Читать книгу The Bab Ballads - William Schwenck Gilbert - Страница 2

List while the poet trolls

Of MR. CLAYTON HOOPER,

Who had a cure of souls

At Spiffton-extra-Sooper.

He lived on curds and whey,

And daily sang their praises,

And then he’d go and play

With buttercups and daisies.

Wild croquêt HOOPER banned,

And all the sports of Mammon,

He warred with cribbage, and

He exorcised backgammon.

His helmet was a glance

That spoke of holy gladness;

A saintly smile his lance;

His shield a tear of sadness.

His Vicar smiled to see

This armour on him buckled:

With pardonable glee

He blessed himself and chuckled.

“In mildness to abound

My curate’s sole design is;

In all the country round

There’s none so mild as mine is!”

And HOOPER, disinclined

His trumpet to be blowing,

Yet didn’t think you’d find

A milder curate going.

A friend arrived one day

At Spiffton-extra-Sooper,

And in this shameful way

He spoke to Mr. HOOPER:

“You think your famous name

For mildness can’t be shaken,

That none can blot your fame—

But, HOOPER, you’re mistaken!

“Your mind is not as blank

As that of HOPLEY PORTER,

Who holds a curate’s rank

At Assesmilk-cum-Worter.

“He plays the airy flute,

And looks depressed and blighted,

Doves round about him ‘toot,’

And lambkins dance delighted.

“He labours more than you

At worsted work, and frames it;

In old maids’ albums, too,

Sticks seaweed—yes, and names it!”

The tempter said his say,

Which pierced him like a needle—

He summoned straight away

His sexton and his beadle.

(These men were men who could

Hold liberal opinions:

On Sundays they were good—

On week-days they were minions.)

“To HOPLEY PORTER go,

Your fare I will afford you—

 Deal him a deadly blow,

And blessings shall reward you.

“But stay—I do not like

Undue assassination,

And so before you strike,

Make this communication:

“I’ll give him this one chance—

If he’ll more gaily bear him,

Play croquêt, smoke, and dance,

I willingly will spare him.”

They went, those minions true,

To Assesmilk-cum-Worter,

And told their errand to

The REVEREND HOPLEY PORTER.

“What?” said that reverend gent,

“Dance through my hours of leisure?

Smoke?—bathe myself with scent?—

Play croquêt?  Oh, with pleasure!

“Wear all my hair in curl?

Stand at my door and wink—so—

At every passing girl?

My brothers, I should think so!

“For years I’ve longed for some

Excuse for this revulsion:

Now that excuse has come—

I do it on compulsion!!!”

He smoked and winked away—

This REVEREND HOPLEY PORTER—

The deuce there was to pay

At Assesmilk-cum-Worter.

And HOOPER holds his ground,

In mildness daily growing—

They think him, all around,

The mildest curate going.