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CONTENTS

Poem#436: ‘Sunday Morning’

Introduction

Introduction

Introduction

Introduction

Introduction

Introduction

Sociopoetry

Poem#714: ‘The Johnny’

Poem#444: ‘Batesy’s Banter’

Poem#445: ‘Am Dram’

Poem#1155: ‘Pr’

Poem#1004: ‘Arnold’

Poem#770: ‘Derreck Woods’

Poem#1177: ‘Lovely Stuff’

Poem#112: ‘Sights’

Poem#1070: Untitled

Poem#908: ‘The Crucible’

Poem#615: Untitled

Poem#942: ‘Public Reaction’

Poem#994: ‘Suspicion’

Poem#400: ‘Wrenched’

Poem#520: ‘Plans’

War and Peace and Religion and Shopping

Poem#681: ‘The Rules of War’

Poem#684: ‘The Realities of War’

Poem#679: ‘The Awkwardness of War’

Poem#329: Untitled

Poem#1101: ‘The Incident in Ryman’s’

Poem#584: ‘Shopping Garrett’

Poem#680: ‘The Futility of War’

Poem#838: ‘The Furious Citizen’

Poem#324: ‘The Sikh and The Christian’

Poem#1010: ‘Corporal Moore’s Mission’

Poem#1183: ‘The End’

Poem#335: ‘Prayer’

Poem#922: ‘Investment’

Poem#1182: ‘The Logistics of War’

Page#1095: ‘God Being God’

Wooing, Screwing and Chewing

Poem#948: ‘Online Bullshit’

Poem#1129: ‘The Sad Tale of Chris and Sian’

Poem#229: ‘Charm’

Poem#1184: ‘Dying Wishes’

Poem#467: ‘The Compliment’

Poem#149: ‘The Date’

Poem#531: ‘A Sad Poem’

Poem#982: ‘Too Much Chewing Gum in One Go’

Poem#491: ‘Clifford’s Pen’

Poem#824: ‘Typical Ernest’

Poem#603: ‘Maud’

Poem#475: ‘A Touching Moment’

Poem#811: ‘A Loaded Guy’

Poem#1128: ‘The Beginning’

Poem#705: ‘The Tragedy of Hope’

Heroes of Our Time

Poem#1189: Untitled

Poem#528: ‘Shackles’

Poem#1151: ‘The Main Ant’

Poem#1163: ‘The Greater Good’

Poem#935: ‘Donald’

Poem#622: ‘The Wooden Man’

Poem#1193: ‘For My Passengers’ Sake’

Poem#863: ‘Brown’s Eye’

Poem#751: ‘The Modest Man with the Crampons’

Poem#597: ‘SW19’

Poem#479: ‘Men and Fish’

Poem#495: ‘Freddie’

Poem#1190: ‘Yards’

Poem#746: ‘A Biblical Hero’

Poem#575: ‘An Accidental Hero’

The Thorny Issue of Jobs

Poem#96: ‘Miss D.H. French’

Poem#941: ‘The Shake-Up’

Poem#487: ‘The Work Ethic’

Poem#387: ‘An Application’

Poem#943: ‘Poor Donna’

Poem#341: ‘Liberties’

Poem#269: ‘Wandsworth’

Poem#688: ‘Bugwoman’

Poem#869: ‘Jon Snow’

Poem#938: ‘Drenched’

Poem#806: ‘Chris Hock’

Poem#963: ‘Poor Form’

Poem#750: ‘A Diligent Bee’

Poem#1109: ‘Boss/Secretary’

Poem#1153: ‘The Overclaim’

Friends, Acquaintances and Worse

Poem#146: ‘The Lads’

Poem#830: Untitled

Poem#406: ‘Fun’

Poem#900: ‘Too Much All at Once’

Poem#577: ‘The Banter’

Poem#613: ‘Cupid’

Poem#617: ‘A Simple Offering’

Poem#807: ‘Mates’ Rates’

Poem#880: ‘Pat vs Matt’

Poem#786: ‘The Guys’

Poem#486: ‘The Reunion’

Poem#250: ‘The Nook’

Poem#578: ‘Threes’

Poem#394: ‘The Trip’

Poem#429: ‘Common Interests’

Poems Set on Location Outside of the UK

Poem#517: ‘Norway’

Poem#618: ‘If Only They Had Known’

Poem#369: ‘An Arctic Scene’

Poem#572: ‘The Pilgrimage’

Poem#114: ‘The Cretan Beach’

Poem#33: ‘Not Enough’

Poem#969: ‘In Egypt’

Poem#1149: ‘Chuck Joseph’

Poem#412: ‘The Valley of the Kings’

Poem#1150: ‘Borneo?’

Poem#416: ‘Boys on Tour’

Poem#1196: ‘Bangkok Bell-Ends’

Poem#645: ‘The Routine Breaks Down’

Poem#449: ‘Floater’

Poem#898: ‘Drive Through’

A Poem about a Man from Devon, Struggling Desperately to Juggle His Two Main Passions; That is, His Enthusiasm for His Girlfriend, Anitra (Forty Years His Junior and Studying Law Somewhere in Town But Living with Him in His Lighthouse), and His Love of the Sea Air – In Particular, A Compulsion for Hunting Down, Torturing, Killing and Eating Seabirds of Various Species

Poem#850: ‘Bonker’s Game’

What Some People Do

Poem#940: ‘Radiohead’

Poem#185: Untitled

Poem#785: ‘AG’

Poem#1035: ‘Moaty’

Poem#1105: ‘For Ease of Licking’

Poem#918: ‘Going Medieval’

Poem#1069: ‘Order’

Poem#1142: ‘Longtermism’

Poem#525: ‘An Athlete’s Woes’

Poem#1060: ‘Over’

Poem#624: ‘The Plan’

Poem#516: ‘Lazy’

Poem#83: ‘Digger’

Poem#567: ‘The Sonofabitch’

Poem#1031: Untitled

In The Dead of Night

Poem#1134: ‘In Nottingham’

Poem#262: ‘The Thick of Night’

Poem#477: Untitled

Poem#1146: ‘Notch’

Poem#1112: ‘Hallowe’en’

Poem#636: Untitled

Poem#427: ‘Dreaming’

Poem#836: ‘Jelly’

Poem#780: ‘Capricorn’

Poem#1179: ‘Floods’

Poem#926: ‘4.20 A.M.’

Poem#1180: ‘Radox’

Poem#272: ‘Enough’

Poem#1160: ‘The Universe’

Poem#764: ‘Night Time’

Rascals

Poem#466: ‘The Conference’

Poem#1152: ‘Big Bill Waller’

Poem#733: ‘Boasting’

Poem#834: ‘Bloody Custard’

Poem#471: ‘Pitt’

Poem#1102: ‘Tom’

Poem#710: ‘Apples’

Poem#893: ‘A Business Scheme Involving Ducks’

Poem#631: ‘The Cheeky Guardian’

Page#913: ‘Loveboy’

Poem#897: ‘Dunk’

Poem#677: ‘Gary’

Poem#1052: ‘On The Expenses Scandal’

Poem#1159: ‘Mike’s Project’

Poem#1071: ‘Toad’

In The Thick of Marriage

Poem#813: ‘Joint Account’

Poem#1186: ‘Off The Cuff’

Poem#1148: ‘Together’

Poem#221: ‘Trifle’

Poem#1166: ‘Double The Fun’

Poem#1062: ‘Silver’

Poem#362: ‘Abduction’

Poem#841: ‘Romance’

Poem#1169: ‘The Curse’

Poem#286: ‘Through The Partition’

Poem#206: ‘Hanky-Panky’

Poem#332: ‘In Leicester’

Poem#1099: Untitled

Poem#1167: ‘Commitment’

Poem#1031: ‘The Procedure’

Poems About a Starstruck Doctor, A Fat Chap Kipping on a Mate’s Sofa, The Discredited American Golfer, Tiger Woods, An Off-The-Hook Wake, A Massacre at a Battle-of-the-Bands Night in Leicester, A Bored Truanter, A Footballer, A Farmer, A Handsome Young Musician Getting Shit from His Piano Teacher, A Zombie, A Czech, A Man-Faced Girl, A Gentleman Heavily into Goats, A Fantastical Orphan and a Teenage Lesbian, Who, After Baking, Uses the Pastry Off-Cuts as a Playful Centrepiece for Some Slap-and-Tickle With Her New Girlfriend

Poem#983: Untitled

Poem#1136: ‘Opportunity’

Poem#430: ‘The Very, Very Big Man’

Poem#1038: ‘Tiger’

Poem#736: Untitled

Poem#180: ‘Gigging’

Poem#723: ‘Dirty Derreck’

Poem#1012: ‘Love’

Poem#716: ‘The Fury’

Poem#579: ‘Penis Eyes’

Poem#536: ‘Deliberately Gory Poem’

Poem#1139: ‘Kafkaesqueish?’

Poem#1141: Untitled

Poem#258: ‘Walking With William’

Poem#1063: ‘Up’

Some Problems

Poem#1106: ‘With Vegetables’

Poem#492: ‘Plummeting’

Poem#1000: ‘Bad Call’

Poem#621: ‘Paint’

Poem#142: ‘Hospital’

Poem#1087: ‘Old Meat’

Poem#527: ‘Identity’

Poem#1078: ‘’Twas The Snap Awoke Her’

Poem#476: ‘Flames’

Poem#401: ‘Ken’s Lot’

Poem#421: ‘Occupational Hazard’

Poem#522: ‘The Change’

Poem#895 : ‘The Wizard’

Poem#950: ‘What Can Happen’

Poem#159: ‘Loyalty’

Poem#1991: ‘Most Unwelcome’

The Keith Power Conundrum

Poem#206: Draft I

Poem#206: Draft II

Poem#206: Draft III

Poem#206: Draft IV

Poem#206: Draft V

Poem#206: Draft VI

Poem#206: Draft VII

Poem#206: Draft VIII

Poem#206: Draft IX

Poem#206: Draft XXXVIII

Poem#206: Draft XXXIX

Poem#206: Draft XL

On The Outside Looking In

Poem#919: ‘Stats’

Poem#894: ‘Preparation’

Poem#962: ‘Jimmy’

Poem#1178: ‘The End’

Poem#1174: ‘Sharing’

Poem#505: ‘Envy’

Poem#1100: ‘The Sparrow’

Poem#651: ‘A Proactive Man’

Poem#726: ‘Pursuit’

Poem#1172: ‘Standing by the Sandwiches’

Poem#891: ‘Anyone?’

Poem#171: ‘Leafing’

Poem#708: ‘Courage’

Poem#1147: ‘Not So Welcome’

Poem#538: ‘At Work’

Outroduction

Index of Poems by Title

Index of Poems by First Line

Index of Poems by Theme

Index of Poems by People Parading Around in them

Index of Poems by Number

Acknowledgements