Читать книгу The Changing Face of Sex - Wayne P. Anderson PhD - Страница 5

Student behavior today in 2011 is very different from student behavior when I started teaching a human sexuality course in 1969. Many changes had to take place in society’s attitudes before we reached the point I will be discussing in this chapter. The two chapters that follow will discuss sexual behavior and norms of the 20th century and explore the people and factors that caused the radical changes in behavior we have seen.

The sexual behavior of college students today has evolved into something very different from what we knew in the early 1960s and continues to evolve into a more open and on some levels more satisfying sex life for many.

One of the changes has been more students moving in the direction of hook-ups rather than dating. The exact meaning of hooking up seems to be purposely kept vague. It can mean anything from kissing and touching to oral sex or intercourse. For example, when a girl says, “I hooked up with so-and-so last night,” no one knows exactly what she did. Using the term protects the students’ reputation and makes them a player at the same time.

There appears to be several levels of hooking up. The most basic is that a couple meet at a party, are sexually attracted to each other and find a place to have sex. Other times it means making out without intercourse. At whatever level it takes place, it would have been shocking and in many cases illegal in an earlier generation.

In the honors course that I continue to teach for university juniors and seniors, I ask the students to record three observations a day for two weeks on sex in their environment. The instructions are open-ended in that they may report their observations on advertising, movies, books they’re reading, what is on TV, what they observe others doing or, if they wish, their own behavior.

Part of the goal of the assignment is to make them aware of how totally surrounded they are by sexual material; partly it is to make them more comfortable with discussing sex in class, and finally it is to keep me up-to-date on what in going on in an environment that I have little direct contact with. Without this feedback I would have scant knowledge of what their standards were or what students were doing sexually.

I have chosen some representative observations to show their reactions to what they are seeing and doing.

“In many ways we are living in a sexual golden age. Instead of being vilified, promiscuity can be talked about and even joked about. People usually see homophobia as a problem, not homosexuality. We are exploring the connection between love and sex and realizing that, yes they are fantastic when put together, but they can also be enjoyed separately. Our increased discussion has resulted in some of the best and most satisfying sex humans have ever had. Sex is finally thought of and appreciated in and of itself.”

(Male university student)

“When talking with two of my guy friends, they shared some less-than-philosophical thoughts about sex. According to their experiences, there exist three types of girls in this world: those who hate giving blow jobs and almost always refuse to do it, those who don’t really enjoy it, but will put out when necessary, and finally, those who intrinsically enjoy giving head and will comply whenever asked.”

(Female student)

You will note from that last quote that there is an assumption that all women will agree to have sex—they may just be a little choosy about how they do it. I find that women in my classes are more inclined to see problems with their present behavior.

“The one observation I found from my log that best summarizes my feelings toward these issues is “sex is the opiate of the masses.” I wrote it in one of my more bitter moments, but I have later found it to be more hopeful than it really sounds. A reality that I could not help but face during these initial two weeks was that everyone of us needs sex or relates to sex, or at least in some way identifies with it. It was a little disheartening to realize that this was an essential part of me no matter how high my I.Q. or level of worldly success, and it made me no different from the bum on the corner or the plumber that fixes my toilet. The other thing to remember is that every animal requires this to continue existing, so it really can not be that bad a thing to share with everyone else. Like the need for food or water, the knowledge that no one is exempted from indulging in sex keeps us humble. Aside from all other life functions, it is the one thing that keeps us completely equal and truly human.”

“Men can be so pathetic when they want sex, like they’re a starving infant whining for milk.”

“My brother is talking about one of his best girly friends from high school who is a rigid Christian. She wants to be a virgin until she’s married, but according to my brother, she and her boyfriends do ‘everything but sex.’ This includes some stuff that is ‘gross’ (my brother’s words). It’s interesting to see how many people cling to the idea of being labeled a ‘technical’ virgin without thinking twice about the other acts they participate in, i.e.‘I’ll do anything but have vaginal sex.’”

“I find it completely remarkable that my roommates and I can talk so openly about our sex lives, yet when one roommate hears the other actually having sexual relations they are ‘grossed out.’ Where is the line? Talking about sex is ok but in practice it’s off limits?”

“I had a boy ask me at a bar if I was in a relationship, I told him yes. He said ok ’cause he didn’t want to chase tail that was taken. Is that all a bar is for?”

“My roommate just completed training to help lead a workshop given to freshman girls in sororities about alcohol and sexual safety. She thought the program overall was good, but she was concerned that girls might feel uncomfortable talking about birth control and planned parenthood and thought they should take that part out.”

“A friend was talking about how she’s only slept with virgins. She says she didn’t plan it, but she liked that they were virgins. It gave her three advantages.The first was that they were disease free.The second was that they didn’t have any weird moves that their last girlfriends liked. The third reason is that they were easy to train.”

“I think some people use alcohol as an excuse to get drunk and have sex with people they would be embarrassed to be seen with otherwise.”

“While sitting in Brady Commons today I overheard some guys talking a few tables over. One was explaining to the others that he just moved into his apartment and the bed he has is an old one a friend of his sold him cheap. The problem is the bed makes a horrible squeaking noise when he is having sex that distracts both him and his girlfriend. Immediately two guys suggested putting a pillow behind the headboard to help with the squeaking. Another suggested using rubber washers. I was entertained by the apparent familiarity the other guys had with the problem. I wonder if any of their ideas helped.”

In the student reports I pick up clues that a double-standard of sexuality still exists to some extent. That is men are very happy to have sex available, but at the same time they don’t always have respect for women who are too generous with their sexual favors.

“A concept ever prevalent in Greek Life is the so-called walk of shame, which takes place after a girl sleeps in a fraternity house and walks home the next morning. A lot of guys clap and holler at them, yelling things like ‘Shacker.’ I’ve never done a walk of shame, but I can imagine it being pretty humiliating for the girl.”

“I was in a line at Chipotle, and I couldn’t help but overhear what the two guys behind me were talking about. All I heard was guy #1 say, ‘He slept with her? What?’ Guy #2 responded with, ‘Yeah, he goes for quantity over quality.’ Then they both laughed.”

Is this easy hooking up likely to change with maturity? For some people this is a definite yes, and many of the students in my classes are in semi-permanent relationships.

“Being a senior, more and more people are in serious relationships these days.Have people gotten sick of sleeping around? Do they just want better sex with one partner? Or have they finally accepted that love and ‘having someone’ is worthwhile?”

“Today, my friend broke up with a freshman and his exact reason is he ‘didn’t want to miss out on anything.’ She said that’s what she ‘gets for trying to date a freshman boy.’ But then we agreed that after about two years, they begin maturation and are more willing to settle down with a girlfriend. It’s almost like it takes them the first two years to get it out of their system. Obviously there are exceptions on both ends of that theory, but as notorious college bachelors begin to pair of, you can’t help but notice.”