Читать книгу Cognitive Behaviour Therapy - Avy Joseph - Страница 27

It is not difficult to understand that if you have unhealthy beliefs about yourself and about certain things in your life, your feelings and behaviours are not going to be healthy.

According to the ABC model, unhealthy beliefs provoke unhealthy negative emotions and self‐damaging or destructive behaviours. Depression, anxiety, guilt and rage are examples of unhealthy negative emotions.

ANXIETY VERSUS CONCERN

Unhealthy Negative Emotion	What the belief is about	Healthy Negative Emotion
Anxiety	A threat or danger	Concern
How you think		How you think
You exaggerate the overall effect of the threat.		You keep the effect of the danger in perspective.
You think that you won't be able to deal with the danger.		You have a balanced view about your ability to deal with the threat.
You see the glass as half empty.		You see the whole glass and focus on the full part.
Your thoughts are not constructive.		Your thoughts are solution‐focused and constructive.
What you do or what you feel like doing		What you do or what you feel like doing
Run away physically.		Face the threat.
Run away mentally.		Deal with the potential danger.
Do superstitious things to get rid of the threat.
Medicate and numb your feelings, e.g. with alcohol.
Seek assurances from others.

DEPRESSION VERSUS SADNESS

Unhealthy Negative Emotion	What the belief is about	Healthy Negative Emotion
Depression	Loss or failure	Sadness
How you think		How you think
You only focus on negatives since the loss or failure.		You think of both the negatives and positives of the loss or failure.
You think of all the other past losses and failures.		You do not dwell on past losses and failures.
You think you are a failure, helpless.		You do not see yourself as a failure or as helpless. You think that you can help yourself to move forward.
You think the future is hopeless, bleak and full of misery.		You have hope for the future.
What you do or what you feel like doing		What you do or what you feel like doing
You pull away from other people.		You express how you feel about your loss or failure.
You withdraw into your head.		You look after yourself and your environment.
You stop looking after yourself and your environment.		You engage in healthy behaviours.
You get rid of your emotions in destructive ways, e.g. alcohol or overeating.

ANGER/RAGE VERSUS ANNOYANCE

Unhealthy Negative Emotion	What the belief is about	Healthy Negative Emotion
Anger or rage	Loss or failure	Sadness
How you think		How you think
You exaggerate the actions of the person who has broken your personal rule.		You are balanced about the intention behind the thing that was done.
You think the other person's intentions were malicious.		You don't see malice.
You are right and the other person is definitely wrong.		You are open to being wrong.
You can't see the other person's point of view.		You can listen to the other person's point of view.
You think of how you can get your revenge.		You do not think of seeking revenge.
What you do or what you feel like doing		What you do or what you feel like doing
You physically attack.		You talk and behave in an assertive manner but with the right intent.
You verbally attack.		You ask the other person to make changes but you don't demand it.
You pay them back somehow, e.g. by ignoring them or staying silent. You recruit allies against the other person.

HURT VERSUS SORROW

Unhealthy Negative Emotion	What the belief is about	Healthy Negative Emotion
Hurt	Someone has treated you badly. You think you deserve to be treated better.	Sorrow
How you think		How you think
You exaggerate the unfairness of your treatment.		You think in a balanced way about the unfairness.
You think the other person does not care about you.		You do not think the other person does not care about you.
You think of yourself as unlovable or misunderstood.		You do not think of yourself as unlovable or misunderstood.
You remember the other times when you felt hurt.		You don't think about the other times when you felt hurt.
The other person must understand and make amends first.		You don't insist the other person has to make the first move.
What you do or what you feel like doing		What you do or what you feel like doing
You sulk and shut down.		You talk about how you feel in order to persuade the other person to behave more fairly.
You pick on the other person without telling them why.

GUILT VERSUS REMORSE

Unhealthy Negative Emotion	What the belief is about	Healthy Negative Emotion
Guilt	You have broken a moral code or the feelings of a significant person were hurt.	Remorse
How you think		How you think
You have definitely committed a sin.		You think about what you did and put it in context before you make a judgement.
You think you are more responsible than another.		You are balanced about your responsibility and the other person's.
You forget about how things were.		You acknowledged the situation and the circumstances before you did what you did.
You deserve punishment.		You don't think about retribution.
What you do or what you feel like doing		What you do or what you feel like doing
You escape from your feeling in destructive ways.		You face up to the healthy pain.
You plead for forgiveness and/or punish yourself by physical deprivation.		You ask for forgiveness but you do not physically punish yourself.
You make unrealistic promises never to do it again.		You make appropriate amends.
You deny that you did anything bad.		You accept your poor behaviour without making excuses.

SHAME VERSUS REGRET

Unhealthy Negative Emotion	What the belief is about	Healthy Negative Emotion
Shame or Embarrassment	Something shameful has been revealed about you. Other people judge you or shun you.	Regret
How you think		How you think
You exaggerate the shameful information revealed.		You remain compassionate about yourself. You accept yourself.
You exaggerate the likelihood of negative judgement.		You are realistic about the likelihood of negative judgement.
You think the negative judgement will last a long time.		You are realistic about the length of negative judgement.
You exaggerate the degree of negative judgement.		You are realistic about the degree of negative judgement.
What you do or what you feel like doing		What you do or what you feel like doing
Avoid eye contact with others.		You continue participating in social events.
Avoid others.		You accept others’ intervention to restore social harmony.
Attack others who have shamed you.
Defend your ego in self‐defeating ways. Ignore others who attempt to help restore balance.

UNHEALTHY ENVY VERSUS HEALTHY ENVY

Unhealthy Negative Emotion	What the belief is about	Healthy Negative Emotion
Unhealthy envy	Another person has something you find desirable	Healthy envy
How you think		How you think
You devalue the desired object.		You admit to yourself that you too desire it.
You tell yourself that you don't want it, even if you do.		You admit that you'd also want it and accept that you do.
You try to attain it, even if it is not useful to you.		You find ways to attain it only because you want it.
You put other people down and attempt to deprive them of the desired object.What you do or what you feel like doing		You do not put other people down and you allow them to enjoy it.What you do or what you feel like doing
You belittle the desired object verbally.		You do not belittle the desired possession.
You belittle the other person verbally.		You attempt to attain it but only if you want it.
You attempt to remove or deprive the other person from the desired possession.
You spoil or destroy the desired object or possession.

UNHEALTHY JEALOUSY VERSUS HEALTHY JEALOUSY

Unhealthy Negative Emotion	What the belief is about	Healthy Negative Emotion
Unhealthy jealousy	There is a potential threat to a relationship from another person	Healthy jealousy
How you think		How you think
You see threat to your relationship when none exists.		You do not see threat where none exists.
You think infidelity will definitely happen.		You do not think infidelity will definitely happen.
You misinterpret your partner's conversation with and actions towards another as having sexual or romantic feelings.		You do not misinterpret your partner's conversation with another as having sexual meaning.
What you do or feel like doing		What you do or feel like doing
You have visual images of infidelity.		You do not create sexual images of your partner with another.
If your partner admits to finding someone attractive, you see yourself as less attractive.		You accept that your partner can find another attractive without thinking that you are less attractive.
You want your partner to only ever think of you.		You accept that your partner can see others as attractive just as you can.

You will notice the heading in both the unhealthy negative emotion and the healthy negative emotion ‘What you do or what you feel like doing’. The action that we take is called ‘behaviour’ and what we feel like doing is called ‘action tendency’. To understand and check whether your emotions are unhealthily or healthily negative it is more accurate to reflect on your action tendency. Ask yourself, ‘What did I feel like doing?’ If your answer is ‘I felt like running away’, then your emotion was anxiety. Sometimes, we behave differently to what we feel like doing and this can give the wrong assessment of emotions. For example, you agree to give a presentation at work but what you really feel like doing is avoiding and making up an excuse to get out of doing it. It's what you feel like when you are experiencing a negative emotion that gives you an accurate way of understanding your emotions. This is significant because many people behave in accordance with their action tendencies or in accordance with their unhealthy negative emotions such as anxiety. For example, you may feel like avoiding and then you act in accordance with that feeling and choose to avoid. Unfortunately, this would leave you emotionally stuck. Whether you act on the tendency is matter of choice. Just because you may have a tendency to act in a particular way does not mean that you have to. You can choose to act against what you feel like doing, that is, against your unhelpful action tendencies. In order to overcome emotional problems you need to think in a healthy way and act in accordance with the helpful action tendencies.