Читать книгу Hashimura Togo, Domestic Scientist - Wallace Irvin - Страница 9

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To Editor Good Housekeeper Magazine, who know how to make home beautiful by staying there,

Dear Mr.:—There are a vacant place to be obtained for bright Japanese Gen. Houseworker at home of Mrs. & Mr. Jeremia Spiggott, Flag Wave, Pa. That vacancy are where I am not now working. It surprise me. This are how it happen.

During breakfast-table last Fryday Hon. Mr, Spiggott look uply from Pittsbug news-reading and say with voice, “Mrs. and Mr. Wm. H. Axweilder shall be here tomorrow p.m. for slight weak-end visitation.”

“They are both entirely unwelcome, I am sure,” she snob.

“If we merely asked people we liked there would be no hospitality,” he rake off. “We must enjoy Hon. Axweilder’s company because of his great wealth. If we are sufficiently delightful to him maybe he will permit me to cheat him in business. You will love his conversational talk. For so dull a man he have a most penetrating mind.”

“He must have to bore me so deep,” she snagger. “I like his wife less than equally.”

So that day she enslave me for hard housework, so all shall be delightful for this disgusting visit. All day I do considerable proud bed-make with swollen quilts of mushy silk appearance. At lastly tomorrow p.m. arrive when Hon. Mrs. approach, up to me and say with commutor language:

“Togo,” she say it, “at toot of 2.22 train Mrs. & Mr. Axweilder will arrive in custody of Hon. Husband. Kindly to hitch down Sarah, the horse, to fashionable bug-wagon and elope to depot with coachman expression.”

I go forthly to horse-garage where Hon. Sarah stood eating his oat. So I hitched it and made immediate race-course to depot where I stood proudly clutching harness with grand thumbs resembling Newport.

Toot-toot of 2.22! Three human personalities eloped forthly from Pullmanly train. One were Hon. Spiggott appearing full of courteous peev. Another was one enlarged gentleman of Republican expression. Another were a very stretched lady whose nose contained great snobbery amidst eyeglass.

“It are such pleasant change from our usual wealth to be trotting behind mild horseback instead of whizzing as usual in expensive ottomobiles,” she snuggest sweetishly as we jogg off.

“We prefer this style of locomobile because of its health,” growell Hon. Spiggott. Yet he attemp to appear hospital.

At hallway of home Hon. Mrs. Spiggott were enwaiting with face containing smiles. By the cordial of her behavior you would think she was glad. “I am so hilarious to see you including your delicious husband!” she holla with soprano. Kissing enjoyed.

“We shall have such unaccustomed pleasure in these simple surroundings!” notate Mrs. Axweilder.

Mrs. Spiggott replied by looking iced with her eyes.

“I am glad you have came on such an amiable day for a golluf game!” deplore Hon. Spiggott putting on sporty cap.

“Yes. It are going to rain,” say Hon. Axweilder with slump voice.

“That will make it seem more Scottish,” say Boss man cheerly.

“On what vacant lot have you room to play golluf in such a neighborhood?” require Hon. Ax while they depart off looking dangerous with clubs.

“This evening,” Mrs. Spiggott explain to Mrs. Axweilder, “we are determined to give you dinner-party to include Mrs. & Mr. Washington Whack, very charmed people next door.”

“Are they related to the Whacks of Tuxedo?” Mrs. Ax cut up.

“I are not acquainted with their geography,” glub Mrs. Boss.

“Unless from Tuxedo they cannot live,” describe other lady.

Mrs. Spiggott reply by thinking unpleasantly.

“Would you not enjoy slight driveway around neighborhood for observe country and fresh air?” she require at lastly, as soonly as her voice ceased freezing.

“I am always fascinated to see how the other ½ lives,” Mrs. Axweilder shoot up.

So I again hitch down Sarah, the horse, and forthly we trotted. While we elope past sweet gardens & landscapes that visitor continue gawsping: “Quaint! How comfort people can be for small salaries!”

“Many persons surrounding here are top-high aristocrats!” snarrel Mrs. Spiggott.

“Undoubtlessly!” snuggest Mrs. Ax. “My Uncle Henry lives in country residence containing 800 rooms.”

“What are name of it—Sing Sing?” collapse Mrs. Madam with sweetly smiling.

Mrs. Axweilder listen without hearing.

At lastly we arrive up to Cemetery View. Country Club for slight tea-drunk. I await outside nursing Sarah, the horse, for considerable hour. At lastly both Mrs. Ladies approach outward with accompaniment of their husbands who smell quite highball. Both feminines look quite iced as we go homeward.

At lastly was dinner-time. I ceased off being coachman and became waitress, as usual.

“We only attemp small, cozy dinners in our excluded set,” explan Hon. Mrs. while 6 persons took set-down to dinner.

“My dining-room contains 80 people, mostly nobility,” report Mrs. Axweilder while eating soup.

Hon. Mr. Washington Whack, who set next by her, twist off his shirt-button from excitements. While doing so he explain how his family were similarly to Whacks of Tuxedo. Hon. Axweilder refuse to speak while feeding his indigestion. Hon. Spiggott steam up his merriment and tell college-bred tales about humor.

When all foods was finished all retreated to parlor room where bridge-gamble was enjoyed till late night. At 1.62 oclock Mrs. Axweilder call Mrs. Whack an Ace & Mrs. Whack reply peevly, “Renig!” full of scorns. All make go-home agreeing how enjoyment that evening was.

At 2.11 clocktime, while those Axweilders was glad go bed, Mrs. & Mr. Spiggott set alonesome in parlor room where I could hear.

“Why do you bring those buffalo kittens to rage around this neighborhood?” she ask it. “One day more and I shall poison their foods.”

“They must get their fresh air somewheres,” he reprieve.

“Why should they spoil ours?” she snagger.

“I admit it,” he jar. “What could be more disgusting than Hon. Axweilder?”

“Hon. Mrs. Axweilder,” say her. So they go bed thinking so.

Next morning were churchtime.

“We have engaged orchestra seats for you at church,” repose Mrs. Madam. “It will be great treat.”

“What denomino church is it?” require Hon. Axweilder.

“Methodist,” say her.

“We never go Methodist,” say him. “We are Osteopaths.”

“Then you will be pleased to excuse us,” backfire Hon. Mrs. with smiling glum. “We dare not neglect religion for those we love.”

So Hon. Spiggotts depart for church, walking together like chorus girls. Hon. Axweilders remain in parlor room reading pictures in comical supplement.

“Why you brought me to this disgustly place?” require she from him.

“I agree,” he snatch back. “We should have more fun going to hospital.”

When I hear this repartee I step forthly into room with helpmeet expression.

“Sweethearted Weak-Enders,” I say so, “obtain your hats and baggages with immediate quickness and I will snuggle you away from here before they can catch you.”

“What you mean by what you say?” they require.

“I observe how you suffer. Therefore I help escape.” This I say.

“I should muchly admire to go,” he croach, “yet cannot because Hon. Spiggotts would feel sad to lose us.”

“Your sudden depart off would grieve them even less,” I tell. “Last night they included you among buffaloes and mentioned poison while speaking of you.

“Oh!!” Both stand up on their stamping feet. They rosh upstairs for bag. They rosh downstairs with it. I go to animal garage for hitch down Sarah.

Pretty soonly church-bell chime forth while Mrs. & Mr. Spiggott return backwards from there. They observe their weak-end gasts on porch.

“What—must you carry yourselves away before Monday?” require Mrs. Spiggott for sorrow voice.

“Your poor but neat home is no place for zoological buffalos!” stroggle Hon. Mr. Ax.

“And poisonous food might be expensive from high price of drugs for economical persons,” grubble Hon. Mrs. Ax.

“Who told you this & that?” narrate those Spiggotts shockly.

“Togo did!” say others.

“So thanks!” she say so for sweetness resembling flirtatious snakes. “Please continue your usefulness, Togo, by removing my happy company in time to catch the time-table.”

Soonly I arrive up to porch-step accompanied by Sarah, the horse. When those Weak-Enders and other baggage were loaded in, Hon. Mrs. Spiggott spoke furthermore.

“Togo,” she pronounce, “when 1.11 train arrives up, hitch Sarah to the depot and continue traveling by rail with my dearie friends who can doubtlessly afford to hire you among their expensive servants.”

So I spanked up Sarah with expression of one seeking employment where he is not needed.

Hoping you are the same,

Yours truly,

Hashimura Togo.