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CHAPTER ONE

When the Queen Is in Her Kitchen (Getting Acquainted)

And away we go! Back to that little room. No, not that one—the one just on the other side of that place they call the dining area. The kitchen, of course. Now, I’m sure you know your way around the other rooms, especially the one with the queen-sized you-know-what; but as I’m prone to mention from time to time, one of the ways to a man’s heart is through his stomach, which means that you’ll have to spend some time in the kitchen cooking (and unfortunately washing dishes, etc.).

Let’s assume that it’s your first very own kitchen, and you don’t have a pot to put peas in. So what’s our first project? Equipment. Isn’t it always?

Now you don’t need every little fancy gadget that you can find at the five-and-dime, but there are basics—let’s stick to them. A cast-iron skillet works just as well as one that’s coated with pastel porcelain, and costs a hell of a lot less. And if you look in one of your local thrift shops, you can probably find a used one at a small fraction of what a new one costs. The fact that it is already black is actually a prestige symbol, too: it doesn’t make you look so much like a novice and can actually aid in giving you confidence.

Personally. I take advantage of every opportunity to shop for bargains in the Goodwill and Salvation Army stores—the prices are very lean and most items are in wonderful condition. If one of your sisters should be so crass as to ask where you got that “awful looking casserole,” just tell her that it belonged to your dear, departed great-grandmother.

Now, how are we going to equip ourselves (I mean, kitchen-wise)? First of all we’ll need:

SAUCE PANS—For your first experiments, two should be enough. I recommend that you have one two-quart pan and one with a one-quart capacity. Later you will want to get a small one-pint pan and perhaps more of the other sizes. Make sure that they have lids, tight-fitting ones. Many foods have to be covered, and although we could, in a pinch, simply set a plate or saucer on top of the pan, it isn’t entirely satisfactory.

SPOONS—I would recommend an investment (less in the thrift stores) in a set of four or five wooden spoons for stirring. Later on I would certainly get a ladle and a slotted spoon, but they’re not necessary at the start.

FRYING PAN—Get about a ten-inch skillet to start with, and again, one with a lid. If you find you need a larger size later on, you can always get it—but there’s no use investing in one of the little tiny ones, except for the sake of convenience.

SPATULA—The broad type used by short-order cooks to turn hamburgers is the best all-round variety. There are others, too, and if your pocketbook allows or your vanity decrees, you may add them to your collection. But for pity’s sake, take into consideration the amount of storage space you have. We want to be able to move around in this little room, and find things easily.

KNIVES—At least two to start. One chef’s or French knife, which is used primarily for chopping and cutting vegetables, but is easily adaptable to slicing meats as well; and one paring knife, which we’ll be using for all sorts of things. Others you might want to add to your collection eventually are a roast knife, a boning knife, a butcher knife, and a slicer. These all make particular jobs a little bit easier, but they are not absolutely essential.

MIXING BOWLS—A set of four nested or individual bowls of four different sizes. Buy them at the thrift shop, but please make sure they’re glass or crockery. Plastic and metal bowls do funny things to food at times.

MEASURING CUPS AND SPOONS—The former usually come in a set of four (quarter-cup, third-cup, half-cup, and one cup). The spoons also come in a set of four (quarter-teaspoon, half-teaspoon, one teaspoon, and one tablespoon). If you can get metal ones, you’ll find they will hold up better.

COFFEE POT—Any kind. The thrift stores usually have a good variety, take your choice: dripolator, percolator, or vacuum type; but we must have available a way to make REAL coffee.

CAN OPENER—Electric or hand-operated. No, not that way. If you don’t have one now, try plunging a good, stiff blade into your can and work it around until you’re satisfied (that the hole is big enough).

BOTTLE OPENER—The “church-key” variety is best, most versatile and cheapest.

VEGETABLE BRUSH—The “loop” kind is the easiest to use. Just plunge a long, pliable carrot in the bristle-lined hole and vigorously jam it in and out until the thin skin is worn away.

EGG BEATER—Sadistic cooks (the same ones who crack nuts by hand rather than buying the pre-shelled kind) prefer the manual beaters for frothing up the slimy albumen. You can save for an electric mixer.

Now your kitchen is adequately equipped to prepare dishes fit for a queen.

There is other kitchen equipment that you are going to need, some immediately, like dish towels, sponges, detergent, hot pads, etc. But I’m sure you can take care of those items yourself, with perhaps the counsel of a friendly sister. When you get into the more ambitious recipes in this book, they might call for special items, and you can get them when the times comes. Some of the basics among these that you will want to purchase from time to time, as the pocketbook allows, are:

ROASTING PAN WITH RACK—Get a big enough one, but not too big for your oven.

BAKING SHEET—Not only for cookies, but also as a drip pan for those nights you are (but hopefully never) alone and you simply heat a TV dinner.

COLANDER—A tennis racket might be all right in the movies for draining spaghetti, but it sure plays hell with your tennis game. Try the bowl type with small holes (not too small—you might strain yourself).

SOUP KETTLE WITH LID—At least a six-quart capacity for those gay times when friends drop in unannounced.

CASSEROLES—According to the recipe, you’ll probably have more than one eventually.

PIE PLATE—At least one nine-incher. (Mmmm!)

GRATER—There’s an excellent plastic one on the market that cleans easily and reduces the danger of cutting your fingers.

SALAD BOWL, FORK, AND SPOON—Wooden, of course.

ROLLING PIN—This has multiple uses. Use your imagination.

CORKSCREW—Not an essential item at first, and sometimes it’s fun to carry a bottle of wine to the door of interesting neighbors in search of this little item. So much more original than asking for a match or borrowing a cup of gin.

STRAINER—A very handy item, and should be about teacup size.

MEAT FORK—The heavy duty, two-tined variety.

RUBBER SCRAPER—For mixing and getting the last drop of creamy sauces out of a thing.

TIMER—In case you’re forgetful.

WHISK—In any of several convenient size or sizes—just to make you feel more like Julia Child.

Now on to our basic stocking of the pantry (which has nothing to do with pants). These are simply the necessary staples that you should have in your kitchen at all times so you can whomp up a meal on a moment’s notice. I’ve checked over several suggested lists, and most of them look like they were planned for the siege of Troy. Here we shall list only those items which yours truly likes to have on hand, but unfortunately doesn’t always:

Bacon

Baking Powder

Baking Soda

Bouillon cubes—beef, chicken, and vegetable

Bread

Butter (or margarine)

Cheese (cheddar and whatever else your little heart desires)

Cocoa (I prefer the instant variety)

Coffee

Condiments (catsup, prepared mustard, Worcestershire sauce, etc.)

Crackers (saltines and those little cocktail goodies)

Eggs

Fish—tuna, salmon, clams, and other favorite canned varieties.

Flavor extracts—especially vanilla, maybe almond and rum.

Flour—all-purpose is best.

Garlic

Herbs and spices—we’ll talk about these in a moment.

Lemon juice

Lettuce

Mayonnaise

Meat—whatever you’re planning for the next two or three days, and perhaps a few canned varieties as well. If you have a freezer, you can store a reserve supply there for emergencies.

Milk

Mushrooms—canned

Nuts—slivered, toasted almonds, and any other favorites.

Oil—salad or cooking, and olive if desired.

Olives, green

Potatoes, baking and boiling

Rice—the quick-cooking variety is handiest.

Soups—a variety of dried and canned.

Sugar—white granulated. Other varieties can be purchased as needed, although it might be wise to keep a small amount of dark brown sugar on hand as well.

Syrup—maple, for pancakes.

Tea—in bags is fine.

Vegetables—a variety of both canned, and if you have a freezer, frozen.

Vinegar—red and white wine varieties.

Wines—I like to keep a stock for drinking and cooking. More detail on this in the next chapter.

Now, I promised to let you know the intimate secrets of my spice shelf, so here are the ones that I never want to be without:

Basil

Bay Leaves

Chili Powder

Cinnamon—stick and powdered

Cloves—whole and powdered

Curry Powder

Mace

Marjoram

MSG

Mustard—dry powder

Nutmeg

Oregano

Paprika

Pepper—black

Rosemary

Sage

Salt

Savory

Tarragon

Thyme

Many of the recipes in this book will call for these. Others you will find use for as you gain experience in cooking and acquaintance with the nature of each of the herbs and spices. Additional uses for these are generally listed on the cans or bottles.

* * * *

All set? Let’s look now at how we should follow a recipe, how to measure various ingredients, and all sorts of other helpful little hints that will enable us to avoid having our little bailiwicks declared a disaster area.

When you are getting ready to prepare a certain dish, first read the recipe all the way through. If the first reading doesn’t give you a clear picture of what is to be done, read it through again with extra care. Make a note of all the ingredients that are necessary, and of all the equipment—and make sure that all are on hand before you start your preparation. If this is your first try at following the recipe, keep your cookbook open for reference. You might even want to do this for at least the first several times you prepare a dish.

I’d like to know just who it was that said that a cook should cook without a book. Musicians, doctors, lawyers, and even writers make constant reference to their libraries, and I think that a cook should have the same prerogative. Of course, there will be items that you will learn well enough through practice that you won’t have to make reference to a book, and that’s all well and good. But there are others where particular attention to detail is of the utmost importance, and in those cases, I say use the book.

In measuring, we will stick basically to the standard cups and spoons in our collection as specified above. Wherever another happens to be specified, we shall discuss it at that point. In general, when preparing a recipe it is best to measure the dry ingredients first; filling the measure and then leveling off with the straight (pardon the expression) edge of the knife. Flour should be sifted before measuring (but if you don’t have a sifter, there are certain varieties on the market known as pre-sifted), and in contrast, brown sugar should be packed down tightly. Other types of dry ingredients fall between these two categories, and should only be slightly shaken to be sure that there are no air bubbles that might throw off the measure.

Liquid ingredients are much simpler. Simply fill the measure to the brim.

Butter, shortening, and other solid fats are most easily measured by what is known as the displacement method. Say your recipe calls for a quarter-cup shortening. In your one-cup measure, put three-fourths cup water, then add butter (or shortening or whatever) until the water reaches the brim. Pour off the water and you’re left the right amount of butter.

The following table of equivalents may prove of value to you at times:

3 teaspoons equals 1 tablespoon

2 tablespoons equals 1 ounce

8 ounces equals 1 cup

2 cups equals 1 pint

2 pints equals 1 quart

4 quarts equal 1 gallon

Two other important items in following a recipe are: (1) doneness (it’s important to know when a thing is done), which we’ll discuss separately for each recipe, and (2) a little item called “to taste.” In innumerable cases it is impossible to tell just how much of a particular ingredient to add, and this is especially true in regard to such items as salt, pepper, and some herbs, spices, and condiments. Therefore, you will have to rely on your own taste, adding what you think it necessary, and then tasting to see if the amount if sufficient—be careful, though not to add too much. It’s easier to add ingredients than it is to subtract them.

I’m reminded of the time when Paulette and I had just set up housekeeping and were serving a brunch for eight people. She had just beaten the eggs and added the salt. When she took the top off the coarse pepper bottle she forgot that it didn’t have a shaker top and as a consequence poured the whole bottle into the gooey mess. Brunch was delayed for about an hour while we strained the icky stuff through a sieve. Brunch was saved, but you can see what a timesaver a little care can be.

I think it’s rather safe to assume that the majority of meals that you’ll be serving will be dinners, so we’ll consider a very basic type menu from which you can build all kinds of tasty fare:

Cocktail (may be omitted)—consists of juice, fruit, shrimp, or other light opener.

Soup and/or Salad—in general, when soup is served the salad is served with the main course.

Main Course or Entrée—meat, fish, or fowl.

Starchy Course—potatoes, rice, or pasta.

Green or Yellow Vegetable—this and the starchy course are generally served with the entrée.

Bread and Butter—also served with the main course, and sometimes appearing as early as the soup or salad course.

Dessert—often omitted when soup and/or salad is served.

Wine (if desired)—more about this in another chapter.

Coffee and Liqueurs—after dinner, although many people prefer to have coffee with dinner.

Plan your menu according to the appetites and tastes of your guests. They are of prime consideration. It is also somewhat embarrassing to put together a lamb curry and find that one guest can’t stand lamb and another is allergic to curry—and watch the calendar, too. Some of your friends might abstain from eating meat on Friday.

Plan around your main course, taking into consideration the color and texture of the foods that you plan to serve. A variety of colors makes, generally, for an attractive meal, and is rather simple to plan. The addition of a sauce or garnish such as parsley or watercress tends to spark up the appearance of food. But beware of over-saucing. Beef Stroganoff served with creamed potatoes and asparagus with Hollandaise presents a platter smothered with too much of the same texture. What do I mean by texture? Creamy or chewy, soft or crisp, thick or thin, clear or cloudy—these are textures. Take them into consideration and make sure that your menus do not include too much sameness.

The same principle applies to individual foods. Just imagine a dinner where the soup course was cream of mushroom, the salad included chopped mushrooms, the entrée was steak and mushrooms served with stuffed mushrooms, and dessert was (and there is such a thing) mushroom chocolate cookies. Tired of mushrooms?

Let your conscience and your imagination be your guide, and you’ll seldom go wrong. In leaving this subject, let us touch upon just one more point—don’t serve too little, don’t serve too much. Both are embarrassing, the first to the host and the second to the guest.

Timing is the next item of consideration. It’s very important that all items are ready to serve at the proper times. It does little to enhance your reputation as a cook if the potatoes are done and the roast still has an hour to cook. Many trials and tribulations can be avoided by doing as much preparation as possible in advance. For instance, you can prepare the greens and dressing for your salad and keep them in the fridge, as long as they are separate, hours before you serve them. And many vegetables can be prepared for cooking long in advance—in spite of any ranting and raving and carrying on that I might do later in discussing their proper treatment.

The basic idea behind all this ahead-of-time preparation, is that when you are beginning, you are not thoroughly familiar with the time involved in preparation (recipes only list cooking time). As you start finding your way around the kitchen as well as you do around the bedroom, you’ll start sandwiching these preliminary steps between other operations. But at first, not only plan ahead, but do ahead as well.

Start things cooking in reverse order. In other words, start with those that take the longest time, then work up to the quick cookers last. It might be well at first, especially if you’re going to be mingling with your guests over drinks, to make a written notation of the time everything should be started—at least at first. Later on it’ll become second nature.

* * * *

A small vocabulary is now in order—and I’m going to eliminate a lot of items that other cookbooks have. At the present time you’re not going to be interested in the fact that asperges is French for asparagus and not a form of slander, or that a Bain Marie is the bottom pan of a chafing dish and not an expression meaning keep Mary out of the bar. I trust you will find it helpful and basic. Basic things are important.

Bake—To cook by dry contained heat, usually in an oven. Applied to meats, it is called roasting.

Baste—To moisten foods during cooking with pan drippings, water, wine, or sauces to prevent drying and/or add flavor.

Beat—To briskly whip or stir with a spoon or rotary beater in order to make a mixture smooth or add air to it.

Blend—To combine ingredients until smooth.

Boil—To cook in boiling liquid (212 degrees F. at sea level).

Braise—To brown in small amount of fat, then add a small amount of liquid and cook slowly on top of stove or in oven, tightly covered.

Bread—To coat with bread crumbs or cracker crumbs (sometimes crushed wheat or corn flakes). Sometimes the item to be breaded is first dipped in a mixture of beaten egg and milk.

Broil—To cook by direct heat, in a broiler, under flame or over coals.

Brown—It’s different in the kitchen. To cook in hot fat until brown in color.

Chop—To cut in pieces with scissors or a knife. (If you’re going to use scissors, I would recommend that you have a separate pair for kitchen use only.)

Cream—Didn’t know cooking could be so C.A.M.P.y, did you? This means to rub...stir...or beat. But with a spoon until a mixture is soft, creamy, and smooth.

Cut—In addition to the obvious meaning of separation into pieces by scissors or knife, it also means the combination of shortening with dry ingredients by means of a pastry blender or two knives. I prefer to discard the utensils and use my lily white hands.

Dice—To cut into small cubes.

Dissolve—To mix a dry substance in a liquid until it passes into solution.

Dredge—To coat with flour or other specified fine substance.

Flake—To break into small pieces (as tuna).

Fold—To combine ingredients by cutting down through mixture with your tool, sliding it across the bottom and bringing it up and over top close to the surface. The tool you use, however, should he a spoon, whisk, or fork.

Fricassée—To braise fowl or rabbit.

Fry—To cook in hot fat, as directed.

Garnish—To decorate foods with small pieces of colorful ones, such as parsley, pimentos, or egg slices.

Glaze—To coat with a thin sugar syrup.

Grate—To separate food in various sizes of bits or shreds by rubbing on a grater.

Knead—To work and press dough to smoothness with the palms of the hands.

Marinate—To allow a food to stand in a liquid (usually flavored) to soften or add flavor.

Melt—To heat a substance until it liquefies.

Mince—And I don’t mean down Main Street. You can camp in your kitchen, but this means to chop into tiny pieces.

Mix—To stir, and thus combine ingredients.

Pan-broil—To cook uncovered in a hot skillet. Pour off fat as it accumulates.

Parboil—To cook partially, by boiling.

Pare—To cut away the outer covering or skin.

Peel—To remove outer covering by stripping, as a banana.

Pit—To remove the seeds from fruits. Not yours, honey.

Poach—To cook in hot liquid, taking care that foods hold their shape.

Roast—See bake.

Sauté—To cook in small amount of hot fat. Whether you’re pan-frying or sautéing depends on the food you’re cooking.

Scald—To bring a liquid to a temperature just below boiling.

Score—No, this doesn’t mean to make out. It means to cut narrow gashes in the outer covering of food.

Sear—To brown quickly with intense heat. Before you hop on the stove, better refer back to the kitchen definition of brown.

Shred—To cut or tear into ribbon-like pieces.

Sift—To pass dry ingredients through a sieve.

Simmer—To cook slowly over low heat, usually about 185 degrees.

Steam—A delicious way to prepare vegetables, but since we’re not going to do it at first, I won’t discuss it further.

Steep—To extract color or flavor from a substance by letting it stand in water just below the boiling point.

Stew—To simmer slowly in a small amount of liquid for a long time.

Stir—To mix ingredients until blended with a circular motion of a fork or spoon.

Toast—To brown by direct heat. There’s that word again.

Toss—This isn’t a score either. It means to mix ingredients lightly.

Truss—To tie fowl or meat with skewers and string or needle and thread to hold its shape during cooking.

Now you’re ready for the rest of this book. But, please, keep in mind that this book is, basically, one person’s opinion, as modified by the rest of the C.A.M.P. staff. There are other methods, ways, preferences—and I’m sure all of them have reason for being. So, keep your eyes and ears open at all times for little tidbits of information that you might be able to pick up in the strangest places.

Don’t neglect educational TV cooking shows for more elegant types of recipes. And if you find a better way to do something, or an absolutely fantastic recipe, I’d like to hear about it. And don’t hesitate to use a new recipe or a new method just because C.A.M.P., Lady Agatha or mother does it this way. The more you learn, the better the road is paved through that stomach to the heart of your desires.