Читать книгу Woman's Cry - Vanessa Martir - Страница 12

8

I laid on the futon of my dorm room reminiscing about the last five years of my life. I remembered the day I hooked up with Fabian like it was yesterday.

I’d known Fabian for years. He hung out on the corner of the block where my Grandmother lived. I would walk by the group of guys and giggled at their comments on what a cute girl I was and a beautiful woman I was sure to become. But Fabian always took it further, following me, and telling me that he was going to marry me one day.

“You’re gonna be mine. You don’t know it or believe me now, mami, but you’re gonna be my princesa. You’ll see.”

I was always flattered but also wary of this man. After all, he was eight years my senior. I was just a young girl of twelve, still learning to be an adolescent, but not even a teenager. How could he see so far into my future? How could he be so sure of himself? How did he know he could win me over?

Still, I found myself going to the corner store more often or out for walks to the park. I’d conjure up any excuse to pass by the corner so Fabian could stare at my pubescent body. The way he watched me made me feel special and wanted. I would put a little extra shake in my strut when I knew he was watching.

Fabian waited until I was seventeen to make his move. It was the summer before my senior year in boarding school and I was spending the last few weeks before the beginning of classes at my grandmother’s house while my mom visited relatives in Puerto Rico. I befriended Lynette, a girl from the block, who shared my crush on Fabian. I came to find out that Fabian had a number of the girls in the hood crazy for him. We’d watch him drive by in his glossy black Mercedes Benz, vying for his attention but it was all too obvious that it was me he wanted. He’d only stop to flirt when I was standing on the block and when I wasn’t, he’d stop to ask where I was and when I was coming back.

One stiflingly hot day, Lynette and I were on our way to the park when Fabian pulled up alongside us in his dope ride.

“I always knew you were going to be gorgeous but damn baby, you flyer than I ever imagined,” he declared biting his lip seductively. He stepped out of his car and approached us giggling girls.

“Who you talking to?” asked Lynette hopefully. “Me?” she asked enticingly pointing to her large bosom, “Or her?” She rolled her eyes and pointed at me apprehensively.

Fabian ignored Lynette and looked at me candidly. “When you gonna let me take you out, mami?”

While he spoke he put his finger through the belt loop of my fitted jean shorts. He looked at me up and down, licking his lips, undressing me with his gaze. I stepped back and looked at the ground shyly. My face flushed when he put his finger under my chin and pulled my face towards his. He kissed my forehead tenderly, slipped his number into the back pocket of my jeans, and copped a quick free feel of my tight bottom.

“Call me whenever, mami. Let me give you the world.”

He backed up, opened the door to his car and stepped in smoothly, without taking his intent gaze off me. He blared Biggie & R. Kelly’s Fucking you Tonight, blew me a kiss and sped off. Fabian knew what he was doing. He knew how to seduce a young, inexperienced girl who craved attention and love. I called him that very night.

I was supposed to be going to 42^nd Street to watch a movie with Lynette or so I told my grandmother. Instead, Lynette and I took the A train to 181^st and I called Fabian. He picked us up five minutes later. We dropped Lynette off at the theatre and I pleaded with her to cover for me. I provided specific instructions.

“If my grandmother calls, tell her I went to the bathroom or something and call Fabian right away.” I punched Fabian’s number into Lynette’s cell. “Yo, look out for me, ma. My grandmother will have my ass if she finds out I lied to go out with this nigga.”

“Don’t worry, ma. You my girl. I got you,” retorted Lynette but I sensed some resentment in her voice and could swear I saw her cut her eyes.

“I’ll call you tomorrow with all the details,” I assured, ignoring Lynette’s spite.

“Oh, y’all gonna make a bitch take the train home? That’s shady, yo,” said Lynette with attitude while staring at Fabian slyly.

“You good, girl. You should be used to riding the train but here’s some money so you can catch a movie, get something to eat and take a cab home.” Fabian nonchalantly handed her a Benjamin. “Let me take your girl out and show her a good time. Get in the car, mamita,” said Fabian, winking at me.

I gave Lynette a kiss goodbye and noticed that she didn’t return the kiss. “Be happy for me please.” I squeezed her arm, got in the car and drove off, leaving her sulking on 42^nd and 8^th Avenue.

Fabian took me to Tito Puente’s seafood restaurant on City Island. There he insisted that I order the most expensive dish and slipped the waiter a fifty so he’d get us a bottle of Moet without carding me. I hadn’t had a drink in my life and had never been treated to such a deliciously scrumptious, expensive meal. By the time we left, I was giddy from the alcohol and the endless praises Fabian whispered in my ear. He had me where he wanted - in the palm of his hand. Afterward, he took me to Fort Tryon Park where he sucked my juvenile breasts until they were raw. Despite the alcohol, I wouldn’t let Fabian roam under my skirt.

“No, pa,” I pleaded. “I’m a virgin, no. I’m not ready yet.”

Fabian stopped and looked at me with a smirk, “Gives me something to look forward to.” When he dropped me off a block away from my grandmother’s house, he kissed me deeply. “I told you I would have you one day.”

“You don’t have me yet.” I laughed nervously as I stepped out of the car. The truth was that he’d had my heart for years.

I skipped down the block on cloud nine. I couldn’t believe I had an older man, a paid nigga chasing me. I chuckled nervously thinking about the way he kissed my lips and breasts. No one had ever made me feel so extraordinary, so sought after. I didn’t remember the last time I’d been so elated. My face dropped when I saw my grandmother sitting on the stoop of the building.

“¿Y Lynnette, donde esta?” inquired my grandmother suspiciously.

“Oh … um …” I stuttered. “She stayed hanguiando con unas amigas but I told her my curfew was midnight.”

“¡Mentirosa!” yelled my grandmother. “¡Te fuistes a cueriar!” She cursed me and dragged me inside by my hair, lecturing me in her thick Spanish accent. “Now ju can’t go out for the rest of the verano and I’m gonna tell jour moder too! I’m gonna call her in the morning to tell her of your perrerías!”

I was horrified. I could deal with my grandmother labeling me a slut and smacking me up but the idea of being grounded for the remainder of the summer devastated me. I won’t be able to see or spend time with Fabian!, I thought tearfully. And what happened to Lynette? I thought she had my back. I thought she was gonna cover for me. I cried into my pillow and didn’t stop sniveling until I fell asleep.

The following day I awoke to find that my grandmother had left to work. I immediately picked up the phone and called Fabian. He answered groggily.

“Yo, who this calling me at this insane hour?”

I looked at the clock to see that it was already noon. “I’m sorry, pa. I’ll call you later.”

“No mami. I didn’t know it was you, preciosa. Talk to me baby. I love to hear your voice.”

I smiled briefly then started sobbing. I explained what happened when he dropped me off.

“It’s alright, ma. Don’t worry. They can’t keep us apart. No one can. You call me whenever you want and we’ll see each other some way, some how.”

“But how? I can’t even leave the house,” I blubbered.

“We’ll figure it out, ma. Don’t worry and stop crying. I can’t bear to hear you so sad. It breaks my heart, beautiful. As fine as you are though, you probably look devastating when you cry,” Fabian said, making me giggle. “As for your friend, Lynette, she’s a shady bitch. She hatin’ ‘cause she know you got my heart, ma. That’s all. Don’t sweat that bitch. Fuck her!”

“Nah, Fabe. Something must’ve happened. She’s my best friend. She wouldn’t do that to me,” I responded defensively.

“She’s trife, ma. Trust me. You’ll see that I’m right. Just watch, you’ll see.”

When I hung up, I dialed Lynette’s number but got her voicemail. I left her a message begging for her to call me back. Lynette called three hours later.

“Yo, my bad, ma. Your grandmother called and I was all high and silly, I didn’t know what to say. I’m so sorry! What happened? Did you get busted?”

I explained what happened while Lynette listened anxiously. “Damn my bad yo!” apologized Lynette. “Yo, whateva I can do to help you out, let me know. And, don’t worry, I’ll keep an eye on Fabe for you and make sure he don’t try to play my girl, aight. I’ll call you later. Smooches!”

Naively, I didn’t doubt Lynette’s loyalty. I didn’t understand why Fabian would say such mean things about her but I would find out shortly thereafter.

Fabian and I sneaked around for the remainder of the summer. He’d visit me when my grandmother was at work and we’d fool around until Fabian got blue balls. I held onto my virginity with an iron tight grip.

“I’m just not ready yet, pa,” I’d explain when he’d try to go into my pants. He started calling me his number one cock-tease in jest but I knew that he was only half joking.

As promised, Lynette kept her eye on Fabian for me. She’d call me daily with updates. She even started hanging out with him “so I can keep a closer eye on him for you,” she explained innocently. So whenever I heard murmurings that Lynette was messing with Fabian, I brushed it off and convinced myself that they cared for me too much to betray me.

During my last year at boarding school, Fabian periodically sent me money and care packages filled with expensive hair products, bath salts, and body lotions. In one package, he sent me a cell phone so I could call him whenever my heart desired. The rumors about Fabian and Lynette kept flying despite their assurances that they’d never hurt me in such a vile manner. I started calling Fabian round the clock to ease my worries.

On his first visit to Boston, before he was able to even put his luggage down in the hotel room, I confronted Fabian about my concerns. He flipped on me and manipulated me into feeling guilty for my “false” accusations.

“It’s not like you’re giving me any pussy so you couldn’t blame me if I did fuck another bitch!” he yelled.

“So that’s what this is about? I haven’t put out so you have to go get it elsewhere, desgraciado!” I cried.

Fabian grabbed me by my waist and pulled me close to him, caressing me he said, “Baby, I told you I would wait as long you want me to. I am not playing you and I’d never play you but a nigga got needs, ma. I been holding out for you too, you know.”

He cupped my face and kissed me intimately. He laid me on the bed and kissed my face and neck. Slowly, he removed my blouse and played with my nipples. I sighed with pleasure. The lower on the abdomen he kissed, the sharper my intakes of breath became and the more I tensed my body.

“Relax, mami, you tell me to stop if you want me to.”

He started to kiss my crotch over my jeans, biting hard enough so I could feel him through the denim. I offered little resistance when he unzipped my fly and pulled off my pants. He put my clitoris in his mouth smoothly and allowed my facial expressions and body movements to guide him. When I tensed and parted my lips in ecstasy, he moved his tongue faster and harder. When he felt me cum, he took my entire cunt into his mouth and sucked, flicking his tongue in and out of my hole while I squealed in delight. When he came up for air, my jugos dripped from his chin. He cradled me in his arms.

“I told you I’d never hurt you baby. Neva, mamita. Neva,” he repeated as he fingered me roughly. “Hold up.” He slid off the bed and removed his pants and boxers.

I gasped at the sight of his erect penis. I’d never seen a dick so up close and personal and his looked immense to my inexperienced eyes. He laughed at the frightened expression on my face. “You act like you’ve neva seen a dick before, ma.”

“I haven’t. At least not in person. On cable but not face to face,” I giggled. “And I’ve never had an orgasm either,” I delighted as he slipped into bed next to her.

“You ready?” he asked as he rubbed my G-spot.

“As ready as I’ll ever be,” I sighed. I looked into his eyes and said what I’d been wanting to say for months. “I love you, Fabian.”

“I love you too, mamita,” he replied as he entered me with a single thrust. I yelped as he plunged into my tight pussy.

Fabian made it a point to come see me in Massachusetts as least once every two weeks. He also made certain my pussy was sore when he left. The rumors of Fabian and Lynette’s affair subsided only for new gossip of his infidelities to arise. One day Lynette called me out of the blue. We hadn’t spoken in a while so I was surprised to hear Lynette’s voice on the line.

“Wow, girl, what’s this miracle?” I inquired.

“Look, ma, I’m sorry I haven’t called but I been busy. I just called to tell you that I think your man is playing you with some fifteen-year-old hoe from Post. I’m just tryin’ to look out, aight.”

“Oh, like you were tryin’ to look out when you were up and down with my man?” I accused. “And now that he kicked you to the curb, you’re lookin’ out for me? That’s absolutely hilarious!”

“What, bitch?!” Lynette yelled.

“No, you just didn’t call me a bitch! You need to slow your role, Lynette, for real. See, that’s why we ain’t tight like we used to be. I just can’t trust you.”

“Can’t trust me?” Lynette mocked. “But you trust your player man. You’re the hilarious one, yo, not me. Now you go tell your man thanks for all the nuts, pendeja!” and she slammed the phone on my ear.

I was enraged. “No this bitch didn’t just say that to me. She got the heart to admit to fuckin’ my man ova the phone but when I confront her about it, she almost cried denyin’ it?”

I called Lynette’s phone repeatedly for over an hour but got no response. When I called Fabian’s phone I didn’t even wait for him to say ‘Hello’ before I went off on him.

“You nasty mothafucka! ¡Ásqueroso! You fucked that bitch Lynette?!” I wailed. “How could you do that to me? After everything I’ve done for you. I gave you my virginity, you son of a bitch!”

“What?! You’re wilin’, ma! I didn’t fuck that cuero malo! I told you that and I’m tired of you accusin’ me. I don’t have time for any of that shit, babe. Between maintainin’ the spot and goin’ to see you, I don’t have time for anything! Calm down!” he tried to soothe me.

“That bitch called me and said she slept with you!” I hiccupped. “How could you, pa? Why? Why? Why?” I pleaded.

“Ma, I didn’t. I swear, I didn’t!” he vowed. “I would neva do that to you. Neva mamita, neva! I wanna marry you, babe. You my queen, I swear. Please stop cryin’!”

Lynette was only the first of a long line of females with whom Fabian played me. By accepting his betrayal and believing his crocodile tears, I’d set a precedent that I’d never be able to erase and would live to regret.