Читать книгу A Love For Lizzie - Tracey J. Lyons - Страница 17

Taking the bowl from his mudder, he dropped a kiss on her cheek and then headed out to the backyard. He walked over to the food table and handed the bowl to Lizzie. She barely gave him any attention as she took the beans from him.

“I’ll take that bowl off your hands,” she said.

He tipped his hat to her and went to find a seat at the makeshift table.

While he dug into the midday meal, he became aware of Lizzy’s gaze on him. He wondered what she was thinking. No doubt she was still feeling overwhelmed at finding herself in charge of the household for the moment. He gave her a smile, knowing that even if she didn’t think so, she was more than capable of handling the situation.

He shuffled down a few spaces on the bench as his bruder Abram plunked his plate down and swung a leg over to sit beside him. Paul watched in awe as he emptied the plate of the large portion of potato salad in three forkfuls.

“You need to slow down, Abram, or one of these days you’ll end up choking.”

His brother smiled at him and shook his head, saying, “Mamm’s salad is still the best in these parts.”

Paul nodded as he picked up the sandwich he’d added to his plate. Taking a generous bite, he realized he was hungry, too. He also realized he needed to get back home to do the chores there and help finish up the cabinet job he had been helping his vader with. Swallowing, he knew he had to talk to his vader soon. The man who owned the building Paul was interested in renting wanted to know how soon he could begin leasing it.

It was a good price and he didn’t want to lose the opportunity to set up his own store there. It was a great location, only half a block up from the main intersection in the village. Paul knew the tourists would come into the store. They loved to buy Amish goods. He felt if he listed his furniture at a good but fair price that he would do well.

After finishing his meal, he took his plate over to the makeshift washing area that had been set up outside the kitchen. Leaving his plate there, he caught Lizzie’s attention and waved at her. She gave him a half wave back. He walked around to the front of the Millers’ house. As he made his way up the driveway, he looked off into the fields. He saw a wagon bringing in a load of hay bales. Near the barn, a line of cows with their udders full lumbered toward the milking parlor. All around him the air was filled with the earthy scents of the farm.

Ben met him halfway down the drive. As he came closer, Paul saw that he looked to be a bit concerned. Maybe there was a problem on the Millers’ farm or he’d heard news about Lizzie’s father. Either way he wasn’t going to have to wait long to find out, because his bruder caught him by the arm and pulled him to the edge of the lawn.

“I was just up at our house and Daed is upset with some news he heard from the owner of the general store. Is it true you’ve been looking into renting some shop space?”

A knot formed in the pit of his stomach as he met his brother’s firm gaze. He’d hoped that word of his plans would not be spread around yet. But small towns being what they were, the thought that he’d be the one to deliver the news to his vader the way he saw fit had been ridiculous to begin with. Frowning at his brother, who’d grown so much over the past spring that he now stood eye to eye with him, Paul knew his vader had to be angry about this.

The Burkholders had been living in Miller’s Crossing since their Amish community had been founded back in the 1950s by Lizzie’s great-grandfather, Levi Miller. The group had traveled from Ohio in search of affordable farmland and had come upon this vast area of Chautauqua County. Over time, due to the changing economy, the farms had shrunk and the members of the community had taken to establishing lumberyards and other small but sustainable businesses.

Paul’s father had served at one time as the head of their church. Now he was busy with the family furniture business. Though he knew his father would stay tied to their property, Paul wanted desperately to have his own business in the village. He was in his twenties now and wanted to be making his own way within Miller’s Crossing.

“Paul, is it true?” Ben asked again.

“Yes,” Paul answered as he looked at the deepening crease on his brother’s forehead. Of all his siblings, Ben was the one who worried the most.

Continuing up the hill to the top of the driveway, Paul clasped his hand against his brother’s back. “You let me deal with our daed.”

“He doesn’t want you to leave.”

Paul shook his head. “I’m not leaving the family. I’m only going into town to sell my furniture.”

“Plenty of Englischers stop by our shop,” Ben said.

“They do. But we could be doing better.”

“We are doing okay. There’s always food on the table and warmth in the house.” Ben’s face turned red as he argued his point.

Paul didn’t respond to his bruder, other than mentioning the fact that he wanted his own business. He enjoyed working with wood. Smelling the shavings from the floor in the saw room and working to build fine furniture brought him great joy. More importantly, he liked to work with his hands.

He wasn’t moving out of their farmhouse; he was simply making his own way in the community, like any youngie who was old enough to do so.

“We should be getting home.”

“Ja.” Paul walked over to where his brother had parked the wagon, climbed up and sat alongside him on the bench.

Paul picked up the reins and slapped them against the horse’s backside. The wagon jumped forward as the horse picked up its pace. On the short ride home, Paul thought about what he was going to say to his vader. Paul knew he wasn’t going to be able to change his vader’s ways, but he also knew deep in his heart that he wouldn’t be changing his mind, either. He nudged the horse to the right, making a wide turn with the wagon onto the dirt road that led to his family’s ninety-acre parcel. Most of the land was covered in trees, which were eventually cut into lumber and used in their furniture business. As he drove past their family’s large white farmhouse, he gave a tug on the leather straps of the reins, signaling for the horse to turn onto a narrow dirt roadway that allowed access to their barn. Up ahead stood the attached structure of the woodworking shop, where he and his bruders worked alongside their vader.

Knowing the path well, the horse came to a stop right in front of the open side door. Paul set the reins on the seat between him and Ben. He could feel his bruder’s gaze on him. The last thing on this earth that he would ever do would be to hurt his family. He prayed that his vader would see his reasons for wanting to open up his own shop.

He felt Ben’s hand on his arm.

“I’ll see to the horses. You go on inside,” Ben said, still looking worried.

Paul jumped down from the wagon and ducked inside the doorway of the spacious workshop.

“Hallo! Is anybody here?” Paul strode through the large open area, where neat piles of lumber stood stacked shoulder height on top of a row of pallets.

“Ja. What’s all this shouting?” His vader came out of the workshop, shaking the wood shavings off his leather apron.

Paul looked at the man who, if not for the slight hunch in his back, would be the exact same height as himself. “I’ve got things squared away over at the Miller house,” he said, looking into eyes that were the same shade as his.

They also shared the same square jawline and cleft chin. Besides their age, their one big difference was the gray hair sprinkled throughout his vader’s beard.

“How is Joseph doing?”

“As far as I know, he’s going to be in the hospital for a few more days while they run some tests.”

His vader didn’t say anything for a few minutes. Paul knew to wait for him to speak.

His vader nodded to the stack of wood slabs to the right of Paul, saying, “Help me bring two more of these inside.”

Hoisting one end of the slab onto his shoulder, vader said, “Seems like there was a lot of excitement at the Miller house today. It will be some time before things return to normal.”

“Ja, for sure and certain. But Lizzie had a lot of help today. And for many days to come, if her family needs it, no doubt.”

“That’s good.”

Paul took the other end and followed him into the workroom. They set the wood on top of a large counter. On the wall at the back of the area was a large pegboard where all of the tools hung in neat rows. They worked in silence for a bit while they prepared for the project his vader had been working on. Paul knew better than to try to coax any conversation out of the man. So he waited.

When his vader stopped to wipe his forehead with a handkerchief, Paul knew the time had come.

“I’ve a thermos of iced tea over there on the table. Why don’t you pour us some?”

Doing as his vader had asked, Paul came back to hand his father a full cup, saying, “It looks like you’ve got the Smiths’ cabinet order almost finished.”

“Ja. This was an easy project. They only needed a simple cupboard for their little girl’s bedroom.” His father said, then took a sip from the cup. He took his time drinking the cool liquid.

Paul found he wasn’t all that thirsty.

“I heard from the owner of Becker’s grocery that you’ve been asking around about renting shop space in the village. Did he speak the truth?”

Paul met his vader’s hard stare. Even though he’d known this time had come, it didn’t make standing here any easier. “Ja, he did.”

“You’re going to leave your family?” His face reddened.

“I am not leaving the family.”

“That is what it sounds like to me, sohn.”

“Daed. I’ve been looking at our sales numbers for the past few years and we could be doing better.”

“We are doing well enough.”

Paul sighed. “I want to put my furniture out where it will be seen by the tourists who are traveling through.”

“We get plenty of them right now. Besides, I need you here to help with the farm chores.”

Like most of the community, the Burkholders had both their farm and a business. Some families specialized in cheese production, others canned goods and bakery items. The Troyers had a very popular greenhouse business four miles from here. The Burkholders were cabinetmakers and furniture makers.

“I can still be doing my chores here and working on the family business.” He knew he had to tread lightly, but in his heart, Paul also knew moving his side of the business was where his future lay. Expanding into the village would eventually bring the entire family more revenue. Paul wanted to make this work. “I would like to be able to do this with your blessing.”

“You should be concentrating on finding a wife.” Vader wagged his finger at him. “You get married, have children and then you can think about this business idea. Right now your place is here, helping me keep your bruders in line, seeing to the daily chores and working here—” he paused to spread his hands wide “—with your family.”

Paul lowered his gaze to stare at the top of his boots. He wanted to give his vader time to think about the possibility of expanding, and yet if he didn’t act soon, the shop would surely be rented out to someone else. He couldn’t let that happen.

“You need time to think about this,” Paul said in a quiet voice.

“Nee, I don’t. Your place is here.” His vader’s tone was dismissive. “Another order for a cabinet came in while you were over at the Millers’. I wrote the dimensions down. You can get started on that.”

Paul loved and respected his vader, but he couldn’t accept his decision. Not when Paul hadn’t even shown him his plans for the new store, or explained to him how this would help the entire Burkholder family, not just himself. But his father had turned his back on him. The last time he’d wanted to go against his vader’s wishes had been the day David Miller had died.

Paul had wanted to go play with his friends in the barn, but it had been a particularly trying day at their house with the loss of one of their cows after a difficult birth. Paul remembered wanting to be allowed to play. That day he’d followed his father’s wishes and stayed home. The outcome had left one friend dead and one scarred for life. To this day he’d felt that if he could have been there in that barn with his childhood friends, he could have prevented what had happened. Paul had never forgiven himself for what had happened.

Now, more than ever, he wanted to stand his ground. He wanted to see his dream of one day having his own store become a reality. He knew about the pride the Amish took in their families and their homes; after all he had the same pride. He’d taken his time when it’d been his turn to partake in rumspringa. Then Paul had thought about his life as an Amish man, the only life he’d ever known, and how he wanted to be a part of this church district. It had been seven years since he’d taken his vow and been baptized into the church.

He didn’t see how taking the furniture business into town meant he wouldn’t still be a part of his family’s life here. His plan had always been to live here and work in the village. He had to find a way to make his father come around and give him his blessing. There would be plenty of time later to think about taking a wife and making his own home. He closed his eyes, and for the briefest moment pictured Lizzie standing by his side.

He knew that dream was further away from reality than owning his own business was.

* * *

Lizzie sat in her vader’s favorite chair, the one that had soft fabric covering plump cushions, and looked out the front window. It had been a very long day and she should have been sound asleep in her bed. But her mind wouldn’t settle. There were too many thoughts and memories from this day swirling around in her head. Her mamm had sent a message saying she would be staying at the hospital with her vader overnight. Sadie had offered to stay over so Lizzie wasn’t alone in the house, but Lizzie had sent her home. Lizzie didn’t mind having some quiet time to herself.

Resting her elbows on the chair arms, she looked out the window and up into the night sky. There had to be a million stars shimmering against the inky blackness. The moon was three-quarters full and cast a sharp glow over the landscape. She looked out over the yard, where the tree limbs swayed in the breeze, their shadows dancing over the dewy lawn. Behind her the clock on the mantel in the living room showed it was ten o’clock.

Lizzie curled her hand into a soft fist and tucked it beneath her chin. She sat for a few more moments, pondering the day. She thought about how kind Paul had been to her; from the moment he’d brought her the paints until the time he’d returned home, she’d felt his kindness. Lizzie wasn’t sure she deserved it. For years she’d been pushing him away. Though she appreciated his friendship, there could never be anything more between them. Even the things they wanted in life were so different.

Paul wanted to open up a shop in the village. She didn’t understand how he could walk away from his family business. He’d begun to tell her about it earlier today, but they were interrupted by the hospital receptionist. Lizzie was content to stay home with her parents and help run the household. He liked talking to strangers and making them beautiful furniture for their homes. She wasn’t comfortable being around people she didn’t know. Even on the days when she had to go to the village to shop for her mamm, she timed it so there would be hardly any crowds in the stores. Lizzie imagined she could be content to stay just as she was. And now, with her vader’s illness, she was needed here more than ever. And when she needed a break, she could go off with her sketch pad and draw.

Off in the distance she heard the sound of a cow mooing. Lizzie looked out toward the barn. She saw a tall figure holding a lantern high.

Her heart pounded inside her chest, and then the man turned to look up at the house. Paul. Relief flooded through her as she stood up and went to open the front door. She stepped out onto the porch and waited for him to approach.

“Good evening, Lizzie.”

“You gave me quite a fright, you know,” Lizzie scolded him from the top of the porch step.

“I’m sorry. I wanted to make sure the cows were secure.”

“That’s very kind of you,” she replied, putting her hand to her mouth to stifle a yawn. “Oh, my. I’m so sorry. I don’t mean to be yawning at you.” A nervous laugh escaped her.

Still holding the lantern out in one hand, he shoved the other into the side pocket of his dark pants. “Don’t worry. I know you’ve had a very long day. Has there been any word on your vader?”

“Nee. My mamm is staying at the hospital with him tonight.”

Through the darkness he studied her, as if trying to decide if it were safe for her to remain here alone.

Finally he said, “Promise me you will lock the doors.”

“I will. Danke again for everything you’ve done.”

“It was no trouble. I’ll be back tomorrow to take a shift with the chores.”

“Good night, Paul.”

“Good night, Lizzie.”

He turned and walked back down the pathway. She watched him until he was nothing more than a shadow in the fading moonlight. Long after Paul had gone, she stared at the barn doors. So many terrible memories of this day lingered inside that building.

She stepped back inside the house and shut the front door, locking it behind her. Turning around she spotted the bag Paul had given her lying on the side table, where she’d left it this morning. She nibbled on her lower lip, contemplating what was inside. Colors. He’d told her she should add colors to her drawings. It was easy to imagine tufts of green grass and swaths of blue sky coming to life on the paper.

After going into her bedroom and opening the bottom drawer in the dresser, she took out her sketch pad and pencils. Then she came back into the living room, sat down, turned up the lamp and then flipped the pad open to the last drawing she’d been working on. The bare-bones image of the barn glared up at her. Her heart felt as if it were squeezing inside her chest as she looked at the plain lines she’d drawn a few weeks ago. Lizzie picked up the pencil and held it poised over the page. Maybe Paul was right. She needed to bring color to her work, and to her life, she thought. Perhaps only then could she erase the starkness of the memories that haunted her.

Sighing, she set the pencil down and closed her sketchbook. It had been a long, long day. Shaking her head, Lizzie mused. Nothing about the past could be changed. Nothing. She needed to stop dwelling on what might have been. Being here with her parents, staying within the close comfort of the farm, this was her life. There was nothing for her beyond the fences.

It was time she accepted that and put thoughts of love and family out of her mind. For good.