Читать книгу The Newcastle Song Book; or, Tyne-Side Songster - Various - Страница 13

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The Jailor, for trial, had brought up a thief,

Whose looks seem'd a passport for Botany Bay;

The lawyers, some with and some wanting a brief,

Around the green table were seated so gay:

Grave jurors and witnesses, waiting a call:

Attornies and clients, more angry than wise,

With strangers and town's-people, throng'd the Guild-hall,

All waiting gaping to see my Lord 'Size.

Oft stretch'd were their necks, oft erected their ears,

Still fancying they heard of the trumpets the sound,

When tidings arriv'd, which dissolv'd them in tears,

That my Lord at the dead-house was then lying drown'd!

Straight left tete a tete were the jailor and thief; The horror-struck crowd to the dead-house quick hies; Ev'n the lawyers, forgetful of fee and of brief, Set off, helter-skelter, to view my Lord 'Size.

And now the Sandhill with the sad tidings rings,

And the tubs of the taties are left to take care;

Fish-women desert their crabs, lobsters, and lings,

And each to the dead-house now runs like a hare.

The glassmen, some naked, some clad, heard the news,

And off they ran smoking, like hot mutton-pies;

Whilst Castle-garth Tailors, like wild Kangaroos,

Came tail-on-end jumping, to see my Lord 'Size.

The dead-house they reach'd, where his Lordship they found,

Pale, stretch'd on a plank, like themselves out of breath;

The Coroner and Jury were seated around,

Most gravely enquiring the cause of his death.

No haste did they seem in, their task to complete,

Aware that from hurry mistakes often rise;

Or wishful, perhaps, of prolonging the treat

Of thus sitting in judgment upon my Lord 'Size.

Now the Mansion-house Butler thus gravely depos'd:—

'My Lord on the terrace seem'd studying his charge;

And when (as I thought) he had got it compos'd,

He went down the stairs and examin'd the barge.

First the stem he survey'd, then inspected the stern,

Then handled the tiller, and look'd mighty wise;

But he made a false step when about to return,

And souse in the water straight tumbled Lord 'Size.'

Now his narrative ended—the Butler retir'd.

Whilst Betty Watt mutt'ring (half drunk) thro' her teeth,

Declar'd, 'In her breest greet consarn it inspir'd,

That my Lord should sae cullishly come by his deeth.'

Next a keelman was call'd on, Bold Archy his name,

Who the book as he kiss d shew'd the whites of his eyes,

Then he cut an odd caper, attention to claim,

And this evidence gave them respecting Lord 'Size:—

'Aw was setting the keel, wi' Dick Stavers and Matt,

An' the Mansion-house stairs we were just alangside,

When we a' three see'd somethin, but didn't ken what,

That was splashing and labbering about i' the tide.

It's a fluiker, ki Dick; No, ki Matt, it's owre big,

It luik'd mair like a skyet when aw furst seed it rise:

Kiv aw—for aw'd gettin a gliff o' the wig—

Ods marcy! wey, marrows, becrike, it's Lord 'Size!

Sae aw huik'd him, and haul'd him suin into the keel,

And o' top o' the huddock aw rowl d him aboot;

An' his belly aw rubb'd, an' a skelp'd his back weel,

But the water he'd drucken it wadn't run oot.

Sae I brought him ashore here, an' doctors, in vain,

Furst this way, then that, to recover him tries;

For ye see there he's lying as deed as a stane,

An' that's a' aw can tell ye about my Lord 'Size.'

Now the Jury for close consultation retir'd:

Some 'Death Accidental' were willing to find; Some 'God's Visitation' most eager requir'd, And some were for 'Fell in the River' inclin'd: But ere on their verdict they all were agreed, My Lord gave a groan, and wide open'd his eyes; Then the coach & the trumpeters came with great speed, And back to the Mansion-house carried Lord 'Size.