?

The first shadow of doubt stole over her. Clea stilled. She’d always imagined that something terrible must’ve happened to keep him away for so long. A horrific accident. Memory loss. Trauma so terrible he hadn’t wanted her to see him in such a state.

Instead he stood before her looking breathtakingly hunky in the tuxedo and black shirt, his body even better conditioned than four years earlier—some feat because Brand had always honed his body to perfection. His face was burnished bronze by the sun, contrasting with the color of his sea-green eyes to devastating effect. An aura of reckless danger now clung to him, causing her heart to beat faster.

He might not be the Brand she’d kissed goodbye at the airport—but he wasn’t damaged or scarred.

Yet she had to admit, dressed all in black, he looked like the devil incarnate.

Without taking her eyes from him, she toed off her shoes, adding another two inches to the height advantage he already possessed. “So why didn’t you tell me you were going to Baghdad?” she challenged.

Brand stared back at her.

Did he cause Anita Freeman’s heart to beat faster, too? “Answer me!”

Nothing. Not even a blink. He simply kept watching her with that basilisk stare she was starting to loathe.

“I’ve waited—”

A brow lifted ironically at that. “Waited?”

“Yes! Waited.” Clea pushed a tendril back off her face. “The last decent conversation we shared, you were in London—about to go to Greece. We argued about that. Remember?” She’d wanted to rearrange her schedule and had asked Brand to wait until she could join him. He’d refused—and ordered her to stay home. Clea hadn’t taken kindly to being so summarily dismissed. It wasn’t the first time that Brand had made decisions for her. She’d sulked. He’d called her once more from Athens—and their conversation had been stilted and brief. Just before he’d cut the connection, he’d told her he loved her.

Then there’d been no more contact.

When he didn’t respond, she said, “You never told me you planned to go to Iraq.”

His gaze didn’t waver. “I didn’t want to worry you.”

Could the explanation really be that simple? Or had the business trip to Greece been a cover for an affair with another woman? Had the investigators’ first theory—supported by her father and Harry—been correct after all?

The ticking of the two wall clocks was the only sound in the room.

Clea broke the silence. “That’s all? That’s the reason you never mentioned it?” If she hadn’t been watching him so closely, Clea might have missed the sideways flicker of his eyes.

Brand wasn’t telling her the truth.

Or at least not the whole truth.

The silence stretched until Clea broke it. “Don’t you think concern that you might be maimed or kidnapped or even killed would be a reasonable reaction to being told that you were going to Baghdad?”

He shrugged, his broad shoulders flexing under the tuxedo, causing her gaze to stray for a brief moment before returning to his face. “I served there with the SAS,” he said. “I know the territory—and the risks.”

Frustration and a feeling of letdown drove her to sarcasm. “Okay, so those risks might not worry super-humans like you … but they sure do worry me.”

“Which is exactly why I didn’t tell you—I didn’t have time to soothe you.”

Like some clingy child. But this was getting interesting. Brand was lying to her. Clea was certain of it. His face wore a set expression, and his eyes had flicked away again. “So what was so important that you simply went without consulting me? And why no contact since? Surely you can’t have been in Baghdad all this time?”

He resumed staring at her, tight-lipped.

Clea tried again. “Were you on some covert mission?”

He laughed at that, making her feel ridiculously melodramatic. Yet she couldn’t help thinking of the dark-suited men who had surfaced after his disappearance and asked her why he’d gone to Baghdad—and seemed to know all about his special forces background.

“At least tell me it’s classified, if that’s the reason.”

“I wasn’t part of a military operation.”

She deserved more than being stonewalled. Drawing a deep breath, Clea eased back against her glass-topped desk and said, “Tell me where you’ve been, and I’ll consider explaining about the baby … on condition that you don’t interrupt me until I’ve told you everything.”

“I don’t need your conditions—or your explanations,” he said. A look followed that slashed her from head to toe—with significant focus on her almost-flat stomach. “I can see exactly what you’ve been up to.”

Brand might not need explanations, but she sure as hell did.

Yet Clea wasn’t about to let him see how much she cared. Not while he treated her like a leper. Instead she gave him a reciprocal once-over, taking in every inch of tanned skin and the trim body beneath the tuxedo, and then she pursed her lips. “Let me guess where you’ve been. Sunning yourself on the Mediterranean? Socializing with the Aga Khan?”

Sleeping with another woman? Clea was too terrified of his response to voice the last suspicion. But was it possible that her father and the investigators had been correct? That Brand had been having an affair? Was it possible that Brand had been living with his lover for the four years he’d gone missing without a trace? He certainly possessed the skills to remain undetected for as long as he wanted—if he wanted.

Brand’s face had tightened. “You’ve developed a sharp tongue.”

“Now it’s my fault?”

What was she doing?

Clea shut her eyes. Why was she fighting with Brand? This wasn’t what she wanted. Remorse washed over her and she shook her head to clear it of the turmoil and confusion, searching for calm. How had it all gone so wrong so quickly? This was Brand. She loved him. She’d always believed in him. She’d waited for him to return every day. Every night. Yet now that he was here she was hurting so much she could spit … and doubts were setting in.

They had to stop this.

She fisted her hands at her sides and drew in a ragged breath. When she was certain she had herself under control—that she wouldn’t yell, or blubber like an idiot—she opened her eyes and said evenly, “Sorry, I didn’t mean to sound like a shrew.”

His closed expression didn’t thaw. Her body strung tight, Clea wished desperately he would confess he’d been injured, hospitalized, that he’d temporarily lost his memory. Anything.

The silence wore thin.

Still she waited, her hands balled tight and her pulse pounding loudly in her ears. Waiting for an explanation of where he’d been, why he’d stayed away so long. Clea even convinced herself that she’d accept it without question, without revealing a hint of resentment for what he’d dared to put her through. Brand was back, and that would be enough. Wouldn’t it? She loved him. She’d only been half-alive without him. She couldn’t allow his return to break her, when she’d already survived his disappearance … and his death.

But as the minute hands on the wall clocks pressed forward in tandem, Clea gave up.

Brand wasn’t going to explain.

Why not?

Because he no longer cared?

Only one way to find out.

“Brand …” Clea unfurled her fists and stepped away from the safety of her desk. Standing on tiptoes, she reached up and placed her hands on his shoulders, searching for a connection. Under the black silk of his dress shirt she could feel the warmth of his skin. She flexed her fingertips. His muscles bunched in reaction.

Need—hot and unexpected—hollowed out the bottom of her stomach. God, she’d missed him. His remembered scent—a mix of musk and something sharp and tangy—filled her senses.

Shutting her eyes, she leaned into him, her body quivering as it came into contact with the taut length of his. The warmth of his big body seeped gradually into hers, reviving her after the heart-numbing chill. For a long moment she half dared to hope that their bodies might communicate even while their brains seemed estranged.

The baby moved.

And even as her lips brushed his chin, Brand tore out of her embrace.

Putting two yards between them, he came to a stop near the doorway, breathing heavily, his eyes glittering, the golden skin stretched taut across his cheekbones.

“What the hell is the matter with you?” Clea tried never to swear, but the force with which he wrenched away offended her. This time she wasn’t going to close the distance between them.

“You need to ask?”

Clea resented being treated as if she were contaminated. Her thoughts flew to the baby. She was pregnant, not contagious. Her condition was her salvation.

“Yes!” She did need to ask. And she was prepared to listen to—and accept—any explanation he cared to make for his absence. But he wasn’t prepared to extend her the same courtesy. It looked as if they’d finally reached a deadlock. Because as her ire grew, Clea was finding herself less willing to offer him any explanation until he showed her the respect and trust she deserved.

“What the hell does it matter what’s with me?” His voice was flat and cold. “Whatever we once had is gone.”

“Gone?” At that her heart bumped to a stop. Forgetting her resolve to keep away, Clea took a step closer and stared at him in horror. “Brand! You don’t—can’t—mean that.”

“Yes, gone.” He raked her with his ocean-blue gaze. But for once, rather than setting her alight with sensual, arousing heat, it froze her to the core. “It’s been a long time. Too long, I suspect, for us to have kept what we once had.”

Pain ripped through her. Clea’s world came crashing down around her as she struggled to sort the thoughts crowding her brain into some kind of order. Had Brand been unfaithful? Had he come back only to claim a divorce?

Cold emptiness settled in her stomach. Clea was starting to realize that her steadfast belief in Brand had been awfully naive.

“Did you ever live with Anita Freeman?” She blurted it out with no premeditation.

“What does that have to do with anything?”

“You dated her.”

He stood, unmoving. “For a time.”

“A short time?”

“Why these questions about something that was over before we met?”

Clea’s brain was working overtime. Brand was prevaricating. He hadn’t wanted her with him in Greece; without consulting her, he’d gone to a country he knew she would deem too dangerous. According to the investigators, both times Anita had been with him. In Athens they’d been photographed together and witnesses that the investigators had spoken with had seen them together in Baghdad. They’d appeared inseparable.

At the time Clea had refused to believe him capable of that kind of treachery. Brand loved her.

The last words he’d spoken to her had been that he loved her—but she hadn’t reciprocated. She’d been annoyed with him for turning down the opportunity for a romantic idyll in Greece. Okay, so perhaps it was her own guilt that had prevented her from facing the truth earlier, Clea decided wearily.

Had his avowal of love been motivated by guilt? Had she blamed herself on some unconscious level for his disappearance because she’d been sulking the last time they’d talked?

Finally, she said, “I want to know if you ever lived with her.” She already suspected what his answer would be: Brand had lied in the past.

His mouth slashed down in displeasure.

He wasn’t even bothering to deny it. The last bit of hope she hadn’t even realized she was clinging to deserted Clea.

“Who told you I once lived with Anita?” Brand broke into her despair.

“Does it matter? By your reaction I take it that it must be true. Why lead me to believe it was nothing more than a couple of casual dates? You lied to me by omission.”

“So in retaliation you went and cheated on me and got yourself pregnant?”

Clea’s mouth fell open. “You have the gall to walk in here after an absence of four years and accuse me of cheating on you.”

“You’re pregnant,” Brand snarled. “And I sure as hell haven’t been around to give you a good time.”

The force of his harsh words caused tears to prick. Clea bit her cheeks until it hurt and the tears dried up. She half wished she’d never started down this track. But, after years of stubborn denial, admitting her stupidity and acknowledging that Brand had been with someone else was hard.

Whatever we once had is gone.

For now that was all she needed to know. Brand had made his choice.

Choking back tears, Clea slipped her feet back into her shoes then headed blindly for the door. As she drew level with Brand, she braced herself and said with the last shred of dignity she could muster, “Maybe you’ll be prepared to tell me more once you’ve had a chance to think. Close my office door when you leave … it will latch behind you. This is an important night for me, and I’m going to celebrate my success.”

Clea edged past him, taking care not to brush against him.

And Brand didn’t try to stop her.