Читать книгу A Father's Vow - Tina Leonard - Страница 10

CHAPTER TWO

WHEN BEN LOOKED at her like that, with his eyes full of hope that she’d say yes, Carolyn put her personal reservations aside for the moment. “Tell me everything your mother told you. Anything you can remember she said before she died.”

“The doctor who delivered me was Douglas Benton. He worked with his wife, Vivian—she assisted him in a midwife capacity.”

“Your mother didn’t go to a hospital?”

“No. For one thing, she was from tough country stock. Her mother’s children were born at home, and Mom didn’t know there was another way to do it. Also, she and Dad simply didn’t have the cash to go to a hospital. Remember, back then a person paid medical bills out of their own pocket. Ironically, Dad had gone to market to sell some crops, hoping to have enough money for whatever they needed when I was born.” He withdrew a photo from his wallet of a smiling family: a tall man in an ill-fitting suit, a woman holding a blanket-wrapped baby in her arms.

Carolyn felt chills sweep her. “So if your mom hadn’t come out of the anesthetic early, she might never have thought there was another living child.”

He shook his head. “If I really do have a brother, it’s a miracle that we know to start looking for him. At the same time, I don’t want to get my hopes up. Why did Mom never remember this before? That’s what I keep coming back to.”

“I had surgery once for something minor,” she said, not meeting his eyes and not about to tell him her deepest, darkest secret, “and I was very groggy when I awakened. I was also more nauseated than I’d ever been in my life. To be honest, I was focused on the pain I’d begun to feel and not my surroundings.”

“Maybe that’s what Mom experienced. Anyway, being in the hospital seemed to make Mom want to talk about her life. I never knew as much about my mother as I did during those days before she died. I wish I’d tape-recorded it for Lucy’s sake, because I can’t possibly remember everything she said.”

Carolyn smiled. “You sound like it was a good experience for you.”

“It was. I could tell she’d made her peace with her situation, and that she wasn’t afraid of—“ He took a deep breath. “And that made me not afraid. But then all of a sudden, she became noticeably weaker. She began talking about my brother, and it was as if she couldn’t…let herself die until she’d relived those moments of her delivery. I saw her turn into a frightened young girl who was upset that her baby was coming when her husband, her most trusted friend and provider, was out of town. Her parents weren’t close enough to make it in time. She was young, alone, afraid.”

“Possibly a ripe target for a baby ring, if that is indeed what happened.”

“Maybe so. She was vulnerable, that’s for sure. And there were no witnesses, except for the doctor’s wife, and she’s not going to want to tell us anything, if there is something to tell.”

“Did you happen to look through Eileen’s records when she was in the hospital? Usually they’re close at hand with the nurses.”

He shook his head. “I never even thought to look at her chart. How would that have helped?”

“Probably it wouldn’t have. But I would have been curious to know if your mother continued to see Dr. Benton after your birth.”

“I don’t think she did. Otherwise I would have remembered him. Her oncologist is Dr. Tristan Collins. I can’t say I liked him very well. He was overconfident and young. Perhaps if I’d met him under different circumstances… Actually, I believe I was put off by the fact that he was so young. The nurses were smitten with him, and so was Mom. She kind of glowed whenever he came into the room.” He smiled wryly. “I wanted a grizzled, mature doctor like the ones you see on television to miraculously heal my mother.”

Carolyn lowered her eyes for a second. “I’m so sorry, Ben.”

“Oh, I was just mad at the world, I guess. Dr. Collins has an excellent medical record, and he made my mom happy because he didn’t treat her as if she were sickly and fragile, which she was. He treated her as if she were still vibrant and beautiful, which was exactly what she needed at the time.” He stared at his hands. “Dr. Collins is how we discovered Lucy was ill.”

“What do you mean?”

“Mom was taking care of Lucy for me one day about six months ago. She went by Dr. Collins’s office to get some paperwork, and he happened to walk through the waiting room. He stopped to chat to Lucy—she’s quite a chatterbox-and he noticed a bruise on her arm. He asked Mom about it. Mom was astonished and assured Dr. Collins that the bruise hadn’t been there when she’d helped Lucy dress. She couldn’t remember Lucy bumping into anything, or getting knocked down by one of the dogs. Dr. Collins suggested Mom walk Lucy down the hall to one of his colleagues, a pediatrician. He called himself to have the doctor take a look at the bruise, which was ugly and big and greenish-blue.”

He stopped, and Carolyn pinned her gaze on him, not wanting to hear the rest and yet knowing she had to. She gave Ben time to assemble his thoughts.

“And that,” Ben said softly, “is how we came to have Lucy tested for leukemia. I don’t have to tell you that my whole world came undone.”

Carolyn sat very still.

“Perversely, I don’t like Dr. Collins, when I know very well he is the only person who gave us a fighting chance with Lucy’s life.”

She put a hand on his briefly. “Ben, no one is going to blame you for wanting to shoot the messenger. You’ve lost your mom and your daughter is ill. You can have all the skewed emotions you want. I’m sure Dr. Collins would understand.”

“Lucy has tremendous regard for him. When she had her first round of chemotherapy, Dr. Collins came to visit her in the hospital.”

“I see.”

“With a giant teddy bear.”

She made a note on her pad. “I should talk to Dr. Collins and see if he has anything he can share about your mother that isn’t restricted to doctor-patient confidentiality.”

Ben remained silent.

“Ben?”

His gaze traveled over her, ever so slowly, and a strange sensation swept through her as he assessed her businesslike suit, her chin-length auburn hair, even her fingernails, which were short and coated with clear polish. Suddenly, she longed for sexy red polish and long, elegant nails.

“You haven’t changed at all, Carolyn,” Ben told her.

She didn’t know if that was a compliment or just a general observation.

“Only you would understand that I was mad at that doctor for being the one to figure out Lucy was ill and for not being able to cure Mom. I wanted the impossible from him, and no matter how irrational that is, you just sit there and nod your head. Like you understand everything I’m feeling, even if I can’t understand it very well myself.” He paused for a moment before saying, “It feels great to talk to you again, Carolyn.”

Searching around for something to say amid the morass of emotions that engulfed her, Carolyn found herself spared by the opening of the agency door. Marissa strode in, and Lucy sprang into her daddy’s lap.

Marissa looked at Carolyn, a question mark in her eyes.

Carolyn stared at the beautiful woman who seemed on the surface to have everything, and then at the man holding the little girl who meant the world to him. “This is as good a place to start as any,” she said to Ben. “Let me call a few people, and then we’ll talk again.”

They watched her, and Carolyn had the distinct feeling she was the point on a triangle the other two sides needed to retain their shape. She stood, arming herself with professional courtesy.

“I know you have to get to the airport, Marissa, so I won’t keep you further. Lucy, I’ll be seeing you soon.”

She smiled at the family as they walked in front of her to the door.

Ben turned back to stare at her, and she met his gaze as evenly as she could.

Then he left. She closed the door behind them, walked through the main reception area and into her own office.

She sat in the silence for a few moments, quietly thinking about Ben and everything he’d been through. Examining the feelings she’d once had for him.

Strangely enough, it had not been difficult to see him with Marissa. Not the way she’d always imagined it would be.

Breath stole back into her body. She was okay—her emotions surprisingly unscathed.

If Lily and Dylan wanted her to begin the initial casework, she could handle it. Eileen’s faith in her gave her the backbone and desire to make certain everything in her power was done to find a miracle for Lucy.

The first thing she was going to do was put in a call to the hospital to find out how she herself could be tested as a donor match for Lucy. She knew the initial step was a simple blood test, but maybe, just maybe, she could justify Eileen’s faith in her. Even if the missing brother turned out to be nothing but the wistful hallucination of a dying woman, Carolyn herself might be able to provide the miracle Lucy needed.

Ben would never have to know.

* * *

DR. COLLINS smiled at her when he met her in his office, and Carolyn recognized immediately that they shared a common interest.

“Thank you for seeing me, Doctor.”

“My pleasure. I, too, fell under Lucy Mulholland’s spell.” He smiled at Carolyn. “She is a very sweet little girl. And she’s going to be a heartbreaker when she grows up. Not of her own doing, of course. She’s like her grandmother and father. A gentle species.”

Carolyn blinked. “I couldn’t agree more.”

The doctor nodded, his blue eyes dark and serious now. “Eileen was a favorite patient of mine. We’re not supposed to have favorites, I guess. All patients should be regarded equally. But Eileen had sparkle. She was a real trooper.”

Carolyn cleared her throat, sensing the doctor’s sadness. This was not the time to pry about Eileen, so she stuck with her basic question. “You were going to tell me about the blood testing process.”

“The first stage is simple. You’ll get a blood test, which we can do here at the hospital, and the results will be analyzed.” He smiled, his eyes bright with humor. “I will admit to having been caught in Lucy’s spell myself, and rendered up my own arm for a test.”

Carolyn stared at him.

“Unfortunately, I’m not a match for her. Perhaps you’ll have better luck.”

“She’s had the leukemia for a while, hasn’t she?”

“I think she must have had it for a year before she was tested,” the doctor said quietly. “Her leukemia is fairly advanced, which is creating greater havoc in finding a donor, as more selective matches must be created.”

Carolyn felt Dr. Collins’s intense gaze. Instinctively she knew that he missed nothing. If she had any outward symptoms of ill health, he would have seen them by now. She got up, told herself she was being irrational, but did her best to suck in her scarred abdomen anyway. “Thank you for your assistance, Dr. Collins. I appreciate your taking the time to see me.”

“We’ll keep our fingers crossed that you get better news than I did.” He walked her to the office door. “Tell Mr. Mulholland hello if you see him.”

“I will. Thank you.” She forced a smile and hurried from the office. Once in her car, she dropped her purse into the front seat and let down the windows. September heat was stifling in Texas, but her breathlessness came from a different source. She turned on the car and hit the air conditioner button.

Hot air blasted her. She put her head back against the headrest and closed her eyes.

Control. Ben felt out of control—that’s why he resented Dr. Collins. Ben wasn’t confident these days of his own ability to protect his family.

Carolyn took a deep breath and glanced at the clock. In one hour, she would have the preliminary test that could prove her a match possibility for Lucy. She didn’t feel in control, either.

She dialed a number on her cell phone. “Hi,” she said when her best friend, Emily, answered.

“Hey, Caro.”

“What would you say if I told you that Ben Mulholland came to see me yesterday?”

“That it was an interesting turn of events. How did he look?”

Carolyn smiled at the teasing tone in Emily’s voice. “He hasn’t changed much in the looks department.”

“So your heart went pitty-pat?”

She rolled her eyes. “I met his daughter, and his wife. Ex-wife.”

“And?”

“His daughter is sick with leukemia.”

“Oh, no!”

“She’s five, Em, and she’s adorable. Precious. Demanding. Wants as much of her daddy as she can get.”

“Ahem. And your heart…”

“Went right out the window. I’m waiting to have a blood test right now to see if I’m a preliminary match.”

“Oh, God, Caro,” Emily said on a sigh. “You were born a trouper.”

“Don’t tell anyone.”

“Of course not. But I love you for being brave.”

Carolyn thought about the lines of anxiety around Ben’s eyes, the tightness around Marissa’s million-dollar lips. “I’m not brave. I’m so afraid I’m looking for an easy way out.”

“Meaning?”

“Ben came to me with a case request, and I’m not sure I’m the one to handle it.”

“And you’re calling me to get the green light.”

“I’m calling you for a healthy dose of common sense.”

Emily cleared her throat. “Let me see if I have the picture right. Ben wants you to help him with something, but already you feel the tugging of little heartstrings not just for him, but for his too cute daughter who is very ill. And you’re not sure you can keep your heart from getting steamrolled flat again. So you’re having the blood test done on the improbable chance that you’re a match, so you could give him what his daughter needs and duck out on him.”

“Without sparing me, you seem to have outlined my dilemma pretty well,” Carolyn muttered.

“You’re still in love with him.”

“Would that shock you?”

“Would it shock me? No. Would it astound me that you finally admitted it? Yes. Beyond words, actually.”

Carolyn closed her eyes. “Oh, Emily. What a mess.”

“All right. I think you should have the test and pray for a miracle, for Lucy’s sake. But if you’re not a match, all you can do is talk to Dylan and Lily about the case. They’re the ones who’ll steer you right.”

She opened her eyes again. “Emily? Do you remember when we first met each other, when we were working at the adoption center? And there were all those kids who needed families, and we always wanted to scoop them into our hearts and love them?”

“We tried to be pragmatic, though,” Emily said. “If you can’t help Lucy and Ben, you can’t, hon. There’s only so much one person can do.”

“That’s what I keep telling myself. Only this time, that knowledge doesn’t make me feel any better.”

“The fact that you’re personally involved is what Ben was counting on, Caro, or he wouldn’t have specifically sought you out. He’s hoping that because you cared about him and Eileen, you’ll do your damnedest to help his daughter. But you can’t save her, Caro. All you can really do is save him by being his friend.”

Friend. Could she be his friend? Sure. She could do that.

“Thanks, Em. I feel much better now.”

“Good. Go get your arm stuck, and let me know what you find out. It’s too easy to work out this neatly, you know. The ex-girlfriend having the one thing the hero desperately needs. It’s too romance novel, but I admire you terribly for trying.”

Carolyn snorted. “You said I was looking for a cop-out to keep myself from having to fail if I couldn’t solve the case in a satisfactory manner.”

“I didn’t say that,” Emily told her, “you just did.”

Carolyn was silent.

“Besides, what does motivation matter? The cold fact is Lucy needs a donor. So go get tested, and see if you can escape from the past that easily.”

“Thanks, Em—I think.” She wrinkled her nose and hung up the phone.

The thought of Ben alone in the world made her open the car door and get out, locking it behind her. On the surface, taking the test seemed like a brave thing to do, but what made her even more afraid was not being able to give Ben what he wanted most.

Again.