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The Joy-Gratitude-Stability Connection

When you express your gratitude, you will bring joy to others’ lives. When others know joy, your life will be filled with happiness.

—Arthur Dobrin

Quick, who is the most joyful person you know? Write down his or her name. What makes this person so joyful day in and day out? Is he or she authentic? Real? Sincere? What other words might describe this person?

I suspect that person also works with a deep sense of gratitude. It is impossible to be joyful unless you are building gratitude into your heartprint every day. Author Brené Brown wrote the book The Gifts of Imperfection. In that book, she states, “Without exception, every person I interviewed who described living a joyful life or who described themselves as joyful, actively practiced gratitude and attributed their joyfulness to their gratitude practice.”²⁷

Notice her careful choice of the phrase actively practiced gratitude. That is, you and I take action and are expected to practice being grateful. We do not just talk about it or hope for it. We keep journals, we think intentionally about it, we consistently reflect on the statement I am grateful for …

MY HEART PRINT

Dolores came running into my office and asked, “Are you mad at me?” I was a bit startled, and as my mind raced, I could not honestly think of any reason why I should be mad at her. She was a colleague of mine, an incredible worker with deep love for her students. She was, in fact, my answer to the most joyful teacher I knew. So, I said, “I don’t think so, why do you ask?”

“You didn’t place a smiley face on the note you left in my box! I figured something must be wrong.” Dolores Fischer was by far one of the most motivating and inspirational teachers I knew. She had a joyful heartprint that was always obvious to others. And she was worried I was mad at her!

I assured her that my lack of a smiley face on her note was just an oversight. No worries. I had fallen into the pattern of placing smiley faces at the end of all my notes. This “retro” practice was way before the emoticon generation. I thought the work of our teaching life was hard enough that a smile, and a genuine thank you, just might boost my colleagues from time to time.

I observed this same idea at work in a positive way with students in Dolores’s classes. She had a way of thanking them each day, of letting her students know how important they were and letting them know she was grateful to be their teacher. She found joy even for those students with difficult behaviors who at the moment “haven’t to deserve it,” as Dolores would say.

It was quite extraordinary. Dolores thought her job was to bring joy to the journey of others, which, in turn, brought great joy and happiness to her and, as you can imagine, her students.

Be careful not to assume that Dolores had some grand and great happiness in life. She did not. She was a single mom for much of her career and raised two great children. Life was not always easy for her, but her choice of gratitude sustained her. She was one of those silent heroes. She was a person who chose not to act like a victim. She chose joy, she practiced gratitude, and her students and colleagues returned the favor. She was forever young with her ideas to create lessons that would be fun for her students, while keeping the rigor bar high toward the essential learning standards.

Write an answer to the prompt I am grateful for … Can you connect your response to a joyful heartprint? What about the person you identified as the most joyful person you know? How would you describe his or her gratitude quotient, or GQ?

Placing smiley faces on notes may not be what works for you. What needs to work is any way you show gratefulness and find joy that is genuine in your heart. Ultimately, only you know your true intent. My only advice is to make sure you show gratitude out of a desire to respect and show care for your students and colleagues.

Ultimately, if you do not practice a grateful heart during this school season, then your positive heartprint will start to fade and slowly erode the joy in your professional journey. Can you find the peace that comes with a youthful heart and spirit no matter what age you are and what bridge you need to cross each year? The answer lies partly in understanding the role you play as a stable force in the life of your students and your colleagues.

Joy and gratitude are connected to stability as well. This joy-gratitude-stability connection serves happiness in our daily work.

When Gallup asked adults the questions, “What leader has the most positive influence in your daily life?” and “What three words best describe what this person contributes to your life?,” respondents produced four categories of responses, such as compassion and hope. A third major category was stability. When asked what stability meant to them, respondents indicated three general characteristics: (1) strength, (2) support, and (3) peace.²⁸

MY HEART PRINT

Reflect about evidence of these three characteristics of stability in your work life.

Stability is about strength—We can do this!

Stability is about support—I will be there when you fail.

Stability is about peace—I will demonstrate gratitude and joy toward you.

How would your students or colleagues rank you on each of these stability characteristics? Give yourself a 1, 5, or 10, with 1 being not very well, 10 being awesome, and 5 meaning you are working on it.

Ultimately, you are constructing your professional life as each season of your career unfolds. As I have mentioned, the quality of the choices you make determines the quality of your character and thus, your positive emotional impact on others. You can determine if your character is one of stability for the students and colleagues influenced by your actions and choices by considering these questions.

♦ Am I overly eager to please? Do I find myself looking for others’ approval to validate my choices?

♦ Do I struggle to make good decisions? Do I lack clarity and hesitate to commit to what I think is right or good?

♦ Am I anxious when I receive a little criticism from the wrong source? Does it leave me feeling defeated and not wholehearted?

♦ Do I sometimes lack integrity? Instead of freely saying what I believe, do I calculate and adjust my words to fit more closely with what I think the other person wants to hear?

MY HEART PRINT

In general, the joy-gratitude-stability connection leads to greater happiness and creates an impact on your achievement as a teacher and leader. And by achievement, I mean your overall effectiveness and impact on student learning.

There is one more heartprint happiness issue to address throughout your career. It may seem odd, because it means understanding what is worthy of being unhappy about.

What are the events in your professional life that are worthy of your tears?

Answer yes or no to each of the previous stability questions, and think through why you might have responded yes to any of them.

What is your strategy to stay in a place of stability, supporting others while not letting them rob you of your day-to-day joy?