Читать книгу My Ottawa Eagle - Virginie T. - Страница 5

 Chapter 2Cayla

Leaving on a whim in the middle of the Kipawa Lake Ancient Forest seemed like a good idea at the time. When the MFFP, the Ministry of Wildlife, Forests and Parks, proposed this mission, I thought "great, I will be able to combine my passion with my need for solitude". Now that I find myself in the middle of this vegetation that has been preserved for more than 400 years, certainly magnificent and lush, but completely lost, I am less convinced by my flash of genius. Solitude is nice, but certainly not when there are only trees as far as the eye can see and orientation is far from my strong point. I am still convinced that I had all the right reasons in the world to exile myself in this way, but it is no help to me when my map does not give me any information about my position. How do you read this thing? I have no idea where I am and my head is buzzing with parasitic thoughts, short-circuiting my rational, calm side. My last love affair ended with loss and smash and left me more bruised than I had told my family, leaving me full of bitterness. My parents thought that a change of scenery would help me bounce back and so supported me in my wish to go to the other side of the world, alone. Anyway, my family never liked Richard and it was essential for my mental health that I change my mind.

I am originally from Lorraine, where I discovered my passion: animals. Since I was very young, as far back as I can remember, I was in admiration of them and I forced my parents to go to the Amnéville zoo at least once a month. My parents knew the alleys by heart by dint of driving me there constantly and despite their weariness, they always acceded to my request. The zebras and tigers with their irregular black stripes, the white lions with their thick fur and all the other inhabitants of the animal park had captivated me at first glance, like all children I suppose, but more than anything else, I fell in love with the birds of prey. Their aviary is one of the largest in the world and their spectacle is simply breathtaking. Harris' huge falcons, fishing eagles and buzzards, among others, fly freely in an exceptional ballet that ends with a final flight of more than sixty birds simultaneously that leaves you speechless. For the little girl I was on my first visit, it was a revelation. I envied their freedom in the sky and their so majestic appearance. I felt as if I was tiny under these masters of the skies. So, I decided to become a veterinarian and work in this zoo. I studied, persevered and studied some more. I immersed myself in this universe with every fiber of my body, regularly putting my life as a carefree party student on hold and telling myself that I would make up for it later. While my crazy roommates dressed up to laugh, flirt and be honest, have sex, I immersed myself in my books on dog anatomy and animal behavior. I achieved my goal at age twenty-five and have never regretted my sacrifices.

Only here I am four years later away from home because I made the wrong choice. A bad choice from the beginning of my life and I find myself thousands of miles away from my family. If I do have one regret, it is that I gave in and put my heart before my brain. I should have gone on as before and listened to my head screaming at me not to do that. Dating my boss was a big mistake. And yet, it had started so well. The zoo director, Richard Watson, 10 years my senior, gradually gave me attention and I felt flattered. True, who wouldn't have been. Richard is rich, charismatic, pleasant to look at and I respect his work and his fight to save the species. We sailed in the same professional environment, which was an advantage for me. I naively thought I had found my alter ego. It was flattering to attract such a leading authority in his field. It started with small attentions: he kissed me instead of shaking my hand, he regularly came to the care centre to check that I didn't lack equipment, regularly asked my opinion on the animals to come... Then one day, everything became more concrete.

''I really like you, Cayla. I've been watching you for months now, and I've been telling myself that I'm your boss and that employee relations are not recommended, but I can't stay away from you anymore. "Come and have a drink with me.

I had thought about it, weighed the pros and cons, and finally agreed. His manly smile on firm, full lips and his eyes shining with desire for me had gotten the better of me. Our relationship had begun a year earlier with a fiery kiss. The kind of kiss that leaves you with wobbly legs and wet panties and I naively thought we would end our life together. Even though we didn't live together, we sometimes talked about babies. Finally, looking back, I realize that it was mostly me who envisioned this logical continuation of our love, while my lover systematically dodged the subject.

''I feel so good for you. Do you ever think of a little person who looks just like us? A mixture of you and me?

There's plenty of time to think about it, Cayla, there's no rush”.

I didn't necessarily agree with that remark. After all, we were a decade apart and I sometimes wondered if his reluctance was not due to that fact. Richard is in his late 40s, and I suppose that made him hesitate when I thought, "This is the time to have a child," I thought. I didn't want Richard to be an "old" dad by taking our child to school. It's embarrassing when you say to a child, "Here's your grandpa," and he says, "That's my father. The reality had turned out to be much more painful and humiliating. He was not considering offspring at all, now or ever, and age was indeed an issue in our marriage, but it was not his, it was mine. Twenty-nine years is his age limit for his conquests.

I remember perfectly well that day that shook my life and changed my future. I went to surprise him. I was off that day and I had planned to meet him for lunch. I'm very happy about that. I was the one who was stunned, and not in the best sense of the word. I went home without knocking, as usual, and was paralyzed by the vision in front of me. Richard was sitting in the chair behind his desk, his fly open, a trainee moaning in his lap. It was my boss's voice that had brought me out of my torpor.

''Cayla, what are you doing here?

— That's all you have to say? Maybe you could pull your pants up.

— It's not what you think it is.

— It's not what you think? Well, let me guess. Our new reptile trainee wanted to feed your snake? "Forget it, kid, it's not an anaconda, it's a tiny little asp”.

I left, slamming the door with the giggle of the too-young lady and the crimson face of my now ex-child. This pitiful revenge did not relieve me, however, and coming to work the next day as if nothing had happened, after ignoring countless calls from the other idiot, it was revealed as torture, as all my colleagues knew the reason for our break-up. Their support and compassion in the face of Richard's betrayal only intensified my sense of suffocation in this place I had loved so much. I could no longer bear to walk down the aisles filled with happy families and colleagues who knew too much about my problems and Richard's sex life.

So that night, I set out to find a new job that would allow me to get away from it all while keeping in touch with the birds of prey. I wasn't ready to forget my priorities. After a lot of research, I came across the website of the Ministère de la Forêt, de la Faune et des Parcs du Québec. The MFFP was looking for veterinarians specializing in poultry to study eagles and thus better adapt their protection on the territory. Neither one nor two, I applied and was hired. Richard did try to hold me back, claiming that I had advance notice, but the threat of filing a harassment complaint, via text message, got the better of him. This is how I find myself in the riding of Temiscaming, with my camping equipment and observation gear in a small hand trailer, driving along Lake Kipawa through hemlock groves with yellow birch, a distant cousin of our common fir trees, to observe the majestic eagles that nest there. I feel laughed at in the middle of this immense landscape, some specimens reaching more than 30 meters, but also in peace. The weeks after the breakup had been morally trying and Richard's insistence on holding me back, God knows why, hadn't helped. My resignation put a definitive end to this page of my life and this peaceful silence is a real soothing balm for my bruised heart.