The Highly Sensitive Man
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With a foreword from acclaimed psychologist, Dr Elaine Aron, comes a timely and invaluable book that will help redefine masculinity and reveal how high sensitivity can enrich men’s lives, their communities, and the lives of those who love them.Highly sensitive people think deeply, empathize instinctively, and behave in an ethical way that benefits everyone. Today, with the negative effects of ‘toxic masculinity’ and aggressive behaviour in evidence all around us, we need highly sensitive people – especially men – more than ever. Yet for men, being highly sensitive brings distinct challenges, such as gender stereotypes that portray them as too emotional or not ‘manly’ enough.Cognitive behavioural psychotherapist Tom Falkenstein offers the first psychological guide that specifically addresses highly sensitive men and those who care about them, and explores the unique advantages and obstacles they face. Drawing from his training with pioneer in the field Dr. Elaine Aron, and his own ground-breaking work, Falkenstein incorporates the most up-to-date research on high sensitivity, how it relates to male identity, and provides one-of-a-kind advice and practical tools, including:• Self-assessment tests to measure high sensitivity • Strategies to cope with overstimulation and intense emotions • Exercises that enhance relaxation, mindfulness, and acceptance • Advice on self-care and self-compassion • Techniques to deal with situations that highly sensitive people often find difficult • Interviews with men who have learned to live well with high sensitivity • Insights into the key role that highly sensitive men have to play in today’s world
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Contents
Cover
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In order for men to assert themselves socially and professionally, it became increasingly important in the Western world for them to develop characteristics such as dominance, independence, and high performance. But as we have seen in this chapter, men have paid a high price for this. The rest of society has paid, too: their partners, their families, their children, their siblings, their parents, and their friends. It has affected all of us.
It goes without saying that when I talk about men as a whole, I am generalizing and simplifying enormously. But let us allow ourselves to do just that for a moment so that we can create a picture of the symbiotic interdependence between the sexes. When the position of women in our society changes—which has particularly been the case since the feminist women’s movement from the 1960s onward—then that has an effect on men and vice versa. A man who finds it difficult to recognize his own emotional needs and feelings, and who cannot express these fully to other people, will find relationships with other people difficult and won’t be able to become an emotionally satisfying or emotionally available partner. A man who primarily defines his own self-worth through his professional success or has learned to only express emotional intimacy through his sexuality is just as problematic. Both of these personality aspects will have negative outcomes on his partners, his family, his relationships, his health, and his whole community. It is therefore in the interest of both men and women that men are better able to free themselves from the traditional values of masculinity. This will allow men to open up emotionally, to be seen as multifaceted, to be vulnerable, and to show their emotions without being scared of being shamed for being a “wimp” or a “sissy.” Men and women both profit when they are able to live fully as complete equals—free, autonomous, self-confident, multilayered, and multifaceted, with space for personal growth.
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