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Foreword

by Lila Ivey, Editor

So often in his discourses, Yogi Desai begins at the end—with his first statement summarizing the topic of his discourse—only to circle back to the beginning, weaving threads of the middle and end, leaving students with a puzzle that is both paradoxical and abundantly clear at the same time. His teachings and writings are circuitous, simultaneously imbued with mystery and startling in their clarity. It is as if he is giving us all the answers we would ever need, yet leaving us pondering what the question was in the first place. It is for us to figure out for ourselves—the proverbial peeling away of the onion’s layers. Once revealed, the insight he shares provides us with an enormous moment of “ah-ha!” In an instant, the resolution to longstanding issues is apparent. This preface will serve that same purpose—exposing the answer to life’s most perplexing dilemma right at the top:

All relationships are based on the relationship we have with ourself, and ultimately, the Self.

But how do we get there? Now that we have the end in sight, we must work backward to the beginning. Yogi Desai often says, “What you want in the end, you must have in the beginning.” In Sanskrit, this is your sankalpa, your resolve, your deepest intention for integration. Alignment with intention is the path to integration.

Somehow we already know this, but putting it into practical use evades us at every turn. We know that everyone, regardless of culture, age or status, is searching for the same thing: love, peace and harmony. We long for that special someone, work that fulfills us, and children to adore. If the goal is so clear, why are we in conflict with everyone we care about and find ourselves shaking our heads at the mess we find ourselves in?

Successful relationships are not hard work, but they do require attention, acceptance and awareness. Attainment of this goal is indeed possible once we get out of our own way. The secret of successful relationships is revealed in the pages of this book. It is all about remembering what we already know. It is the remembering that is the tricky part, and putting that consciousness into play when we need it.

By necessity, this book is arranged in linear chapters. However, just as Patanjali’s Ashtanga Yoga is designed to be practiced simultaneously rather than step-by-step, the secret to relationships is that all the following teachings are practiced together in a unity of consciousness when we are in alignment with what we think, what we say, what we do, and how we feel.

The inspiration for this book is derived from the first two limbs of Patanjali’s Eight-limbed Yoga—the Yamas and Niyamas. Although they are listed in two categories, they too are not linear but simultaneous practices.

Yamas—Observances	Niyamas—Disciplines
Ahimsa—non-violence	Saucha—purity
Satya—non-lying	Santosha—contentment
Asteya—non-stealing	Tapas—spiritual heat
Brahmacharya—moderation	Swadhyaya—self-study
Aparigraha—non-attachment	Ishvara Pranidhana—
surrender to the Divine

For the reader’s reference, Yogi Desai’s complete commentary on each abstention and guideline is detailed on page 99 in the appendix.

Observing the Yamas and Niyamas in our daily lives is a recipe for joy. Distilled by Yogi Desai’s piercing insight and the depth of understanding he received from his guru, Swami Kripalvanandji, these gems of wisdom shine as brilliant guideposts on the yogic path of relationships.