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Hind. Drink deep, my brave boys, of the bastinado; Of stramazons, tinctures, and slié passatas; Of the carricado, and rare embrocado; Of blades, and rapier-hilts of surest guard; Of the Vincentio and Burgundian ward. Have we not bravely tossed this bombast foil-button? Win gold and wear gold, boys, ’tis we that merit it.

Prince of Prigs’ Revels.

An excellent Comedy, replete with various conceits and Tarltonian mirth.

The present straggling suburb at the north-west of the metropolis, known as Kilburn, had scarcely been called into existence a century ago, and an ancient hostel, with a few detached farmhouses, were the sole habitations to be found in the present populous vicinage. The place of refreshment for the ruralizing cockney of 1737 was a substantial-looking tenement of the good old stamp, with great bay windows, and a balcony in front, bearing as its ensign the jovial visage of the lusty knight, Jack Falstaff. Shaded by a spreading elm, a circular bench embraced the aged trunk of the tree, sufficiently tempting, no doubt, to incline the wanderer on those dusty ways to “rest and be thankful,” and to cry encore to a frothing tankard of the best ale to be obtained within the chimes of Bow bells.

Upon a table, green as the privet and holly that formed the walls of the bower in which it was placed, stood a great china bowl, one of those leviathan memorials of bygone wassailry which we may sometimes espy — reversed in token of its desuetude — perched on the top of an old japanned closet, but seldom, if ever, encountered in its proper position at the genial board. All the appliances of festivity were at hand. Pipes and rummers strewed the board. Perfume, subtle, yet mellow, as of pine and lime, exhaled from out the bowl, and, mingling with the scent of a neighboring bed of mignonette and the subdued odor of the Indian weed, formed altogether as delectable an atmosphere of sweets as one could wish to inhale on a melting August afternoon. So, at least, thought the inmates of the arbor; nor did they by any means confine themselves to the gratification of a single sense. The ambrosial contents of the china bowl proved as delicious to the taste as its bouquet was grateful to the smell; while the eyesight was soothed by reposing on the smooth sward of a bowling-green spread out immediately before it, or in dwelling upon gently undulating meads, terminating, at about a mile’s distance, in the woody, spire-crowned heights of Hampstead.

At the left of the table was seated, or rather lounged, a slender, elegant-looking young man, with dark, languid eyes, sallow complexion, and features wearing that peculiarly pensive expression often communicated by dissipation; an expression which, we regret to say, is sometimes found more pleasing than it ought to be in the eyes of the gentle sex. Habited in a light summer riding-dress, fashioned according to the taste of the time, of plain and unpretending material, and rather under than overdressed, he had, perhaps, on that very account, perfectly the air of a gentleman. There was, altogether, an absence of pretension about him, which, combined with great apparent self-possession, contrasted very forcibly with the vulgar assurance of his showy companions. The figure of the youth was slight, even to fragility, giving little outward manifestation of the vigor of frame he in reality possessed. This spark was a no less distinguished personage than Tom King, a noted high-tobygloak of his time, who obtained, from his appearance and address, the sobriquet of the “Gentleman Highwayman.”

Tom was indeed a pleasant fellow in his day. His career was brief, but brilliant: your meteors are ever momentary. He was a younger son of a good family; had good blood in his veins, though not a groat in his pockets. According to the old song —

When he arrived at man’s estate,

It was all the estate he had;

and all the estate he was ever likely to have. Nevertheless, if he had no income, he contrived, as he said, to live as if he had the mines of Peru at his control — a miracle not solely confined to himself. For a moneyless man, he had rather expensive habits. He kept his three nags; and, if fame does not belie him, a like number of mistresses; nay, if we are to place any faith in certain scandalous chronicles to which we have had access, he was for some time the favored lover of a celebrated actress, who, for the time, supplied him with the means of keeping up his showy establishment. But things could not long hold thus. Tom was a model of infidelity, and that was the only failing his mistress could not overlook. She dismissed him at a moment’s notice. Unluckily, too, he had other propensities which contributed to involve him. He had a taste for the turf — a taste for play — was well known in the hundreds of Drury, and cut no mean figure at Howell’s, and the faro tables there-anent. He was the glory of the Smyrna, D’Osyndar’s, and other chocolate houses of the day; and it was at this time he fell into the hands of certain dexterous sharpers, by whom he was at first plucked and subsequently patronized. Under their tuition he improved wonderfully. He turned his wit and talent to some account. He began to open his eyes. His nine days’ blindness was over. The dog saw. But, in spite of his quickness, he was at length discovered, and ejected from Howell’s in a manner that left him no alternative. He must either have called out his adversary, or have gone out himself. He preferred the latter, and took to the road; and in his new line he was eminently successful. Fortunately, he had no scruples to get over. Tom had what Sir Walter Scott happily denominates “an indistinct notion of meum and tuum,” and became confirmed in the opinion that everything he could lay hands upon constituted lawful spoil. And then, even those he robbed, admitted that he was the most gentlemanlike highwayman they had ever the fortune to meet with, and trusted they might always be so lucky. So popular did he become upon the road, that it was accounted a distinction to be stopped by him; he made a point of robbing none but gentlemen, and — Tom’s shade would quarrel with us were we to omit them — ladies. His acquaintance with Turpin was singular, and originated in a rencontre. Struck with his appearance, Dick presented a pistol, and bade King deliver. The latter burst into a laugh, and an explanation immediately ensued. Thenceforward they became sworn brothers — the Pylades and Orestes of the road; and though seldom seen together in public, had many a merry moonlight ride in company.

Tom still maintained three mistresses, his valet, his groom — tiger, we should have called him — “and many a change of clothes besides,” says his biographer, “with which he appeared more like a lord than a highwayman.” And what more, we should like to know, would a lord wish to have? Few younger sons, we believe, can boast so much; and it is chiefly on their account, with some remote view to the benefit of the unemployed youth of all professions, that we have enlarged so much upon Tom King’s history. The road, we must beg to repeat, is still open; the chances are greater than they ever were; we fully believe it is their only road to preferment, and we are sadly in want of highwaymen!

Fancy Tom lounging at D’Osyndar’s, carelessly tapping his boots on the steps; there he stands! Is he not a devilish good-looking, gentlemanlike sort of fellow? You could never have taken him for a highwayman but for our information. A waiter appears — supper is ordered at twelve — a broiled chicken and a bottle of Burgundy — his groom brings his nags to the door — he mounts. It is his custom to ride out on an evening — he is less liable to interruption.93 At Marylebone Fields — now the Regent’s Park — his groom leaves him. He has a mistress in the neighborhood. He is absent for a couple of hours, and returns gay or dispirited, as his luck may have turned out. At twelve he is at supper, and has the night before him. How very easy all this seems. Can it be possible we have no Tom Kings?

To return to Tom as he was in the arbor. Judging from his manner, he appeared to be almost insensible to the presence of his companions, and to be scarcely a partaker in their revelry. His back was towards his immediate neighbor; his glass sparkled untouched at his elbow; and one hand, beautifully white and small, a mark of his birth and breeding —crede Byron — rested upon the edge of the table, while his thin, delicate digits, palpably demonstrative of his faculty of adaptation —crede James Hardy Vaux — were employed with a silver toothpick. In other respects, he seemed to be lost in reverie, and was, in all probability, meditating new exploits.

Next to King sat our old friend Jerry Juniper; not, however, the Jerry of the gipsies, but a much more showy-looking personage. Jerry was no longer a gentleman of “three outs”— the difficulty would now have been to say what he was “without.” Snakelike he had cast his slough, and rejoiced in new and brilliant investiture. His were “speaking garments, speaking pockets too.” His linen was of the finest, his hose of the smartest. Gay rings glittered on his fingers; a crystal snuff-box underwent graceful manipulation; a handsome gold repeater was sometimes drawn from its location with a monstrous bunch of onions —anglicè, seals — depending from its massive chain. Lace adorned his wrists, and shoes — of which they had been long unconscious — with buckles nearly as large as themselves, confined his feet. A rich-powdered peruke and silver-hilted sword completed the gear of the transmogrified Jerry, or, as he now chose to be designated, Count Albert Conyers. The fact was, that Jerry, after the fracas, apprehensive that the country would be too hot for him, had, in company with Zoroaster, quitted the ranks of the Canting Crew, and made the best of his way to town. A lucky spice on the road set them up; and having some acquaintance with Tom King, the party, on their arrival, sought him out at his customary haunt, D’Osyndar’s, and enlisted under his banners.

Tom received them with open arms, gave them unlimited use of his wardrobe, and only required a little trifling assistance in return. He had a grand scheme in petto, in the execution of which they could mainly assist him. Jerry was a Greek by nature, and could land a flat as well as the best of them. Zoroaster was just the man to lose a fight; or, in the language of the Fancy, to play a cross. No two legs could serve Tom’s purposes better. He welcomed them with fraternal affection.

We will now proceed to reconnoitre Jerry’s opposite neighbor, who was, however, no other than that Upright Man,

The Magus Zoroaster, that great name.

Changed as was Juniper, the Magus was yet more whimsically metamorphosed. Some traces of Jerry still remained, but not a vestige was left of the original Dimber Damber. His tawny mother had not known her son. This alteration, however, was not owing to change of dress; it was the result of the punishment he had received at the “set-to” at the priory. Not a feature was in its place; his swollen lip trespassed upon the precincts of his nose; his nose trod hard upon his cheek; while his cheek again, not to be behind the rest, rose up like an apple-dumpling under his single eye — single, we say — for, alas! there was no speculation in the other. His dexter daylight was utterly darkened, and, indeed, the orb that remained was as sanguinary a luminary as ever struggled through a London fog at noonday. To borrow a couplet or so from the laureate of the Fancy:

———— One of his peepers was put

On the bankruptcy list, with his shop windows shut,

While the other made nearly as tag-rag a show,

All rimmed round with black like the Courier in woe.

One black patch decorated his rainbow-colored cheek; another adorned his chin; a grinder having been dislodged, his pipe took possession of the aperture. His toggery was that of a member of the prize-ring; what we now call a “belcher” bound his throat; a spotted fogle bandaged his jobbernowl, and shaded his right peeper, while a white beaver crowned the occiput of the Magus. And though, at first sight, there would appear to be some incongruity in the association of such a battered character as the Upright Man with his smart companions, the reader’s wonder will rapidly diminish, when he reflects that any distinguished P. C. man can ever find a ready passport to the most exclusive society. Viewed in this light, Zoroaster’s familiarity with his swell acquaintance occasioned no surprise to old Simon Carr, the bottle-nosed landlord of the Falstaff, who was a man of discernment in his way, and knew a thing or two. Despite such striking evidences to the contrary, the Magus was perfectly at his ease, and sacrificing as usual to the god of flame. His mithra, or pipe, the symbol of his faith, was zealously placed between his lips, and never did his Chaldean, Bactrian, Persian, Pamphylian, Proconnesian, or Babylonian namesake, whichever of the six was the true Zoroaster —vide Bayle — respire more fervently at the altar of fire, than our Magus at the end of his enkindled tube. In his creed we believe Zoroaster was a dualist, and believed in the co-existence and mystical relation of the principles of good and ill; his pipe being his Yezdan, or benign influence; his empty pouch his Ahreman, or the devil. We shall not pause to examine his tenets; we meddle with no man’s religious opinions, and shall leave the Magus to the enjoyment of his own sentiments, be they what they may.

One guest alone remains, and him we shall briefly dismiss. The reader, we imagine, will scarcely need to be told who was the owner of those keen gray eyes; those exuberant red whiskers; that airy azure frock. It was

Our brave co-partner of the roads.

Skilful surveyor of highways and hedges;

in a word — Dick Turpin!

Dick had been called upon to act as president of the board, and an excellent president he made, sedulously devoting himself to the due administration of the punch-bowl. Not a rummer was allowed to stand empty for an instant. Toast, sentiment, and anacreontic song, succeeded each other at speedy intervals; but there was no speechifying — no politics. He left church and state to take care of themselves. Whatever his politics might be, Dick never allowed them to interfere with his pleasures. His maxim was to make the most of the passing moment; the dum vivimus vivamus was never out of his mind; a precautionary measure which we recommend to the adoption of all gentlemen of the like, or any other precarious profession.

Notwithstanding all Dick’s efforts to promote conviviality, seconded by the excellence of the beverage itself, conversation, somehow or other, began to flag; from being general it became particular. Tom King, who was no punch-bibber, especially at that time of day, fell into a deep reverie; your gamesters often do so; while the Magus, who had smoked himself drowsy, was composing himself to a doze. Turpin seized this opportunity of addressing a few words on matters of business to Jerry Juniper, or, as he now chose to be called, Count Conyers.

“My dear count,” said Dick, in a low and confidential tone, “you are aware that my errand to town is accomplished. I have smashed Lawyer Coates’s screen, pocketed the dimmock— here ’tis,” continued he, parenthetically, slapping his pockets — “and done t’other trick in prime twig for Tom King. With a cool thousand in hand, I might, if I chose, rest awhile on my oars. But a quiet life don’t suit me. I must be moving. So I shall start to Yorkshire to-night.”

“Indeed!” said the soi-disant count, in a languid tone —“so soon?”

“I have nothing to detain me,” replied Dick. “And, to tell you the truth, I want to see how matters stand with Sir Luke Rookwood. I should be sorry if he went to the wall for want of any assistance I can render him.”

“True,” returned the count; “one would regret such an occurrence, certainly. But I fear your assistance may arrive a little too late. He is pretty well done up, I should imagine, by this time.”

“That remains to be seen,” said Turpin. “His case is a bad one, to be sure, but I trust not utterly hopeless. With all his impetuosity and pride, I like the fellow, and will help him, if I can. It will be a difficult game to set him on his legs, but I think it may be done. That underground marriage was sheer madness, and turned out as ill as such a scheme might have been expected to do. Poor Sybil! if I could pipe an eye for anything, it should be for her. I can’t get her out of my head. Give me a pinch of snuff. Such thoughts unman one. As to the priest, that’s a totally different affair. If he strangled his daughter, old Alan did right to take the law into his own hands, and throttle him in return. I’d have done the same thing myself; and, being a proscribed Jesuit, returned, as I understand, without the king’s license for so doing, why Father Checkley’s murder — if it must be so called, I can’t abide hard terms — won’t lie very heavy at Alan’s door. That, however, has nothing to do with Sir Luke. He was neither accessory nor principal. Still he will be in danger, at least from Lady Rookwood. The whole county of York, I make no doubt, is up in arms by this time.”

“Then why go thither?” asked the count, somewhat ironically; “for my part, I’ve a strange fancy for keeping out of harm’s way as long as possible.”

“Every man to his taste,” returned Turpin; “I love to confront danger. Run away! pshaw! always meet your foe.”

“True,” replied the count, “half-way! but you go the whole distance. What prudent man would beard the lion in his den?”

“I never was a prudent man,” rejoined Dick, smiling; “I have no superfluous caution about me. Come what will, I shall try to find out this Luke Rookwood, and offer him my purse, such as it is, and it is now better lined than usual; a hand free to act as he lists; and a head which, imprudent though it be, can often think better for others than for its own master.”

“Vastly fine!” exclaimed the count, with an ill-disguised sneer. “I hope you don’t forget that the marriage certificate which you hold is perfectly valueless now. The estates, you are aware ——”

“Are no longer Sir Luke’s. I see what you are driving at, count,” returned Dick, coldly. “But he will need it to establish his claim to the title, and he shall have it. While he was Sir Luke, with ten thousand a year, I drove a hard bargain, and would have stood out for the last stiver. Now that he is one of ’us‘, a mere Knight of the Road, he shall have it and welcome.”

“Perhaps Lady Rookwood, or Mrs. Mowbray, might be inclined to treat,” maliciously insinuated the count; “the title may be worth something to Ranulph.”

“It is worth more to Luke; and if it were not, he gets it. Are you satisfied?”

“Perfectly,” replied the count, with affected bonhomie; “and I will now let you into a secret respecting Miss Mowbray, from which you may gather something for your guidance in this matter; and if the word of a woman is at all to be trusted, though individually I cannot say I have much faith in it, Sir Luke’s planetary hour is not yet completely overcast.”

“That’s exactly what I wish to know, my dear fellow,” said Turpin, eagerly. “You have already told me you were witness to a singular interview between Miss Mowbray and Sir Luke after my departure from the priory. If I mistook you not, the whole business will hinge upon that. What occurred? Let me have every particular. The whole history and mystery.”

“You shall have it with pleasure,” said the count; “and I hope it may tend to your benefit. After I had quitted the scene of action at the priory, and at your desire left the Rookwood party masters of the field, I fled with the rest of the crew towards the rocks. There we held a council of war for a short time. Some were for returning to the fight; but this was negatived entirely, and in the end it was agreed that those who had wives, daughters, and sisters, should join them as speedily as possible at their retreat in the Grange. As I happened to have none of these attractive ties, and had only a troublesome mistress, who I thought could take care of herself, I did not care to follow them, but struck deeper into the wood, and made my way, guided by destiny, I suppose, towards the cave.”

“The cave!” cried Dick, rubbing his hands; “I delight in a cave. Tom King and I once had a cave of our own at Epping, and I’ll have another one of these fine days. A cave is as proper to a high-tobyman as a castle to a baron. Pray go on.”

“The cave I speak of,” continued the count, “was seldom used, except upon great emergencies, by any of the Stop Hole Abbey crew. It was a sort of retiring den of our old lioness Barbara, and, like all belonging to her, respected by her dupes. However, the cave is a good cave for all that; is well concealed by brushwood, and comfortably lighted from a crevice in the rock above; it lies near the brink of the stream, amongst the woods just above the waterfall, and is somewhat difficult of approach.”

“I know something of the situation,” said Turpin.

“Well,” returned the count, “not to lose time, into this den I crept, and, expecting to find it vacant, you may imagine my surprise on discovering that it was already occupied, and that Sir Luke Rookwood, his granddad, old Alan, Miss Mowbray, and, worst of all, the very person I wished most to avoid, my old flame Handassah, constituted the party. Fortunately, they did not perceive my entrance, and I took especial care not to introduce myself. Retreat, however, was for the moment impracticable, and I was compelled to be a listener. I cannot tell what had passed between the parties before my arrival, but I heard Miss Mowbray implore Sir Luke to conduct her to her mother. He seemed half inclined to comply with her entreaties; but old Alan shook his head. It was then Handassah put in a word; the minx was ever ready at that. ‘Fear not,’ said she, ‘that she will wed Sir Ranulph. Deliver her to her friends, I beseech you, Sir Luke, and woo her honorably. She will accept you.’ Sir Luke stared incredulously, and grim old Alan smiled. ‘She has sworn to be yours,’ continued Handassah; ‘sworn it by every hope of heaven, and the oath has been sealed by blood — by Sybil’s blood.’—‘Does she speak the truth?’ asked Sir Luke, trembling with agitation. Miss Mowbray answered not. ‘You will not deny it, lady,’ said Handassah. ‘I heard that oath proposed. I saw it registered. You cannot deny it.’—‘I do not,’ replied Miss Mowbray, with much anguish of manner; ‘if he claim me, I am his.’—‘And he will claim you,’ said Alan Rookwood, triumphantly. ‘He has your oath, no matter how extorted — you must fulfil your vow.’—‘I am prepared to do so,’ said Eleanor. ‘But if you would not utterly destroy me, let this maid conduct me to my mother, to my friends.’—‘To Ranulph?’ asked Sir Luke, bitterly. —‘No, no,’ returned Miss Mowbray, in accents of deepest despair, ‘to my mother — I wish not to behold him again.’—‘Be it so,’ cried Sir Luke; ‘but remember, in love or hate, you are mine; I shall claim the fulfilment of your oath. Farewell. Handassah will lead you to your mother.’ Miss Mowbray bowed her head, but returned no answer, while, followed by old Alan, Sir Luke departed from the cavern.”

“Whither went they?” demanded Turpin.

“That I know not,” replied Jerry. “I was about to follow, when I was prevented by the abrupt entrance of another party. Scarcely, I think, could the two Rookwoods have made good their retreat, when shouts were heard without, and young Ranulph and Major Mowbray forced their way, sword in hand, into the cave. Here was a situation — for me, I mean — to the young lady, I make no doubt, it was pleasant enough. But my neck was in jeopardy. However, you know I am not deficient in strength, and, upon the present occasion, I made the best use of the agility with which nature has endowed me. Amidst the joyous confusion — the sobbings, and embracings, and congratulations that ensued — I contrived, like a wild cat, to climb the rocky sides of the cave, and concealed myself behind a jutting fragment of stone. It was well I did so, for scarcely was I hidden, when in came old Barbara, followed by Mrs. Mowbray, and a dozen others.”

“Barbara!” ejaculated Dick. “Was she a prisoner?”

“No,” replied Jerry; “the old hell-cat is too deep for that. She had betrayed Sir Luke, and hoped they would seize him and his granddad. But the birds were flown.”

“I’m glad she was baulked,” said Dick. “Was any search made after them?”

“Can’t say,” replied Jerry. “I could only indistinctly catch the sounds of their voices from my lofty retreat. Before they left the cavern, I made out that Mrs. Mowbray resolved to go to Rookwood, and to take her daughter thither — a proceeding to which the latter demurred.”

“To Rookwood,” said Dick, musingly. “Will she keep her oath, I wonder?”

“That’s more than I can say,” said Jerry, sipping his punch. “’Tis a deceitful sex!”

“’Tis a deceitful sex, indeed,” echoed Dick, tossing off a tumbler. “For one Sybil we meet with twenty Handassahs, eh, count?”

“Twenty! — say rather a hundred,” replied Jerry. “’Tis a vile sex.”

The Arbour at Kilburn

* * * * *

93. We have heard of a certain gentleman tobyman, we forget his name, taking the horses from his curricle for a similar purpose, but we own we think King’s the simpler plan, and quite practicable still. A cabriolet would be quite out of the question, but particularly easy to stop.