Читать книгу The Clamour of Silence - Valerie Pybus - Страница 11

Julia looked down to hide the hurt in her eyes. She’d thought he’d understood but it seems he was like a lot of people she met. They simply didn’t realise how competent she was at lip reading and how she detested any special treatment.

“Ryan,” she said as calmly as she could. “I am profoundly deaf and have been since I was a small child.”

She took a deep breath to steady her voice. “However I am very skilled at lip reading. I rarely have to have things written down. I did understand what you said.” She clutched her sketch book and notes tightly to her chest as if she needed to use them for support.

Ryan jumped to his feet utterly appalled at her obvious distress.

“I’m really sorry!” He burst out. “That was stupid of me!” He put his hands on her shoulders and then quickly removed them. “Please, forgive me, I wasn’t thinking. I just want to communicate with you the best way I can.” His voice low and intense, his face flushed with emotion.

He went on, “Julia I want us to be friends.”

There was a pause before Julia moved nearer to him, her initial anger and disappointment receding before his obvious sincerity.

“I would like to be friends too, but you have to treat me in the same way that you treat everyone else.” She continued her voice calming.

“I’m deaf, that’s all. I feel, laugh, cry, and get angry the same as everyone else.”

She straightened up and gazed into his eyes. “If I do not understand what you say I will ask you to repeat it.”

She smiled, “It sometimes takes a little while for my friends to fall into the pattern, but it works well.”

Ryan smiled down at her, thankful for her nearness for her forgiveness at his mistake. Julia laid a gentle hand on his arm. The warmth of her touch sent a shaft of tenderness through his entire body.

“Well new friend, what do I have to do to get a cup of coffee around here?”

Ryan smiled and wished he could wrap his arms around her, touch her, kiss her. Instead he led the way into the kitchen. Whilst he busied himself making the coffee, setting out two crazy mugs with twisted pottery handles. Julia spread out her notes.

He had hoped the mugs would be something to talk about if the conversation lapsed. He need not have worried. They chatted back and forth across the bench top in the kitchen nibbling biscuits and refilling the coffee pot.

They discussed improvements that could be made to his apartment. Ryan used the opportunity to ask her to go to the shops with him to choose what was needed.

“Just in case I don’t match the textures correctly,” he suggested. “It would be much easier if you were actually with me.”

They made an appointment for the following Saturday, Ryan felt it was a lifetime away.“If you have time Julia, perhaps we could go tomorrow?” He rushed on, “I know most shops are open.”

He sensed a hesitation and was immediately aware that his heart had plummeted earthwards. He continued.

“Of course I don’t want to intrude on your time, perhaps you have something else on?” He knew he was babbling but seemed unable to stop.

Julia smiled up at him, “Actually I do have something else on. One Sunday a month I take the kindergarten class at my church.” She continued as she gathered her notes together.“I really look forward to seeing the children and we are working on a bible project about Noah’s Ark.”

Ryan accompanied her to his front door and was conscious of the closeness of their bodies as she walked past him. They shook hands. Ryan would have loved to brush his lips against her cheek; instead he busied himself by moving a small pot plant unnecessarily a few inches along the floor.

“Until next Saturday then Julia.”

Her eyes sparkled as she said, “I am really looking forward to it, and thanks for the coffee.” She turned after she commenced walking down the path to say. “My turn, next time, I know a darling little coffee kiosk in a plant nursery, close to the shopping area.”

Ryan had a difficult time hiding his jubilation. She liked him; she more than liked him. He could feel it. There was a delicious tension in the air whenever she was around. He wanted more.

As he walked back inside his apartment he caught sight of himself in a mirror to discover his face was one big grin. He smiled back at his reflection saying “I’m counting the hours.” He couldn’t remember when he’d been this happy.

Julia sat in the car for a moment before she started the engine and began her journey.

She thought of all the things she wanted to tell her mother and how she would describe Ryan and his sweetness. She was close to her mum and shared most things, but there was a barrier she felt she could not step over about a man she had only just met.

How could she say, “Mum when I am near him my bones turn to water?”

She would ask, “Was that how it was between you and my father?” But it was Aunt Kitty, her mother’s sister, who had shared her thoughts since she was a small girl.

She had seen pictures of her parents, their arms entwined. Some of the pictures showed a fair- haired man gazing at a shawl wrapped baby, his face illuminated with love and pride.

Aunt Kitty had filled in some of the blanks and answered the many questions that Julia could not bring herself to ask her mother. It was as if her mother had an overwhelming sadness and just a mention of her father started tears flowing.

Kitty had been the person who put her arms around the questioning teenager and carefully explained the pertinent facts.

She, Julia, had been two-years-old when her father’s car had been crushed at a railway level crossing. He had died instantly and his beloved wife, Betty, was inconsolable. She just couldn’t comprehend the events. First the tragedy of their baby’s deafness, the beautiful child struck down with measles convulsing wildly. When the child recovered, the doctors discovered the deafness which was irreparable.

Kitty had accompanied Betty and the baby to doctor after doctor, to the best specialists. There was nothing to be done. Julia was perfectly healthy and it was unfortunate that she would never be able to hear. Perhaps sometime in the future ‘there might be a procedure they were not privy to at the moment?’ No they did not think it would be to any advantage to travel overseas to see other specialists, it might unnecessarily stress the child.

After that Betty rarely left the house. She seemed unable to put the child down becoming obsessively over-protective.

Kitty descended on her one day and bullied her into taking the child to pre-school where Julia sat silent and unmoving in a group of noisy clamouring children. Betty realised that Julia needed professional assistance, cuddling her and feeding her was just not enough. There was help; she just had to stretch out her hand. The child was enrolled in a school for deaf children. Julia’s new life of discovery, adventure and growth began. She blossomed as a vigorous sturdy little plant which had suddenly discovered sun and rain.

Aunty Kitty with Betty’s reluctant acquiescence had taken Julia to learn to swim and to gymnastics where she learned to perform with grace. But as the competitions became more music dependent Julia found other interests. She was a competent canoeist, capable bushwalker and frequently took a small party of children with another adult on short excursions into the National Parks.

“You see love, when your father died, she couldn’t bear to let you out of her sight!”

Kitty stroked Julia’s hair. “It’s not because she doesn’t trust you. She just dreads that policeman’s knock on the door. Now that you are growing up as quick as a weed she is worried that you won’t be able to cope with the boy and girl stuff.” Aunt Kitty pulled back so that she could look directly into Julia’s eyes. “Love I have seen you out socially I know you are realistic and sensible.”

***

That evening Julia sent an email to Aunt Kitty. It did not express a lot of how Julia felt, but the fact that she had wanted to exchange her news with her aunt was in itself important. Julia had always kept her email communications with Kitty on an almost businesslike basis. In this email she mentioned her new décor commission mentioning that the new client had attractive eyes. She added that she hadn’t seen Kitty for days.

Kitty emailed back. Why don’t you come to dinner tomorrow night if you are free?

The two women relaxed in Kitty’s comfortable home over dinner. After the dishes were stacked they sat in their chairs facing one another over their coffee. Until that time they said very little as they went about the tasks that kept their fingers busy.

Some years before Kitty had taken a course in sign language and although they rarely had to resort to its use Julia was always mindful that Kitty loved her enough to make the effort.

Julia sat thoughtfully in her chair a smile playing on her lips.

“Well?” Began Kitty, “tell me all about this new man in your life?”

Julia’s face warmed and she bit her bottom lip protesting, “Oh Kits, I haven’t got a new man in my life.”

Kitty laughed, “Julia I’ve known you since you were born and this is the first time you’ve ever mentioned a client’s eyes in your emails!”

Julia said, “No really he’s just a client. He wants some decorating suggestions, that is all.” Kitty observed the softening of Julia’s mouth, the eyes lowered under their lovely lashes to conceal their secrets.

“Oh Kits you are a tease. Ok, he is very nice and I think he likes me - just a little.”

She put her hands on her aunt’s arm, leaning forward said, “Kits I do live in a slightly different world you know. It would take a good man to understand that and be able to accept it.”

Kitty said firmly, “Julia you are deaf, we all know that. But you are also intelligent, beautiful, gifted and so suited to being a good wife and mother.” She went on, “The man you choose will be one of the most fortunate men in the world.”

“Aunt Kitty! Don’t marry me off just yet I have only just met Ryan!” As his name escaped her lips she blushed deeply.

Kitty replied, “I think we should go shopping, I have a feeling you might want a few new clothes for some special occasions.” Julia embraced her aunt with a big bear hug. Kitty always knew the right thing to say.