Читать книгу Having the Bachelor's Baby - Victoria Pade - Страница 10

“What’ll it be?” Clair muttered to herself late Wednesday afternoon as she looked over the clothes she’d laid out on the bed. “The unisex camp shirt and the loose cargo pants? Or the skintight tank top and the butt-hugging black slacks? Hmm…”

The day had been packed with meetings during which Clair had introduced Ben to the wholesalers her father had used for foodstuffs, supplies and linens. Accounts had been set up, orders hashed through and submitted and arrangements made for deliveries to begin.

Now that it was all accomplished and Clair was back in the cottage, she’d had a refresher shower and shampoo, and she needed to dress for a family dinner at the Walker home. The dinner was for Ben and Cassie’s older brother Ad and his new wife Kit, who had just returned from their honeymoon. But Clair was torn about what to wear.

She was also thinking a lot about the fact that not only had Ben invited her, he’d also insisted that she go. And made it clear that he genuinely wanted her to.

But that wasn’t why she was excited for the evening to come, she thought as she stared at the two outfits she was trying to decide between.

Ben was the only member of the Walker family Clair hadn’t gotten to know through her friendship with Cassie. He was the only one who wasn’t there during the many times she’d visited or had a meal there or spent the night.

But since Clair had left Northbridge, she hadn’t had contact with the rest of the family, either. Once she and Rob had left town, they hadn’t returned. Rob’s family had moved to California about that same time and because Clair and her father had originally come from Denver—and because that was where her mother had been laid to rest—her father had opted for visiting her rather than having her visit him. That way he could always spend some time at the cemetery.

Upon his own death, her father had left firm instructions that he was to be buried beside his wife without anyone in attendance but Clair and her husband. So even though she’d received many bouquets of flowers from people in Northbridge—including the Walkers—it had been ten years since she’d last set eyes on anyone but Cassie, who had visited her in Denver or met her for a few girls-only vacations.

That made tonight’s dinner the first time Clair was going to see the other members of the Walker family in ten years.

And so Clair told herself that looking forward to the evening and worrying about what she wore were only due to that fact. That they had nothing to do with Ben.

But still, as she stood there debating what to wear, it was Ben she had in mind.

And images of his eyes popping out of their sockets when he saw her.

Which was ultimately why she opted for the white body-hugging tank top that showed off her pregnancy-induced, almost-two-sizes-bigger bust and the black slacks that had garnered wolf whistles from construction workers when she’d worn them last.

But just to make herself feel a little less like she was choosing that particular top and pants to wow Ben, she also decided to wear the peek-a-boo white shirt over the tank top as a bit of camouflage.

And because this was a family dinner, she reminded herself. Not an intimate dinner alone with Ben.

Although that would have been nice.

But an intimate dinner alone with Ben was not why she’d come to Northbridge. Besides helping with the school, she’d come to sort through things. To make a decision.

A big decision.

Clair put away the camp shirt and the cargo pants, realizing as she did that her water glass needed refilling—drinking more water than usual seemed to help the intermittent bouts of nausea that pregnancy was also causing.

She left her bedroom, passing the bathroom that separated her room from the one that had belonged to her father, and went through an archway into the living room. Then she headed to the small kitchen at the rear of the house.

The four rooms—five if the bathroom was counted—were all that made up the cottage. But it was a cozy bungalow, and Clair didn’t mind being there again the way she’d been worried she might. It was actually kind of nice to be in a place that reminded her of her dad.

Well, for the most part. She did try not to think too much about what her father’s reaction might be to her unplanned, unwed pregnancy if he were there to know about it.

When she couldn’t avoid it, though, she knew what her father would say about her current dilemma. He would say that Ben had a right to know he was going to be a father. Which was part of what she was there to decide.

It wasn’t something Clair disagreed with. It was just that when it came to this baby, she felt sort of selfish.

She wasn’t proud of that. She hated to admit it even to herself.

But in the past year she’d lost her father, her husband and the home she’d built with Rob. She’d lost half of what they’d received as wedding gifts, half of everything they’d acquired during their marriage. Rob—being Rob—had competed for the friends they’d shared and because her father’s death and divorce had piggybacked and left Clair emotionally reeling, she simply hadn’t had the energy to woo those friends to her side—so she’d lost many of the people in her life, too. She’d lost the future she’d been planning on, the future she’d been so sure she would have. She’d even lost half of the goldfish she alone had nurtured for years because Rob had actually gone to court to battle for them, and the court had even divided those down the middle—three to Clair and three to Rob.

And she knew, that had she and Rob had children, those children and every minute of their lives would have been something she would have had to fight for. So she couldn’t help feeling that as long as Ben didn’t know that she was pregnant, this baby was hers alone—like a wonderful, secret little gift to help ease the pain of all those other losses.

Not just any gift, either. The one gift, the one thing she’d spent the last three years of her marriage trying to have. The one thing that had been her deepest heart’s desire for as long as she could remember. The one thing that she knew she couldn’t bear to lose any part of….