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3: A Homily

for

Phyllis Cave and Brandon Shaw

(Murder and Suicide)

Romans 8:18-27

At a time like this, words cannot adequately express all that we feel or would like to say. When death intrudes our life suddenly and as unexpectedly as the events over the past few days did, we are overwhelmed with emotion, anger and many unresolved questions. Nevertheless, we gather this afternoon to share our grief but more to probe the mystery of such a tragedy and to try and sense the presence of God.

We Stand before the Mystery of Death and Search for Light.

We come today first of all acknowledging the mystery of life. For all of us there is a sense of shock and denial, some sense of depression, physical symptoms, and even some hostility. Questions run through our minds. Why is there such suffering and pain? Why does God allow such tragedies to happen? These are your questions and my questions. We acknowledge that we cannot understand all of the mystery of life. Suffering and death have no easy word. There is no right word for such a time as this.

But death is not the only mystery of life. So is birth itself. So is the beauty of fall, the coldness of winter, the budding of life in the spring, and the warmth of summer. There is a mystery also in birth and growing, in loving and caring. We can’t understand it all. The buds on the trees in the springtime of the year remind us that life goes on. They have been dormant all through winter, but the warmth of spring brings them back to life. Flowers blossom forth from the seeds and bulbs that have been planted so that we have their loveliness in the summer. No one can explain so easily how life continues or why it ends as it does. There is a deep sense of mystery.

Thankful for the Gift of Life

We also thank God for the gift of life. We thank God for the years shared with Phyllis and Brandon. Family members remember Phyllis when she had a full head of brown curly hair. Family members loved to call her “Baby doll.” When she was young, she loved life, was energetic, filled with laughter, fun-loving and loved to tease her brother and others. She was a caring and affectionate person. She has always been good and faithful to her closest friends. She enjoyed fishing and camping with her family when she was young. She loved her family dearly. As she got older, she seemed to develop a low sense of self-esteem. Although gifted and intelligent, she struggled with her own self-direction in life. One of her songs entitled “Vapors” expresses something of this feeling. Listen to her words and the poetry that she wrote:

Vaporized beam that I am, no more in time,

than a shift of sand.

In a world that’s not mine.

I know that I’m

passin’ through

with one secret of life.

It’s all in your mood.

Take stride in your strife. Hey, live your life.

Vaporized beam that I am, no more in time,

than a shift of sand.

In a world that’s not mine.

Vaporized beam that I am,

travelling this land.

Let me always be kind,

to that other man in time.

Vaporized beam that I am, no more in time,

than a shift of sand.

In a world that’s not mine.

She did not seem to have enough self-confidence in herself. For some time now, Phyllis became obsessed that someone was going to harm Brandon and her. In her confused emotional state, Phyllis thought that her tragic act would somehow protect them from a greater danger. She loved Brandon deeply, and in her mental sickness she thought she was protecting him. We can never fully get inside her mind but we all know that she wanted most of all to protect Brandon. We know she did not respond in a rational way as you and I see it. She was ill and acted out of her illness.

Brandon was a handsome, warm, affectionate, generous young man. He had lots of friends and loved to be with hem. He was gifted and loved to make things. He loved to put things together. He enjoyed building, especially driving nails. Sometimes he would drive them in trees in the back yard. He was proud recently of getting an ‘A’ in conduct. He loved to play with trains and had several sets. He loved his grandparents and they loved him and cared for him deeply. Clarence recalls just recently Brandon running up behind him and hugging him and asking, “Are you my buddy?” Rose heard his prayers each night and in his own sweet way he offered his prayers for his family and friends. I remember him coming out of church and he would always hug my leg before he left.

Phyllis’ problems drove her inward, but she did turn more to her faith and reached out to God in these last days. One of her poems reflects this quest. It is entitled “Pure Rain.”

All I’ve got

Is this song for you, world.

With all the pain and suffering you’ve endured.

Can not peace and pain blend in the rain?

So that God’s World will not be stained.

Can the people’s blood, sweat and labor make a difference?

Or will it, all be in vain?

Surely to God,

in the end.

All the suffering will blend in the rain.

Countries forever warring.

Jealousy, Hate and Greed.

In the end, all they

will have achieved,

is blood and suffering in the rain.

Can the people come to peace?

Swallow their hate and pride.

Cannot man learn to love,

and set war and anger aside?

C’mon people, I know there must be a way,

come to terms,

and forget the pain,

and put peace and love,

in pure rain.

We will miss them. Life will not be the same. But just as the sun leaves an afterglow when it sets in the west, so Phyllis and Brandon left an afterglow from their lives that will remain in our heart and memory.

The Goodness of God

And we continue to affirm the goodness of God, even in the face of death. We reaffirm our faith today in the goodness of God and rest on the conviction that his love is eternal and strong. God created life out of his love and he sustains it. We do not know why God has created the possibility of tragedies like this happening. They are a part of the universe God has created. Without the possibility of suffering and pain, there could be no growth or maturing. We know that God does not deliberately send these things upon us. Today, like a small child, we place our hand in the hand of God to lean upon him for trust and strength. We know our strength is not enough.

The Valley of Grief

Next, we know, and won’t forget, that family and friends are walking through a dark valley of grief. But we come to this valley of grief armed with the assurance that God is present with us. A favorite writer of mine, Harry Emerson Fosdick, who went through a deeply personal tragic experience, wrote once: “It was the most terrifying wilderness I ever traveled through. I dreadfully wanted to commit suicide. But instead I made one of the most vital discoveries in my life, I found God in a desert.” Sometimes our deepest insights are discovered in the valley. We find that in the midst of despair, pain, and suffering that God is there. Even when we do not know it or feel it, He is there. We grieve but we grieve not as those who have no hope. We grieve with a sense of trust in the presence of God who is with us. Phyllis expresses something of her trust in the poem entitled, “Miracle Man.”

Did you walk across the water, Lord? Just to prove to me.

That you can always be there, in my hour of need.

Did you multiply the loaves of bread? Just so man might see.

That if all we wait patiently, some miracle might be.

Did you heal that man with leprosy? Just to show us all,

that there is a larger plan.

We should follow or we’ll fall.

Did you tire Lord of Miracles? Just to prove to man.

That you were the Son of God, who gives life upon this land.

Did you walk across the water, Lord? Just to prove to me.

That you can always be there, in my hour of need.

We Weep with Hope

We weep today, but we weep not as those who have no hope. We acknowledge that it is all right to cry. It is OK to acknowledge that we have sorrow at Phyllis and Brandon’s death, but we do not grieve as those who have no hope. Death and the grave are not the end for the Christian. Jesus himself wept beside the grave of his friend Lazarus, and so we know it is good to express our grief and not to keep it deep down inside of us. We acknowledge that we grieve because life will be different without them. But we shall be able to face life and go on, because we have the presence of God with us. We acknowledge that although they are no longer with us, they are present with God where there is no suffering or pain. Our God’s love is unconditional and knows the whys of such acts far better than we and forgives all. God knew Phyllis’ detached state and forgives her.

Peace of Christ

We come also to thank God today for the assurance of peace which we have from Christ. Today we rest on the promise of life eternal through Christ. Our great sorrow is to be separated from Phyllis and Brandon, but we have the assurance today that through the grace of God they dwell in that marvelous eternal realm with him. As we lean upon God in faith, we know that one day we shall join them in the eternal realm where there is no hurt or sorrow but only peace.

Death as a New Beginning

Last, we thank God that death is not the end but a new beginning. The flowers present today are a sign of the love and devotion of friends and family. But they also symbolize for us the resurrection garden on Easter Day when Jesus Christ himself rose from the grave. They give to us an assurance that death is not the end but a doorway that opens from this life to a new life, where the spiritual person is with God. Jesus said, “I have gone to prepare a place for you.” He has gone to prepare that place for Phyllis and Brandon. They are there with God where they will dwell eternally in the home which he has made. We, of course, shall miss them, but today we rest with the assurance that they are with Christ and dwell eternally with him without pain and suffering. Each of us one day shall join them. Jesus said, “Because I live, you shall live also.”

Look to the butterfly for a lesson on the transformation of life. For awhile the life of the humble caterpillar is restricted to crawling on a green leaf on a tree in the woods. All it knows of life is limited to that world. But one day, some stirrings within cause the caterpillar to enter a cocoon, and shortly it emerges, transformed into a beautiful, elegant butterfly with wings. It is no longer limited to the territory of the green leaf but can soar above the trees and world around it. Like the caterpillar, death takes us through a process of transformation where we are no longer limited by our earthy existence but enter into a new creation into the heavenly home which God has prepared for us. Death is a birthing from our earthly life into our spiritual existence.

It is a birthing from this life to the spiritual life. There we meet God, our loving Father, who awaits us to give us a new and abundant life that is beyond our imagination. Death is a birthing from this life to the eternal life. Today we affirm our hope and assurance in life everlasting. For us as Christians, death is a birth from this world to the next. May God give us the sense to know that his presence and assurance are with us today and in the weeks ahead.

Eternal Father, bind up the broken hearts today with the balm of your presence. Draw Clarence, Rose, John, and Guy and other family members and friends close to yourself and may they sense your shepherding care and presence in the days ahead. May the memories of the good life with Phyllis and Brandon and the assurance of life everlasting give to each of us in this hour comfort and assurance. Through Christ we pray. Amen.