Читать книгу Risking It All... - Yvonne Lindsay, Brenda Jackson - Страница 15
ОглавлениеJohn sensed her doubts even as he kissed her. Constance could hardly believe she was here in his bedroom. He could hardly believe it either. Still, his disbelief mingled with a sense of wonder as he held her close and kissed her with feeling.
She didn’t have much experience. He could tell that by her sense of surprise and her awkward reaction to his simple advances. Somehow that only stoked his passion. This beautiful woman had been quietly living her life, free from desire and its complications, peering into corporate records and keeping her heart safe.
Constance was like a safe with a long and complicated combination, and his fingers itched to turn the dial until she clicked open for him. The image appealed to him. He wanted to unlock the door to her heart and let himself in.
He helped her carefully out of her suit jacket and laid it on the chair. Her blouse had a silky texture and he could feel the warmth of her body through it, so he let himself enjoy the sensation of her skin through the fabric while he kissed her.
Then he started to unbutton it. First just one button. Then another kiss. Then the second button. More kissing. Her eyes opened slightly as he went for the third button, and the sparkle of excitement in them fired his arousal.
Her hands roamed under his shirt, feeling the muscle along his back. When they dipped into the waistband of his pants, the sudden rush of sensation made him gasp. He was so hard it was difficult to be patient and careful with her, but that was the only way to unlock her closely guarded safe and enjoy the intimacy he craved. He knew he’d blow everything if he tried to rush. He wanted this to be as enjoyable for her as he knew it would be for him.
He guided her to the edge of the bed and sat her gently down, then knelt in front of her and pulled her shirt back to reveal her bra. She watched him curiously, eyes shining, as he lowered his mouth over her breast and dampened the fabric of her bra with his tongue. Already firm, her nipple thickened under his caress, and she let out a small murmur of pleasure.
She ran her fingers through his hair, encouraging him as he licked and sucked first one breast and then the other. Then he lowered his head to trace a line down toward her belly button. She inhaled sharply as he reached the waistband of her skirt.
“Lie back,” he murmured, stroking her cheek with his thumb.
She blinked, not questioning anything, then eased herself down onto the soft bedcover. Her thighs clenched together as he unbuttoned the top of her skirt—which opened at the side—and started to slide it down her shapely legs.
He wanted to tell her to relax, but had a feeling that words might have the opposite effect. Sometimes it was better to touch than talk.
The removal of her skirt revealed pretty lace-trimmed panties that rather surprised him. He’d expected utilitarian cotton. And she must have bought them since the fire. Had she known he’d see and enjoy them? Had she bought them for him? It was hard to imagine, but the thought made him smile.
He didn’t part her legs, which she still pressed together tightly, although he longed to taste her through the lacy fabric. Instead he kissed her thighs, her knees and her legs right down to her toes. She softened and relaxed as he traveled along her smooth skin.
He ventured tentatively toward her female center, wanting to explore every delicious inch of her. The soft silk of her panties didn’t conceal the heat radiating from her core. She flinched slightly as he flicked his tongue over her, then whimpered softly as he sucked her through the delicate fabric.
Once she was thoroughly relaxed and pulsing with heat and pleasure, all resistance kneaded away, he slid off her shirt. She eagerly reached for his shirt buttons, tugging at them, as a smile spread across her face. Her hungry energy surprised him. She wanted to see him naked almost as much as he wanted to be naked with her. Together they undid his belt and shed his pants, and pulled off his shirt. Then she hesitated, frowning slightly, staring at his briefs.
He was aroused almost to the point of madness, and it showed. He wondered for a second if she’d freeze up and try to backtrack—something that just might kill him at this moment. Instead he almost died anyway when she slid her fingers inside the waistband of his underwear and took hold of him.
* * *
Constance couldn’t remember being this aroused ever. Part of her couldn’t believe she had her fingers wrapped gently but firmly around John’s impressive erection. The rest of her really wanted to feel him inside her right now.
She heard his sharp intake of breath as she stroked him. It gave her a thrill that he was so excited, too.
“Hold on,” he rasped. “Before we get carried away and forget.”
He reached into a nearby dresser and brought out a condom packet. She hadn’t even thought about contraception. She wasn’t on the pill, either. Why would she be? Obviously common sense had deserted her.
Sheathed, he came close and she wrapped her hand around him again. Her body was almost trembling with anticipation as she guided him into her, not that he needed any help, and he lowered his chest over hers. He kissed her very softly right as he entered her—so slow and careful—and she felt her hips lift to greet his.
The powerful sensation of him inside her quickened her breath. She could feel her fingers clawing at his back, traveling into his hair, but she didn’t seem to have any control over them. Luckily that didn’t matter because he took control, moving with gentle intensity, driving her further and further into an intense world of pleasure and passion.
“I’m crazy about you,” he whispered in her ear, as her breath quickened to the point of gasping. The sensation of his hot breath on her ear only heightened her pleasure.
“Me, too.” Did that even make any sense? Nothing made sense, except kissing him more and reveling in the sensation of him deep inside her. His big body moved over hers with ease, shifting position to send her closer yet to the brink of...something.
Sensation was building inside her and she became more aware of it as John sucked her earlobe gently while filling her over and over again. Something was creeping through her, a wave of pleasure, or a whole tide of it, starting in the clenched tips of her toes and rising up her legs and sweeping over her belly until she felt as though she was drowning in it. Distant moaning and shrieking sounds might have come from her mouth, but she couldn’t be sure. John uttered a low groan and gathered her so tightly in his arms she thought she might disappear into him completely. She wanted to say something but she couldn’t make a sound, just little gasps that burst from her lips onto the hot skin of his shoulder as he clung to her.
“Am I crushing you?” John eased himself off her slightly by propping himself on his elbows.
“No.” His powerful physique felt no heavier than a down comforter, enveloping her in its warmth. “You feel fantastic.”
“You, too.” He kissed her so softly she almost wanted to cry.
Cry? Strange emotions suddenly welled up inside her. She didn’t even really know what had happened. Was that an orgasm? She’d read about them but had never come close to experiencing one before. Her body still pulsed and tingled with the aftereffects. Her heart squeezed and she held John close. She felt incredibly intimate with him right now. Which wasn’t surprising, considering that they were both naked in his bed.
On his bed. With the lights on.
Her eyes cracked open as she managed to regain some grip on her consciousness. They hadn’t even taken the time to climb under the covers. In fact, they weren’t even at the right end of the bed.
She swallowed, trying to make sense of what had just happened. John stroked a tendril of damp hair from her forehead. “You’re very passionate, Constance.”
Coming from his mouth, her dull and prim name seemed sensual and evocative. “So are you, John.” His name was even duller than hers, and he was the most exciting and intriguing man she’d ever met. Apparently names didn’t have too much to do with anything.
“Let’s get under the covers.” A smile shone in his eyes.
“Okay.” She let him lift her, her body feeling almost weightless in his strong embrace, and slide her under the soft white covers. Then he settled next to her and wrapped his arms around her. A soft kiss on her cheek felt so romantic she thought for a second that she must be dreaming.
She wasn’t, though. There was no way she could conjure the intoxicating scent of his skin in a dream. Or the slightly rough feel of his cheek against hers, or the sparkle of amusement—and passion—in his eyes. This was real, and it was happening to her, Constance Allen, right here, right now.
“I really don’t know how I ended up here.” She felt like being honest.
“It’s the most natural thing in the world. Two people being attracted to each other and wanting to be together.”
“I don’t get why you’re attracted to me, though.” No doubt any dating manual would issue stern warnings against such a blatant display of insecurity. But she couldn’t help wondering what John Fairweather saw in her.
He wanted her, there was no doubt about that. She could feel it in the way he looked at her, in the way he made love to her, in the way he held her close, his breath on her cheek.
“I don’t know where you’ve gotten the idea that you’re not desirable. You’re a beautiful woman.” He stroked her cheek with his thumb.
“I am not! I’m quite ordinary looking.”
“Who told you that? You have the prettiest hazel eyes I’ve ever seen. So curious and a little wary. When you look at me I get a jolt of something I can’t explain.”
Her eyes? “But I wear glasses. Where are they, anyway?”
“On the chest over there. I made sure to put them somewhere safe.”
“I don’t even remember taking them off.” She reached automatically for her nose, where she usually pushed them up.
“You didn’t. I did.” His smile made her smile—as usual. “Apparently you can see pretty well without them.”
“I just need them for reading. They’re a mild prescription.” She could see John clearly enough right now, his dark eyes peering into hers.
“So how come you wear them all the time?”
She shrugged, or attempted to, in his arms. “I feel more comfortable with them on. Then I don’t have to worry about taking them on and off to read. I do spend a lot of time reading, even if it’s mostly numbers.”
“Something to hide behind. I don’t think you’re comfortable with your own beauty.”
She laughed. “I don’t think I’m comfortable with much of anything, except doing my job to the best of my ability. And right now I’m not doing so well with that, either.”
“Because you’re sleeping with the subject of your investigation?”
“Who’s sleeping?”
He chuckled. “Do you feel guilty?”
“Of course. Don’t you?”
“For seducing you? No, I don’t feel at all guilty. Like I said, it’s the most natural thing in the world for two people who are drawn to each other to enjoy each other’s company.”
Of course it was, to him. That’s why he had so many girlfriends. He probably never said no when he saw something, or someone, he wanted. “My boss would kill me if she knew I was in bed with you right now.”
“She won’t find out.” He lowered his lips to hers in a soft kiss.
No. She wouldn’t. This little...affair—because there was no better word for it—had to be kept under wraps. Which meant it was wrong.
If Constance had any sense she’d push John off her right now and run screaming back to her hotel.
But she didn’t want to. She wanted to lie here in his arms, to feel his rough cheek against hers. To enjoy the warm, protective embrace of his strong arms and his satisfied sigh in her ear. In fact she couldn’t remember the last time she felt so completely relaxed and content.
She’d spent too many lonely nights in her bedroom. Too many solitary hours dreaming of moments like this. Everyone, including her own parents, thought she had no feelings at all. That she lived to work. That her brain was filled with numbers and spreadsheets and she spent all her spare time doing elaborate computations. But she was just like everyone else, though she hid it well. She craved companionship, romance, love.
Love? Well, she wasn’t going to find that with John Fairweather. A tiny stab of regret poked at her heart. She could probably fall in love with him quite easily on the briefest acquaintance. Despite his reputation as a callous, money-orientated playboy, she’d learned he was a man of principle who put those principles into practice every day. The media was so wrong about him. Or maybe they were jealous. She could now grow quite angry thinking about the callous things she’d read about him and the tribe.
“Your heart’s beating faster.” His gruff voice tickled something deep inside her.
“I was just thinking about how wrong everyone is about you.”
He laughed. “Are they, though? I don’t lose a single moment of sleep worrying what other people think. I don’t care about them at all. Maybe that’s what they hate the most.”
“I admire your independent spirit.”
“Do you?” He sounded surprised. “I thought you were convinced that everything I stand for is wrong.”
“That’s when I thought you stood for gambling and drinking and cheating people out of their hard-earned money. Now I know those things are means to an end. You wouldn’t be in the gambling business at all if it weren’t for you trying to build the tribe, would you?”
He watched her for a moment. “I admit, the software business was a lot less complicated.” A smile tugged at his mouth. “In fact, I’m planning to get back into it. We’ve been working on some database software to improve our business operations here and I plan to release a beta version in the next three months or so.”
“Maybe it will be more successful than the casino.”
“That’s hard to imagine, but you never know.”
“Most people would be resting on their laurels and enjoying the fruits of their hard work, but you’re always trying something new.”
“Maybe I’m just restless.” He shifted, bumping against her and stirring desire.
“I’m not like that at all.” She let out a sigh. “I’m very dull, really. I don’t have any desire to set the world on fire. I’m just trying to save enough to buy my own house and move out.”
“The world would be a crazy place if everyone was like me. Can you imagine? A blend of different types of people is much more peaceful and productive.” He kissed her cheek.
Her skin stirred under his lips. “I suppose you’re right.” Was that why he liked her—she provided a pleasantly dull contrast to his high-octane self?
“Opposites attract.” He squeezed her, and she reveled in the sensation of his big body pressed against hers.
“Apparently so.” She caressed the thick muscle of his back. It was hard to believe she lay here in his arms, completely naked. It felt oddly natural. As had their lovemaking. Much more so than the hurried fumblings with the college boyfriend she’d planned to spend the rest of her life with.
Right now she could easily imagine herself and John having an actual relationship. Surely they were already, to a certain extent? Except that she was here to investigate his company for improprieties and she’d probably be fired if anyone found out about this.
“What’s the matter?” He must have heard her breathing quicken.
“I can’t believe we’re in bed together.”
He paused, and stroked her shoulder. “Nothing happens by accident.”
“No? I didn’t plan this and I don’t think you did, either.”
His chest rumbled with a chuckle. “You’re right. But we can both be discreet.”
She wasn’t sure if it was a question or a command. Either way it hurt. Which it shouldn’t have, because she certainly didn’t want him telling anyone. “Of course.”
No promises. No expectations.
No future.
She’d fallen into his arms knowing this was crazy, but she hadn’t been able to help herself. Too many nights in her lonely bedroom, wondering if a man would ever hold her again. Too many dreams that hadn’t come true. The last few years of loneliness had apparently left her in a desperate and dangerous condition and brought her here into John Fairweather’s bed.
“We’re not entirely opposites, you know.” John kissed her cheek softly.
“No? How are we similar?”
“We’re both stubborn and determined.”
“I think I’m going to take that as an insult. I was raised to be obedient and compliant.” She raised a brow.
“Well, something went wrong.” He winked, and the sparkle of humor in his eyes did something strange to her belly. “Because I can tell you make up your own mind about everything.”
“What makes you say that?”
“You’re here, aren’t you? In my arms.” He squeezed her gently, and her heart tripped a little.
“I’m not sure my mind was involved in this at all. I suspect other, less intellectual parts of my body were involved.”
His chest rocked with laughter. “To a certain extent, yes, but you’re here and thinking right now and I don’t notice you running for the door.”
“Trust me, I’m thinking about running for the door.” She glanced at it, as if to make sure the way was clear.
“Guess I’ll have to keep a tight hold on you, then.” His arms circled her completely, which felt fabulous. She didn’t want to move from their embrace. “Because I don’t want you to go.”
“I’m sure you’d have no trouble finding someone to take my place here.” She regretted the jealous-sounding words the moment they came out.
“I’m not at all interested in anyone else. I bet you’d be surprised by how long it’s been since I slept with a woman.”
“Really?” Her own curiosity embarrassed her.
“I won’t lie. I sowed some wild oats when I was younger, especially after my marriage fell apart. I’d been a true romantic up until then and I couldn’t believe that the forever she’d promised me had turned out to be less than a year. I probably got revenge on myself more than anyone else. I was mad at myself for trusting her.”
“I was mad at myself for trusting in my ex. And he didn’t even cheat on me. At least not that I know of.”
“It’s hard to put your faith in other people once you’ve been let down. Is that why you haven’t been serious with anyone else?”
She paused, not wanting to tell the truth. But she wasn’t really cut out for fibbing. “No one’s even asked me out since then.”
“In five or six years?” His incredulity made her bite her lip.
“Nope. Not once.” Maybe that explained why she’d leaped so willingly into John’s entirely unsuitable arms.
“That’s insane. You are kind of intimidating, though. It probably takes someone as obnoxious as me to be arrogant enough to try.”
“Intimidating? I think of myself as being humble and unassuming.”
His deep belly laugh rocked her. “You can think of yourself that way all you want. The truth is you’re a demanding and rather judgmental woman who probably scares the pants off most men.”
“Oh.” She frowned. “That doesn’t sound good.”
“I like it.” His grin warmed her. “If you have high expectations of yourself, you should have them of others, too. I know I do.”
“Hmm. Now that you put it like that, it doesn’t seem so bad.” Her head rested on his bicep, which was more comfortable than the softest pillow. “I suppose you’re right that a lot of people find me unapproachable. I turn down so many lunch invitations and weekend plans from coworkers that people rarely invite me anywhere anymore.”
“Why do you turn them down?”
“I think they’re silly. I go to the office to work, not socialize.”
“See? You are unapproachable.” His grin revealed those even white teeth. “They’re right to be afraid. What about your church? You said your family is religious. Didn’t you meet anyone there?”
“Not anyone I was interested in.”
“So you’re also picky.” He stroked a tendril of hair off her cheek.
“Shouldn’t I be? What’s the point of pretending you like someone when you don’t?”
“None whatsoever.” He grinned. “I guess that means you like me.”
“I wouldn’t say that,” she teased. Why was he so easy to talk to? “But apparently I am attracted to you.”
“And I’m attracted to you.” His gentle kiss made her lips tingle. “There’s some serious chemistry between us.”
There was. It snapped in the air and sensitized her skin where their bodies touched. Pheromones. Mysterious substances that science barely understood, which coaxed humans into situations any sane person would avoid. Like lying cheek to cheek with the man whose business you were investigating.
“It’s a shame chemistry doesn’t last and that after a while you have to actually be compatible and get along.” She wanted to let him know she didn’t expect this crazy fling to go anywhere. Or maybe she just wanted to reject him before he could reject her.
“You have to start somewhere.” He kissed her again. She wished he’d stop doing that! It stirred all kinds of sensations deep in her belly. Sensations that made her wish he were inside her again. What kind of woman had he turned her into? “How do you know we’re not perfectly compatible?”
“Us? That’s funny.” She didn’t want him to think his words had any effect on her, but they did. They were both good with numbers. Both hardworking and determined. She would have once said that he was a notorious playboy and she was the exact opposite, but her current position here in his arms proved that she wasn’t so entirely different from him when the opportunity for romance presented itself.
Romance? Where had that word come from? There wasn’t anything terribly romantic about their relationship so far. Romance was flirtation and candlelit dinners and hopeful conversations. They’d gone straight from zero to sixty with very little preamble.
She’d better not let herself start thinking that this was a romance, or she was likely to end up with a broken heart.
“I don’t think it’s so funny at all. My grandparents are very different and they’ve been together for almost fifty years. He was wild and considered himself a beatnik. He wrote terrible poetry and played the trumpet, and he was getting ready to run away to New York and become a jazz musician when he met my grandmother while delivering milk to a local depot. She’d just moved here with her family from Minnesota and had never dated or kissed a boy in her life. She was training to become a schoolteacher and spent her evenings reading and knitting. He charmed her and she tamed him and they’ve been together ever since.”
“Oh.” A dangerous charmer and a good girl. Sounded familiar.
“He was very good-looking. She always said that she never stood a chance against him.”
“Have they been happy?” She was genuinely curious. People always talked about those opposites-attract relationships, but she didn’t know how often they really worked out.
“Very. They’ve had their ups and downs, of course. My mom—the one who gave birth to me—was even wilder than my grandfather when he was young, and it ended up killing her. Her death put a strain on their relationship, as a child’s death often does. My grandmother blamed my grandfather for not being stricter with her, and he blamed her for not being more accepting. He felt that if my mom had still lived at home maybe she wouldn’t have gone out drinking and driving on the night she died.”
“If things were different, maybe you wouldn’t have been born.” She stroked the wrinkle that had formed between his brows. “So much of life depends on chance.”
She’d never had that thought before. She was a planner, and unapologetic about it. She’d had her whole life mapped out from about age eleven: she’d intended to meet and marry a nice, appropriate spouse during college, then work for several years to build their finances and buy a house before they started a family. She’d planned her career in accounting and made sure to keep abreast of all developments in the field so she’d always have in-demand skills. When her marriage plans had derailed, she’d continued full speed ahead with the other elements of her life blueprint, assuming that everything would slot into place eventually, even if not on her anticipated schedule. She hadn’t spent a single moment thinking about the rather scary mechanics of chance.
“You’re right. All the hard work in the world won’t get you anywhere without at least a dash of luck, too. I can’t tell you how many times the fate of this casino, even the whole tribe, rested on a decision made by strangers who didn’t have any real stake in the outcome. There were certainly enough people hoping that it wouldn’t happen. And plenty that would like to shut us down right now.”
“Do you think that’s what they would do if I found that you were actually cooking your books?” Her stomach clenched. She could probably wreak havoc on John’s entire existence.
“I don’t doubt that they’d try. Believe me, it makes it easy to stay honest.”
“Why are so many people opposed to the casino?”
“Well, there are the people who are against it for the same reasons as you.” He touched her lips with a finger. “You know, gambling, drinking, people wasting time having fun. But I suspect even more of them are just jealous. They think we’re getting away with something. Enjoying some benefit that they can’t have because they’re not Indian. No one likes to feel excluded.”
“I suppose you’re right, but isn’t it supposed to be a reparation of sorts for past injustices?”
“I think some people see it that way, especially people who are trying to justify their gambling losses as a charitable donation.” He winked. “But really it’s just a recognition of past treaties, allowing us sovereignty over our own lands and people. So many of these agreements were ignored or broken over the centuries, and now things are changing. There’s no element of payback in it. If anything you’d think Americans would be glad that we’re finally getting with the program and embracing the complicated laws and unbridled capitalism that have made this country so powerful and influential.”
John was so charming it was hard to imagine anyone disagreeing with him once they’d talked to him face-to-face. “So basically, you’re just trying to fit in.”
“Exactly.” His wicked grin made her smile in response. And kiss him. She couldn’t help herself. Something about him had totally undermined her defenses. He kissed her back. It was warm and invigorating, and soon he had to reach for another condom.
Bliss filled her as John entered her again, banishing the years of loneliness and wanting. Her body blossomed under his affectionate caresses, and her inhibitions faded away as their intimacy deepened. Was it really this easy to find happiness with another person?
She drifted off to sleep in his calm embrace, feeling utterly at peace with the world. Right now she could easily imagine herself and John as a couple, sharing their days and nights, their thoughts, their dreams.
Could this taste of paradise turn into her real life?
