Читать книгу The Doctors' Baby Miracle - Tina Beckett, Tina Beckett - Страница 11
ОглавлениеTUCKER HAD NO idea why Phil Harold, the department head, wanted to see him. He was already running behind on his appointments and had a surgery scheduled at two o’clock this afternoon. At this rate, he’d be late to the convention workshop today. The convention. Great. Where he’d probably see Kady again.
How in the hell had any of this happened? He’d come to New York to get away from her. No, not from her. From the pain and memories of what had happened in Atlanta. Except some things—unlike his old golf clubs—weren’t as easy to leave behind. Some of them had followed him. And seeing Kady again had been like a punch to the gut, reawaking the guilt of not being able to give her what she’d wanted.
It was just for a week, though. Surely he could maintain some kind of poker face for that long. Then she’d fly back home. Life would return to normal.
Or some semblance of normal.
He rapped on the door, irritated that his thoughts seemed to keep circling his ex.
“Come.”
The curt command didn’t faze him. Phil was that way with everyone. And, as far as he knew, he hadn’t done anything to tick the man off. Not this week, anyway.
He pushed through the door and paused. Someone else was already in there. “Sorry, I can—”
“No, come in. This concerns both of you.”
Both?
Taking another look at the chair’s occupant, his stomach curdled in protest. Talk about circling. Think about her, and she appeared.
What the hell was Kady doing here?
He’d figured she’d be out lounging by the pool this morning, wearing one of those skimpy bikinis she tended to favor. Memories of creamy skin and long, lithe limbs flashed through his skull, only to be ejected in a hurry.
Not even going there.
That was what had gotten him into trouble in the first place.
He chose to remain standing by the door, even as Phil took his seat again. “You have a group of medical students scheduled to shadow you this week between conference sessions. Are you ready for them?”
Oh, hell, he’d completely forgotten about that. Since most of his workshop responsibilities were in the late afternoons, Phil had asked if a small contingent of students who were interested in obstetrics and pediatrics could follow him on his rounds.
That still didn’t explain why Kady was here.
“I am. Thanks for the reminder, though.” Even he could hear the tightness in his voice.
Kady was just as tense. He saw it in the stiff set of her spine, in the way her neck was set squarely between her shoulders. And her hands were clutched together, pressed against her belly. A protective posture. Remembered from her pregnancy all those years ago? His own stomach muscles squeezed against each other.
She’d known Phil was going to call him in here.
“Dr. Blacke was going to help originally, but since he can’t be here, I thought Dr. McPherson might agree to take his place, since your specialties tie together in some areas. I’ve been trying to coax her into it. She thinks you might object for some reason. You don’t. Correct?”
He waited for Kady to offer up some other kind of excuse, but she just sat there like a stone. It was up to him to derail this train.
“No objections, but I’m sure Dr. McPherson didn’t come here expecting to practice medicine.”
Phil’s glance went from him to Kady. “Can we count on you to help a sister hospital train up a new generation of doctors?”
Leave it to the department head to make it almost impossible to refuse. It was a weapon the man used well.
“Well... Of course. If you think it would help.”
The hesitation was obvious. But he knew Phil well enough to know that he would purposely ignore it. And there was no way he could signal her without his boss seeing it.
And Phil wasn’t asking anything out of the ordinary. He and Dr. Blacke normally did a kind of back and forth dialogue with medical students.
“Yes, it would help Dr. Stevenson out immensely.”
Of course it would.
Tucker was barely able to suppress the eye-roll he felt coming on. He covered it by asking, “Any idea who will take Gordy’s place during his treatment?”
“Not yet. We’re still looking for his replacement.” He glanced at Kady, a speculative smile curving his lips. “You wouldn’t consider transferring to our neck of the woods, would you?”
Kady’s hands uncurled and her thumb went to the back of her ring finger and scrubbed at it. Trying to remove any reminders of what was once there? She’d mailed the rings back to him. He still had them somewhere. Why, he had no idea.
“No, I’m sorry. I’m getting ready to—” Her voice came to an abrupt stop, along with her thumb, before starting up again. “I have a lot going on in Atlanta right now. And my family is there.”
Kady’s grandparents. They were good people who’d raised her after her parents had been killed in a car accident. He respected them. And Kady loved them like crazy. He’d left for New York almost immediately after they’d separated.
He hadn’t talked to them about the split. He probably should have faced her grandfather and tried to explain. But what explanation was there, really? He and Kady disagreed on a fundamental part of their life together. She wanted more children. He didn’t. Had taken steps to make sure that option was never on the table with Kady, or any another woman.
His and Kady’s wants and needs had landed them in opposite corners of the ring, and neither of them was willing to come to the middle.
Middle? There was no middle. One of them would have had to give in completely. He couldn’t ask that of Kady. Whispers of guilt surrounded his heart and mind, his teeth clamping tightly to ward them off. She deserved to have kids if that’s what she wanted. He just...couldn’t. A divorce had seemed better than forcing her to live a life she didn’t want. Maybe she already had another child. The thought of that made his jaw lock tight. She wasn’t married again, judging from the lack of a ring on that finger she’d been worrying a moment earlier.
Phil nodded. “We’ll just have to take whatever you’re willing to give while you’re here, then. Since Dr. Stevenson is fine with you pairing up, then we’re good?”
One side of Tucker’s mouth twitched to the side at the way Phil had worded that. He and Kady used to do a whole lot of pairing up—in a completely different sense. There was no way he or Kady were going to admit to that, though, so it looked like they were both stuck. Unless they told Phil they were divorced—from each other—they were going to have a hard time explaining why they couldn’t work together.
“I’m happy to help, of course.”
Those words were soft. Unsure. Not like the Kady he knew who took the bull by the horns and wrestled it to the ground. Then again, she’d lived through a lot of heartache since their youthful days when they’d been carefree and crazy in love.
“Good. I’ll leave you two to work on coordinating your schedules. I appreciate you giving us some of your time, Dr. McPherson. If you go down to HR, they can reimburse you for your hours. Not as much as you’d get for practicing medicine, but we do have a small budget for consultants.”
“It’s okay. I’m taking Dr. Blacke’s place at the conference anyway. If it will help patients in the future, then it’s for a good cause.”
“We at Wilson-Ross thank you.”
It wasn’t like Phil to stand on formalities. Or to suggest that a visiting doctor transfer to his department on a permanent basis. He took a closer look at the man as a tinge of something dark and ugly rose up inside him. He didn’t see any overt interest, but Phil was divorced too, and Kady was a beautiful woman.
Even if the man was interested, there was nothing he could do about it. Nothing he would do about it. His ring was no longer on her finger. She could do as she pleased.
And if Phil pleased her?
Give it a rest, idiot!
Maybe interpreting Phil’s words as a dismissal, his ex climbed to her feet and reached to shake Phil’s hand. Her blouse rode up, exposing a sliver of her back in the process.
His fingers curled into his palms.
Damn.
How he’d loved to explore each ridge and hollow of her spine, his index finger slowly working its way from her neck all the way down the vertebral column, whispering the names and numbers of each in her ear. By the time he’d reached the bottom, she’d been shaking with need.
So had he.
Sex between them had always been volcanic. Greedy and generous. Two words not normally associated with each other, but that described their lovemaking perfectly.
“Thanks for the opportunity,” she murmured.
The opportunity to spend more of her time with her ex? Of course not. That was just his feverish brain lusting after what it couldn’t have. What it shouldn’t have.
Which was why he’d had to let her go two years ago. His body had never listened to his head where she was concerned. If he’d stayed, he would have ended up making them both miserable. He’d seen it in her face. Heard it in her voice.
He waited for her to leave the room, then threw a nod to Phil and followed her out. He fell into step beside her. “You don’t have to do this, you know. If you said no, Phil would have to understand.”
“And what would we tell him exactly?”
“We’d think of something.”
She sighed. “I think it’s already been decided. Besides, I want to do it.”
“Why?” He was genuinely curious. The last thing they should do was spend any more time than necessary together. Hadn’t he already proven that a minute ago? Or maybe she wasn’t still as affected by him as he was by her.
“I don’t know exactly. It’s an exciting chance to see how things are done at the main campus of Wilson-Ross.”
“Trust me. It’s the same as Wilson-Ross in Atlanta.”
“Maybe, but we follow protocols set by New York. You see the first new wave of treatments.”
He nodded. “You could get that by meeting with the folks in Maternal-Fetal. I could set up a face to face with them, if you want.”
“I would love that. But I’d still like to help with the medical students.” She turned her face to look at him. “Unless it would make you too uncomfortable.”
That was exactly what he had been thinking just moments earlier. But it wasn’t something he wanted to admit. Not even to himself.
“And you wouldn’t be?”
The colorful lines on the white linoleum floor helped guide patients and staff alike to different sections of the hospital. He followed the blue stripe, although he knew the route by heart. His office was on the other side of the hospital.
“We’ve lived through things that were a lot worse than a few hours of awkwardness.”
“Yes. We have.” He hesitated. It was none of his business, but he had to ask. “Did you ever have more kids?”
Her face paled for a few telling seconds before turning a bright pink. She opened her mouth. Closed it. Then opened it again. “No. I haven’t.”
“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have asked that.”
She stopped in her tracks, her chin popping up. “No. You shouldn’t have.” Then her face softened. “Thank you for sending the flowers, though.”
He didn’t have to ask what she was talking about. The monthly daisies for Grace’s grave. “The florist sends them. I just put in the order.”
“I thought they were from you, but there is never any card attached.”
“Grace can’t read a card.” His jaw tightened again. “Or anything else.”
The florist had told him that daisies symbolized innocence and purity. Exactly what he thought of when he remembered his daughter. It had made the suffering she’d gone through all the more terrible somehow.
“Then why send them?” The question didn’t have the challenging tone he would have expected. Instead, she seemed to be searching for something.
He had no idea what, and even if he did, Tucker didn’t have an answer for her. He had no idea why he sent them. It was true. Grace would never see or touch or bury her face in those white petals. A tightness gripped his throat that wouldn’t let go.
That first trip to the florist’s shop had been hard. He’d sat in the parking lot for almost an hour before he’d been able to make himself go inside. The woman at the desk had taken his order, the compassion on her face almost his undoing. But once it was done, it had become almost a ritual—a sacred remembrance of what she’d meant to him.
He shrugged. “I know she would have liked them. It’s the only explanation I have.”
As she turned to start walking, something made him snag her wrist and pull her to a stop. When she turned to face him again, he took a moment to study her before letting go of her hand. She’d lost weight in the last two years. She wasn’t emaciated, by any means, but there were hollows to her cheeks that hadn’t been there when they’d been together. Maybe it was because her hair was longer than it had been, those vibrant red waves throwing shadows across her face. But whatever it was, her green eyes were the same, glowing...alive. Only now they were a little more secretive than they used to be. He didn’t like not being able to read her the way he once could.
“Are you...?”
Her brows puckered. “Am I what?”
“Are you okay with me sending them? The flowers, I mean.” He’d set out to ask her if she was really and truly okay. But since he wasn’t sure he really wanted to know, he’d changed it at the last second.
“Yes.” Kady reached out and touched his hand. “I think it’s sweet. And Nanna and Granda’ like seeing them when they go to visit her grave.”
“How are they?” Kady’s Irish grandparents had taken some getting used to. As had her extended family, which was huge. And loud. And fun. He and his parents had been close, but their family gatherings had been small, reserved affairs. And as an only child, Tucker had learned to imitate that...to remain quiet and stoic no matter what was happening around him.
Not the McPhersons. They all wore their hearts on their sleeves, holding nothing in.
Only Kady did. At least, the Kady standing in front of him did.
She dropped her hand to her side. The urge to reach down and enfold it in his came and went. “They miss Grace, obviously, just like I do. But they’re doing okay. Nanna has been a bit forgetful recently, which has Granda’ worried.”
“Anything serious?”
“I don’t think so. I don’t see the signs of Alzheimer’s there. But time will tell. If it gets worse, I’ll talk her into getting some tests.”
“A very smart idea.”
Tell them I said hi. Send them my love. Tell them I’ll see them soon.
None of those responses were appropriate anymore. And it set up an ache inside him that wouldn’t quit.
“They’re thinking of selling the house and getting something smaller.”
The McPhersons’ home was huge by any standards. They’d held large family gatherings there. Thanksgiving. Christmas. Any holiday had been an occasion to be celebrated. He couldn’t picture them living anywhere else. The family’s wealth had been another thing that had come between him and Kady at the end. She had insisted her grandparents were willing to hire a fertility expert to make sure the odds of having another baby with Tay-Sachs were as low as possible. He’d been dead set against it. Not because of the money it would take. Her grandparents could afford all of that and more. His argument had been more along the lines of not being able to guarantee with a hundred percent certainty that they would not have another child like Grace.
“That would take some getting used to for them, wouldn’t it?”
“I think they’re ready for a change.”
Just like Tucker had been. Looking back, though, he wondered if it wasn’t so much that he had been ready for change as it was that he’d been running from his grief. The hopeful look on Kady’s face whenever she’d spoken of another baby had been enough to send an icepick through his heart. Eventually the organ had become a sieve, any emotional involvement leaking away until there had been nothing left.
“I hope it all works out for them.”
“Thank you.”
And on that note it was time for him to get back to his own retooled life. “Well, I have a surgery today at two. I’m assuming the medical students will be coming tomorrow, since Phil didn’t mention them being at the hospital today.” He paused. “Do you need anything while you’re here?”
He wasn’t sure what he would do if she came up with something personal.
“No. I think I’m good. I guess I’ll see you later this afternoon, if you’re in any of the sessions.”
“I’m scheduled for the anesthesia and pregnancy track.”
She nodded. “I’m not in that one. I have ‘Monitoring the High-Risk Pregnancy from Beginning to Delivery.’ So I guess I’ll see you tomorrow, then. Any idea at all on when we’re supposed to meet the students?”
He hadn’t thought to ask, although Phil had probably told him at some point. “I’m not sure. I’ll get hold of him and give you a call at the hotel, if that’s okay.”
“Yes. I’m in room 708. You can leave a message if I’m not there.”
No offer of her cellphone number. But then again, he’d told her he’d call her at the hotel, so maybe she thought he didn’t want it.
He didn’t.
Did he?
Hell, no. It would just give his fingers an excuse to push and erase those numbers again and again. Or, worse, call her with some trumped-up excuse just so he could hear her voice.
That was all he needed—one more thing to brood over. Not that he’d tried to call her since the divorce. Her cellphone number could be the same, for all he knew.
She said goodbye, and this time when she turned to leave he didn’t try to stop her.
Even though there was a small part of him that wanted to do just that.
And he had no idea why.
* * *
Kady had the morning to herself. It was still early and the pool was deserted. Dropping her towel onto a nearby lounger, she went over to the water’s edge and dipped in a toe. A shiver rippled over her at the difference in temperature. All the windows were fogged up, but the heat and humidity of the room were a welcome change from the icy interior of the hotel. She kind of liked the misty atmosphere. It gave her a sense of privacy. As if this was her personal luxury spa.
She hadn’t seen Tucker at the convention the previous night, but then again they’d been in separate sessions. As soon as her part had ended, she’d gone straight to her room. She’d had a headache, and a dull listlessness had stolen over her, something she hadn’t felt in a while. The result of seeing Tucker again?
Probably.
It was a shock, that’s all. Anyone in their right mind would feel a big old jolt of disbelief at seeing their ex after all this time.
All this time? It wasn’t like it had been ten years since she’d seen him. From her horrified reaction, it might as well have been, though.
And he hadn’t called to say what time they were supposed to meet the medical students, so she assumed that wasn’t happening until later. Or maybe he’d told Mr. Harold that he preferred she didn’t come. That made her frown. She would have expected him to let her know, either way. Unless he’d tried and couldn’t reach her.
She probably should have given him her cellphone number, but it hadn’t even crossed her mind until she’d been almost out of the hospital. To run back and breathlessly give it to him smacked of teenaged infatuation. And Kady had long since passed those days of young love.
Young love. Ha!
“Cynical, Kady. Cynical.”
Okay, it might be cynical, but better that than be hurt by another man. Tucker had talked about never having any more children? Well, she was pretty sure she wasn’t getting married again. She hadn’t even wanted to date since they’d broken up.
She could just take the plunge and put up a profile on one of those date matcher-upper things. Instead, she took a different kind of plunge and jumped into the pool. The chill shocked her system, almost causing her lungs to contract and blow out all her air reserves. She controlled the urge and then kicked her way to the very bottom. She tooled around, following the downward curve until she reached the deep end. Nice. This was the only kind of plunge she wanted to take. Her eyes burned slightly from the chlorine, but she was used to that. She drifted to where the light was, putting her palm over it before she went even deeper, glancing up at the surface above. She couldn’t remember if the pool had an eight- or twelve-foot depth.
What did it matter? She could just stay down here forever.
Except she couldn’t.
As they always did, her lungs sent the first twinges of protest to her brain. Just another few seconds.
She closed her eyes and let herself “be.” Something she could only seem to do in the water. But her lungs’ distress calls had now been taken up by other parts of her body. Time to go. She pushed off the concrete floor and shot toward the light above, breaking the surface and sucking down one huge gulp of air after another, before reaching toward the edge. Instead of a cold tiled surface, she encountered something firm but warm. Curling around her hand.
Blinking the water out of her eyes in a hurry, she glanced up.
“Tucker?” The name rasped across her vocal cords right before shock took control of them and rendered her silent. She wasn’t even sure why she’d asked, other than letting her brain in on what her heart already knew: it was him. It had to be, even if the light behind him cast his face in shadow. That, along with his dark jeans and black shirt, gave him a slightly sinister look. He could be a dark god. Or a fallen angel. She couldn’t quite decide which fit him better.
Neither.
Breathe, Kady, breathe.
She did just that, trying to figure out if she was just imagining it or if Tucker was really crouched by the side of the pool, gripping her hand. His skin was warm. She could just curl into his palm and...
And nothing.
“I was just about to go in after you.”
“You were?”
“You looked pretty lifeless down there. One minute you were swimming like a fish and the next you went into some kind of suspended animation.” His thumb made a slight movement across the back of her hand. Small enough to make her wonder if she’d imagined it. Imaginary or not, it sent raw sensation skittering down her nerve endings, making them scramble to interpret it.
There was nothing to interpret.
She struggled to get her tongue to wrap around the words. “You’ve seen me like that before.” He had. Many times.
He paused, fingers tightening slightly on hers. “Yes. I have.”
Were they talking about the same thing? “Okay, so you know that I’m fine.”
“I do now. You’re a land creature, Kady. You belong up here.”
Next to him? When he looked like that? When just the touch of his hand on hers was making her picture all kinds of crazy scenarios? Like pulling him into the pool and seeing what it started?
There was no way in hell she was going to do that. “What are you doing here, anyway?”
“I lost the slip of paper with your room number on it.” The pad of his thumb shifted again. This time there was no way it was her imagination. Why was he still holding onto her anyway? And why the heck wasn’t she pulling away?
“How did you expect to find me when you came over, then?”
“I hadn’t thought that far ahead.” He smiled. “Want me to help you out?”
She took stock of the situation. Her towel was way over there. And she was dressed in a pretty skimpy bikini. He’d seen her stretch marks and the changes in her abdomen from carrying Grace before. But they’d been married back then. When things between them had been easy and comfortable.
She was no longer comfortable in his presence. She was self-conscious and nervous. And she didn’t like it.
Better to just face it. “Sure. Thanks.”
She gave a quick kick of her legs to help him, and Tucker hauled her up and out of the pool. His eyes skated across her torso, then he dropped her hand as if he’d grabbed the wrong end of a scalpel. Then he swore, his gaze moving up and out—landing on anything except her.
What the...?
When she glanced down, she shrieked. The side strings on her bikini top had come undone, something she would have noticed had she not been so busy trying to figure out if he was stroking her hand. And getting worked up over it.
Well, she wasn’t worked up anymore!
Turning away quickly, thankful now for the fogged-up glass, she yanked the strings behind her back and attempted to tie them. Except she normally turned the top around and tied it in the front before twisting it to the back once more and then knotting the top.
Why couldn’t she have worn a one-piece?
Well, she hadn’t expected Tucker to walk in on her, for one thing.
Why do you care? The man has seen you naked, for heaven’s sake. He’s seen you giving birth. He cut the cord afterward.
But that noise he’d just made hadn’t been an “Oh, big deal” sound.
It had been more like, “Did I just see what I think I saw?” In the old days, she would have thrown him a sexy quip and invited him closer. Much closer. They then would have spent the next couple of hours tangled in a heap, finding the first available surface. The bed. The sofa. The dining-room table.
On the fourth try with the strings she let out an exasperated breath.
“Do you need help?”
“No.” She wasn’t going to admit it, even if she did.
“Here, let me.”
Warm hands brushed her icy ones aside, fingers gliding across her skin. Prickles broke out, rippling across her body and ending at her nipples, which tightened unbearably.
Because this time the slow, soft touches weren’t in her imagination.
Lordy!
She hadn’t invited him to come closer, but he had anyway.
It wasn’t for the same reasons, but her body thought it was. It was busy rolling out the red carpet for the man while he worked on unaware.
As embarrassing and awkward as her reaction to the workings of his fingers was, it was even worse when he suddenly stopped. “I think that’s got it. Do you need it double knotted?”
There was a low roughness to his voice that made her stomach contract. She should tell him, no, that she was fine, that she was done anyway.
“Please.”
Was that her head talking? Or her overly eager libido?
She had no idea, only knew that her eyes slid closed as soon as he touched her again. What he didn’t know wouldn’t hurt him. And, God, she had missed this part of their relationship.
His movements weren’t quite as sure as they’d been a few minutes ago. His palm brushed her back, all five fingers trailing down her spine in a way that was burned into her memory. Then his touch was gone.
