Читать книгу Where the Edge Gathers: - Yvette A. Flunder - Страница 16

In Professional Ethics, Karen Lebacqz suggests that we should not only be virtuous, honest, and trustworthy in our actions, but that our doing honorable things should be reflective of our being honorable persons.⁸If a person feels forced to live a secret life in order to sustain an intimate relationship and simultaneously be accepted by a beloved community, how can that person be internally honorable? Life then becomes a web of lies, disjointed and lacking integration. After a period of time, the life story becomes one of survival deception, and the person becomes a deceiver in order to survive in the community. Lebacqz says, “When we act, we not only do something, we also shape our own character. Our choices about what to do are also choices about who to be.”⁹

The SGL Christian’s life becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy; the accusation is that there is something secret going on, and sure enough there is. How can it be possible for SGL Christians to move to a place of trustworthiness if there is no framework in which to come forward and be honest? It is the inaccessibility of first-class opportunity that creates a second-class subculture. The opportunity to demonstrate capability, competence, and commitment is overshadowed by a negative perception that demonizes, even amidst an atmosphere of tolerance; a perception that says “this person is not really capable of lofty ideals . . . this person’s character is automatically flawed, by virtue of his or her being SGL, and we will not allow him or her an opportunity to prove otherwise!”

I find it alarming that many who suspect the entire SGL community of being severely promiscuous also resist normalizing SGL monogamous unions. This lose-lose situation will in time do great harm to a person’s self-esteem and does cause many individuals to seek clandestine, anonymous intimate encounters in order to live out their sexuality while staying in a place of guarded acceptance by the church. In this age of AIDS, the church ought to be more concerned than any other institution on earth about the prima facie duty to do no harm. The church must remove the pejorative assumptions regarding SGL people and provide equal access and equal opportunity for full participation.

Integrity is the way our lives fit together in some orderly sensible fashion, implying predictability and continuity. It is impossible to live an integrated life and simultaneously have something as important as a committed love relationship that must be perpetually hidden from the community of faith. William N. Eskridge in The Case for Same-Sex Marriage says that such unions “civilize” relationships.¹⁰ When I first read this word in relationship to SGL unions I was offended. After reading further I understood Eskridge’s position and have listed some of the “civilizing” aspects of same–sex unions.

The law currently makes intimacy between same-sex people a criminal offense in some states; hence legal same-sex unions would legitimize intimacy. Same- sex unions would offer an alternative to the exaggerated benefit of promiscuity, which according to Eskridge has not been liberating to SGL men, and has encouraged a cult of youth and beauty worship and the spread of sexually transmitted diseases. Unions would provide a more stable environment where children are present.

It is important that I acknowledge the opinion of those who feel this position is restrictive and limiting and that what I am suggesting seeks to, in Eskridge’s words, “tame” the same-sex community.

There are SGL persons who think same-sex unions are simply a parody of heterosexual marriage and resist the notion of state recognized unions. They do not consider monogamy a viable option, and not everyone is interested in connecting to a community. I do not believe it is just for coupled people to enjoy insurance, tax, and housing benefits not available to single people or people whose intimate circles are made up of more than two persons. Some individuals are more suited to and even called to single life. Some are bisexual and live in intimate circles of mutual respect, love, and understanding. I do not seek to demonize or vilify any people or any family, but rather I seek to demonstrate that it is just and right for church and society to support and affirm same-sex couples, thereby providing a long-term relationship option for those who feel such an option is impossible.