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Olney, Dec. 25, 1780.

My dear Friend—Weary with rather a long walk in the snow, I am not likely to write a very sprightly letter, or to produce any thing that may cheer this gloomy season, unless I have recourse to my pocket-book, where, perhaps, I may find something to transcribe; something that was written before the sun had taken leave of our hemisphere, and when I was less fatigued than I am at present.

Happy is the man who knows just so much of the law as to make himself a little merry now and then with the solemnity of juridical proceedings. I have heard of common law judgments before now; indeed, have been present at the delivery of some, that, according to my poor apprehension, while they paid the utmost respect to the letter of the statute, have departed widely from the spirit of it, and, being governed entirely by the point of law, have left equity, reason, and common sense behind them, at an infinite distance. You will judge whether the following report of a case, drawn up by myself, be not a proof and illustration of this satirical assertion.

Nose, Plaintiff.—Eyes, Defendants.

Between Nose and Eyes a sad contest arose;

The Spectacles set them unhappily wrong:

The point in dispute was, as all the world knows,

To which the said Spectacles ought to belong.

So the Tongue was the lawyer, and argued the cause,

With a great deal of skill, and a wig full of learning,

While Chief Baron Ear sat to balance the laws,

So fam'd for his talents at nicely discerning.

"In behalf of the Nose, it will quickly appear,

And your lordship," he said, "will undoubtedly find,

That the Nose has had Spectacles always in wear,

Which amounts to possession time out of mind."

Then holding the Spectacles up to the court,

"Your lordship observes, they are made with a straddle,

As wide as the ridge of the nose is, in short,

Design'd to sit close to it, just like a saddle.

"Again, would your lordship a moment suppose,

('Tis a case that has happened, and may be again,)

That the visage, or countenance, had not a nose,

Pray who would, or who could, wear Spectacles then?

"On the whole it appears, and my argument shows,

With a reasoning the court will never condemn,

That the Spectacles plainly were made for the Nose,

And the Nose was as plainly intended for them."

Then shifting his side, as a lawyer knows how,

He pleaded again in behalf of the Eyes:

But what were his arguments few people know,

For the court did not think they were equally wise.

So his lordship decreed, with a grave, solemn tone,

Decisive and clear, without one if or but,

"That whenever the Nose put his Spectacles on—

By day-light, or candle-light—Eyes should be shut!"

Yours affectionately,

W. C.