Читать книгу One Heir...Or Two? - Yvonne Lindsay - Страница 11

Four

Kayla lay on the bed staring hard at the screen, willing the sonographer to find that second heartbeat.

“Please,” she implored. “Look again.”

“Kayla, one out of two is still a good thing. A lot of women don’t even progress this far,” the woman said encouragingly.

Even though she knew the odds, Kayla couldn’t help but feel a sense of devastation that one of her babies hadn’t made it.

“You’re right, of course,” she made herself say in response. “I’m very lucky.”

And she kept telling herself that all the way back to work, but the instant she walked into the rooms she shared in a holistic wellness clinic, she felt her hard-fought-for composure begin to crumble. Susan, her boss and fellow therapist at the clinic, took one look at her face and raced forward to envelop Kayla in her arms.

“Oh, hon. Is the news that bad?” she said, sympathetically rubbing Kayla’s back.

“I’ve lost one, Susan. The scan showed only one heartbeat.”

“That’s still good news, though, isn’t it? You have one baby?” Susan loosened her embrace and held Kayla at arm’s length. “Look at you. I thought all hope was gone.”

Kayla gave her a watery smile. “I’m sorry. I’m just... It’s just...”

She couldn’t find the words to describe the aching sense of loss—and guilt—that had settled deep inside her. Every time she argued with herself that there was nothing she could have done differently to ensure the success of both the embryos, she was reminded of that night with Zoe. Of how physical it had gotten. Of how all of that was her fault. She’d brought Zoe into her home, into her and Sienna’s world. She’d left her phone on the coffee table, open to her internet banking. She’d done nothing about changing her locks after Zoe had left.

No matter which way she looked at it, it was all her fault. She felt like she’d failed—both the lost embryo and her sister. The day had started bad enough when, before she left for the scan this morning, the papers had arrived from Van’s lawyers; he was suing for custody of Sienna. It felt like an assault on her right to be Sienna’s mother and the mother of the babies—no, baby, she corrected herself—she carried and she had nothing to fight it with. Tears filled her eyes and began to roll helplessly down her cheeks.

“There, there, hon. Don’t take on so. Must be all those hormones heading into overdrive in your body, hmm? Why don’t you take the rest of the day off? You only have three bookings. I’ll cover for you, okay?”

Kayla reluctantly accepted Susan’s offer. She couldn’t really afford to take extra time off, not when she was so financially strapped, but right now the idea of working and investing what was left of her energy into other people was just too much for her. Sienna was in day care until five o’clock, so she decided to let her stay there and headed to her apartment. She hadn’t been sleeping all that well. Maybe she could just take a nap and be in a better headspace to figure out her next move.

She’d been dozing on her sofa for a couple of hours when she heard a knock at the door. Still fuzzy, she got to her feet and rubbed her face, surprised to find her fingers came away wet. She’d been crying even in her sleep. The reality of it all hit her again. There was another knock at the door.

“Kayla? I know you’re in there.”

Van. Of course it had to be him. The man had the worst timing in the world. She dragged herself to the door.

“I’m not really up for visitors right now. Can you come another time?” she said at the solid block of wood with its shiny new locks.

“This isn’t a social call. Open up.”

“Look, if you’re wondering if your papers got here today, they did. Okay? You can go now.”

“I’m here because I’m worried about you,” he interrupted. “Now open the door.”

Kayla’s shoulders drooped as emotion swelled through her again. He was worried about her? Worried about his progeny, more like. She had no doubt that she was nothing but a peripheral thought to him. She slipped the chain off, twisted the two locks open and swung the door wide.

“Come in,” she said listlessly.

She hadn’t been kidding when she said she wasn’t up to visitors, but most especially, she wasn’t up to him. She turned her back on him to head back to the couch, but not before she caught a whiff of his cologne. Funny how it didn’t make her stomach twist and revolt like so many other scents already did. The fragrance summed him up perfectly with its masculine woody blend and sharper citrus top note, and it reminded her anew of the difference between this man and the boy she’d known growing up—not to mention the man she’d sought oblivion with after Sienna’s funeral.

Van came in, locked the door behind him and came to stand by the sofa, where she’d reassumed her position lying down under a soft blanket. His eyes raked her, almost as if he was trying to see inside her.

“I went to see you at work,” he started.

Kayla felt her spirits dip even lower. Susan was a lovely woman but confidentiality was a foreign concept to her. She’d have told Van everything. His next words confirmed it.

“Your boss told me one of the embryos didn’t take.” He paused a moment, took in a deep breath. “Will you be all right? Is there anything I can do?”

“No, there’s nothing anyone can do. It happens. I was half expecting it but I still... I still hoped, you know?”

Van moved around the room. Kayla surreptitiously watched him from her supine position on the sofa. He carried himself straight and tall, using every inch of his six-foot-two frame to fill the space he occupied. And all around him, like some cape imbued with superpowers, he wore an air of suppressed energy. As if he was coiled, ready to strike at a moment’s notice. As if nothing and no one would ambush or surprise him. He’d always been like that, even as a kid—except, when it was just her and Sienna, he’d sometimes let his guard down. She guessed it was only natural that the army had enhanced this hyperawareness in him. But he wasn’t in a war zone now—unless you counted the legal attack he’d launched on her this morning.

The reminder made her swing her legs to the floor and sit up straight.

“What do you want, Van? To see I’m okay? You’ve seen me. You can leave now.”

“Tell me about the scan,” he demanded, settling into the chair opposite and leaning toward her, his elbows resting on the tops of his thighs and his hands loosely clasped. “What’s it like? What did you see?”

She briefly outlined the procedure and told him about the indistinct image on the screen.

“You really can’t see a lot. It’s still early days,” she finished.

“But the sonographer heard a heartbeat?”

“I did, too.”

He leaned back against the chair and thrust his hands through his hair. “Wow.”

“Like I said, it’s still early days.”

Yes, there had been a heartbeat, but that could still change. There was a long time before the fetus would be considered viable. Right now it didn’t even look like a baby—the scan had just been a collection of light and dark shapes to her—but the audio had confirmed the baby was there. She needed to hold on to that, take joy in that confirmation. It wasn’t like her to be downcast, and she hated it, but she was mourning the missing heartbeat—and with it, mourning her sister all over again.

* * *

Van was unaccustomed, these days, at least, to feeling helpless. He was the kind of man who took action. He served, he protected, he saved. That he had virtually no control over any of this situation with Kayla was enough to drive a man to drink—except he didn’t drink anymore. Ever. Not since he’d learned the truth about his parents. Actually, no, his decision had come earlier than that. It started in the cold gray dawn after that night with Kayla, after her sister’s funeral. A night when they’d had too much to drink and then— He shut down the thought before it could form fully in his mind. No, he did dumb things when he’d been drinking—made dumb choices. No more.

Of course, it looked like the dumbest decision he’d ever made was agreeing to be Sienna’s donor. But then, he’d never expected things to turn out like this. Now he had a kid and another on the way.

It was his worst nightmare come true but he had to take control to make sure their childhoods wouldn’t be the disaster zone his had been. They needed a strong role model, someone who could guide them into being good human beings who made the right choices in life. He had to be that person no matter how many times he’d told himself he couldn’t, or wouldn’t, raise kids of his own.

He had an ethical obligation to see that his children had the best of everything—morally and materially. That meant being the best damn father he could be. His kids would have a solid, safe, reliable upbringing. And no matter what impractical ideas Kayla had about parenting, he’d made himself a promise—he’d be the one making the hard decisions in their lives. He’d be the one keeping them safe, now and in the future. If that meant making sure their birth mother was cared for 24/7 until the new baby was born, then that was what he’d do.

Kayla needed his help right now, and she was going to get it—even though he knew she’d fight him on this. But what she probably hadn’t counted on was that in the last several years he’d become quite used to succeeding—in everything. He wasn’t about to stop now and he wasn’t above using some heavy emotional leverage to achieve his objective, either.

He picked his next words very carefully. “You know, you don’t need to make things so hard on yourself.”

She made a noise that fell somewhere between a snort and a laugh. “Really? That’s rather ironic, when you’re the one making things hard on me.”

Kayla leaned forward and gave the legal envelope sitting in front of her on the coffee table a dismissive shove toward him with her fingertips. He ignored it and the quick surge of frustration that threatened to cloud his thinking.

“I mean, you don’t need to do this all on your own,” he rephrased.

“Oh, you think I should just give in to your demands? Hand Sienna over to you without another thought? Forget I carried her in my body, birthed her, nurtured her and raised her on my own these past ten months? Forget that she’s my sister’s baby and that I promised to raise her?”

Her voice wobbled, betraying her vulnerability. Out of nowhere came the urge to wrap her in his arms, to tell her that everything was going to be okay. It was most inconvenient. He didn’t want to feel that way toward her. He didn’t want to feel that way toward anybody. He’d drilled that sap out of himself, taught himself not to feel anything more than he wanted to feel when he wanted to feel it. He compartmentalized and planned; he didn’t wing it. He made decisions based on analysis and structure, not emotion. He did not offer hugs to tearful females, even if they were carrying his kids.

Again, the unwelcome impulse to comfort her fought to rise to the surface. Again, he shoved it straight back down. It was time to bring in the big guns—he might not want to feel emotion but he wasn’t above manipulating it to get what he wanted.

“Sienna wouldn’t have wanted you to do this on your own, Kayla. You know that. You said yourself that she would have wanted me to be a part of this, to help you, to support you.”

“To support me, yes. Not to rip everything I hold dear away from me.”

Her face grew taut, her throat worked—swallowing almost convulsively—and he saw the stricken echo of sorrow reflect from her blue eyes. He averted his gaze. Damn, he couldn’t have felt any worse right now if he’d just kicked a puppy. What was it with these feelings? Was she leaking hormones in the air or something? He had to move, to get out of the line of fire. He shoved up and out of his chair and started to pace, talking all the time—enumerating all the reasons it would be a good idea for her to accept his offer of household help, financial security, comfortable living. You name it, he’d provide it. Help to infinity and beyond. After all, hadn’t that been her objective all along when she’d come to see him last month? Wasn’t he giving her, albeit belatedly, exactly what she’d asked for?

When he finally wound down, her expression was more normal again. Granted, she was still pale and her eyes still red rimmed, but there was a light of battle in them again. A light that reminded him of old Kayla. The one who got a harebrained idea in that head of hers and went off, damning the consequences without a second thought—just like she had with this pregnancy.

“So you’re saying I should give up the lease on this apartment, give up a job I love, move south to your no doubt obscenely luxurious home on the hills outside Monterey, hand over Sienna to some faceless nanny and spend my time growing your next child like some uninvolved incubator until it’s born, whereupon you plan to take it and my daughter and show me the door? I don’t think so.”