Читать книгу 500 of the Best Cockney War Stories - Various - Страница 2

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SIR IAN HAMILTON'S STORY

1. ACTION

The Outside Fare

"Barbed Wire's Dangerous!"

Tale of an Egg

"No Earfkwikes"

A "Bow Bells" Heroine

Samson, but Shorn

"What's Bred in the Bone——!"

A Very Human Concertina

A One-Man Army

"Nah, Mate! Soufend!"

"I Got 'Ole Nelson Beat!"

Two Kinds of Fatalist

Double up, Beauty Chorus!

The Theatre of War

"It's the Skivvy's 'Arf Day Orf"

Cricket on the Somme

M'Lord, of Hoxton

The Tall Man's War

Germany Didn't Know This

Better than the Crystal Palace

A Short Week-end

Simultaneous Chess

Fire-step Philosophy

"Teddie" Gets the Last Word

"Nobbler's" Grouse

Dust in 'Indenburg's Sauerkraut!

A Valiant Son of London

A Hint to the Brigadier

"Salvage? Yus, Me!"

Almost Self-inflicted

Nobby's 1,000 to 1 Chance

That Derby Scheme

"Shoo-Shoo-Shooting"

Ancient Britons?—No!

Desert Island—Near Bullecourt

"Tiger's" Little Trick

Raffle Draw To-night!

Exit the General's Dessert

"Try on this Coat, Sir"

On the Kaiser's Birthday

"Chuck us yer Name Plate!"

To Hold His Hand

The New Landlord

"Out of Bounds" in the Line

Epic of the Whistling Nine

Tale of a Cook and a "Crump"

"—— Returns the Penny"

"In Time for the Workman's?"

A Lovely Record

Logic in No Man's Land

Fousands ... and Millions

Lost: A Front Line

"If Our Typist Could See Me Nah"

Q! Q! Queue!

"Fine 'eads er Salery!"

The Old Soldier Falls

Not Meant For Him

An Extra Fast Bowler

"I'll Call a Taxi, Sir"

Attack in "Birthday Clothes"

His Good-bye to the Q.M.

From Bow and Harrow

Piccadilly in the Front Line

"Wag's" Exhortation

Making a King of Him

"Peace? Not wiv you 'ere!"

An Expert on Shells

A Camel "on the Waggon"

Parting Presents

Bluebottles and Wopses

The Cheerful "Card"

Great Stuff This Shrapnel

Wot a War!

The Umpire

"Don't Tell 'Aig"

"... In Love and War"

"Afraid of Yer Own Shells"

The Leader of the Blind

In the Garden of Eden

Santa Claus in a Hurry

What Paderewski was Missing

A Target, but No Offers

Their own Lord Mayor's Show

Pill-Box Crown and Anchor

"C.O.'s Paid 'is Phone Bill"

The "Garden Party Crasher"

Those Big Wasps

Why he Looked for Help

The Winkle Shell

Forgot his Dancing Pumps

Lift Out of Order

Change at Wapping

"The Canary's Flowed Away!"

"Go it, Applegarf! I'll time yer!"

That Other Sort of Rain

Better Job for Him

Sentry's Sudden Relief

The World Kept Turnin'

That Blinkin' "Money-box"

"Oo, You Naughty Boy!"

Cool as a Cucumber

The Sergeant's Tears

"But yer carn't 'elp Laughin'"

Standing Up to the Turk

Lodging with the Bombs

In Fine Feather

All the Fun of the Fair

Teacup in a Storm

Jack's Unwelcome Present

Goalie Lets One Through

A Good Samaritan Foiled

Proof of Marksmanship

"Well, He Ain't Done In, See!"

"Baby's Fell Aht er Bed!"

Stamp Edging Wanted

"Oo's 'It—You or Me?"

The Stocking Bomb

Not an Acrobat

Story Without an Ending

Cause and Effect

The Cockney and the Cop

A Long Streak of Misery

"Smudger's" Tattoo

Importance of a "Miss"

"In the Midst of War——"

A Case for the Ordnance

Dismal Jimmy's Prisoner

That Creepy Feeling

"Toot-Sweet," the Runner

Applying the Moral

Spelling v. Shelling

"Ducks and Drakes! Ducks and Drakes!"

You Must have Discipline

L.B.W. in Mespot

Trench-er Work

"The Best Man—Goes Fust"

When Clemenceau Kissed the Sergeant

Poet and—Prophet

Pub that Opened Punctually

That Precious Tiny Tot

Cigs and Cough Drops

"Smiler" to the End

"The Bishop" and the Bright Side

"Chuck yer Blinkin' 'Aggis at 'im!"

Back to Childhood

The Altruist

"Minnie's Stepped on my Toe!"

In the Dim Dawn

Beau Brummell's Puttees

Plenty of Room on Top

Nearly Lost His Washing-Bowl

Bath Night

Back to the Shack

His Last Gamble

That Infernal Drip-Drip-Drip!

"A Blinkin' Vanity Box"

Playing at Statues

Bo Peep—1915 Version

Jerry's Dip in the Fat

Carried Unanimously

A Very Hot Bath

In Lieu of ——

Putting the Hatt on It

Tangible Evidence

What the Cornwalls' Motto Meant

Atlas—On the Somme

Putting the Lid on It

An Appointment with his Medical Adviser

One Up, and Two to Go

Seven Shies a Tanner!

Bill Hawkins Fights Them All

Hide and Seek with Jerry

Too Much for his Imagination

"Currants" for Bunn

The Driver to his Horse

Two Kinds of "Shorts"

Mespot—On 99 Years' Lease

"Fro Something at Them!"

Missed his Mouth-organ

Water-cooled

Top-hatted Piper of Mons

Two Heads and a Bullet

Spoiling the Story

Afraid of Dogs

The Song of Battle

Stalls at "Richthofen's Circus"

"Butter-Fingers!"

Getting into Hot Water

2. LULL

Rate of Exchange—on Berlin

A Hen Coup

A "Baa-Lamb" in the Trenches

He Coloured

Why the Fat Man Laughed

He Met Shackleton!

Domestic Scene: Scene, Béthune

Getting Their Bearings

Smith's Feather Pillow

Bombs and Arithmetic

Help from Hindenburg

Raised his Voice—And the Dust

Mademoiselle from—Palestine

"Ally Toot Sweet"

Luckier than the Prince

A Jerry he Couldn't Kill

"Q" for Quinine

Blinkin' Descendant of Nebuchadnezzar

Well-Cut Tailoring

Evacuating "Darby and Joan"

"Why ain't the Band Playing?"

His Deduction

Peter in the Pool

Where "Movie" Shows Cost Soap

Sherlock Holmes in the Desert

The Army "Loops the Loop"

Repartee on the Ridge

A New Kind of "Missing"

And it Started with a Hen Raid!

"I'm a Water-Lily"

Not Knowin' the Language

Churning in the Skies

Larnin' the Mule

"Dr. Livingstone, I Presoom"

The Veteran Scored

Old Moore Was Right

He Wouldn't Insult the Mule

"Don't Touch 'em, Sonny!"

"Ze English—Zey are all Mad!"

Lucky he was Born British

You Never Can Tell

The Window Gazer

"I Don't Fink"

Why the Attack Must Fail

The "Shovers"

Rehearsal—Without the Villain

Poetry Before the Push

'Erb's Consolation Prize

Rum for Sore Feet

Two Guineas' Worth

The Four-footed Spy

Not Every Dog has his Night

The Brigadier's Glass Eye

The Chaplain-General's Story

A Thirst Worth Saving

Points of View

Not the British Museum

Jerry Would Not Smile

"Birdie" Had to Smile

Their Very Own Secret

Window Cleaners Coming!

First Blow

M.M. (Mounted Marine)

His German 'Arp

Jack went a-Riding

Bitter Memories

Tommy "Surrounded" Them

Shell-holes and Southend

"Make Me a Good 'Orse"

To the General, About the Colonel

Bow Bells—1917 Style

"The Awfentic Gramerphone!"

"You'd Pay a Tanner at the Zoo!"

Smoking Without Cigarettes

An Expensive Light

Modern Conveniences

The Trench Fleet

The Necessary Stimulant

A Traffic Problem

Scots, Read This!

Met His Match

Why Jerry was "Clinked"

Stick-in-the-Mud

"If That can stick it, I can!"

Wheeling a Mule

Three Brace of Braces

"A Blinkin' Paper-Chase?"

Biscuits—Another Point of View

His Bird Bath

Ducking 'em—-then Nursing 'em

Salonika Rhapsody

A Ticklin' Tiddler

Biscuits and Geometry

All that was Wrong with the War

Not a Single Cockney

Sanger's Circus on the Marne!

"Contemptible" Stuff

A Cockney on Horseback—-Just

A Smile from the Prince

"Just to Make Us Laugh"

No Use Arguing with a Mule

Straight from the Heart

Smile! Smile! SMILE!!

War's Lost Charm

Taking It Lying Down

The First Twenty Years

Shell as a Hammer

Sore Feet

My Sword Dance—by the C.O.

A Big Bone in the Soup

"I Shall have to Change Yer!"

Scots Reveille

In the Negative

"An' That's All that 'Appened"

Watching them "Fly Past"

High Necks and Low

Too Light—by One Rissole

Psyche—"at the Barf!"

A Juggler's Struggles

Almost a Wireless Story

When the S.M. Got Loose

Mons, 1914—Not Moscow, 1812!

The S.M. knew "Mulese"

Lost: One Star

Simpler than Sounding It

Under the Cart

The Lion Laughed up his Sleeve

The Carman's Sarcasm

Burying a Lorry

Striking a Bargain

Bugling in 'Indoostanee

"For 'eaven's sake, stop sniffin'!"

Babes in the Salonika Wood

Bringing it Home to Him

After the Feast

Wait for the "Two Pennies, Please"

The General Goes Skating

"To Top Things Up"

Luck in the Family

"I'm Drownded"

Not a New World's Wonder

Lads of the Village

Before 1914, When Men Worked

Their Fatigue

Teaching Bulgars the Three-card Trick

3. HOSPITAL

"Tich" Meets the King

Putting the Lid on It

Riddled in the Sands

Season!

Where's the Milk and Honey?

"Lunnon"

Sparing the M.O.

"Robbery with Violence"

Seven His Lucky Number

Blind Man's Buff

Self-Supporting

In the Butterfly Division

An Unfair Leg-Pull

He Saw It Through

As Good as the Pictures

Room for the Comforter

"War Worn and Tonsillitis"

"... Fort I was in 'Ell"

Pity the Poor Fly!

Temperature by the Inch

"'Arf Price at the Pickshers!"

Twenty-four Stitches in Time

His Second Thoughts

Hats Off to Private Tanner

A V.C.'s Story of Friendship

The Stoker Sums it Up

Channel Swimming his Next Job

It Was a Collapsible Boat

Luck in Odd Numbers

"Your Barf, Sir!"

"Mind My Coat"

"Wot's the Game—Musical Chairs?"

A Voice in the Dark

Why the Stoker Washed

Victoria! (Very Cross)

He Saw the Force of It

New Skin—Brand New!

A Zeebrugge Memory

Another Perch in the Roost

Uncomfortable Cargo

Good Old "Vernon"

Any Time's Kissing Time!

The Fag End

"Spotty" the Jonah

He Just Caught the Bus!

Give 'im 'is Trumpet Back

Getting the Range

Coco-nut Shies

"Any more for the 'Skylark'?"

Still High and Dry

Trunkey Turk's Sarcasm

Running Down the Market

Five to One against the "Tinfish"

A Queer Porpoise

"Hoctopus" with One Arm

Interrupted Duel

Enter Dr. Crippen

The All-seeing Eye

The Submarine's Gamps

Polishing up his German

5. HERE AND THERE

Answered

A Prisoner has the Last Laugh

Not Yet Introduced

On the Art of Conversation

Down Hornsey Way

"... Wouldn't Come Off"

When In Greece...?

The Chef Drops a Brick

His "Read" Letter Day

Dan, the Dandy Detective

The Apology

Too Scraggy

So Why Worry?

Commended by the Kaiser

Only Fog Signals

An American's Hustle

Truth about Parachutes

The Linguist

Billiards isn't all Cannons

Run?—Not Likely

At "The Bow Bells" Concert

A Bomb and a Pillow

Athletics in the Khyber Pass

Jack and his Jack Johnsons

Even Davy Jones Protested

"Parti? Don't blame 'im!"

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Читать книгу 500 of the Best Cockney War Stories - Various - Страница 2

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