Читать книгу Endgame - Wilna Adriaanse - Страница 11

It was quiet in Kirstenbosch when Ellie arrived. Apart from the odd worker, she saw no one else. She followed the winding path to the tall white stinkwood tree. It was cool under its branches where she sat down on a bench. A damp mist hung in the ravines. There was a smell of leaves and wet soil. Autumn had arrived.

Sometimes she convinced herself that the pain and longing was less, but when it crashed down on her like a breaking wave, she still felt she was going to drown. It took her breath away, made her search desperately for something to hold on to. She had not sought professional help. It was the last thing she wanted to do. How could she describe the feeling of being tossed out on the beach, exhausted from battling the waves? A beach where the silence threatened to overwhelm her. The nothingness. Just a different void, where she struggled to breathe. And she would have to talk about the cold as well. Because no matter what the temperature was, she could never escape from the cold. What the waves didn’t do, the silence and the cold did.

How many times do you pick up your phone to call before the impulse goes away? How many tricks does your brain play on you before the absence becomes a part of your memory? The person is no longer there. Do you make it your mantra? Have it tattooed on the palms of your hands? Would it help stop the waves from catching you unawares? But why would you want to remind yourself about something you don’t want to remember? Rather take the mind games, then.

She wondered what they’d talk about if she could have one more chance to be with him. Something mundane? Would they say the things they’d never said when he was alive because they were too sentimental? Would they give orders? Don’t cry for me. Look after yourself. Be happy. Work hard. Would they try to heal old wounds? No, the two of them would probably sit in silence. Lost in their own thoughts, as they had often sat in the evenings. That was why she didn’t try to think of something to say now. She just sat, her back against the rough bark of the trunk.

After a while she took her phone out of her pocket and searched for her mom’s number.

A male voice answered.

“Hello, it’s Ellie. Is my mother there?”

“Eleanor, what a surprise. Uncle Janus here. How are you? Your mother and I were talking about you just last night.”

None of the meditation exercises she had learnt in the past few months could dispel her irritation with this man. Her mother’s mere mention of his name made her feel as if she was swallowing a mouthful of vinegar.

“I’m well. I’m in a bit of a hurry, I’m afraid. I’d like a quick word with my mom.”

“Of course. Hold on, I’ll take the phone to her. Goodbye, then. Come visit. We miss you.”

Ellie heard him knock on a door. “It’s Eleanor, darling. She wants to speak to you.” She couldn’t make out her mother’s answer, but she heard him laugh. “I’ll keep my eyes closed …”

“Ellie, where have you sprung from?” her mother said after a while.

“Are you busy?”

“I’m in the bath.”

Her entire mouth filled up with vinegar at the thought that he had walked into the bathroom where her mother lay naked.

Ellie watched as a squirrel ran across the lawn, froze for a moment, looked straight at her and continued on its way. Two pigeons landed a few metres away and began to peck at something. Breathe, she reminded herself. Take a deep breath before you say anything.

“How are you, Mom?”

“Very well. And you?”

“I’m good, thanks. Is everything okay at home?”

“I’m glad you called. We have a buyer for the house and I need you to sign.”

“What do you mean a buyer, and what do you mean ‘we’ have a buyer?”

“I told you that Janus’s daughter is an estate agent, didn’t I? She offered to help sell the house. Or at least keep an eye out for potential buyers. Some people came to view the house yesterday and they love it and want to move in as soon as possible. When can you come and sign?”

Her mom had still not said who “we” was, but Ellie knew. Why she had asked she didn’t know.

“I told you not to be hasty. I’d like to ask a few agents to value the place first.”

“I’m not a child or a doddering old woman who needs you to make decisions for me. Surely I can decide for myself if I want to sell my house?”

“Technically the house isn’t yours to sell. It belongs to a trust.”

“I don’t care if technically the house belongs to the Queen of England. I don’t want to live here any more. We’ve seen a lovely townhouse in a security complex. It’s ideal for the two of us. The garden is just big enough for Janus to potter in. We’re thinking of buying a caravan and doing some travelling. Friends of Janus belong to a caravan club who go on all kinds of interesting outings.”

When a man walked past and stopped to look at her, Ellie realised how hard she was breathing. In for five counts, hold for five, out for six counts, she told herself.

“You’ve never been a camper.”

“That’s why we want to buy a caravan. Modern caravans come with a toilet. Janus had a caravan for years and he knows his way around.” Her mother was silent for a moment before she continued. “I’ve been sitting at home long enough.”

“What else can you tell me?”

“I’m very well. Better than I’ve been in years.”

“I’m glad to hear it.”

“When can you come, so we can sign the contract?”

“I don’t know. If the people love the house so much, I’m sure they can wait a week or so. I have to make a few arrangements first.”

“You’re just being difficult. When was the last time I asked you anything? Now I’m asking one thing, and you don’t want to do it for me. You’re just as selfish as your dad.”

“I’ll come and sign the contract, Mom, just give me a day or two to make a few arrangements. What are you going to do with the furniture?”

“I don’t know. Take what you like. There’s nothing here I want. It’s a new beginning and I don’t want to drag along old ghosts.”

“I’ll send you an email address. Tell the agent to mail me the contract.”

“Fine.” Another silence. “Ellie, he’s very good to me. I want you to know that.”

“I’m happy for you, Mom.”

“Will you come to the wedding? His children are all going to be there.”

Ellie heard the uncertainty in her mother’s voice and she felt an ache in her chest. “Of course I’ll come, Mom. Have you decided on a date yet?”

Ellie heard the hesitation.

“Saturday.”

“What do you mean? This coming Saturday?”

“Yes. We decided it was silly to wait. It’s not like we’re getting any younger, and we know we don’t have to look any further. Ellie, I know it’s soon and I want you to know I did love your dad in my own way. But it wasn’t easy with your dad. With Janus, it’s easy. He’s my soulmate. One day when you meet the right person, you’ll understand.”

Ellie felt like laughing. Her mother didn’t sound convinced that she would ever meet the right person. She wanted to ask her mom if she was still drinking, but she was suddenly exhausted. It was a conversation for another day. “I have to go now, Mom. I’ll see you on Saturday. Is there anything I can do for you?”

“No, thanks. Magda and Delia are arranging everything. They’re sweethearts. You’ll love them to bits.”

It wasn’t the first time her mom had referred to Janus’s daughters as “sweethearts”. Her mom had truly hit the jackpot. Not only a new husband, but two sweet daughters as well. And a son.

“Let me know if there’s anything I can do for you. SMS me the arrangements.”

“I will. Thanks for calling.”

She started telling her mom that she was visiting her dad, but her mom had ended the call.

Ellie sat motionless for a while, not certain what to do next or where to go. She touched the tree trunk. “I hear you, and I’m trying my best. But it’s never been simple between the two of us. And now this man … and the two daughters …” Ellie smiled. “At least you’re not the only one who’s been replaced.”

A bird landed on the lowest branch and the leaves stirred lightly. Ellie almost laughed out loud when she saw it was a weaver. Her dad had never liked weavers.

“Karma, old man. For all the weavers you chased out of the garden with your slingshot.”

She didn’t know whether to tell him her mom was getting married. The great love of his life had found someone who made her happier than he ever had. Perhaps he knew. If so, she hoped he was so happy where he was now that he didn’t mind. She thought again about the house that was going to be sold. Sometimes, before she was properly awake, or just before she fell asleep, she imagined she saw him in his garden. And for a brief moment the world was good and the pain was less. But lately another face sometimes moved in front of his. For that reason it might be better if the house was sold. She needed to remember him somewhere. Where he’d been happy some of the time.

She got up, touched the tree again. Then she picked up a leaf and put it in her backpack. “I’ll be back.”

Slowly she made her way back to the entrance.

When Ellie stopped some distance from the house in Rondebosch it wasn’t on impulse. She was not the spontaneous kind.

Ever since Happy had told her that Clara was missing, she had known she would come here. Even though she was annoyed with Albert for asking. It might even be the reason why she was so annoyed with him. She had known she would have to come. Even if she tried to deny it, and even if her mouth was dry and her hands clammy at the thought of seeing Reggie.

It was half past three and the streets were alive with children in sports kit returning from school. A few cars were parked in front of the house.

To her relief, Elroy opened the door when she pressed the intercom button at the gate.

He frowned when he saw her. “Can I help?” Then his eyes narrowed. “I don’t believe it. Miss McKenna! Where have you come from?” He pointed at her hair. “Like a brand-new person.” The smile he greeted her with vanished quickly, as if he suddenly realised he was doing something he wasn’t supposed to do.

“Hi, Elroy. How are you?”

“I’ve been better.”

Ellie remembered the first time she had met him. He and Reggie had fetched her at the office and taken her to Williams. Elroy had always been warm and friendly. Unlike Reggie. But at the moment there was little evidence of friendliness. He seemed to have aged in the course of a few months.

“Is Mr Williams here?”

He moved towards her, but hesitated before opening the gate. “He’s actually quite busy.”

She smiled. “I won’t keep him long.”

“Maybe I should find out first if he’s willing to receive visitors. It’s really quite hectic around here.” He unlocked the gate.

“Fine. Give him my regards if he’s too busy to see me.”

She waited in the hallway while he disappeared into the house. Nothing had changed. She could see the dining-room table from where she was standing and she wondered if there was any food or biscuits on it. She had never seen as much food as there was in this house.

“Miss McKenna?” Nazeem Williams came walking towards her.

“Mr Williams, I’m sorry to arrive unannounced, but I was in the neighbourhood.”

He motioned towards the lounge to their right. “Come in.”

“I just came to say I’m sorry to hear about Clara and to ask if you’ve heard from her. And to tell you personally that I’ve never had contact with her again. I’m sorry now that I didn’t keep in touch, but I didn’t want to complicate an already difficult situation.”

He ran his hand across his face. “I’ve done many difficult things in my life, but these past few months have aged me.” He looked straight at her. “Are you a religious person?”

“My dad was religious. Some of it has rubbed off.”

“Do you believe God sometimes punishes you for things you have done?”

“I don’t know about that. But I know it sometimes feels like it.”

“At the moment it certainly feels like we’re being punished.”

“I’m sorry I can’t be of any help.”

“After everything that happened, I was forced to hire people to look after her. She made their lives hell. She begged me to find you and get you to come back. I tried for a while, but you seemed to have vanished from the face of the earth.”

“I had to get away for a while.”

“Miss McKenna … do you think Allegretti’s got her?”

Ellie shook her head. “I’ve asked myself the same question, but I don’t think so. He has many flaws and has probably done a few things he should be punished for, but in his own way he loves her. He wouldn’t kidnap her. He knows how traumatic it would be for her. She’s very attached to her family.”

“We could only do our best.”

“Have you notified the police?” Ellie didn’t know if she was imagining the glint in his eyes. And it was interesting that he hadn’t asked her how she knew.

“Not officially.”

“Maybe it’s time you do.”

Nazeem ran his hand across his face again. “It’s not so simple. There are all kinds of things to weigh up, of which her safety is the most important. If I knew who had her, or where she was, I’d have a better idea of what to do. I suppose there’s always the possibility that she ran away. That she planned it herself.”

“I hope it’s the case, but I’ll say it again: She loves you and she knows it would break your hearts.” Ellie got up. “I don’t want to keep you. I just wanted to come and tell you that I’m sorry and I hope she comes back safely.”

“Mavis would have liked to see you, but she’s lying down. The doctor gave her a shot this morning. She hasn’t eaten or slept since Friday night. You can imagine that she feels responsible.”

Before Ellie could react, a woman came through the front door. Williams called out to her. Ellie recognised her when she walked into the lounge.

“Sally, it’s Miss McKenna, who used to look after Clara.”

Ellie got up and held out her hand. “We met briefly before. I’m very sorry to hear about your problems.”

Sally Veldman nodded. “Thanks.”

Mavis and Sally came from good stock, Ellie thought. They must have been beauties. Both were still attractive, despite the marks left by the years on Sally’s face.

“Is there any news?” Williams asked when she turned to go.

Sally stopped and shook her head. “Nothing.”

“We won’t give up hope.”

Sally nodded and walked away.

Williams followed her with his eyes. Ellie wondered what was behind that gaze. She wondered if Sally blamed them for Clara’s disappearance. It was always easier to put the blame on someone else.

At the gate she held out her hand. “All the best.”

He took her hand in both his own. “Thank you for coming. I appreciate it.”

She was some distance away when he called after her: “If you happen to hear something, please let me know.”

Ellie turned. “I will,” she assured him.

Nick had taken the Rondebosch turnoff and found himself in the street where Williams lived. He reminded himself of a dog running from tree to tree, sniffing. He didn’t know whether he was looking for familiar or new smells, but an ancient instinct seemed to be warning him that things were happening in his territory that he should be aware of.

He drove slowly but not so slowly that he’d attract attention. Without looking around too much, he tried to take in as much detail as possible. Cars in front of the house. People going in or out. Everything was a potential piece of the puzzle. He had already passed the house when he spotted her. He didn’t know what had made him look back. Perhaps the strawberry blonde hair, threaded with copper, gleaming in the sunlight. Or the way she walked. Everyone had a unique walk and something told him he had seen that one before. He slowed down and turned his head to look back but the driver behind him leaned on his hooter. Cars were parked on either side of the narrow street and he was forced to accelerate and go around the block. When he returned, she had gone.

He didn’t like the prickling sensation in his neck.