Читать книгу Life at DrTom's: Mostly Humorous Anecdotes by a Mostly Retired Cornell Professor - Thomas A. Gavin - Страница 12

I have some gastroenterology issues of late. I suffer somewhat with a hiatal hernia and an affliction known as eosinophilic esophagitis. Part of the treatment for this condition is a drug that comes in an atomizer (Flovent) that I squirt in my mouth daily and then swallow. The active ingredient is a corticosteroid. Within days after starting this regimen I began to feel wonderfully different.

My wife noticed that I am looking more and more buff as the days pass. I am stronger, and I have been contacted by Nike to represent them in the blogging world. Their new line of writing clothes will have a logo of a pen and paper, instead of the Swoosh, denoting the tools of the original authors of old. The steroid I am taking has improved my ability to think of useful words, synonyms, and metaphors, and the substance gives me an edge in a very competitive arena. I type faster and more accurately than ever, including the ability to hit that back slash with the little finger on my right hand. Before starting this cycle of steroid, my right-hand finger could not reach past the key that has the left-facing bracket.

Am I worried about an investigation or any unannounced drug-testing of a urine sample? Not really. Since I began taking this drug, I only urinate outside in the woods so that the sample soaks immediately into the soil. They will never get my urine for testing. Also, I have no need to frequent a locker room for writers, so there is little danger of bragging to my colleagues who would probably squeal to the paparazzi like a stuffed pig. I have no mistress who might have incriminating text messages from me, and I'm an atheist, so I don't even confess to a priest who might talk. I have all the bases covered.

Not sure how long this euphoria will last. And I am worried about the long-term effects of using Flovent. One side effect is that you begin too lossE yyyour motorr skillz, buh i dubt this wila ahpoen to ee.