Читать книгу The Book of Good Manners; a Guide to Polite Usage for All Social Functions - Walter Cox Green - Страница 7
BALLS FOR DEBUTANTE.
ОглавлениеDRESS. A debutante should dress in white or some extremely delicate color, and wear very little jewelry—some simple brooch or single piece of jewelry, or a slender chain of pearls.
DUTIES OF DAUGHTERS. Except at her own debut, a daughter does not assist her mother in receiving. She should be ready, however, to see that young women have partners, and to speak, without introduction, to strangers.
GUEST OF HONOR. If the ball is given in honor of some special person, he should be met on his arrival, introduced to the women of the reception committee, escorted to the seat prepared for him, and be looked after the entire evening.
At the end of the ball he should be escorted to his carriage.
DUTIES OF HOST. It is not necessary that a man receive with his wife. He should do all he can to help make the ball successful, especially if his name appears on the invitation. He should assist in finding partners for the women, taking the chaperones into supper, preventing the men from selfishly remaining in the dressing-room, and at the end escorting unattended women to their carriages.
When a formal supper is served, he takes into supper the leading chaperone.
DUTIES OF HOSTESS. As a ball is an entertainment for dancing, it is better to give two small balls where the guests are not crowded than one where they are. It is permissible for a hostess not having sufficient room to hire rooms in some place suitable for the purpose.
In selecting guests, it is wise to have more men present than women.
The hostess should see to it that the rooms are well ventilated and well lighted. An awning and a carpet from the street to the hall door should be provided.
The hostess should stand near the door, prepared to receive the guests as they enter, shaking hands with each one, friend or stranger, and introducing any woman who may receive with her.
A hostess herself should not dance until late in the evening, unless she knows that nearly all her guests have arrived.
A wise hostess will personally see that the women are provided with partners, and that diffident young men are introduced.
The hostess should see that the floor is suitable for dancing, that music is arranged, programs printed, that dressing-rooms, one for the men and one for the women, are arranged for with suitable attendants.
The hostess should stand where the guests can take leave of her, and should shake hands with each when leaving.
HOURS. In the city the hour for a ball to begin is from 10.30 to 11 P.M., but in the country the hour is earlier—from 9 to 9.30.
A public ball begins promptly at the time mentioned in the announcement.
INVITATIONS. These are issued from ten to twenty days before the ball, and should be answered immediately.
For an impromptu dance, they may be issued within a few days of the affair.
These invitations should be engraved. As a general rule, it is not now customary to put on them the letters R. S. V. P.
But when an engraved invitation is posted, two envelopes are used, the inner one bearing the person's name only and unsealed, and the outer bearing both the name and address and sealed.
If the ball has any peculiar feature, as a masquerade or costume, the invitation should have some words to that effect in the lower left hand corner—as, Costume of the XVIIth Century, Bal Masque, or Bal Poudre.
INVITATIONS ASKED FOR STRANGERS. If a hostess receives a request from friends for invitations for friends of theirs, she can properly refuse all such requests, and no friend should feel aggrieved at a refusal for what she has no right to ask and which the hostess is under no obligation to give. If the hostess chooses to grant the request, well and good.
She would naturally do so when the request
is for a near relative, or the betrothed of the
one making the request.
A man should never ask for an invitation to a ball for another person, except for his fiancee or a near relative.
A woman may ask for an invitation for her fiance, a brother, or a male friend of long standing, or for a visiting friend. She should take care that she does not ask it for some one known to the hostess and whom the latter does not desire to invite. No offense should be felt at a refusal save, possibly, in the case of a brother, sister, or fiance.
INVITATIONS GIVEN BY A NEWCOMER. When a newcomer in a neighborhood desires to give a ball but has no visiting list, it is allowable for her to borrow the visiting list of some friend. The friend, however, arranges that in each envelope is placed a calling-card of her own, so that the invited ones may know that she is acting as sponsor for the newcomer.
INVITATIONS ANSWERED. Every invitation should be answered as soon as possible, and in the third person if the invitation was in the third person. The answer should be sent to the party requesting the pleasure, even if many names are on the invitation.
When a subscriber to a subscription ball invites a friend who is a non-subscriber, she encloses her card in the envelope, and the invited friend sends the answer to the subscriber sending the invitation.
INTRODUCTIONS. When a man is introduced to a
woman at a ball, he should ask her for a
dance.
MEN AT. Courtesy toward his hostess and consideration
for his friends demands that a
man who can dance should do so.
To accept an invitation to a ball and then
refuse to dance shows that a man is lacking
in good breeding.
A man finding few friends at a ball should ask some friend, or the hostess, to introduce him to some women whom he can invite to dance.
It is an act of discourtesy for a man not to request a dance of a woman to whom he has been introduced.
A man escorting a woman to a ball should agree where to meet her after they have each left their wraps at the dressing-rooms. It may be at the foot of the stairway or near the ball-room door.
It is now no longer customary for the man and woman to enter arm in arm, but for the woman to precede the man, and together they greet the hostess. It is for the hostess to merely bow or to shake hands, and the guests follow her lead.
A man should see that his companion's chaperone is comfortably seated, and then ask his companion for a couple of dances, and, with her permission, introduce other young men, who should ask her to dance. Such permission is not usually asked if the man is her fiance, a near relative, or an old friend.
It is strictly the woman's prerogative to decide to retire, and no man should urge or hint to a woman to retire earlier than she wishes.
MEN—CARRIAGE. A man asking a woman to accompany him to a ball should call in a carriage for her and her chaperone.
MEN—DRESS. Men wear full evening dress in
summer or winter, city and town.
Gloves of white dressed kid should be worn
at all balls.
NEWCOMERS. See BALLS-INVITATIONS GIVEN BY
NEWCOMERS.
PATRONESSES. See PUBLIC BALLS—PATRONESSES.
TIPPING SERVANTS. Only at public balls is it customary to give a tip to the men and women in charge of the cloak-room.
SUPPER. Usually a buffet supper, being more easily handled and arranged for. Supper at tables requires many servants, much preparation, and great care.
WOMEN AT. A mother should attend balls with her daughters, going and returning with them, and if she is not invited, they should decline the invitation. The father can act as escort if need be.
After greeting the hostess and guests, the guests pay their respects to the head of the house if he is present.
Taking leave of the hostess is unnecessary.
It is no longer customary for a couple to enter arm in arm, but for the woman to precede the man. A mother, elder sister, or married woman takes the precedence over a daughter, younger sister, or unmarried woman.
If not at once asked to dance, a young woman should take a seat by her chaperone. It is bad taste to refuse a dance with one man and then to dance that same dance with another.
Both the hostess and the women wear their most elaborate costume for such an entertainment- decollete, short-sleeved, and a long train.
For a less elaborate affair the costume may be plainer.
BALLS, ASSEMBLY. See ASSEMBLY BALLS.
BALLS, COSTUME. See COSTUME BALLS.
BALLS, DEBUT. See DEBUT BALLS.
BALLS, PUBLIC. See PUBLIC BALLS.
BALLS, SUBSCRIPTION. See SUBSCRIPTION BALLS.
BANANAS. The skin should be cut off with a knife, peeling from the top down, while holding in the hand. Small pieces should be cut or broken off, and taken in the fingers, or they may be cut up and eaten with a fork.
BARON-HOW ADDRESSED. An official letter begins:
My Lord, and ends: I have the honor to be
your Lordship's obedient servant.
The address on the envelope is: To the
Right Honorable the Baron Wilson.
A social letter begins: Dear Lord Wilson,
and ends: Believe me, my dear Lord Wilson,
very sincerely yours.
The address is: To the Lord Wilson.
DAUGHTER OF. See DAUGHTER OF BARON.
WIFE OF YOUNGER SON OF. See WIFE OF YOUNGER
SON OF BARON.
BARON, YOUNGER SON OF—How Addressed. An
official letter begins: Sir, and ends: I have
the honor to remain your obedient servant.
A social letter begins: Dear Mr. Wilson,
and ends: Believe me, dear Mr. Wilson, sincerely
yours.
The address on the envelope is: To the
Honorable John Wilson.
BARONESS-HOW ADDRESSED, An official letter begins:
Madam, and ends: I have the honor to remain
your Ladyship's most obedient servant.
The address on the envelope is: To the
Right Honorable The Baroness Kent.
A social letter begins: Dear Lady Kent, and ends. Believe me dear Lady Kent, sincerely yours.
The address is: To the Lady Kent.
BARONET-HOW ADDRESSED. An official letter begins:
Sir, and ends: I have the honor to remain,
sir, your obedient servant.
A social letter begins: Dear Sir John Wilson,
or Dear Sir John, and ends: Believe me,
dear Sir John, faithfully yours.
The address on the envelope is: To Sir
John Wilson, Bart.
WIFE OF, See WIFE OF BARONET.
BEST MAN. The best man is usually a bachelor, but may be a married man or a widower, and is selected by the groom. He fills an important position, requiring tact, administrative ability, and capacity to handle details. He acts as the groom's representative, confidential advisor, and business advisor.
After his selection he should send a gift to the bride, and may, if he wish, send it to the groom-a custom not yet clearly established, and one not to be either encouraged or followed with safety.
On the morning of the wedding-day he should have received both the ring and fee from the groom, and should personally see to the church and other details.
He breakfasts with the groom, and together they drive to the church.
CALLS. He should call on the bride's mother within two weeks after the ceremony, and also on the married couple upon their return from their wedding trip.
CHURCH. He accompanies the groom into the chancel, and stands by his side till the bride appears, when he receives the groom's hat and gloves, and stands a little way behind him. When the clergyman bids the bride and groom join hands, he gives the ring to to the groom.
At the conclusion of the ceremony, he gives the wedding fee to the clergyman, and hastily leaves the church to summon the groom's carriage and to return him his hat. He signs the register, if a witness is needed.
It is a better arrangement to have the groom and the best man enter the church without their hats, and have the latter sent from the vestry to the church door, so that the groom may receive his when he leaves the church.
Especially is this a good arrangement if the best man has to walk with the maid of honor down the aisle.
After this, he hastens in his own carriage to the bride's home, to assist in meeting and introducing the guests at the reception or breakfast.
DRESS. If the bride presents the best man with the boutonniere, he should go to her house on the wedding-day to have her put it in the lapel of his coat.
He should dress as nearly as possible like the groom-wearing afternoon dress at an afternoon wedding, and at an evening wedding evening dress.
See also GROOM-DRESS.
EXPENSES. The best man is the guest of the groom, and in matters of expense this should be borne in mind.
REPORTERS. If such is the wish of the family of the bride, the best man attends to the reporters, and furnishes them with the names of groom, bride, relatives, friends, description of gowns, and other details deemed suitable for publication.
WEDDING BREAKFAST. The best man escorts
the maid of honor, and they are usually
seated at the bridal table.
WEDDING RECEPTION. The best man stands
with the married couple, and is introduced
to the guests.
WEDDING TRIP. He should arrange beforehand all details of the trip-as to tickets, parlor-car, flowers, baggage, etc. He alone knows the point of destination, and is in honor bound not to betray it, save in case of emergencies. He should see that the married couple leave the house without any trouble, and if the station is near, he should go in a separate carriage (provided by the groom) to personally attend to all details. He is the last one to see the married couple, and should return to the house to give their last message to the parents.
BEST WISHES TO BRIDE. One should give best wishes to the bride and congratulations to the groom.
BICYCLING. A man bicycling with a woman should extend to her all the courtesies practised when riding or driving with her, such as allowing her to set the pace, taking the lead on unfamiliar roads and in dangerous places, riding on the side nearest obstacles, etc.
MEN—DRESS. A man should wear the regulation suit coat, waistcoat, and knickerbockers of gray or brown tweed, avoiding all eccentricities of personal taste.
BIRTH (Announcement). If wishing to send congratulations
after a birth, cards should be left in
person or sent by a messenger. Cut flowers
may be sent with the card.
BISHOP OF THE ANGLICAN CHURCH—HOW ADDRESSED.
An official letter begins: My Lord, and ends:
I have the honor to remain your Lordship's
most obedient servant.
A social letter begins: My Dear Lord
Bishop, and ends: I have the honor to remain,
my Dear Lord Bishop, faithfully yours.
The address on the envelope: To the Right
Rev. The Lord Bishop of Kent.
BISHOP (PROTESTANT)-HOW ADDRESSED. An official letter begins: Right Reverend and Dear Sir, and ends: I have the honor to remain your obedient servant.
A social letter begins: Dear Bishop Wilson,
and ends: I remain sincerely yours.
The address on the envelope is: To the
Right Reverend John J. Wilson, Bishop of,
Montana.
BISHOP (ROMAN CATHOLIC)—HOW ADDRESSED. An official or social letter begins. Right Reverend and Dear Sir, and ends: I have the honor to remain your humble servant.
The address on the envelope is: To the
Right Reverend John J. Wilson, Bishop of
Ohio.
BONNETS (THEATRE). A woman of any consideration
should either wear no bonnet or remove it
when the curtain rises.
It would be in place for a man or a woman to politely request a woman whose bonnet obstructs the view to remove it, and, after it was done, to thank the woman for so doing.
BOUQUETS (WEDDING). The bouquet carried by the bride is furnished by the groom, who should also provide bouquets for the bridesmaids.
