Читать книгу Little Wolf, Pack Leader - Ian Whybrow, Tony Ross - Страница 7

Dear Mum and Dad,

You say in your letter how is our darling baby pet, hmmm? I am kwite well thank you for not asking, hem hem, I know you mean Smellybreff really.

Answer, Smells is his usual small painy self. He has got a new craze, it is being a pop star on the drums. Today he has gone all whiny just because I took my saucepans off him for going dink donk on them with his hammer and lectric drill.

Smells said I must give him loads of gold for buying him a pop star suit plus proper drums. But I said, “Gold, what gold? Who was the 1 that blew up my safe with gunpowder so my gold went chinkle plonk all over Frettnin Forest? It was YOU!”

Now he is out in the Forest having a look and a wander with his metal detector, saying he will be rich soonly, so nah nah.

Can you take him back to the Lair with you, please pleeeeze PLEEEEEEEEZ? You know you miss him, yesss?

Yours hopingly,

Little Wolf

Dear Mum and Dad,

Your note sounds a small bit grrrrrish about me letting Smells have a wander by himself. I do not know Y, he comes indoors when he is starving (eg a lot). Beeeeesides, you always say give in to him, it is the only way.

Also you say you are not having him back just at the mo, but let you know if he has any luck with his metal detector, then you might have another think.

Now I will say my news. We are a bit short of snacks here (not much rabbits in Frettnin Forest any more, boo shame). Yeller (best friend and cuz) is not staying with me in my house. He has gone off southly for a rabbit hunt and private Lone Wolf practiss. I miss his cheery shouting. It is very quiet, except for Smells whining.

Normus Bear has gone away huntingly 2, only not southly. He is more westly so he can tickle trouts (not rabbits) out of Spring River down the valley by Lonesome Woods, Murkshire. Plus looking privately for a nice hibernaty cave for snoozing in when the snow comes. I miss his rufftuff ways.

Stubbs has knitted himself a nice twiggy nest on the roof. He thinks he can fly better if he starts from high up.

I can hear him going “Ark” to the big crows sometimes, but I do not see him a lot like I used to, only when he has a small arksident and falls down the chimney hole.

Mum, any rabbit rolls going spare, yes?

Yours hintingly,

Petit Starver (French)

Down the garden

Dear Mum and Dad,

I got a postcard from Normus today saying wish you were hairy (joke). He says he is having a nice time only a bit 2 much trout maybe, also no luck with caves.

You say you have got new naybores, nayboors, people next door called Fang and Mauler Snarl-Wolfington – they sound posh, but are they nice noisy wuns?

Yours interestedly,

L Wolf

The Law

Dear Mum and Dad,

Yeller says Arrrrrroooo by a short note to let me know he has made himself cosy in a nice smelly hole, not 2 sunny in the morningtime. It is a good place for having new ideas about funny tricks ect.

Here is a good 1 he sent me for tricking your mum. Go into the lav, get some toilet paper, go round and round with it till you are covered up, then shout, “Mummy Mummy.”

If your mummy comes along wurrid, saying, “Yes?”, then you say (hollow voice) “So am I, har har!”

Here is my Cheesy Toothpaste trick I sent him back. Get sum Skweezy Cheesy in a tube, cross out the words on it saying Skweezy Cheesy and put Toothpaste. Then if your dad says, “Hoy pack in cleaning your teeth all the time!” you say, “Har Har, I am eating cheese really.”

Yours chucklingly,

Little

PS For this toothpaste trick you can use any old tube of food like condensation milk, but not glue, Ok? (Bit harsh).

Dear Mum and Dad,

Thank you for your gruff letter saying pack in tricking and start hunting for a nowrushing newrishing murishing joosy snack for your poor little sweetypaws, Smells. You do not menshun my tummy what has gone small as a small ant. Never mind, off I go suddenly to fetch Smells a nice fat moosy or a buffalo, maybe. So do not blame me if he gets the windy bumps like normal for not chewing proply.

Yours,

A Noid

Dear Mum and Dad,

Thank you for the nice pic of the posh new people next door that Dad took with his new spy-camera strapped to his knee.

Shame he did not tuck the camera up higher in his hearole, I like pics with faces on. Never mind.

You say their lair has 5 sleepholes and 2 lickrooms, plus they have a really really really clever cub called Spoiler who knows THE LOT. Plus you say he is a proper brute beast, not a small weaky like me that only likes reading and writing.

Now I am all upset.

Yours jealously,

Littly

PS Do not tell Spoiler any of our tricks, case he steals tham, Ok?

PPS Smells has just come in all wet but still no gold.

PPPS Yes I am going to give him some grub NOW. It is my hedgehog. I was saving as a treat 4 me, but never mind.

The Housy Thing,1 Can’t Remember Lane,Forgetshire

Dear errr umm, is that Mud and Dam or are you my Mim and Dood?

Yesterday I played cleaning out my earwax with gunpowder, so my brane went off bang, shame, eh?

Now I bet you will say, “Oh shock, our best eldest cub, no more fine letters from him, he has gone and got hamknees armniece amsneezia lost his memory! Now he will forget we are fierce wolves and think we are just fat peabugs with fur coats on, oo-er, sob sob ect.”

True, plus I cannot remember the name of my baby bruv even, so no chance I can look after him for you any more, sorry. Now he will have to come back to the Lair and chew your videos for a change.

Yours trickingly,

Thingy

PS Good I, yes? Did you get it? It was me really.

PPS Dad’s spy pics are getting better, yes? Spoiler is very hansum, eh? (fib fib).

My real address (not a trick wun, honest)

Dear Mum and Dad,

Not fair you sending Smellybreff that parcel with the spanking machine in, just because of 1 small trick letter from me. Also the machine was batteries not included. So Smells has pinched all my wuns out of my torch, my Walkwolf, and my swimmy bathfrog ect. Just so the machine would chase me round going

Also, thanks for your crool postcard that you sent saying serve you right plus instruckshuns. All right I will look after Smells for ages more, but tell him to pack in being a fusspot, saying he only likes eating Krispy Ducklets with Moosepops, also skweezing brown sauce in the keyholes, not funny.

I did not mean to say you were fat peabugs. That was a short joke, only I forgot about Dad being a lergic to fun.

Yours warmbottly,

L Wolf

PS I hope those batteries pack up soon,

Dear Mum and Dad,

Thank you for your moany reply, very newsy but damp. (Smells dropped it down the lav, so cubbish.) It was kwite hard reading it with lots of the ink gone spready.

You say you are absolutely dis-something (is it custard?) because of the Snarl-Wolfingtons being so posh and rich and us only poorish now.

Also you say you are fed up about them always boasting about their son Spoiler. He is getting faymuss by being Pack Leader of his own fearsum wolfpack and him only 3 times my age and bigness.

Y is he always getting his pic in Wolf Weekly for facing something I cannot read? Is it clanger or dancer? No wait, it might be DANGER he keeps facing, oh I get it.

You say what about me? “Have you done anything for us to have a good boast about?” Answer YES, I am giving Uncle Bigbad’s big old house a fine sortout! Plus I am being a good cub-sitter for Smells and letting him eat all my snowy weather snacks.

More tomorrowly,

Busyboy

Dear Mum and Dad,

Before, I was feeling a bit downinthedumper so I thought, blow it, best thing if you are onyourownly is think of a new fun thing to do.

So phew, yesterday I got all Uncle Bigbad’s bits and pieces together that he had in this big old manshun mantyion house before he died of the jumping beanbangs! (All the beds out the dorm, the desks, the blackboards ect.) I put them all in 1 lot of rooms upstairs. Then I did a posh notice on the door saying,

L Wolf’s Interesting Museum.

Today I am making a place for all the adventure stuff that me and Yeller had when we turned Cunning College into Adventure Academy. (I had 1 quick go on the zipwire, just 4 luck.)

Next I will make a place in the cellar for all our Haunted Hall bits we had when we were teaching small brutes haunty tricks, wooooo.

Then after, I will make 1 more place for all our Forest Detective Agency fingerprint kits, magnifying glasses, ect.

Guess what I will be then? A museum keeper! Loads of brute beasts will love to have a rummage in Uncle Bigbad’s old house, plus have a laugh with his small naughty nephew, I bet!

Yours rushaboutly,

Little

Dear Mum and Dad,

You say museums are rubbish, also pack in that sissy tidying, it is no good for boasting about. But I am not tidying, I told you, I am having a sortout.

You say it is still all my fault that Mr and Mrs Snarl-Wolfington keep swanking about their son Spoiler. And now he has a Mobilair all of his ownly. You say Y cannot I be all mature like him? I ’spect you are jealous, just because of him buying it out of his own pocket money that his Gran gave him for being a credit to his long family name. Not fair, blaming me if he keeps driving splashingly through puddles near you saying, “Good wun, yah?”

Anyhow, I have not got a pocket to put Granny money in. Plus, you know I have not even got a Granny, not since she got her temper up and ate herself.

Yours chindownly,

Little

PS What is RHYWP?

Dear Mum and Dad,

Thank you for your crool news about some lucky wolves having oldest cubs to be proud of. True I have not got a Mobilair or a pack of my own. BUT (big but) I am giving in to Smells, plus I am better at reading and joined-up writing than their oldest cub, I bet.

Also, you say that RHYWP stands for REALLY HARSH YOUNG WOLF PACK and that Spoiler is getting ready to drive his Mobilair to Frettnin Forest and camp!

What a big cheek he has got! Frettnin Forest has got enuff proud wolves, called me and Smells. So if he comes parking himself, I will have a good spy of his harsh habits, then I will see him off, no messing. I will say (rumbly voice), “Hoy you, buzz off out of our forest, OK yah?” Then he will think, “Oh no, sorry, we are trespassing on Little Wolf’s land, he sounds posh and tuff, Cheero.”

Yours shockingly,

L Wolf (Gold Badness Badge)

Dear Mum and Dad,

You know I put up that notice on my front door saying Interesting Museum ect the other day? Well, guess what? Today I had a visitor. She was a little old lady in a bonnet and she had gingery whiskers plus a peppery smell. Also she was interested in seeing if there was a big safe with gold in it from the days when Uncle Bigbad had Cunning College. Then she looked into my eyes and I felt a bit swimmy in the head, then off she went swiftly so I did not see her any more, boo shame.