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I’m in a Good Place

Dear Democratic Voters:

Though many people are describing yesterday’s mid-term elections as a setback for my party and me, I don’t see it that way.

Most of you don’t really understand the pressures that come with being a wholly corporately owned candidate who also has to pretend to care about the hearts and minds of average people.

I know people should not have believed that “change” stuff dreamed up by Axelrod in his advertising office late one night. But amazingly they did!

And that despite my giving clear signs at every stage of my career—not that any mainstream reporter would ever research it and have the vision and fortitude to draw the appropriate conclusions—that I would always, always bend to the policies of whomever I perceived to have the money or the power.

Long before I allowed Netanyahu, Petraeus and the health care industry to defecate on my head in public, I was letting Abner Mikvah and his gang in Chicago—yes, the very same ones that choreographed Elena Kagan’s “meteoric” rise—run my life like puppeteers.

Well, now that phony balancing act is all over and I can get back to what I do best: working for the same large interests and giving nice sounding speeches of no real consequence.

But it gets better. I can do it now and play the role of the plucky battler against those terrible Republicans.

During these first two years, I was always anxious that people would pick up on the contrived nature of the “we don’t have the votes” stick as an excuse for not pursuing meaningful reforms. After all, people knew perfectly well how much Bush changed things and with what majorities.

And even though large segments punditocracy and the remaining sentient beings in the population dutifully ate it up, I always had the fear that someone would find me out.

Well, now I really don’t have the votes!! Yippee!

It’s like a huge burden has been lifted off my back.

All speeches all the time! Underdog speeches. Nuanced Father of the Nation speeches on those “tough” moral issues, Grave commander-in-chief speeches.

Any speech the handlers want... and with no need to even pretend I can get anything of consequence done for you the people.

I’m in a good place.

Yours,

Barry

Barack H. Obama

3 November 2010