Читать книгу It's Not Your Fault, Koko Bear - Vicki Lansky - Страница 5

Introduction for Parents

When children whose parents are divorcing realize that Mom or Dad has left the family home, their certainty that the other parent will not disappear is shaken. They often receive conflicting messages from their divorcing parents, adding to their confusion and anxiety. Children can make false assumptions—including self-blame—to try to deal with the insecure and changing world in which they now find themselves.

As children watch how their parents act out anger toward each other in the divorce process, how do they know that their parents won’t act in a similar way toward them? Some children react by being very good, fearing that the same anger will be directed towards them—or, worse yet, that they will cause the other parent to leave, as well.

It is natural to be angry at an exiting spouse; it is not okay to show your anger in front of your children. You don’t have to like your former (or soon-to-be-former) spouse to behave in a courteous manner. This is done every day by thousands of teeth-gritting adults. My book, Vicki Lansky’s Divorce Book for Parents, can help you with the nuts and bolts of how to do this. The reward for such mature behavior is the emotional well-being of your children.

As you read It’s Not Your Fault, KoKo Bear, you may think MaMa and PaPa Bear are unrealistically polite and even-tempered. KoKo’s family might not look like your family. But it can, if you so choose. How you handle your parenting when you are parenting apart will make all the difference in the life of your child.

I hope that you will encourage your child to take this little book along to be read at each parent’s home. Hearing the same message read by both Mom and Dad can reassure your child that he or she is loved and will be cared for by both of you.

—Vicki Lansky