Читать книгу Verwoerd: My Journey through Family Betrayals - Wilhelm Verwoerd - Страница 6

Blood bath

[The] journey of getting to know someone who was your enemy as a full human being … has been more difficult and more painful because it allows me to see darkness in myself that’s not comfortable to sit with. Everything about me wants to run away from [this] deeper journey. – Alistair Little, Northern Ireland, May 2014

OUMA BETSIE SPENT the last years of her long life in her birth region, the Great Karoo. Her house on a far-off, southern bank of the Orange River was simple: a small living room and kitchen, a dining room, bathroom and a few bedrooms. This building, in the white Afrikaner settlement of Orania, is now the home of the Dr HF Verwoerd Memorial Collection. One room is filled with gifts from traditional “Bantu” leaders to Oupa Hendrik during his term as minister of so-called native affairs (1950-1958). Display cupboards in the corridors and other rooms are filled with other types of gifts and memorabilia.

I was walking through these rooms, past walls hung with photos and paintings, with Pumla Gobodo-Madikizela, professor in psychology, who specialises in historical political trauma. Some of the things there brought up childhood memories I shared with her, but mostly we were silent.

Then we find ourselves in front of a display cupboard with the clothes my grandfather had been wearing on the day of his murder.

Besides the old-fashioned, formal work outfit there are familiar pictures of him as prime minister. There are a few walking sticks in the left corner and, at the bottom, his watch, his wallet, a few writing utensils and a copy of the official programme of his state funeral. His shoes are placed next to his neatly folded trousers. The jacket is marked with four red flags where the knife struck. The white shirt doesn’t need any pointers. The blood stains are diluted, but clearly visible.

In the right corner is a line from a speech he gave on the Day of the Covenant in 1958, the year he took up the highest political office: “We are not fighting for money or possessions, we are fighting for the life of a nation.” There’s a newspaper clipping between the jacket and the shirt, including an extract from the official postmortem.

“On 6th September 1966 at 14:14 the dagger of the assassin, Demitrio Tsafendas, stabbed Dr Verwoerd in his parliamentary bench. The blade was 9 cm long. The first stab was in the chest, just left of centre and a bit beneath the throat. The stab was aimed at the heart and reached its target.”3

I was caught off guard by the naked facts. Pictures of the knife and the face of Tsafendas illustrate the article. I was unable to look into the murderer’s eyes, so I looked at the bloodstained shirt again, and shuddered.

I have been aware of a famous grandfather’s premature, violent death from a young age. Even now, Afrikaners from older generations tend to respond to my surname with stories of where they were and how horrified and overwhelmed by grief they were when they heard the news over the radio in the early afternoon on 6 September 1966.

I can’t remember that the details of what happened that afternoon in Parliament were ever discussed in our family. I would’ve been too hesitant to ask.

In my early teens, I discovered a book one afternoon in my dad’s large collection of books about his father: The Assassination of Dr Verwoerd.4 I remember my heart beating faster as I impatiently turned the pages to get to the chapter describing the actual assassination. My imaginings of Oupa Hendrik’s bloodstained final moments were formed, then, by a witness report and the memories of his fervent supporters.

“Having found a firm footing, Tsafendas stabbed the Prime Minster three more times – one in the left shoulder, one in the upper right arm and another in the left side of his chest, where he had inflicted the first stab-wound on Dr Verwoerd. One penetrated the left ventricle of the heart, others the lungs. There was also a cut in the colon. The wounds were inflicted so quickly that it was difficult to distinguish between one stab and the next,” the report in the cabinet reads.

My parents kept the dark suit and white shirt for many years, I recently discovered. The thought made me very uncomfortable. Why? An ingrained, human aversion to spilled blood? Did I inherit my mother’s blood phobia?

Standing together in front of that display cupboard, I recalled to Pumla a conversation I’d recently had with my mother. I’d asked her what had happened to the clothes my grandfather had worn on the day of his murder. My mother was sitting at my parents’ dining table, with an unobstructed view of Stellenbosch Mountain.

“Well, Oupa was buried on the 10th of September, a Saturday. On Tuesday, the 13th, two policemen arrived at our front door with a suitcase. They said they’d brought something for Pa which they expected would be important to him. One of them opened the suitcase. It contained a crinkled suit, covered in bloodstains. I turned away immediately – I couldn’t face it …”

My mother, in her late eighties, glanced with a heavy sigh at her beloved mountain and shook her head.

Everything was in the suitcase, even the underwear and shoes he’d worn. But what was to be done with the bloodstained clothes? The advice from Kotie Roodt, then head of the Pretoria Museum for Cultural History, was to use cold water, no soap, immediately, to get rid of the blood. This would keep fish moths at bay.

“Cold water, cold water, cold water … until you’re sure there’s no more blood in the fibres of the suit. Pa asked me to do the washing, because he was not up to it. I had no choice. I gave you three boys your bath and put you to bed, then I filled the bath, pushed the clothes under the water and left them to soak overnight. The next morning, when everyone was off to work and school … though only Hendrik was at school at that time …”

“So, Dirk and I were there? I was in the house?”

“Well, you were only two years old, so of course you weren’t aware of anything. Neither was Dirk. I stuck my hands in the water, pulled out the plug, and filled the bath again … pressed and pressed and pressed … no rubbing, only pressing was allowed.”

The water continued to turn red no matter how often she repeated the process. She was only satisfied after a few days and many more cold-water baths.

“I called your father to come and make sure the clothes are actually clean. He checked after work and said, ‘Yes, it looks like you managed to get rid of all the blood.’”

The clothes had to be hung out to dry dripping wet, in the shade of a tree (“the advice was no sun”) and straightened by hand. My father’s help was needed to carry the heavy basin outside. Once dry, they were carefully folded and, protected against fish moths, stored in a suitcase in their bedroom cupboard. Every few years, they would open the suitcase to make sure the clothes were alright, and to replace the poison.

My mother told me it was a terrible job. “That smell of blood. I will never forget it.”

I suspect I received my fear of blood through my mother’s milk. As a parent I even struggled to handle my children’s bloody cuts and bruises.

“And your hands … your hands …” my mother said. “Soap and soap and soap and soap and more soap …”

“But the smell remained?”

“Yes, it lingered. Working all that time with the bloody water, the smell soaked into my skin.”

My parents never told anyone, not my father’s siblings, nor his mother, about the clothes.

When I told Pumla this story, she said: “I feel for your mother.”

I could taste the sincerity of her compassion. I was profoundly moved by her purified ubuntu, on this cold winter’s afternoon in Orania, in the Verwoerd Memorial House. The warm, unearned empathy of this black South African woman towards a member of my Verwoerd family felt like big drops of cool water on hidden, parched bits of my soul. Pumla’s compassion, coupled with my mother’s vivid memories, lit a humanising candle in my deep-self. The two of them became midwives of a more thorough acceptance that the man of granite, as he was known, had also been a real human being – a fragile person with skin, lungs, a colon and a heart; a mere mortal with vulnerable flesh and lots of blood.

Pumla

A few years after visiting Orania together, I asked Pumla what she’d felt standing in front of the display cabinet.

“I was deeply affected by the story of your mother … even now, in fact, I am holding back tears. What she had to go through. What struck me the most was the repetition – the clothes had to be washed again and again. And at the same time she had to hide it from you and your brothers as young children.”

Twenty years ago, I became familiar with Pumla’s generosity of spirit within the South African Truth and Reconciliation Commission (TRC). She was a member of the Human Rights Violations Committee and I served in the Research Department.5 We share a faith commitment to help heal, rather than pass on, collective, historical trauma.

As we reflected on our Orania visit, she remembered something from her 1960s childhood in Langa, a black township outside Cape Town. It gave me an unsettling glimpse of just how far apart we grew up.

“It was right after the assassination. As I remember, we were ten or eleven years old; young girls with short dresses, singing and dancing in the street. I only remember the joyful, taunting way we sang the refrain … ‘ndisuka tsafenda, nduke tsafende…ndisuka tsafenda, nduke tsafende’ … and you make an action,” she demonstrated with a moving arm, “like you are stabbing with a knife. It means: ‘I will stab you like Tsafendas’.”

I will “tsafendas” you.

It’s a striking image. It’s difficult to hear. I struggle to articulate how it makes me feel.

It’s the second time I’ve heard that “tsafendas” became a verb for fellow South Africans.

Dudley Adolph grew up in a mixed township on the East Rand of Johannesburg, far from Pumla’s Langa. He’d told me: “Verwoerd … in our township was like a … like a swear name. We would refer to him as a ‘dog’ … ‘because of Verwoerd, look at these conditions, because of Verwoerd …’ But you didn’t dare say anything against him because you were fearful of the security police. Everybody knew who had killed him. I remember when he was stabbed. It was like a big party. From then on, ‘tsafenda’ [or ‘tsafendas’] became slang for stabbing someone.”

For many, many fellow South Africans, across our country, 6 September 1966 was a day to dance and celebrate. While I was working within the TRC, a piece of protest art from the early 1960s unexpectedly deepened my understanding.

I had become disillusioned with the white Dutch Reformed Church (DRC) in the mid-Eighties and, since the TRC offices in Cape Town were just around the corner from St George’s Anglican Cathedral, that had become my place of worship.

In my diary of that time, I reflected on my attendance of a votive mass for reconciliation and healing.

17 November 1997

Glenda Wildschut (TRC Commissioner, who under apartheid would’ve been classified “coloured”) unexpectedly came and sat next to me; on my left two “African” Africans; behind me a family with Indian features. Together we pray for truth and reconciliation and accountability before God: a God – our Father and Mother – of justice and love. The coloured Canon tells us about a white priest in France who asked him for forgiveness for everything Europe did to Africa, while making the sign of the cross in the Canon’s hand. During the service the Canon invites all of us to make a similar sign in the hands of those around us. But I couldn’t do it.

Why not? The invitation caught me by surprise; my shyness; the legacy of a different DRC spirituality, etc. But I was also afraid that this would make my asking of forgiveness too easy, cheap – there is too much for which I should ask forgiveness. Or am I too proud? Perhaps I don’t trust a fellow human being to forgive me – as PW Botha was quoted in yesterday’s Rapport: “I confess only to God, I apologise to my neighbour”.

Then I walk back from the steps where I received Holy Communion in the front of the church and my eye is caught by the large Black Christ painting – with Oupa Hendrik stabbing Albert Luthuli in the side with a spear.

Suddenly I have a strong feeling that there is indeed too much for me to ask forgiveness for – the faceless system of apartheid all at once feels very near.

On my way home I notice the front-page interview with PW Botha in the Rapport. Under the heading “Take me to court!” he describes the TRC as the “Revenge and Retribution Commission”, which is “scattering Afrikaners”. According to him it is time for “we Afrikaners” to stop “our constant apologising … we need to recover our self-respect … to honour our Blood River covenant with God” as “a chosen volk”.

Twenty years later I am still haunted by this stark contrast between the Black Christ and Botha’s Afrikaner world. I continue to find it strange to see a black person on the cross, rather than the typical Westernised “whitey in a nightie”, as the painter, Ronald Harrison, later referred to it in his autobiography The Black Christ. And I struggle with renewed intensity to face the Roman soldier with the sharp spear and the all too familiar face – my grandfather’s.

Black Christ is a disturbing painting. Harrison expected the apartheid government to react to his artistic contribution to the liberation struggle, but he probably underestimated the intensity of condemnation by Christian Nationalist Afrikaners. The painting was immediately branded as blasphemous in Die Kerkbode, the mouthpiece of the white Dutch Reformed Church. The mainstream Afrikaner Nationalist newspaper Die Burger called for its banning and there were plenty of people in power eager to respond to this indignant appeal. The Security Police were furious but were unable to prevent the Black Christ being smuggled out and used to raise funds overseas for the anti-apartheid movement. The 22-year-old Harrison was repeatedly interrogated and tortured for information, which permanently damaged his health.

Harrison was wary of blasphemy. His intention was not to deify Luthuli but to highlight the undeniable connection between the agony of Jesus and the suffering of people of colour in his country. The young artist was protesting in particular against the ideological use of a blond, blue-eyed Jesus – the domesticated Jesus I grew up with. Representing the suppression of “non-Whites” as a crucifixion enabled Harrison’s sharp visual critique to combine political and moral denunciation with a profound condemnation of the DRC’s religious justification of separate development. His Black Christ presents a radical questioning of Christian Afrikaner Nationalism: what Verwoerd and his supporters did to Luthuli and his people, we also did to Christ. Even though I had been sincere in my Christian nationalist following of (a white) Jesus, I had remained complicit in the re-crucifixion of the Christ I love.

I am increasingly convinced that Harrison’s highly unsettling paint brush is biblically sound – “Lord, when was it that we saw you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or naked or sick or in prison, and did not take care of you? Truly I tell you, just as you did not do it to one of the least of these, you did not do it to me.” (Matt. 25:44-45). But during my current attempt to face my historical complicity more thoroughly, I felt a sense of betrayal, rising, again, like heartburn. Something deep inside me was resisting. A shadowy part of me was protesting against a whole-hearted acceptance of the idea that Oupa Hendrik was indeed also that soldier in the Black Christ. Had the milk from Oupa’s hand and Pa’s love for his father soaked more fully into the marrow of my bones than I wanted to acknowledge?

Oupa Hendrik could not be escaped in my family home. At the entrance to the large living-dining room a large portrait painting of Prime Minister Verwoerd is still on prominent display. The Verwoerd family crest, carefully designed by my father, hangs around the corner. The motto is my grandfather’s well-known political slogan: “Create your own future”. In my father’s spacious study, every available book about Dr HF Verwoerd is shelved next to the large wooden writing desk, at which his father used to work until the early hours of the morning during his eight years in office from 1958 to 1966.

My father is a scientist, a retired geology professor. He is a man of few words and he shows little emotion, as is the case with most Afrikaner men from his generation. As long as I can remember I was, however, quite aware of his deep admiration for his father as political leader. He is now in his late eighties and still has a resolute determination to defend his father against critics. He still has most of his hair, turned white-grey like his father’s, and many older people have remarked to me how much his face reminds them of Dr Verwoerd’s.

From my childhood, we only gathered as an extended Verwoerd family for Ouma Betsie’s significant birthdays. I vaguely recollect such a gathering at Stokkiesdraai (my grandparents’ house near Vereeniging, on the bank of the Vaal River). It must have been in 1976, because it was Ouma’s 75th anniversary. I was twelve years old. We all sat together and watched a few black-and-white 35 mm films of key moments in Oupa Hendrik’s political career. The tens of thousands of people at Jan Smuts Airport (Johannesburg), enthusiastically welcoming the prime minister and his wife back from London in 1960, after South Africa withdrew from the British Commonwealth, left a strong impression. Ouma and his seven children also shared some warm memories – his principled, fully devoted life as a statesman, his love for his family and especially grandchildren, his concern about the well-being of those who worked for him.

Ouma Betsie always gave her grandchildren Afrikaans storybooks as birthday presents. When Prof GD Scholtz published his two-volume Afrikaner Nationalist biography of Dr Verwoerd, every grandchild received a copy. On the front page of Volume 1, Ouma wrote, next to each offspring’s name: “Look to the rock from which you were hewn.” (Isaiah 51:1)

Criticising the rock from which one is hewn feels like a fundamental betrayal.

But I also suspected that my discomfort with Oupa Hendrik as the Soldier with the Spear had a different source: the bloody nature of his death. After all, Dr Verwoerd “sacrificed his life for his volk”. This inherited, inner-circle meaning given to the spilled lifeblood of a beloved leader is probably the main source of my persistent reluctance to name the political blood on his hands.

Blood.

Oupa Hendrik’s blood in my veins.

Dr Verwoerd’s sanctified, sacrificial lifeblood.

Apartheid blood on the hands of Verwoerd.

A decade’s worth of peace work in other countries has prepared me to face these facts full-on now. As has my friendship with Alistair.

I met Alistair Little, a working-class ex-prisoner and former member of the militant Ulster Volunteer Force (UVF),6 shortly after my arrival in Ireland, at the Summer School of the Glencree Centre for Peace and Reconciliation. I was immediately drawn to his intense, self-critical participation at this event in the Wicklow Hills, a beautiful place, but for him still unsafe enemy territory.

One evening, we all ended up in a nearby pub. He told me how he had become involved in violent opposition to the IRA7 as a twelve-year-old. His home town had been rocked by a number of IRA bombings. Family friends had been killed. The British Army and the local police appeared ineffective. He joined the UVF when he was fourteen. Three years later he shot a Catholic man in a retaliation attack, for which he, as a minor, received an undetermined prison sentence.

After five to six years in prison he started to ask himself difficult questions. Like whether “our violence [was] achieving anything, apart from leading to an ongoing cycle of attacks and counter-attacks?” He encountered the enemy in prison and started to see their faces. After a lot of soul-searching and intense political discussions, he committed himself to addressing the human cost of his and others’ violent actions. When he was released, conditionally, after thirteen years in prison, he trained as a counsellor. His life mission increasingly became to facilitate storytelling and dialogue across apparently unbridgeable conflict divides.

I have been deeply affected and encouraged by Alistair, by his relentless, often brutally honest, battle with the blood on his hands. My peace work has been decisively shaped by his personal experience of the transformative potential of the inclusive sharing of life experiences and risky, deep dialogue. He became a key mentor in my role as a co-ordinator of the Glencree Survivors and Former Combatants Programme. After a few years, Alistair and I worked increasingly closer together as co-facilitators and developers of a process we entitled Journey through Conflict.8

Though my life path has been very different to Alistair’s, we share a strong, conservative Protestant family background. We are both, ultimately, on a faith journey, trying hard not to avoid responsibility for our pasts; committed to open-ended, humble attempts to help address the ongoing human consequences of violent conflict.

Alistair described the challenging nature of this kind of inner and outer journeying, in the following statement in which he refers to Gerry Foster, a former enemy, who was an active member of the Irish National Liberation Army.9

“My experience has been of two different journeys. It’s the journey of having contact with your enemy but having a relationship that’s practical, and maybe political, about change and getting things done. And then for me there is a journey that’s not better, but deeper, in terms of getting to know someone who was your enemy as a full human being – their hopes, their dreams, their aspirations. [This journey] has been more difficult and more painful because it allows me to see darkness in myself that’s not comfortable to sit with.

“When I first met with Gerry, it was a superficial, practical sort of encounter. And quite easy, in some senses, because I didn’t really have to give too much of myself. But, for me, as that relationship has deepened – trying to understand why Gerry made the choices that he made, what he thinks about people like me and people from the loyalist [Protestant, British] community, why he thinks about them in the way that he does, why he gets angry, his relationship with his daughter – it has become more difficult.

“The personal relationships that I have developed with a number of different republican combatants have allowed me to take more responsibility and to be more aware of what my actions actually did to other human beings, what it left families with. Everything about me wants to run away from that, because it’s much more emotionally and psychologically painful to do that.”

Alistair and Gerry’s friendship, growing over a span of more than fifteen years despite unresolved political differences, continues to inspire me. I strongly resonate with Alistair’s articulation of his deeper journey: the unavoidable inner pain when one vulnerably opens oneself to the suffering of (former) enemies, begins to acknowledge their full, equal humanity. I identify with the darkness of facing one’s capacity to dehumanise, the heaviness of truly accepting personal responsibility for the consequences of one’s actions. Everything about me also wants to run away from this kind of deep, dark journeying.

In the Scottish Highlands with Alistair.

I resisted the temptation to turn away. I continue to strive to not run away from following Alistair’s example in my South African context.

I am also vitalised by many other people involved in the conflict in and about Northern Ireland, and in other bloody political conflicts, who are journeying through rather than away from their conflicts. These include, in particular, members of Combatants for Peace and The Parents’ Circle Family Forum.10 A personal and professional highlight has been to work with these truly remarkable people, who in the midst of a heated, escalating Israeli-Palestinian conflict, are working together for a sustainable, just peace.

Towards the end of my time in Ireland, Alistair, Brandon Hamber and I embarked on an international Beyond Dehumanisation project.11 From 2012 to 2014 we brought together small, diverse groups of experienced peacemakers from the conflict in and about Northern Ireland, from the Israeli-Palestinian conflict and from South Africa, to reflect on the challenging journeys of humanisation between (former) political enemies.

Insights from this project, coupled with the embodied, practical wisdom of Alistair, helped me to stay on course during my current deep, dark trek to come more fully home in my skin and my kin. But to understand this present-day journeying through being a white, Afrikaner, Christian Verwoerd, it is important to go back to the mid-1980s. I need to revisit a watershed period in the country where Oupa Hendrik was born, a pivotal phase of disentanglement, of beginning the reformation of my Verwoerd identity.