Читать книгу Work. Mama. Life. - Ali Young - Страница 23

As you can probably imagine, with an online platform called UnFcK Motherhood, this one really gets my goat. The societal expectations that mothers should conform to a mothering norm or standard in their behaviours is pervasive. As women in an industrialised Western world, we are often encouraged to explore our sense of self and being in a whole-woman construct. Shouldn't that mean that we are free to figure out who the hell we are? Yet, as soon as we become mums, there's a bit less of that freedom in the figuring out.

As mums, there are perceptions around our calmness, our quietness and what nurturing should look like. We are supposed to fit a certain mould of normal and good mothering. We are encouraged to behave as if we didn't have a separate life before that is worthy of continuing on with. The measure of being a great mum is to not grieve what you have stopped doing, but to only love all this newness in your world.

Do you remember that song from the 90s ‘Don't Worry, Be Happy’ (pick the lass who was a teen then)? It's this kind of toxic positivity that we are expected to adopt in motherhood. When we throw working-mum life on top of this behaviour expectation, we are suddenly thrust into a world that might not suit us.

We can choose our own story. Take me, for example. I had a pretty fun youth and loved a lot of loud music, dancing and socialisation. Yet as a mother, if I put on my favourite 90s Seattle grunge band, danced in my kitchen and wanted to take my kids for a lunch at the pub with my girlfriends, there might just be some questions from well-meaning people. Probably from people I might not bother about (jokes, sort of), but it is outside the norm to do these activities with the kids regularly.

Our behaviours, as long as they are safe for us and our children, are just that: our behaviours. My nurturing style is highly different from that of many of the mums who come through my practice doors. Yet I know that I have a great bond with my kids, that our mother–child love is there. They don't care that their mum has crazy hair and dances around to silly music (as long as none of their friends are there to watch anyway — coz that is soooo embarrassing) and I'm proud that I've introduced them to things I loved like Pearl Jam and Masters at Work … because these stories and bands have shaped me.

The expectation of putting ourselves aside for the perceived benefit of our children is driving a decline in the joy of motherhood.

There. I said it. We need to honour ourselves and who we are to allow our mothering and motherhood to be easy, calm and connected.