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Scapin. A most outrageous, roaring fellow, with a swelled red face inflamed with brandy. —Cheats of Scapin.

An hour or two prior to the incident just narrated, in a small, cosy apartment of the hall, nominally devoted to justiciary business by its late owner, but, in reality, used as a sanctum, snuggery, or smoking-room, a singular trio were assembled, fraught with the ulterior purpose of attending the obsequies of their deceased patron and friend, though immediately occupied in the discussion of a magnum of excellent claret, the bouquet of which perfumed the air, like the fragrance of a bed of violets.

This little room had been poor Sir Piers’s favorite retreat. It was, in fact, the only room in the house that he could call his own; and thither would he often, with pipe and punch, beguile the flagging hours, secure from interruption. A snug, old-fashioned apartment it was; wainscoted with rich black oak; with a fine old cabinet of the same material, and a line or two of crazy, worm-eaten bookshelves, laden with sundry dusty, unconsulted law tomes, and a light sprinkling of the elder divines, equally neglected. The only book, indeed, Sir Piers ever read, was the “Anatomie of Melancholy;” and he merely studied Burton because the quaint, racy style of the learned old hypochondriac suited his humor at seasons, and gave a zest to his sorrows, such as the olives lent to his wine.

Four portraits adorned the walls: those of Sir Reginald Rookwood and his wives. The ladies were attired in the flowing drapery of Charles the Second’s day, the snow of their radiant bosoms being somewhat sullied by over-exposure, and the vermeil tinting of their cheeks darkened by the fumes of tobacco. There was a shepherdess, with her taper crook, whose large, languishing eyes, ripe pouting lips, ready to melt into kisses, and air of voluptuous abandonment, scarcely suited the innocent simplicity of her costume. She was portrayed tending a flock of downy sheep, with azure ribbons round their necks, accompanied by one of those invaluable little dogs whose length of ear and silkiness of skin evinced him perfect in his breeding, but whose large-eyed indifference to his charge proved him to be as much out of character with his situation as the refined and luxuriant charms of his mistress were out of keeping with her artless attire. This was Sir Piers’s mother, the third wife, a beautiful woman, answering to the notion of one who had been somewhat of a flirt in her day. Next to her was a magnificent dame, with the throat and arm of a Juno, and a superb bust — the bust was then what the bustle is now — a paramount attraction; whether the modification be an improvement, we leave to the consideration of the lovers of the beautiful — this was the dowager. Lastly, there was the lovely and ill-fated Eleanor. Every gentle grace belonging to this unfortunate lady had been stamped in undying beauty on the canvas by the hand of Lely, breathing a spell on the picture, almost as powerful as that which had dwelt around the exquisite original. Over the high carved mantelpiece was suspended the portrait of Sir Reginald. It had been painted in early youth; the features were beautiful, disdainful — with a fierceness breaking through the courtly air. The eyes were very fine, black as midnight, and piercing as those of Cæsar Borgia, as seen in Raphael’s wonderful picture in the Borghese Palace at Rome. They seemed to fascinate the gazer — to rivet his glances — to follow him whithersoever he went — and to search into his soul, as did the dark orbs of Sir Reginald in his lifetime. It was the work likewise of Lely, and had all the fidelity and graceful refinement of that great master; nor was the haughty countenance of Sir Reginald unworthy the patrician painter.

No portrait of Sir Piers was to be met with. But in lieu thereof, depending from a pair of buck’s horns, hung the worthy knight’s stained scarlet coat — the same in which he had ridden forth, with the intent to hunt, on the eventful occasion detailed by Peter Bradley — his velvet cap, his buck-handled whip, and the residue of his equipment for the chase. This attire was reviewed with melancholy interest and unaffected emotion by the company, as reminding them forcibly of the departed, of which it seemed a portion.

The party consisted of the vicar of Rookwood, Dr. Polycarp Small; Dr. Titus Tyrconnel, an emigrant, and empirical professor of medicine, from the sister isle, whose convivial habits had first introduced him to the hall, and afterwards retained him there; and Mr. Codicil Coates, clerk of the peace, attorney-at-law, bailiff, and receiver. We were wrong in saying that Tyrconnel was retained. He was an impudent, intrusive fellow, whom, having once gained a footing in the house, it was impossible to dislodge. He cared for no insult; perceived no slight; and professed, in her presence, the profoundest respect for Lady Rookwood: in short, he was ever ready to do anything but depart.

Sir Piers was one of those people who cannot dine alone. He disliked a solitary repast almost as much as a tête-à-tête with his lady. He would have been recognized at once as the true Amphitryon, had any one been hardy enough to play the part of Jupiter. Ever ready to give a dinner, he found a difficulty arise, not usually experienced on such occasions — there was no one upon whom to bestow it. He had the best of wine; kept an excellent table; was himself no niggard host; but his own merits, and those of his cuisine, were forgotten in the invariable pendant to the feast; and the best of wine lost its flavor when the last bottle found its way to the guest’s head. Dine alone Sir Piers would not. And as his old friends forsook him, he plunged lower in his search of society; collecting within his house a class of persons whom no one would have expected to meet at the hall, nor even its owner have chosen for his companions, had any choice remained to him. He did not endure this state of things without much outward show of discontent. “Anything for a quiet life,” was his constant saying; and, like the generality of people with whom those words form a favorite maxim, he led the most uneasy life imaginable. Endurance, to excite commiseration, must be uncomplaining — an axiom the aggrieved of the gentle sex should remember. Sir Piers endured, but he grumbled lustily, and was on all hands voted a bore; domestic grievances, especially if the husband be the plaintiff, being the most intolerable of all mentionable miseries. No wonder that his friends deserted him; still there was Titus Tyrconnel; his ears and lips were ever open to pathos and to punch; so Titus kept his station. Immediately after her husband’s demise, it had been Lady Rookwood’s intention to clear the house of all the “vermin,” so she expressed herself, that had so long infested it; and forcibly to eject Titus, and one or two other intruders of the same class. But in consequence of certain hints received from Mr. Coates, who represented the absolute necessity of complying with Sir Piers’s testamentary instructions, which were particular in that respect, she thought proper to defer her intentions until after the ceremonial of interment should be completed, and, in the mean time, strange to say, committed its arrangement to Titus Tyrconnel; who, ever ready to accommodate, accepted, nothing loth, the charge, and acquitted himself admirably well in his undertaking: especially, as he said, “in the aiting and drinking department — the most essential part of it all.” He kept open house — open dining-room — open cellar; resolved that his patron’s funeral should emulate as much as possible an Irish burial on a grand scale, “the finest sight,” in his opinion, “in the whole world.”

Inflated with the importance of his office, inflamed with heat, sat Titus, like a “robustious periwig-pated” alderman after a civic feast. The natural rubicundity of his countenance was darkened to a deep purple tint, like that of a full-blown peony, while his ludicrous dignity was augmented by a shining suit of sables, in which his portly person was invested.

The first magnum had been discussed in solemn silence; the cloud, however, which hung over the conclave, disappeared under the genial influence of “another and a better” bottle, and gave place to a denser vapor, occasioned by the introduction of the pipe and its accompaniments.

Ensconced in a comfortable old chair — it is not every old chair that is comfortable — with pipe in mouth, and in full unbuttoned ease, his bushy cauliflower wig laid aside, by reason of the heat, reposed Dr. Small. Small, indeed, was somewhat of a misnomer, as applied to the worthy doctor, who, besides being no diminutive specimen of his kind, entertained no insignificant opinion of himself. His height was certainly not remarkable; but his width of shoulder — his sesquipedality of stomach — and obesity of calf — these were unique! Of his origin we know nothing; but presume he must, in some way or other, have been connected with the numerous family of “the Smalls,” who, according to Christopher North, form the predominant portion of mankind. In appearance, the doctor was short-necked and puffy, with a sodden, pasty face, wherein were set eyes whose obliquity of vision was, in some measure, redeemed by their expression of humor. He was accounted a man of parts and erudition, and had obtained high honors at his university. Rigidly orthodox, he abominated the very names of Papists and Jacobites, amongst which heretical herd he classed his companion, Mr. Titus Tyrconnel — Ireland being with him synonymous with superstition and Catholicism — and every Irishman rebellious and schismatical. On this head he was inclined to be disputatious. His prejudices did not prevent him from passing the claret, nor from laughing, as heartily as a plethoric asthma and sense of the decorum due to the occasion would permit, at the quips and quirks of the Irishman, who, he admitted, notwithstanding his heresies, was a pleasant fellow in the main. And when, in addition to the flattery, a pipe had been insinuated by the officious Titus, at the precise moment that Small yearned for his afternoon’s solace, yet scrupled to ask for it; when the door had been made fast, and the first whiff exhaled, all his misgivings vanished, and he surrendered himself to the soft seduction. In this Elysian state we find him.

“Ah! you may say that, Dr. Small,” said Titus, in answer to some observation of the vicar, “that’s a most original apothegm. We all of us hould our lives by a thrid. Och! many’s the sudden finale I have seen. Many’s the fine fellow’s heels tripped up unawares, when least expected. Death hangs over our heads by a single hair, as your reverence says, precisely like the sword of Dan Maclise,6 the flatterer of Dinnish what-do-you-call-him, ready to fall at a moment’s notice, or no notice at all — eh? — Mr. Coates. And that brings me back again to Sir Piers — poor gentleman — ah! we sha’n’t soon see the like of him again!”

“Poor Sir Piers!” said Mr. Coates, a small man, in a scratch wig, with a face red and round as an apple, and almost as diminutive. “It is to be regretted that his over-conviviality should so much have hastened his lamented demise.”

“Conviviality!” replied Titus; “no such thing — it was apoplexy — extravasation of sarum.”

“Extra vase-ation of rum and water, you mean,” replied Coates, who, like all his tribe, rejoiced in a quibble.

“The squire’s ailment,” continued Titus, “was a sanguineous effusion, as we call it — positive determination of blood to the head, occasioned by a low way he got into, just before his attack — a confirmed case of hypochondriasis, as that ould book Sir Piers was so fond of terms the blue devils. He neglected the bottle, which, in a man who has been a hard drinker all his life, is a bad sign. The lowering system never answers — never. Doctor, I’ll just trouble you”— for Small, in a fit of absence, had omitted to pass the bottle, though not to help himself. “Had he stuck to this”— holding up a glass, ruby bright —“the elixir vitæ— the grand panacea — he might have been hale and hearty at this present moment, and as well as any of us. But he wouldn’t be advised. To my thinking, as that was the case, he’d have been all the better for a little of your reverence’s sperretual advice; and his conscience having been relieved by confession and absolution, he might have opened a fresh account with an aisy heart and clane breast.”

“I trust, sir,” said Small, gravely withdrawing his pipe from his lips, “that Sir Piers Rookwood addressed himself to a higher source than a sinning creature of clay like himself for remission of his sins; but, if there was any load of secret guilt that might have weighed heavy upon his conscience, it is to be regretted that he refused the last offices of the church, and died incommunicate. I was denied all admittance to his chamber.”

“Exactly my case,” said Mr. Coates, pettishly. “I was refused entrance, though my business was of the utmost importance — certain dispositions — special bequests — matter connected with his sister — for though the estate is entailed, yet still there are charges — you understand me — very strange to refuse to see me. Some people may regret it — may live to regret it, I say — that’s all. I’ve just sent up a package to Lady Rookwood, which was not to be delivered till after Sir Piers’s death. Odd circumstance that — been in my custody a long while — some reason to think Sir Piers meant to alter his will — ought to have seen me— sad neglect!”

“More’s the pity. But it was none of poor Sir Piers’s doing!” replied Titus; “he had no will of his own, poor fellow, during his life, and the devil a will was he likely to have after his death. It was all Lady Rookwood’s doing,” added he, in a whisper. “I, his medical adviser and confidential friend, was ordered out of the room; and, although I knew it was as much as his life was worth to leave him for a moment in that state, I was forced to comply: and, would you believe it, as I left the room, I heard high words. Yes, doctor, as I hope to be saved, words of anger from her at that awful juncture.”

The latter part of this speech was uttered in a low tone, and very mysterious manner. The speakers drew so closely together, that the bowls of their pipes formed a common centre, whence the stems radiated. A momentary silence ensued, during which each man puffed for very life. Small next knocked the ashes from his tube, and began to replenish it, coughing significantly. Mr. Coates expelled a thin, curling stream of vapor from a minute orifice in the corner of his almost invisible mouth, and arched his eyebrows in a singular manner, as if he dared not trust the expression of his thoughts to any other feature. Titus shook his huge head, and, upon the strength of a bumper which he swallowed, mustered resolution enough to unburden his bosom.

“By my sowl,” said he, mysteriously, “I’ve seen enough lately to frighten any quiet gentleman out of his senses. I’ll not get a wink of sleep, I fear, for a week to come. There must have been something dreadful upon Sir Piers’s mind; sure — nay, there’s no use in mincing the matter with you— in a word, then, some crime too deep to be divulged.”

“Crime!” echoed Coates and Small, in a breath.

“Ay, crime!” repeated Titus. “Whist! not so loud, lest any one should overhear us. Poor Sir Piers, he’s dead now. I’m sure you both loved him as I did, and pity and pardon him if he was guilty; for certain am I that no soul ever took its flight more heavily laden than did that of our poor friend. Och! it was a terrible ending. But you shall hear how he died, and judge for yourselves. When I returned to his room after Lady Rookwood’s departure, I found him quite delirious. I knew death was not far off then. One minute he was in the chase, cheering on the hounds. ‘Halloo! tallyho!’ cried he: ‘who clears that fence? — who swims that stream?’ The next, he was drinking, carousing, and hurrahing, at the head of his table. ‘Hip! hip! hip!’— as mad, and wild, and frantic as ever he used to be when wine had got the better of him; and then all of a sudden, in the midst of his shouting, he stopped, exclaiming, ‘What! here again? — who let her in? — the door is fast — I locked it myself. Devil! why did you open it? — you have betrayed me — she will poison me — and I cannot resist. Ha! another! Who — who is that? — her face is white — her hair hangs about her shoulders. Is she alive again? Susan! Susan! why that look? You loved me well — too well. You will not drag me to perdition! You will not appear against me! No, no, no — it is not in your nature — you whom I doted on, whom I loved — whom I— but I repented — I sorrowed — I prayed — prayed! Oh! oh! no prayers would avail. Pray for me, Susan — for ever! Your intercession may avail. It is not too late. I will do justice to all. Bring me pen and ink — paper — I will confess —he shall have all. Where is my sister? I would speak with her — would tell her — tell her. Call Alan Rookwood — I shall die before I can tell it. Come hither,’ said he to me. ‘There is a dark, dreadful secret on my mind — it must forth. Tell my sister — no, my senses swim — Susan is near me — fury in her eyes — avenging fury — keep her off. What is this white mass in my arms? what do I hold? is it the corpse by my side, as it lay that long, long night? It is — it is. Cold, stiff, stirless as then. White — horribly white — as when the moon, that would not set, showed all its ghastliness. Ah! it moves, embraces me, stifles, suffocates me. Help! remove the pillow. I cannot breathe — I choke — oh!’ And now I am coming to the strangest part of my story — and, strange as it may sound, every word is as true as Gospel.”

“Ahem!” coughed Small.

“Well, at this moment — this terrible moment — what should I hear but a tap against the wainscot. Holy Virgin! how it startled me. My heart leapt to my mouth in an instant, and then went thump, thump, against my ribs. But I said nothing, though you may be sure I kept my ears wide open — and then presently I heard the tap repeated somewhat louder, and shortly afterwards a third — I should still have said nothing, but Sir Piers heard the knock, and raised himself at the summons, as if it had been the last trumpet. ‘Come in,’ cried he, in a dying voice; and Heaven forgive me if I confess that I expected a certain person, whose company one would rather dispense with upon such an occasion, to step in. However, though it wasn’t the ould gentleman, it was somebody near akin to him; for a door I had never seen, and never even dreamed of, opened in the wall, and in stepped Peter Bradley — ay, you may well stare, gentlemen; but it was Peter, looking as stiff as a crowbar, and as blue as a mattock. Well, he walked straight up to the bed of the dying man, and bent his great, diabolical gray eyes upon him, laughing all the while — yes, laughing — you know the cursed grin he has. To proceed. ‘You have called me,’ said he to Sir Piers; ‘I am here. What would you with me?’—‘We are not alone,’ groaned the dying man. ‘Leave us, Mr. Tyrconnel — leave me for five minutes — only five, mark me.’—‘I’ll go,’ thinks I, ‘but I shall never see you again alive.’ And true enough it was — I never did see him again with breath in his body. Without more ado, I left him, and I had scarcely reached the corridor when I heard the door bolted behind me. I then stopped to listen: and I’m sure you’ll not blame me when I say I clapped my eye to the keyhole; for I suspected something wrong. But, Heaven save us! that crafty gravedigger had taken his precautions too well. I could neither see nor hear anything, except after a few minutes, a wild unearthly screech. And then the door was thrown open, and I, not expecting it, was precipitated head foremost into the room, to the great damage of my nose. When I got up, Peter had vanished, I suppose, as he came; and there was poor Sir Piers leaning back upon the pillow with his hands stretched out as if in supplication, his eyes unclosed and staring, and his limbs stark and stiff!”

A profound silence succeeded this narrative. Mr. Coates would not venture upon a remark. Dr. Small seemed, for some minutes, lost in painful reflection; at length he spoke: “You have described a shocking scene, Mr. Tyrconnel, and in a manner that convinces me of its fidelity. But I trust you will excuse me, as a friend of the late Sir Piers, in requesting you to maintain silence in future on the subject. Its repetition can be productive of no good, and may do infinite harm by giving currency to unpleasant reports, and harrowing the feelings of the survivors. Every one acquainted with Sir Piers’s history must be aware, as I dare say you are already, of an occurrence which cast a shade over his early life, blighted his character, and endangered his personal safety. It was a dreadful accusation. But I believe, nay, I am sure, it was unfounded. Dark suspicions attach to a Romish priest of the name of Checkley. He, I believe, is beyond the reach of human justice. Erring Sir Piers was, undoubtedly. But I trust he was more weak than sinful. I have reason to think he was the tool of others, especially of the wretch I have named. And it is easy to perceive how that incomprehensible lunatic, Peter Bradley, has obtained an ascendancy over him. His daughter, you are aware, was Sir Piers’s mistress. Our friend is now gone, and with him let us bury his offences, and the remembrance of them. That his soul was heavily laden, would appear from your account of his last moments; yet I fervently trust that his repentance was sincere, in which case there is hope of forgiveness for him. ‘At what time soever a sinner shall repent him of his sins, from the bottom of his heart, I will blot out all his wickedness out of my remembrance, saith the Lord.’ Heaven’s mercy is greater than man’s sins. And there is hope of salvation even for Sir Piers.”

“I trust so, indeed,” said Titus, with emotion; “and as to repeating a syllable of what I have just said, devil a word more will I utter on the subject. My lips shall be shut and sealed, as close as one of Mr. Coates’s bonds, for ever and a day: but I thought it just right to make you acquainted with the circumstances. And now, having dismissed the bad for ever, I am ready to speak of Sir Piers’s good qualities, and not few they were. What was there becoming a gentleman that he couldn’t do, I’d like to know? Couldn’t he hunt as well as ever a one in the county? and hadn’t he as good a pack of hounds? Couldn’t he shoot as well, and fish as well, and drink as well, or better? — only he couldn’t carry his wine, which was his misfortune, not his fault. And wasn’t he always ready to ask a friend to dinner with him? and didn’t he give him a good dinner when he came, barring the cross-cups afterwards? And hadn’t he everything agreeable about him, except his wife? which was a great drawback. And with all his peculiarities and humors, wasn’t he as kind-hearted a man as needs be? and an Irishman at the core? And so, if he wern’t dead, I’d say long life to him! But as he is, here’s peace to his memory!”

At this juncture, a knocking was heard at the door, which some one without had vainly tried to open. Titus rose to unclose it, ushering in an individual known at the hall as Jack Palmer.

* * * * *

6. Query, Damocles? —Printer’s Devil.